Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

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Friday, May 14, 2010

What will Big Elevinie Expansion Mean In Dixieland?

There are a lot of white people in the mid-west with a lot of money to burn on flights of fancy. The major sports media understands this and so they cater to the Big Elevinie and pretend that they are a real football conference. Since Big Elevinie is awful (with the exception of Wisconsin, who always manages to loose 2 or 3 games up in the vast northern wasteland and yet always seems to take a Southern school to the woodshed in their bowl game) and is always getting embarrassed in bowl games; the Big Elevinie Commish is going to expand. Hey, you gotta get your name in the headlines somehow, right. So what will that mean here in God's Country? Well it will mean one of two things:
1. The further de-southernafication of the ACC, or
2. The SEC will absorb Texas, and Texas did join the Confederacy so we will be willing to review their Southern credentials.

If the Big Elevinie becomes the Big Four-teen or the Ginormous Sixteenious conference the SEC will follow suit, so that means the SEC will expand by 2 or 4 teams. The obvious question is then who will be deemed fit for the SEC meat-grinder? I think the two most obvious teams are Clempsun and Georgia Tech. The Country Gentlemen have natural rivalries with Georgia and South Carolina (and should have a rivalry with Auburn since they stole their mascot, color scheme, and coach when starting the Clempsun program). The Yellow Jackets have a natural rivalry with Georgia and Auburn as well as Clempsun who will also be joining them in the expansion. However, it will be hard for the ACC champ to join a conference where at best they will be the sixth best team, and Clempsun will go from upper half of the ACC to low end of being middle of the pack in the SEC.
If the SEC needs four teams, the most obvious solution would be Clempsun, Georgia Tech, Florida State, and Miami. None of these teams are basketball schools so the rest of the ACC won't even notice that they are gone. Also, while these teams would further re-enforce the SEC supremacy in football it would also quash any claims by any other conference to being the best baseball conference in America.
The other, far less attractive option, is to absorb Texas or a Okla-Texas-homo combination. A two team expansion could be Texas-Texas A&M, or Texas-Oklahoma. However, a four team expansion could be Texas-Oklahoma-Oklahoma St-and a choice of A&m, TCU, or TX Tech. This will probably never happen because Texas and Chokelahoma both know they would only be the 3rd or 4th best team in the SEC. That is not a very lucrative proposal when Texas and Oklahoma could join another conference (should the Big 12 be broken) and only have to play one decent team (each other) every year and get a big bowl bid. Plus, it is much more fun to see Mack Brown win all year long and start to actually believe he will win another championship only to have his heart crushed by the SEC champ in January. Mack Brown tears are far more satisfying in January than they would be in September.