The University of Texas- Holding All the Cards and Wearing Pretty Pink Panties

As we sit here trying to figure out why we can't get any of the SEC super-regional games on T.V. our collective football futures are being held hostage by the Texas Longhorns. Texas is undoubtedly thanking their bolo-tie wearing Nolan Ryan headed god because someone other than the SEC is offering them a conference tie-in. Texas is holding all the cards right now because they can choose between the PAC-10 and the SEC as their new home. Since Texas is "all hat and no cowboy" (see what we did there Texas? We took one of your little sayings and used it to mockingly call you vajayjays.) they will naturally choose the PAC-10. Texas will say things like:

"this is a better fit for us",
"the PAC-10 made more sense",

and the media will defend them by saying "They could not pass on the PAC-10 money; they are now in 7 of the top 20 markets".

Let us stop you there. Should the PAC-16 happen the projected pay-out for each team will be roughly $20 million. That is only $3 million more than what each of the 12 SEC schools get right now. Should the SEC add Texas and Oklahoma I am pretty sure the re-negotiated contract will net each school a little more than an additional $3 million. Geographically the SEC makes more sense, demographically the SEC makes more sense, and money wise the SEC makes more sense. So why is the PAC-10 even being considered? That is where the pretty pink panties come into play.

As we used to say on the play ground Texas-- "If you scared say you scared." Trust us Texas is shaking in their pretty pink panties at the prospect of playing in the SEC. Playing in the deep of Dixie will expose Texas. Right now Texas only plays one real team every year, Oklahoma (and they don't always beat the Sooners), going to the PAC-16 would mean they only have to play two real teams, Oklahoma during the regular season and USC in the championship game. Texas will gladly pass on the additional money the SEC could bring in so long as they can continue to live behind the fantasy that they are one of the top two or three programs nationwide. We want them in the SEC because we want them Texas dollar dollar bills, and because nothing is as refreshing to SEC fans as Mack Brown tears.

So what will Slive and the boys in Birmingham do if Texas and Chokelahoma bolt for the PAC-10? Simple, expand into North Carolina, Virginia, and Texas. The SEC will look to land Virginia Tech, North Carolina, TCU, and a chose one of the following: Clempsun, Florida St., Miami, Georgia Tech, Virgina, N.C. State, Louisville, or Duke.

However, another scenario still exists. Oklahoma and Texas A&M could refuse the PAC-10's advances. The feeling that Oklahoma and Texas A&m prefer the SEC is out there. Should Oklahoma and A&M go to the SEC the PAC-10 will probably just offer Utah and Boise or TCU. The PAC-10 will try to avoid this because should Oklahoma and A&M go to the SEC then Texas will fall off in the next few years. You see Oklahoma, A&M, and Texas recruit the same players and when Oklahoma and A&M have SEC exposure, and money they will start to beat Texas out for players a lot more often. Heck, Oklahoma already beats them out 5 out of 10 times.

We are going win this expansion war because we win at everything. I love how Texas does not think that the SEC has the same academic standards that they have. To that we say "apussysayswhat"? You can come to the SEC Texas, you can start to play real competition in baseball, you can be the perennial 3rd best team in the conference in football, you can essentially start printing your own money, and on the off chance that you do win a national championship in football any time in the next 50 years you can know in your hearts that you won it against the best competition in the world. Of course you can also go and be the champion of the hippie, tree-hugging, communist leaning west coast and get it handed to you by an SEC school in the National Title game every year. It matters not to us Texas for we shall be toasting our victories with Mack Brown tears one way or another.