Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Thursday, August 26, 2010

2010 Pontification- The Coaching Carousel and How Hot is Richt's Seat?

Here are the people on the hot seat, on the warm seat, ready to retire, and the up and coming young bucks looking to replace them.

As Good As Gone
1. Rich Rodriguez- HC Michigan- The cheating, the lying, the total failure at the offense of which he is supposedly a guru, the inability to even compete in the most overrated conference in the country, the droves of top flight O-linemen who have turned away from Michigan, the Rodriguieness of Rich Rod are all factors at play. Why Michigan didn't fire him already is beyond us, why Alabama wanted him so bad a few years back is even more baffling. His failure at Michigan juxtaposed with his success at W.V.should be additional evidence as to why the Big East shouldn't have an automatic bid to the BCS.

The last person to be this fired this far out was Jimmy Carter in 1978.

2. Ralph Friedgen-HC Maryland- Maryland is about to part ways with a horrible head coach and some lucky team will be there to scoop up a rotund and magnificent OC. Were it not for the hiring of Caldwell at Vandy we in the chubby community would be crying foul as Mangino and Friedgen have both gotten the ax in what is becoming a skinny man's game.

3. Dan Hawkins- HC Colorado: Colorado is about to move and guess which piece crap they have collected over the years isn't going with them in the move.

Note the Boise St. colors trying to escape from his wardrobe.

4. Lester- Lester the Hat Molester- HC LSU- The National Title was a backdoor job with two losses to inferior teams. The talent for the job came from Saban. He can't manage the clock. He can't manage to find a decent QB. This is the SEC and if you ain't getting better you are getting left behind.

Lester the Hat Molester seen here in a press conference with his possible replacement.

5. Mike Sherman- HC Texas A&M- A large portion of the Aggie Alumni are still smarting over the University not jumping on the SEC's offer. Rightfully so, this is a historically good program that has been settling lately. Sherman has pretty good talent and the Big 12 should collectively be down. Sherman needs 10 wins or 8 wins and a bowl win with one of those 8 being against Texas.

Need to Win This Year

1. Randy Shannon- HC Miami(FL): Lets be honest Miami though- black HC, should appeal to the overwhelming amount of black talent in the state of Florida. Looking back it doesn't matter what color you are at Miami the only thing that matters is how willing are you to cheat for 5 to 8 years and then take an NFL job when the University gets its sanctions. Randy seems like a straight shooter with no NFL aspirations and well, that just ain't how they do it in South Beach.

We were also confused when you got the job Randy.

2. Bret Bielema- HC Wisconsin: This was Alvarez's hand picked replacement. BB has been pretty good for the most part. However, Michigan will not be down forever, Wisconsin should beat Iowa more than they do, and like all the other Big Ten Coaches BB is under the inexplicable voodoo spell of the Vest. An NFL caliber O-line, a stable of backs including the human wrecking ball John Clay, a good QB, and talent (by Big Ten standards) on D means the Badgers expect a lot this year. Wisconsin needs to compete for the Big Ten title, a three loss year could start the rumblings for BB's job. You can have all the sexxxay photo shoots you want BB your running attack better be a little less on the sex appeal and a little more on the gouging out eyes and stomping on nut sacks.

3. Mark Richt- HC Georgia: Grantham has to turn it around very quickly in terms of pass defense and Aaron Murray has to be decent. Were it not for the "Muschamp Effect" (the belief that Georgia could lure Muschamp away from Texas) I would say that Richt would survive even if this were another disastrous year (remember disastrous by Georgia standards is a banner season by South Carolina standards). However, 5 or more losses or 4 losses and a blow-out by Florida could lead to Georgia considering parting ways with Richt or Richt entertaining other offers.

We hope that this expression is displayed few and far between this year.

Most Likely to Retire

1. Joe Paterno- HC Penn State: Just as likely to die as retire but either way we just don't see another year in Happy Valley.

2. Steve Spurrier- HC South Carolina: Yet another coaching legend that rolled into Columbia, got the faithful to the Cock all excited, and then failed to deliver. South Carolina needs a young, energetic, charismatic, hard working, coach that will fight the Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, and Alabama's of the world for recruits. Either that or a certain debonair swashbuckling pirate with a pension for throwing the ball around.
He came, He saw, He never really tried.

Most Likely to be Considered

1. Will Muschamp- DC Texas: Will Muschamp is the hottest name in coaching when talking about replacing a current HC. Muschamp is four things:
1. The wet dream of every fan not happy with their current coach.
2. The DC at Texas
3. Awesome, and
4. The only reason that Mark Richt on the hot seat talk even exists.
You see if Muschamp did not exist then when people talk about firing Richt the immediate question would be...Well who will Georgia get? Since Georgia is Muschamps Alma Mater many people think that the UGA job is the only one that would get him to leave his cushy job at Texas. The other reason is the fear that a program like LSU or South Carolina would break the bank to get him back into the SEC. Everyone looking for a HC will show interest so the real question is who will Muschamp show interest in. Most likely to appeal to Muschamp- LSU, Penn State (only if he is okay with living in the squalor of Yankeeland), and maybe but probably not South Carolina.
2. Jim Harbaugh- HC Stanford and Perpetrator of White Running Backs and Corners: This one is easy Harbaugh will be the HC at Michigan by the end of January. Harbaugh really likes Stanford and probably would not leave for any job other than Michigan. We know this because Brian Kelly was not N.D.'s first choice for the next man to have his career ruined by N.D. Most likely to show interest- Michigan.
3. Gary Patterson- HC TCU: Yes it is true that TCU plays no one on their schedule, but what is also true is they have never played anyone and were losers before Patterson. Despite what appears to be a foe-turtleneck in this photo will still believe that Patterson is substantially awesome and could bring a toughness and discipline that certain teams need, also he knows how to manage a clock....wink, wink, Baton Rouge. Most likely to show interest- LSU, South Carolina, Texas A&M, and Colorado.
4. The Dread Pirate Leach- Former HC Texas Tech: Does anyone in the country really side with the James Gang and Texas Tech in what happened? Leach is an offensive genius/lunatic who just so happens to believe in discipline. Do you think Saban has never locked a kid in a closet before. In Alabama that is considered a rewards not a punishment. Some schools will be scared of Leach because of his past but those schools are weak and should not be allowed to have a football program. Most likely to show interest- South Carolina, Stanford, Colorado, Maryland, and Texas A&M
5. Greg Schiano- HC Rutgers: A few years ago he was every ones heir apparent to the Penn State throne and that may still be true. You can't deny that while not good, because they play in the Big East, Rutgers is at least a little relevant. The fact that people don't immediately start laughing when you say Rutgers and football in the same breath is evidence of what this man has accomplished. Most likely to show interest- Penn State, Michigan, Maryland, and Colorado.
6. Dan Mullen- HC Mississipi State: 10 years ago no one would consider making a move for Mullen until he had been a HC for at least 5 years. However, football and winning is more important now than ever. If Mullen can squeeze 7 wins out of his Starkganistan crew the bigger programs will have to take notice. Most likely to show interest- Texas A&M, Penn State, and LSU. 7. Kirby Smart- DC Alabama: Some people will say otherwise but Smart turned the Dawgs down when Richt came calling for a DC. That means one thing, Smart knows he is in line to be a Head Coach. Smart is however, a gamble because we don't know how much of the Bama D is Smart and how much is the baby killing, evil, force of will that is the Mighty Satan. Most likely to show interest- Texas A&M, TCU, Miss. St.
Least Likely to be Considered

Really? Really? I won a bunch of football games in a turd of a town in South Carolina and and Skip Holtz has a job. Y'all just keep on ignoring Ol' Tummy but how are you gonna feel when I ain't around anymore for y'all to take a dump on......bad that's how y'all are gonna feel......real, real bad.

Monday, August 23, 2010

2010 Pontifications- A Bama Repeat and No More Richt on the Hotseat

We have seen all the pre-season polls, heard all the pundits weigh in, read all the magazines, and now we will officially be the 5,237th website to predict the 2010 College Football season. Naturally we will pay more attention to the SEC since it matters more as a conference than all the others combined.

SEC- Alabama
1. Georgia 10-2 (tie-breaker)
2. Florida 10-2
3. S.C. 7-5
4. Kentucky 6-6 (tie-breaker)
5. Tennessee 6-6
6. Vandy 4-8

We will start at the bottom, Vandy will sweep their non-conference schedule with big wins over Northwestern, UCONN, and Wake, however they will be swept in the SEC. Ole Miss, S.C., Kentucky, and Tennessee should be on Vandy upset alert. Tennessee will be way down and will endure a 4 loss October, but should upset the over-rated Ducks. Bama should be on upset alert against a Tennessee team that will have its back against the wall. Kentucky will drop 6 in a row in mid-season starting with Florida on September 25 and ending with Miss. St. on October 30. The Cocks will sweep their non-conference schedule and pick-off Vandy, Kentucky, and Tennessee, however a Clempsun loss is always a possibility. The Gators should be down. The offense should be drastically different and (for their coaches sake) the Dawgs have to make a move to the top this year. Florida should drop the Georgia and Bama games and may struggle against the surprising StarkVegas Bulldogs. Georgia has to step up this year. Every SEC O-Coordinators best friend Willie Martinez is gone, the O-line is deep and talented, so are the tail backs, and A.J. Green is the best Wide-out in the country. If Richt wants to hush the hot seat talks he needs to win the East this year. S.C., Arkansas, Miss.St., Florida, Auburn, and G.T along with another ill-advised non-conference western foray is too tough to avoid at least 2 losses, just make sure one of them is not in Jacksonville.

1. Bama 12-0
2. Auburn 10-2
3. LSU 8-4
4.Miss. St. 7-5 (tie-breaker)
5. Arkansas 7-5
6. Ole Miss 7-5

Bama runs the table but it won't come easy, nothing down here ever does. Auburn drops the UGA game and the Iron Bowl then decides the West. LSU drops the Florida, Auburn, Bama, and the Miss. St. games. Les Miles is fired and may replace Jim Harbaugh at Stanford when he replaces Rich Rod in Michigan. We like Patterson of TCU and Muschamp to be the top two candidates to replace Miles in the Bayou. Miss. St. is surprising and the "how much longer before someone hires him away" watch begins with Dan Mullen. Arkansas has no D so good luck to the Hawgs in their 12 shoot-outs this year. Houston Nutt's new "Chinaman" QB may be the only thing that saves a disastrous season for the Rebels who lost a ton of talent from last season.
Bama over UGA in the SEC Championship Game
We love Richt and the Dawgs but bringing Richt against Saban is like bringing a pocket knife to a nuclear bomb fight.

Big Ten- Wisconsin
Nebraska's yearly dominance of the Big Tenlevine is still a year away. In the mean time we like Wisconsin and their NFL Offensive line to actually be the big physical power team that Ohio State always pretends to be.

Big XII- Texas
Look Nebraska did not grow an offense in the past few months and that dominant D lost its heart and soul in Suh. Oklahoma will miss the Navajo Bomber, Big Chief Chicken Bones again this year. Texas is not very good but they are better than programs that they own as their personal chattel. FYI Texas there was a proclamation of the emancipation variety in 1863, you can't own slaves anymore even if these idiot programs want to be your slaves.

PAC- 10- Stanford
We all know Harbaugh will be in Michigan this time next year but for right now he is at Stanford. You know Kiffikins will screw up and I have no faith in any team located north of the state of California. Luck's arm and Harbaugh's substantial force of will should carry the Cardinal to the Rose Bowl. Harbaugh will go to Michigan but you know as well as I do that his unique brand of crazy belongs in the SEC.

ACC- Miami
You have to believe that a team as talented as Miami will emerge from the hot ghetto mess that is the ACC. However, Randy Shannon is their coach, and Paul Johnson is still baffling with his spread-option-flex-wish-boner attack, and Beamer ball still finds a way in spite of itself. Honestly the ACC is wide-open (except for North Carolina because N.C. is never allowed to win at Football)

Big East- Pittsburgh
Yes this still a real conference and yes they still have a champion that gets a BCS bid. Pitt emerges as the least retarded kid on the short bus and gets an Orange Bowl bid to play the other least retarded kid on the other short bus in the ACC champion.

This Mangino is brought to you as an advertisement, our next post will pontificate the 2010 coaching carousel and the return of Fat Chic to the NCAA

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

SEC Greats of the Game- Jared Lorenzen

Jared "Hefty Lefty" Lorenzen

I know what you are thinking, "CC, this is not a Gamecock QB" you are correct. While we have yet to cover Corey Jenkins, Steve Tanneyhill, and the living legend Stephano Gracia today's legend expands to encompass players from the other 11 schools of the South.

Jared Lorenzen was simply put as fat as he wanted to be. His dogged determination must be applauded because not only did he avoid being placed on the O-line in wee-pee ball he avoided it again in pee-wee, again in middle school, again in high school, again at Kentucky, again with the Giants, and most recently with the Colts.

As so many Southern states top our nations obesity list and SEC football dominates collegiate athletics it was only a matter of time before this happened. Some guys are just sorta fat and need to loose the weight (yes reflection I do in fact see you as I write this). Other guys are Gloriously Fat and Lorenzen falls into that category. If Lorenzen was skinny he would basically be Brodie Croyle. Now, add 300lbs to Brodie Croyle and whola instant fan favorite. We saw Lorenzen light it up against some of the better Dawg defenses in recent memory and while we knew he would not win because after all he played for Kentucky; we did so enjoy a champion of the tubby carrying the torch of equality for us all. The only thing that would make him cooler is if he attended some sort of gala event that required a jacket to be worn and showed up with the afore mentioned jacket and a ball cap........................ Indeed sir we are all witness.

Braves Make Move to Stay in the Race- It's Like the 90's All Over Again

No, it is not 1996 and no you are not dreaming. The Braves have apparently made a move to bring in Cubs 1st baseman, Derrek Lee. Lee will add the much needed bat the Bravos are missing should they want to make a serious run in the play-offs. The Braves needed a bat before Chipper went down. While Jones was not posting his 100% non-steroid induced 1999 numbers (seriously we mean it....no steriods.....none.....why are you making that face) Chipper like any savvy veteran was always on base. Removing Chipper from the line-up takes away veteran leadership on the field and a bat that is usually very strong in the home stretch.
Lee will allow the surprising Troy Glaus to move to his natural position of third base and replace Chipper at the hot corner.

While we are somewhat excited about Lee the bottom line is it is not 1993 and the Braves did not acquire the Crime Dog Frederick Stanley McGriff. McGriff was probably the most under appreciated acquisition of the Schuerholz era
And yes, we did acquire this 1994 McGriff Starting Line-up from the Toys R Us beside the Augusta Mall and yes we did consider ourselves to in fact be "The Dookie" for having acquired our Crime Dog figure.

Why It Is Better Down South

In honor of our new favorite person, Scalawag Dr. William Savage of the University of Chokelahoma here is a small list of why Southern Exceptionalism is a very real thing. If something comes from the South and a similar item or product is made up North the Southern version is always better. Many factors go into why this is. Most yankees have a hard time coming to grips with this very real fact and so they try to bring up the civil war, because it is the only time the north has ever beaten the South at anything.

In the popular sports media the yankee inferiority complex is most obvious in the most important sport in the known universe, College Football. Most commentators and analysts either went to a Big Tenlevinie or a Big East school. This is because yankees control the media and if you are a fan of either of the conferences the last thing you want to hear is a southern accent talking about how slow and awful you conference plays football. Aside from football here is a short list of what we do better down here than in the vast northern expanse of the yankee hinterland.
1. Women- Our women just look better. This is a combination of genetics and the natural skin moisturizers that can be found in our humidity and the back splash of grease found when one bites into a fried piece of anything. Yankee women on the other had have gigantic beak shaped noses that they have evolved in order to slice through the harsh Arctic air of the north. Their skin often looks like dried up leather and they have thin stringy hair; below is a classic example of a yankee woman which is often difficult to distinguish from the male of their species.
Now below you will see an excellent example of two of our favorite types of Southern Female. On the left you have the tall, thin attractive Southern Bell and on the right our personal favorite the almost chubby version. Now the Southern Bell does also come in chubby and fat versions but even those models are far superior to the very best the mongrel hordes of the north have to offer. Advantage- South.
2. Quarterbacks- Yankee quarterbacks are fine if you like your QB to be of the "Can only succeed in a system" variety. The two most overrated football players in the history of the universe are Joe Montana and Tom Brady. If you take those guys out of their system they are still good but not great players. We could naturally talk about the Manning boys for the south but when it comes to Dixieland gunslingers there is really only one.
Just a good ol' boy (but he also has a thing for being the center of attention). You can wear a Patriot on your helmet all you want Brady but nothing screams America like Ol' Brett in a pair of Wranglers. Advantage- South

3. Breakfast- Yankees eat Oatmeal for breakfast. Have you ever eaten Oatmeal? It tastes like cardboard and has the texture of a bowl full of snot and boogers. With their oatmeal yankees have dry white toast, just awful. We on the other hand incorporate lard into our morning breads via the biscuit and instead of a bowl of boogers we eat glorious, velvety smooth, grits. Add some salt, pepper, butter, cheese, (and our secret ingredient at S&G, sour cream) and you are set for the most important meal of the day. Advantage: South

4. Thespians- While most yankee actors are all about man on man love, the South's greatest presence of stage and screen made a movie about not being a fag and shooting fags with a bow and arrow. Burt Reynolds is the reason Shakespeare wrote all those plays. Old Bill knew that one day there would be an actor so awesome that all his play writing would be worth the time and effort. Now I know you will Wikipedia Reynolds and then say "He was born in Michigan" and that is true. Burt was born of Southern parents in the north but was almost immediately returned to his home land where he grew up fighting rattlesnakes and alligators in the Okefenokee swamp before playing football at FSU and reinventing acting as we know it today.

Burt's butt is a one way street son. Advantage- South

5. Doughnuts- When I want cake I eat cake; when I want a doughnut I expect dough to be deep fried and run through a sugar shower. Dunkin Doughnuts are essentially a cake with a hole in it. The only place you can really get a doughnut in the South is at the Krispy Kreme.

The difference between a Hot Now and a Dunkin Doughnuts is the same the difference between a perfectly cooked steak and a dog turd. The Krispy Kremes in the Columbia, S.C. area now also have soft serve ice cream. You can get a Hot Now topped with ice cream and toppings. You could also do what I did which is get a glazed creme filled topped with soft serve and whipped cream, or you could go get a dog turd cake with a hole in it at Dunkin Doughnuts. Advantage- South

6. Authors- Lots of yankees write books. However, if you really want an authors author you have to go down South. We have soul in the South and as a result we live a much fuller and richer life. These lives lead to us having more to talk about and naturally more to write about. Mark Twain said " A Southerner speaks music" and none more so than Mr. William Faulkner. Like Favre above his best work was accomplished while sufficiently hydrated with Bourbon. Plus Faulkner used run on sentences and made you like it despite the fact that you immediately thought this is not a proper way to write Faulkner did not care because he had so much to write about and because periods are for the weak
"I don't use periods period"

7. Entertainers- This one is a head to head comparison. Yankees love Frank Sinatra. Yankees think Sinatra is the greatest singer/actor/entertainer in the history of the world. Sinatra is humbled and pales in direct comparison to Elvis. In the handball court at Graceland hanging above all of the King's jumpsuits is a sign that says "Before anyone did anything Elvis did everything" The first time we saw it at Graceland they literally had An American Trilogy playing in the background.....goosebumps, son. If you don't think Elvis is a million times better then how about this fact--Sinatra was the "Chairman of the Board" which means he was like a guy who is in charge of a group of people that answer to shareholders about stocks and profits. Elvis was "The King" which means no one else owned stock and he got all the profit because them jumpsuits ain't cheap and they don't bedazzle themselves!

Please, Frank Sinatra more like Fag Sinatra.

LOOK AT THIS PICTURE!!!!!!! If you add up everything cool Sinatra ever did in his entire life and multiply it by 1,000,000 it would be exactly 10% as cool as Elvis was at the moment this picture was taken.

Shag Carpet, check

Olive Green leather chair, check

Baby blue poly-cotton blend leisure suit, check

Pimp cane long before pimp canes were cool, check

Absurd glasses, check

King Edward cigarillo in mouth, check

His queen by his side but not quite at the same level as He so that she will always remember her place, check

He is the King of the Jungle they call him Tiger Man,

If you cross his path you take your own life in your hands,

He went up on a mountain and called his mare-cat,

His mare-cat came calling and all the hound dogs got way back, way back, way back!

Advantage- South

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Let the Big 10 Lust-Fest Begin.

We at S&G recently picked-up the Sports Illustrated SEC preview issue. We are certain this is a regional release because there is no way SI would publish an article about the SEC titled "Dominant as Ever" because white trash Ohio-wide would cancel their subscriptions if they saw such an article. The magazine gives a decent breakdown of each team, an all-SEC team that we agree with for the most part, and the joy of multiple covers to choose from (naturally we went with the Ealy cover). However, SI like all Yankee dominated news outlets also takes a shot at the SEC and all of we poor, redneck, racist, in-breeders in the South.

SI tells how the Bama fan base hounded the defeated Texas Longhorns off the Rose Bowl field with the haunting chant of S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-C!
SI tells us that a year earlier in Miami the Navajo Bomber, Big Chief Chicken Bones and his Sooners were ushered out of the Orange Bowl to the same chant by Gator Nation. Each of the two years before that it was media darling Ohio St. who departed the Sugar and Fiesta fields to this chant echoed by Cajuns and Pan-Handlers.
SI asks "Why such fierce regional pride"---The answer they give us---"Southern Exceptionalism" or the belief that being Southern makes you superior to other people from other regions or the country and the world. SI then quotes this guy: University of Oklahoma professor William Savage. Savage graduated from South Carolina before becoming an esteemed intellectual at the wanna be Southern State's flagship school. Savage goes on to explain how Southerners are inferior people who are so aware of their inferiority that they channel all their time, money, and efforts into desperate attempts to win at meaningless things like football. To sum it up we are so obsessed with being defeated in the War of Northern Aggression that we only care about football as a way to cope with our feelings of inferiority, white guilt, our desire to inbreed, and our overwhelming ignorance and stupidity. Great job Dr. Savage I am sure your liberal elite northeastern professor buddies and Jim Delaney applaud your effort. Here are a few problems with your Civil War loss-racism-ignorance of the South theory.
1. All 12 SEC schools have their fair share of black fans who also chanted (and will again this year) S-E-C-- and who we are pretty sure take a great deal of satisfaction in the end result of Mr. Lincoln's War.
2. When you classify an entire group of people into a pre-conceived notion of how they will think and act would that not be racism Dr. Savage? It would be like me writing an article about Black Criminalism or Hispanic Manual-laborism.
3. If the South is the only place pre-occupied with expelling their inferiority complexes by winning at football then why all the expansion talk, why the PAC-10 New York media tour, why the Big Tenlevinie expansion, why not just have the rest of the country focus on being really good at soccer? After all the rest of the country is so cosmopolitan and sophisticated like our European brethren why not just leave "American Football" to we brutes and focus on what the rest of the non-racist, educated, sophisticates of the world call football.

Brace yourself for 6 months of how Ohio State will win the National Title (if they survive Wisconsin) trust us it will be different this time we really really mean it because we have super tough dudes on Defense, we mean white suburbs of Ohio tough, that are not slower than the SEC ---guys like this:
His dad was Animal of the Road Warriors so I guess that makes the SEC the Four Horsemen because Natch, Arn, Olie, and Tulley dominated 1980's pro wrestling.

Look at this guy. Who would use a top ten pick on him? Only one GM is that bad.
You ran what QB Legend out of town and drafted this guy?
Ohio St. Linebackers either miss as seen above or
Get the LeGarrett Blount treatment as seen above. Barbie Carpenter now with the Rams because Jerry Jones (of Arkansas) hates the weak.
Be it Ohio St., or Wisconsin, or any other team they will break at the feet of the SEC champion like so many waves against a cliff.
SLIVE, What is best in Life?
Slive: To crush the Big Ten, to see it driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of its ugly yankee women! MUUUUAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
In honor of Dr. Savage we think an article comparing all things delightfully Southern to all things disgustingly Yankee may be in order.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

You Were Up How Late Making An All Bulldog Roster On Madden?

Don't Lie. We know you stayed up into the wee hours putting every single Bulldog on Madden 11 onto the Falcons roster. We also know that you went to the create a player option and made David Green to be your second string quarterback. We also know you made David Pollock and we know you made him a DE and we know you gave him the number 47.

We know you did not hesitate to trade Ryan to the Lions for Stafford.
We know you traded Turner to the Broncos for Moreno.
We know that you have an excessive number of DE's and TE's on your roster.

We also know your dirty little secret.....That's right we know you struggled with the idea of putting Calvin Johnson on that Falcons roster. We know you told yourself it would make the roster extra Georgiaey. If you put Calvin on your roster then go home and take him off. If you leave Johnson on you should just go ahead and create Reggie Ball to be your starting QB.

Just play your first season with a less than stellar WR core and then export your draft class from NCAA 11 and chances are you will be able to snag A.J Green to bolster your wide-outs.

Just say No to Yellow jackets on your Falcons Roster, and yes it is acceptable to create a H. Walker to play running back and yes you may make all of his attributes a 99.

Monday, August 9, 2010

S&G 2010 Dawgs Preview

2010 Georgia Bulldogs

2009 Record- 8-5
Head Coach- Mark Richt
OC- Mike Bobo
DC- Todd Grantham
09' Starters- 15-- 10 on offense; 5 on defense

Key to Success- This man to your right, Grantham must produce a passing defense better than the unit that finished 9th in the SEC last year.

Must Win Games- The Dawgs have two early tests, two late tests and a little game in Jacksonville in between. While the Dawgs are a better overall program than South Carolina the Cocks usually play their best game of the season against Georgia. Richt's Dawgs have almost always been slow to start and the Cocks view this game as a rivalry. Throw Spurrier into the mix and you can expect a tough game. The next week the Hawgs come to Athens and bring their El Grande rocket armed QB. The Dawgs O-line should dominate the Arkansas front 7, Ealy and King should run up and down the field and the Dawgs should chew up the clock. However, Mallett will keep the pressure on the Georgia secondary all game long. Grantham's changes will be put under the microscope in this game. Florida is Florida and Richt is only 2-7 against them. The fire Richt crowd does have a legit complaint about his team's performances agaisnt Florida. The Gators should be a little down and may be coming into this game having suffered a second straight loss to Bama, and back-to-back tough games against LSU and Miss. St. Two rivalry games end the season with the War-Tiger-Man-Bear-Pig-Eagles and the Yellowjackets. Aside from both having trouble picking just one mascot Auburn and Tech have also been dominated by the Bulldogs during the Richt era. Auburn won 8 games last year and they do have talent across the board. Give a coach a month to prepare for Tech and what Johnson does is not that impressive (see Johnson's bowl record) but only give a team a week and Johnson will have DC's tearing out their hair.

What to Expect- Georgia is talented, experienced, and deep on the offensive line. The Dawgs also boast the best one-two punch at running back this side of Tuscaloosa. If Aaron Murray can simply be the magical and elusive great white "game manager" the Dawgs offense should be very good. A.J. Green is arguable the best receiver in the country and should do a great job stretching the field when the need comes along.

Best Player (Offense)- A.J. Green, WR
Best Player (Defense)- Justin Houston, LB/DE
Players that can't fail- Aaron Murray, QB and Justin Houston, LB/DE

S&G Prediction: 10-2
This is the SEC so 10-2 could very likely land the Dawgs in Atlanta in early December. Another 10 win season and improvements on defense should silence the Richt on the hot seat grumblings. We know Grantham will be an improvement mainly because his name is not Willie Martinez. Dawg fans would like Grantham to be a lot like this guy:

But would be fine with Grantham being a lot like this guy:

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Top 10 Greatest Names From the 2010-2011 Dawg Roster

First of all I must admit that the guys at Everyday Should Be Saturday have done this format before. If you like this post check out their posts on great names of the SEC, etc. They are great. My focus (as always) is on the Dawgs and we do have some great names on the roster this year. So, here they are, the 10 greatest names on the Dawgs roster this year and my rationale.

1. #18 Bacarri Rambo - FS - Sophmore - Bacarri endeared himself to the Bulldawg Nation by sacrificing life and limb just to ensure that Ben Tate would leave Sanford Stadium crying. Other than that, he has a great name. During preseason last year I thought his first name was Bacardi which would have escalated his name from great to legendary. Still, the guys last name is freaking RAMBO. Case closed.

2. #17 Rantavious Wooten - WR - Sophmore - This name speaks for itself. He has a lot of potential. I look forward to seeing what he does this year, but his name sounds like a really loud sneeze. (No Disrespect Intended)

3. #87 Reuben Faloughi - OLB - (r)Freshmen - Reuben is one hell of a kid. He played at the same high school that I did. He is an excellent student, walked on at UGA and earned a scholarship. But his name sounds like one of his parents is Jewish and the other is Samoan.

4. #14 Hutson Mason - QB - Freshmen - Hutson has been making a little noise lately. But his name sounds like he should be the opening act for Hank Williams, Jr. WHich would be almost as awesome as playing for the Dawgs. (maybe not)

5. #58 Ben Reynolds - C - Freshmen - This young man is one vowel and two syllables away from being named Burt Reynolds. Burt Reynolds, as most of you know, is the greatest actor/Georgians of all time. He is so great that I am willing to overlook his affiliation with Free Shoes University and Lee Corso.

6. #12 Austin Herod - CB - Freshmen - In the Bible King Herod was responsible for the Massacre of the Innocents. The Dawgs opponents are not innocents, but lest hope that this guy massacres them (metaphorically of course).

7. #2 Brandon Boykin - CB - Junior - For those of you who watch Two and a Half Men, Charlie and Alan often refer to Charlie's frivilous sexcapades as Boinkin. This one is a bit of a reach, but every time I hear it I think of Charlie Sheen. (another great American)

8. #48 Fred Munzenmaier - FB - Senior - Fred the "Fuhrer" Munzenmaier is obviously of German decent and his name is just fun to say. Plus, he is a party animal. Everyone loves a party animal. Freddy the Fuhrer is no exception.

9. #3 Washaun Ealey - HB - Sophmore - Emanuel County Institute's finest. I would love to pick his parents brain as to how they came up with his name. That being said, he is one hell of a football player.

10. #95 Ty Frix - LS - Sophmore - Go Frix yourself!

Honorable Mention - #32 Brandon Bogotay - K - Junior & #36 Wes Van Dyk - RB - Junior

Friday, August 6, 2010

SEC Greats of the Game


How the University of Georgia and Georgia Tech both passed on this in state product is one of the great mysteries of college football. While current SEC Great in the making Stephano Garcia has quite the reputation as a drunk none have shown so brightly in the annals of 5-points history as the Snake. The Snake's haunt of choice Pavlov's right behind the Salty Nut. Why was this the defacto Snake Lair for four glorious years? Two reasons 1) Freshman girls and 2) Southern Rock music. The best nights were when the snake would have a chance encounter with an 18year old girl from say Gaston or Bishopville and her name happened to be Melissa. The Snake would slip the DJ a 5 spot for a little "Melissa" by the Allman Brothers action and then the magic and the panties would officially be going down. There are three things you need to know about Blake Mitchell:
1. He was a Gamecock QB
2. He looks like this:3. His dad's name is Nuggett

The junior Nuggett, while not the sole reason is at least one of the top 5 reasons why Spurrier quit caring about anything other than his handicap and starting taking his Sour Mash Whiskey with just a splash of water minus the water.
The arm, the mouth-breathing, the looks of total confusion on the most minor of Defensive re-alignments, the drunkenlyness, the nuggety goodness, the dominance on Dance Dance Revolution at the local arcade, and the interceptions are just a few examples of the Legend they called "The Snake" hhhiiiisssssssss!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Hutson Mason

According to ESPN Insider (yesterdays edition), true freshman Hutson Mason is showing some real promise in practice. Coach Bobo is said to be pleased with the way he commands the huddle. This might lead some to believe that Mason has a shot at starting against the Cajun's. That situation would go over like a fart in church here in Dawg Nation. I hope that Coach Bobo's comments were meant to motivate Murray. That being said, I do want the best QB to be the starter on opening day. Do you think that Bobo's comments were meant to motivate Murray or that it could be a real possibility that Mason could start for the Classic City Canines? What say you?

SEC Greats of the Game

With yet another season right around the corner I would like to take a few posts to lavish praise upon some of the all time greatest players in the history of the SEC. The majority of these players will be former Gamecock quarterbacks but if you are gonna talk Cock signal callers that discussion starts and stops with one man:

DONDRELL "Pinky-Drill" Pinkins

Whenever Dondrell would take the field Gamecock fans the world over would perform the famed and mystical Pinky-Drill chant which when properly performed would distract Gamecock fans from the pain of having Pinkins as their starting QB. Here is how the chant is performed:
1. Start with a pose in which you are flexing both biceps
2. Clinch both hands into a fist.
3. Turn your palms outward.
4. Leaving your fist clinched elevate your pinky finger and nothing else.
5. Scrunch your pinky finger down making sure to get a proper bend at each joint.
6. Quickly return your pinky to an erect position.
7. Repeat this process as many times and as quickly as possible.
8. While doing this one should chant: "Pankey-drills, Pankey, Pankey, Drills"
Oh, Dondrell you came into our lives like an unstoppable thunderstorm and yet you slipped through our fingers like a wet football given to David Pollock in the end zone.