Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

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Monday, November 15, 2010

This Should be the University of Georgia 2011 Coaching Staff

In light of the last post-- here is the top choice to replace Mark Richt and his staff in 2011, although we will probably puss-out and keep Richt (we'll see you after the 2011 Florida loss)

HEAD COACH: GARY PATTERSON

PATTERSON LOVES TO YELL AT PLAYERS, COACHES, MEDICAL STAFF, FANS, REPORTERS, ALUMNI, CONCESSION STAND WORKERS, AND THE FIELD ITSELF. YELLING MAKES WEAK PLAYERS STRONGER, STRONG PLAYERS STRONGER, STRONGER PLAYERS STRONGERER. YELLING HELPS EVERYONE KNOW THAT THIS TEAM CAME TO WIN BECAUSE THEIR COACH CAME IRATE. WHEN PEOPLE DON'T FALL ON FUMBLES AGAINST FLORIDA THEY GET YELLED AT. WHEN SUPPOSEDLY VETERAN O-LINES DON'T SHOW UP UNTIL WEEK 6 THEY GET YELLED AT. WHEN DEFENSIVE PLAYERS REFUSE TO TACKLE THE SOUTH CAROLINA SHAMECOCKS THEY GET YELLED AT. WHEN DEFENSIVE PLAYERS HIT THE OPPOSING TEAMS BEST PLAYER AFTER THE PLAY HAS BEEN WHISTLED DEAD AND THE OTHER PLAYER WAS DEFENSELESS THEY GET a nod of approval from the coach and then THE REF GETS YELLED AT FOR THROWING A TICKEY-TACK FLAG AND EMASCULATING THE GAME.

Right now we can hear the Misfits "Last Caress" on the stadium speakers.
I got something to say
I killed your baby today
And it doesn't matter much to me
As long as it's dead.


DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR: DICK BUMPAS

a) He looks like Sam Elliot so he probably drinks Coors "The Banquet Beer"
b) His defenses don't dick (pun intended) around and that is with TCU talent.
c) Dick LeBeau, Dick Butkis, Dick Bumpas see what we did there.
d) Just look at this Moostache!
e) Once Patterson yells at you for making a mistake Dick will tell you its all okay and not to get upset in a Grandfatherly sort of way, and then at three in the morning while you are sleeping BANG right in the nut sack! See ya in two hours for conditioning drills son.

OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR: MIKE LEACH

All the lonely Milfs in Georgia would be sassyfied

Dick's D will come to stomp your nuts and Mike's O will come to score points, Pirate style son (which means with with pizzaz). The benefits would be:
a) showing you just how awful Bobo's play calling really was.
b) no more fatties on campus only hotties; hotties that put out boys.
c) He'll be getting them points, son!
d) "Awww, has coach Patterson been yelling at you? Are your feelings hurt? Here step into this small dimly lit room and in 4 or 5 hours it will all be better, you pussy"


Sure we could keep Richt, Bobo, and Grantham and we'll be Emerald Bowl bound in December of 2011. Or we could hire men who know that yelling, nut punching, solitary confinement, and Pirate livin are the only way to make boys hard enough to win in the SEC.

6 comments:

  1. I met the Dred Pirate Leach in Key West this past summer. Nice guy but he seems a bit shy. When I said I was from GA he spoke of having met Erk while he was a coach at Valdosta State. UGA fans could not handle a Leach O. We have never seen WR's that could actually catch a ball, except for AJ and MO Mas.

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  2. None of the self-righteous fuddy-duddies in our fanbase could handle his personality.

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  3. Winning Percentage Coach at Current School :

    .869 Chip Kelly Oregon 20-3 year 2
    .825 Jim Tressel Ohio State 104-22 year 10
    .935 Chris Petersen Boise State 58-4 year 5
    .818 Urban Meyer Florida 63-14 year 6*
    .806 Bob Stoops Oklahoma 125-30 year 12
    .803 Nick Saban Alabama 41-10 year 4*
    .800 Mack Brown Texas 132-33 year 13
    .791 Gene Chizik Auburn 19-5 year 2*
    .789 Les Miles LSU 60-16 year 6*
    .774 Gary Patterson TCU 96-28 year 11
    .763 Bo Pelini Nebraska 29-9 year 3
    .755 Brian Kelly Cincinnati 37-12 year 4
    .758 Bret Bielema Wisconsin 47-15 year 5
    .746 Kyle Whittingham Utah 56-19 year 6
    .749 # 15 Joe Paterno Penn State 400-133-3 year 45
    .742 # 16 Mark Richt Georgia 95-33 year 10*

    * 5th best coach in SEC winning percentage current school CMR
    Through 11/15/2010

    I pay Coach Richt $ 3 million a year for 13 games in a 14-game season every year. Mike Smith makes the same and is far superior too.

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  4. I don't think Patterson would be a good fit at Georgia. Grantham deserves the time to bring in his own recruits and I believe he has the requisite fire in the belly. I would love to hire Leach. That would be fun. Entertaining writing here, even when I don't agree with your position. Keep it up.

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  5. Yeah, Bumpas probably wouldn't entertain head coaching offers, at the very least the TCU job! And I'm sure Leach wouldn't mind being a coordinator instead of a head coach. With your dream scenario I'm surprised you didn't just say let's hire Nick Saban as our DC, Urban as our OC, and Belichik as the head coach. That shouldn't be too difficult.
    YOU ARE A MORON!!!

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  6. -Anon

    Do me a favor google "Mike Leach coaching offers or coaching consideration" tell me how many major programs have offered him or even considered him since the James Gang debacle at TT. I'll save you the time the answer is zero. The Dread Pirate is radioactive and no one will touch him. His best bet is to OC for a team in the best conference against the best defenses and show everyone just how effective he really is, then he might get considered for a HC gig.

    Bumpas may want to take the TCU job however at his age and as long as he has been around if he really wanted a HC job he would have one by now. However, like with Leach if he has success in the SEC he might get considered for bigger jobs than he is looked at for now.

    Love the go to Richt-o-phile excuses:
    1. Name a coach who could replace Richt
    2. oh you named one well they wouldn't want the job, or
    3. Well why not just say Saban

    You Richt-o-philes are so predictable just like your head coach.

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