Richt Seeks Guidance in Dealing with the Fairley Situation

After sitting in his office and crying about the Fairley hit on Murray and then crying some more because everyone in the world is so mean; CMR reached out to another coach to help him with the problem with Auburn and here is how it went. (For best effect Richt's lines should be read by a chick, Patterson's while screaming at the top of your lungs, and Bumpas' by Sam Elliot)


The phone rings in Coach Gary Patterson's office.........

Patterson: HELLO!
Richt: Gary, it's Mark Richt over at Georgia how are you today?
Patterson: FINE AND YOU!

Richt: Good Gary but I've got a little problem.

Patterson: HAVE YOU BEEN CRYING!?!

Richt: Yes, how did you know?

Patterson: I CAN SENSE WEAKNESS!

Richt: Well like I was saying I have a problem with Fairley from Auburn

Patterson: HOLD ON DICK JUST WALKED IN MAYBE HE CAN HELP YOU!

Patterson: HEY DICK ITS MARK RICHT ON THE PHONE. HE'S BEEN CRYING!

Bumpas: Hello, Mark have you been crying?

Richt: Well yeah but listen I got a problem with Fairley over at Auburn. I tried calling Saban but he doesn't have time for phone calls, and I am getting all this heat about not being tough enough and I don't know what to do.

Bumpas: Fairley, Hoooooolllyyy Frihole did you see him bust that QB's.........I mean...uhhh who is Fairley?

Richt: You know Dick, he's the DT that had the dirty hit on my QB last week

Bumpas: No such thing as a dirty hit son.

Richt: Well I just don't know how to get justice in this situation.

Bumpas: Ok I understand, lets start at the beginning. Did you punch him in the nut sack?

Richt: What! No of course not.

Bumpas: Hmmmm....well right out the gate you're mishandling this situation and that is disappointing.

Patterson: DID YOU BURN HIS MOTHER'S HOUSE DOWN? YOU KNOW THE REALLY NICE ONE THAT AUBURN BOUGHT FOR HER!

Richt: What! No of course not

Bumpas: Well what have you done?

Richt: Well I reported it to Mike Slive and the SEC offices.

Bumpas: Hhhmmmmmm.......so you're telling us you snitched on em?

Patterson: APUSSYSAYSWHAT!

Richt: What?

Bumpas: Exactly.