Naturally our first choice is seen to your immediate right. He is everything you could possibly want in a leader of young men. Strong, wise, bejeweled, aficionado of fine clothing made from the freshly skinned hides of large game, and a keeper of the freshest waves beneath his dooh-rag. Unfortunately Sweet Baby Ray Lewis has many more NFL games and many more unfortunate night club incidents still to behold in what has been a life of pure unabashed manliness. Since this stalwart purveyor of the crunkest dance moves and deadliest knife skills is unavailable- here are our choices to replace Richt.
5. Dan Mullen- Head Coach Mississippi State: We really like Mullen and can't argue with the uphill job he has been doing at Missy State. While we are sure his time at Florida has helped him understand that at least a little cheatin is necessary for success in life we aren't quite sure he is prepared to get all full-on Jackie Sherrill up in Starkganistan. One would assume that he brings a little of that Urban Meyer magic with him, but his personality is a little to Richtesque for our tastes. We like Mullen but he lacks the killer instinct much like our current head man.
4. Kyle Whittingham- Head Coach Utah: Utah has won some big games even after the departure of the Mighty Brain Zit. Whittingham has shown success at maintaining what another has built but not in building himself. Make no mistake about it the next Head Coach at Georgia will be rebuilding a program not maintaining one. " The Devil knew that he'd been beat"-CDB
3. Will Muschamp- Defensive Coordinator Texas: We think that there are two jobs in the world that gets Muschamp to walk- LSU and Georgia. Texas just gave their AD a 5 year extension which means it is five more years before Mack Daddy becomes AD and Muschamp get the HC gig. Georgia has all the resources and finances to appeal to a top flight contender plus Muschamp has the nostalgia of being a UGA Alumni to consider. A brash and explosive personality he is in direct contrast to our current task master. Muschamp has SEC experience as a player and a coach so he would understand the job better than a guy from out West or up North.
2. Gary Patterson- Head Coach TCU: The very definition of making chicken salad out of chicken $#!@. Patterson is a slightly portly and bombastic man which means he eats big and yells big and you have to respect that. Patterson brings a good healthy irateness and defense- two things that have not been in Athens since the departure of Van Gorder.
1. Jim Harbaugh- Head Coach Stanford: Not only does he beat you he does it with white dudes at skill positions other than QB, which is extra insulting. If Rich Rod holds on to the Meeechigan job then Harbaugh may leave Stanford for a bigger challenge (the SEC) and pay day. Harbaugh is delightfully insane and also possesses that acceptance of the evil which must be done in order to win (much like the Mighty Satan). The difference between Harbaugh and Meyer is this:
Urban Meyer walks into the living room of a 5 star recruit:
Meyer: Son, I have a brain zit that could pop at any time, but I am willing to risk my own death for the privilege of coaching you.
Harbaugh walks into that same living room:
Harbaugh: Son if you could kill any one person in the world who would that be? Come to Georgia and I will personally kill him with my own two hands.