Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Auburn Wins! Chokelahoma Will be Pre-Season #1? This Ice is Crampin' my Style.

As the Weather of Northern Aggression begins to melt away here in Dixie we are left with three questions:

1. Why can't Yankees keep their weather to themselves?
2. Why can't Yankees keep their old people to themselves? We don't want them either! Have you people look into euthanizing them?
3. How can anyone doubt the vast superiority of SEC Football?

On the Title Game:
-Despite the fact that holding and block-in-the-back calls apparently did not apply to Oregon the Barn was still able to keep the streak alive. Since no one wants to admit it I will--- "Fairley rules the world a la Sid Vicious." In the past five seasons we have learned that:
a) Big, strong, fast, SEC players are better than big, strong, slow, Big Twelvine players.
b) Big, strong, fast, SEC players are better than average size. average speed, average strenght Big Twelve/Tenths players.
c) Big, strong, fast, SEC players are better than small, weak, fast, Pac 10 to be 12 players.

-I don't want to be a snitch or nothing but if the Feds want to hit the biggest steroid ring in North America I would check out Clay Matthews Sr's house. Nice Neanderthal brows boys.

-Oregon had on Nike shoes and Auburn Under Armor shoes. Auburn had about 20 slips in the game and Oregon had none.....it had to be the shoes right? We hear you coming because we heard you fall down on the way.

On Other Bowls:

-Arkansas---Commissioner Slive will be expecting your letter of resignation from the SEC by Monday morning........you have embarrassed us all.

-Dear Lord! Chokelahoma found the only school in the world that they can beat in a bowl game and Ohio State found the only SEC school they can beat so guess who will be pre-season #1 and #2. P.S. they are both still total Bull S*#t!

On the Coaching Carousel:

- I have wondered for almost a decade now exactly what is the mind control voodoo that Jim Tressel uses to own the Big Twelvinie. I mean Wisconsin is as good if not better than tOSU and so is Iowa. Yet the chocolate covered peanut butter balls always get at least a share of the Big 10 title and a BCS game. All that is about to change, son! Mind control doesn't work on Lester Miles because he can't even control his own brain. Les eats ice cream for breakfast.....FOR BREAKFAST, SON! You know what that means? Do you? It means Les don't give a F*^k. You keep running that fundamentally sound football Tressell cause the crazy is about to be on you like a dirty diaper and some half eaten chicken wings in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Fake field goals, on-side kicks, fake punts, running plays on 4th and 15 from his own 5 yards line, oh it is on! By the end of the game you will be so discombobulated that you will be sending 18 defenders and the kicking unit on the field to stop Meeechigan at the goal-line.

-I must admit I am a little worried about what Bo Pelini could do with LSU talent.

On ESPN's Coverage of the Game Last Night:

-This is for Chris Fowler and Muntsbooger especially. If one team is small and fast with an up tempo offense and the other team is big and just as fast with an up tempo offense....then the smaller guys are going to get tired because they will be getting their A$$es kicked all night long (see the Oregon O-line).

-I hate to say it but Saban is an awesome analyst. The man is just good at anything involving football.

-I hate Urban Meyer but it was awesome when he dismissed Desmond Howard for the retard that he is.... Desmond would start that mumbling stumbling non-sense he call talking and Urban would just look at him like "Shut up grown people are talking."

-I just don't understand why ESPN paid a sheik's ransom for SEC football considering everyone that works for them loathes the SEC so much. Hey Mark May the SEC won again you used-up old tampon!

Well now he have to try and care about NFL football for a few weeks.............I am so depressed right now.......when does Spring practice start?


  1. That was the weakest SEC win of the 5 championships. If Oregon had actually developed a game plan, they probably would have won by two touchdowns. In stead, it was do what we always do and then realize it was not working, so panic.

  2. -Anon

    It could have been that or it could have been that there was an "Oh S*#t, we are playing a team that actually plays a little Defense" reaction.

    Agreed on Auburn being the weakest of the five, but they still got the job done.

  3. My big question is this: How many SEC games would Auburn have list with sCam playing the way he did last night?

    To me that alone tells of the SECs dominance!

  4. S FL Chapter of the Bulldog NationJanuary 11, 2011 at 4:35 PM

    Nice piece! I like your stuff sooo much more when you're not calling for CMR's head!

    Try to care about the NFL...you shouldn't have to try too much if you're a Falcons fan!!! LET'S GET IT ON!!! Even though I'd feel alot better about the game this weekend if the She-hawks were coming to town....but BRING ON THE ASS-PACKERS!!!! LOL LET'S GO DIRTY BIRDS!!!!

    And I'm just looking forward to NSD...then I'll be looking forward to spring ball!

    GO DAWGS!!!!

  5. Auburn should have had someone talk to the Arizona Cardinals about what type cleat to wear on that horrible field.

    The PAC-10 had exactly 2 Top 25 ranked teams. Stanford got to play an ACC team oh great. An ACC team who by the way lost to Boise State and lost to James Madison. Stanford beat no one. Oregon therefore beat no one. Auburn has 7 wins over Top 25 final AP Poll teams. Oregon 1 Stanford 1.

    Mark Richt is 2-11 vs Top 25 teams final AP Poll 2008, 2009 and 2010. Michigan State 2008 and Georgia tek 2009, with none this season at 0-5. 1-3 for 2008, 1-3 for 2009 and 0-5 for 2010 is 2-11.

    Former players saying Mark Richt is not getting the job done :

    HERSCHEL WALKER : recruiting in-state, losses, no discipline

    FRAN TARKENTON : losses last 3 years, arrests / suspensions, Mark Richt not spending time on football, preacher's son saying Mark Richt is really a missionary, signing recruits who go on to not play for Mark Richt going on forever, and Mark Richt lies (spins) cop-outs.

    By winning percentage during the BCS era in SEC games :

    1.Urban Meyer 38-13 74.51
    2.Nick Saban 56-20 73.68
    3.Gene Chizik 12-05 70.59
    4.Les Miles 34-16 68.00
    5.Phillip Fulmer 62-30 67.39
    6.Jim Donnan 16-08 66.67
    7.Ron Zook 16-08 66.67
    8.Mark Richt 55-28 66.27

    Aaron Murray :

    # 62 in nation at getting sacked
    1.9 yards per carry 87 carries
    # 55 in nation in 3rd down conversions
    # 56 in nation total offense
    # 72 in nation 1st downs
    lost to 2 not Top 25 final AP teams
    lost to all 5 Top 25 final AP teams
    lost most games since lost 7 in 1957
    beat 6 teams ALL with LOSING RECORDS