Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

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Friday, December 3, 2010

Richt and Gruden Say No--So Who Is Next For the U?

Everyone looking at the situation in Miami has to be saying what the F*@# the answer is right in front of your faces; or just down the road from you living the Pirate life in Key West. Miami's first couple of choices have been safe picks. Richt and Gruden are established coaches that are considered very "professional" by the popular football media. Sure Gruden makes mean faces but he has never done anything out of the ordinary like say invent a cure for concussions that also makes use of excess closet space.

The main force standing between the U and their hiring of the one man who could propel them back into national prominence is ESPN. First, ESPN came out with their 30 for 30 documentary on the U of the 80's and early 90's. Without a doubt this is the first thing that ESPN has ever produced that wasn't a steaming pile of dog turd. The problem is the communist academic administration of the U was horrified by what they saw and want to distance themselves from the reputation that Schnellenberger and Jimmy J worked so hard to establish at Miami. Second, ESPN employees the single biggest douche bag in the history of North American team sports, Craig James. Just this week Mike Wilbon (the second worst black guy that acts white but tries to act black--the first Stewart Scott) on PTI took a shot at the Dread Pirate Leach. If you looked hard enough you could see Craig James standing just off the set giving Wilbon the thumbs-up. Why does ESPN and James hate Leach so much? All he did was step up as the only coach of a major college football team that would allow James' pussy-fart son on his team; tried to give him playing time; and then tried to heal him when he suffered a concussion as a direct side effect of his infected vagina.

If the U were to hire Leach ESPN would go crazy. They would say how the U only cares about winning and they will re-establish there old ways under Leach. If by old ways they mean beating the s#*@ out of other schools then yeah they are right. Donna Shalamalanga-ding-dong won't allow that to happen. Say Miami you have a liberal, academic, female involved in your hiring process.......good luck.

Now the U is considering Dan Mullen which would be a good move and would bring immense pleasure to our friend RebelKev a S&G regular. Outside of Mullen the U is considering:

- Temple's Coach = Failure
- FIU's Coach= Failure
- UCONN's Coach = Failure

The U is also considering Gary Patterson but as we have ordained him the next coach of our beloved Georgia Bulldogs we will pretend like this isn't true "lalalalala we can't hear you lalalala"

Come on Miami get the sand out of your snatches and hire the Dread Pirate Leach, mainly because we want to see him rape Paul "Big Onion" Johnson and Al Grule's abortion that they call a defense every year (or until Notre Dame fires Kelly and hires the Big Onion) .


5 comments:

  1. I think Leach would be a perfect fit for Miami. And Gary Patterson would hate it there.. if they could talk him in to taking the job. That said, many of us have ordained Jim Harbaugh the next coach of our beloved Bulldogs and not Patterson, so it wouldn't be the end of the world if he to the U job. :-)

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  2. I hate you. But I love this article.

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  3. Anon #1

    I really like Harbaugh but at this point I think he is either Meeechigan or NFL bound.

    Anon#2

    I love you and I love this article.

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  4. I have no strong feelings about you, and have no strong feelings about this article

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  5. I don't care what they do at Miami of Florida, and could care less therefore what anyone says about anyone they consider.

    Well, I take that back - I am not ready to let Coach Richt run back to his alma mater just yet; but DAMN IT Mark you have got to do a LOT BETTER JOB of hiring your damned coaching staff, son. Your "coaching staff" sucks and I am certain at your next gig, that you WILL hire coaches instead. Because you damn sure haven't had ANY here.

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