Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Friday, October 22, 2010

SEC Mid-Season Report Sorta

We were very impressed with the showing of the Oregon Ducks last night and would be fine with them holding the #1 ranking in the country. Oklahoma on the other hand sucks even harder than they normally do and yet are inexplicable considered one of the top teams in the country. While the SEC is way down this year; there is little doubt that the 12 from Dixie still make-up the best conference top to bottom in the nation.

1. Auburn Wareagle-Tiger-Man-Bear-Pigs 7-0 Auburn should be number one in the National Polls on account of their being in the SEC and having more quality wins than any team in the country. Life is good right now on the Plains--Bama lost to S.C., Newton is the front runner to bring Auburn its third Heisman, and the Plainsmen are in the driver's seat in the SEC. Wins over resurgent Miss. St., South Carolina, and Kentucky, as well as beating the best passing QB in the country and a decent team from another BCS conference should be enough to overcome Chokelahoma. Chattanooga, Georgia, and Ole Miss are foregone conclusions. Bama is a flip a coin game and who knows what Voodooish luck the Hat Molester brings this Saturday. A win on Saturday makes the Iron Bowl and national title game ticket punch.
Best Player- Cam Newton QB
Biggest Mistake- None so far
Biggest Game Left- Alabama Nov. 26
2. Alabama Crimson Sabans 6-1

Like Auburn the Tide survived hurricane Mallett. In addition the Sabans rolled Penn State and Florida. Unfortunately the tide did not have the good fortune of Spurrier making a bonehead decision and subbing a true freshman at QB late in the game like Auburn enjoyed. The Tide should destroy the Vols on Saturday as well as Georgia State in November. The Hat Molester is a threat because crazy people is unpredictable, Auburn will be a slug-fest, and watch-out for sneaky sneaky Miss St the week after LSU.
Best Player- Trent Richardson RB (They have to get him the ball more)
Biggest Mistake- Not getting Richardson the ball enough against S.C.
Biggest Game Left- Auburn Nov. 26
3. LSU Bayou Bengals 7-0
Just do what we are doing an embrace the crazy folks. We still don't know if Miles is the luckiest man alive or just so far ahead of all of us that he has essentially looped pack (he looks retarded but maybe he is just a lap ahead of everyone). Auburn this week then an off week and then Bama. The next three weeks will tell us if Lester is dumb, crazy, lucky, or an insane genius--our guess is a little of all three.
Best Player- Patrick Peterson CB (hands down the best DB in the country)
Biggest Mistake- Not starting off and sticking with Lee at QB
Biggest Game Left- Tie Auburn Oct. 23 and Bama Nov. 6
4. Arkansas Malletts 4-2

The defense is horrible. The O-line is pretty good the receivers are fantastic and when the QB is Mallett the barn is in danger of getting burnt to the ground. Bama and Auburn were tough losses especially Auburn. Cam Newton's anal raping of the defense should haunt Willy Robinson's dreams for years to come. South Carolina, Miss. St., and LSU are left on the schedule and if Arkansas wins out and Lester throws a monkey wrench into the middle of the state of Alabama then the Razorbacks aspirations for Atlanta are still alive (on life support but alive none the less).
Best Player- Ryan Mallett (of course) QB
Biggest Mistake- Failing to have Newton kidnapped before the Auburn game
Biggest Game Left- All of them Arkansas has to win out
5. Mississippi State Taliban 5-2
I want every program in the country that may be looking for a new HC to listen closely to the following statement. After seven weeks Dan Mullen still has Mississippi State alive in the SEC West. Stop......allow that to sink in for a minute........ Mullen has done wonders with the Missy Dogs and if Bama, Auburn, and LSU have a round robin elimination cycle and the Shiites from Starkganistan upset Bama on Nov 13 then Miss St could be in Atlanta (we know that is a major stretch).
Best Player- Dan Mullen (hey if Spurrier can give himself the game ball..)
Biggest Mistake- Letting Auburn slip through their fingers
Biggest Game Left-Alabama Nov.13

6. South Carolina Shamecocks 4-2
We are sure that without Spurrier the Cocks would be on the bottom of this list but my God why put a true freshman in against Auburn in the fourth--- and why not kick a field goal against Kentucky. Spurrier is a huge douche but he is the SEC's douche so we have to accept him. Vandy and Tennessee should be cake walks, Arkansas may just score them under the table, Florida looks bad but could turn the ship around, and Clempsun well they always beat the Cocks. The team has the talent to win out but they are still Carolina and we all know what that means.
Best Player - Marcus Lattimore RB
Biggest Mistake- Pulling Garcia against Auburn; not kicking it against Kentucky
Biggest Game Left- Arkansas Nov. 6, and Florida Nov. 13

7. Kentucky Is It Basketball Season Yets 4-3
Uncharted waters right now for the Wildcats. A win over Georgia keeps the Cats in the hunt for a trip to Atlanta. Had they held on against Ole Miss and Auburn they would be in the cat bird seat right now. They look to be about the equal of Georgia right now so the play of Cobb vs. Green could decide the Wildcats future. If they don't beat Georgia so what basketball season is upon us.
Best Player- Randall Cobb WR
Biggest Mistake- Letting Auburn sneak away with a win
Biggest Game Left- Georgia this Saturday

8. Florida Tebows 4-3

Yes they beat Kentucky but UK is playing better than the Gators right now. Florida looks to be declining and Georgia looks a lot better so Jacksonville might be interesting this year. Meyer is just waiting for the Tebow experiment to go bad in Denver and then can you say Offensive Coordinator Tebow. I just caused 5,000 erections in the greater Gainsville area.
Best Player- Is it still Tebow
Biggest Mistake- Not throwing enough money and white girls at Cam Newton
and letting him walk.
Biggest Game Left- South Carolina Nov. 13
9. Georgia Please for the Love of God Fire Bobos 3-4
First off lets pump the brakes because the Vols and Vandy have found a way to suck harder than Georgia this year. Kentucky is hoping that they don't have a let down against Georgia--Yeah that's right Kentucky.....they don't want to overlook Georgia....yeah that is how bad Georgia is this year.....no I am not talking about basketball.
Best Player- A.J. Green WR
Biggest Mistake- Every single assistant and coordinator...no wait that can be
solved by just FIRING RICHT!
Biggest Game Left- Kentucky, Florida, Auburn, and GT- Richt needs to win three
to have a chance of surviving.
10. Ole Miss Yankee Loving Scalawags 4-2

The Jacksonville State loss and the mascot debacle have both so embarrassed the SEC that we couldn't rank them higher (although their record dictates that they should be 7th). Nice Bear Ole Miss nothing like a large Gay Man to be your mascot. Grrrrrrrrr boysss Grrrrrrr...its time to take it to those tight ends!
Best Player- Jerrell Powe DT
Biggest Mistake- That F*&%$#g Bear
Biggest Game Left- Auburn Oct. 30, LSU Nov. 20, Miss St. Nov 27

11. Tennessee Hillbillies 2-4

Precious has done as good a job as one can expect considering the hot ghetto mess Kiffikins left him with ( he just hopes Diddy is proud of him). Tennessee won't get up from this so easily. Knockersville is a turd of a town, Tennessee's white girls are on the low end of the totem poll by SEC standards, and Diddy's Boy doesn't seem like the cheatin type. This may be the beginning of a long decade for the Vols and it couldn't have happened to better people.
Best Player Nick Revis LB
Biggest Mistake- Still Lane Kiffin
Biggest Game Left- Memphis because it is the only sure win left
12. Vanderbilt Turkey Squirts 1-5
Dear Lord they are awful but they could still upset Tennessee. God we hope they upset Tennessee.
Best Player Warren Norman RB
Biggest Mistake- Not excusing themselves from the SEC
Biggest Game Left- Tennessee Nov. 20

1 comment:

  1. Auburn should be referred to as the Plainsmeagles.