Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Can We Hire Ron Franklin as the New Voice of the Bulldogs

God I hate ESPN. First they get one of the most brilliant charismatic coaches in all of college football fired and then black balled him because he tried cure an ESPN employee's pussy son of a concussion. Now they have fired fellow old school legend Ron "The Don" Franklin who P.S. was the only play by play guy at the entire network with any talent.
Ron was demoted a few years back because he called Holley Rowe's big nose having self "Sweetheart". Ron did it because Holley was embarrassing herself on National Television by talking and Ron took pity on her. Also, he felt sorry for her because she looks like the bridge troll from the billy goats gruff story.

Ron's latest transgression involved him calling the above Bull-Dike "Sweetcakes" or now apparently "Sweetheart". We are sticking with "Sweetcakes" because it sounds way awesomer. However, once again ESPN is being overly PC about this. Ron wasn't demeaning her he was helping her. See Ron wears Florsheim shoes, Stetson hats, three piece suits, and keeps it old school and really real 24/7. Since Ron is so old school he remembers that there are three things that women should never be a part of:

1. Sports Commentary

2. Police Work

3. Politics

So now Ron is at a meeting and along comes some pant suit wearing, deep voice having, LPGA tour member who is breaking the first rule by being involved in a sports broadcast. Then she tries to pipe up while grown men are talking about politics. Who does this Bi*#h think she is? She acts like women have the right to vote or something. Ron took pity on her and didn't want her to further embarrass herself. He politely informed her that they were having an AB conversation and she needed to C her way out, and then he complemented her for having a nice fart locker cause chicks like that kind of stuff. Ron got fired for being helpful and complimentary both admirable characteristics. It's not like he asked her if she wanted to "swing by the Bell grab some tacos and go back to his place and eat them sideways while watching a WNBA game." He didn't ask her if she had "an LPGA tour bearded clam bake to attend." He just politely told her to zip it and when she refused he got a little more stern with her sassy mouth. Jeannine Edwards is lucky she didn't get a dose of swift justice from the backside of one of the strongest pimp hands in the world.

Since the retirement of the Voice of the Bulldogs and Keith Jackson; Ron stands alone as the best commentator in the business. I think we should hire him to do all Georgia Football and Basketball broadcasts.


  1. I wondered what had become of Ron. Clearly the four letter network doesn’t realize what they had (other than impending lawsuits for harassment from chicks who couldn’t get harassed by a blind man). Ron would make a great voice for the Bulldogs as long he doesn’t confuse Holly with Uga. Uga is the one without the lipstick and curls.

  2. Dickson to Ala...Bray to Aub...what now Richtophiles?

    Richt is killing us!!!!!