Monday, July 18, 2011
Apologies, Reprimands, and Closure to Some of Life's Great Mysteries
Well, well, well, it must have been "Embrace Your Local Schizophrenic" last week cause we got all kinds of love from the main streamers. Despite the warm and comforting embrace of Whitey please note that on our end--No Quarter Shall be Asked for None Shall be Given, Sir.
Mr. Sanchez does grace the comment threads of warm blooded non-sausage making sites from time to time and participates. I try not to do as much. I try because on the litmus scale of pissing off certain groups of people Mr. Sanchez is yet the padawan and I the Jedi. I usually have to stay here and tend the inmates else they bring their crazy over to the mainstream blogs.
However, I will address a few things here that were on the Leather Helmet and DawgSports. We owe one apology, one reprimand, and must answer two of life's most pressing questions.
Apologies to Thinking Dawg. He did in fact ask us many months ago to be less racist and implement an affirmative action program geared towards giving Grits and other Southern delicacies more equality on our site. We have in fact fail you, sir. We shall from hence forth attempt to do better.
Now I could jump on the "Nanna Pudddin' Milkshake at the Fil-A bandwagon" but at this point we have either all experienced this....yet another bit of food crack from Mr. Cathy.... or have the Shuggas and cannot partake. I will on the other hand tell you of what is now an official "Contender" to Mr. Cathy's monopoly of the milkshake market. A few months back I mentioned that the two Krispy Kream's in Columbia, SC now have soft serve ice-cream---and yes if you time it properly you may in fact have a "hot-now" taken skraight off da line, placed in an ice cream dish, and topped with soft serve and whipped cream. The ice cream itself tastes like they somehow turned the cream in their donuts into ice cream. I was in Lexington, SC on Saturday and as myself, Mrs. Rider, and our youngest Ridette passed the Krispy Kream my cold-blooded lilliputian said "Do nus my Daddy, Do nus". Well twist my arm---we stopped and beheld.............Krispy Kream Milkshakes. The promo poster said "With real bits of dounut inside" you don't say? They come in:
Vanilla- the kream flavored ice cream, with bits of dounuts
Chocolate- the same but with a chocolate sauce that they allege tastes of their chocolate glaze
Raspberry- the vanilla infused with a derivative of their raspberry jelly filling.
Go with the Vanilla- after all you have to walk before you can run. On a side note they also had a "Lemon Cream Pie" doughnut. A regular filled glazed doughnut but they mix their cream and lemon fillings together...........GREATNESS!!!!!!!
Reprimand of AxelRhodes for alleging that General George Smith Patton Jr. is not Southern. You sir are commanded to leave work, go home, and spend the next 24 hours researching the greatest Cold Blooded Sausage Maker to ever live and the only reason we are not having this conversation in German. Patton was born in California but of a very old and distinguished Virginia Military Family. His Grand Daddy was George Smith Patton (the original) and was a Colonel in the Army of Northern Virginia. Patton the original was killed in battle as was his brother Waller Tazewell Patton (arguable the greatest name I have ever heard of). Patton was also a relative of Confederate General Hugh Weedeon Mercer, Confederate Naval Officer (yes smarty pants we did have a navy---300 Ranger bass boats strong, son) William Glasswell, and former Virginia Governor John Patton. Keep in mind that at this time both Virginia and Florida were still Southern. Patton got his flair for the dramatic because his Father and Confederate Calvary Legend Gen John Singleton Mosby were great friends. Patton grew-up listening to stories from the mouth of the Gray Ghost of the Confederacy. Stories like how Mosby was shot in the groin but resumed his command three weeks later (leading us to believe that there is a chance Gary Patterson may be a descendant of Mosby).
In a bit of irony---Adolf Hitler had to be briefed on two things every morning: 1) News from the front, and 2) The location of George S. Patton. So great was Hitler's fear of Patton that he withheld a large portion of his army from the D-Day invasion defense for fear that it was a distraction and the real attack would come from else where with Patton at the helm. Ironic because so fearful of John Mosby was Abraham Lincoln that he had planks removed from the chain bridge over the Potomac every night because he feared the daring Mosby would ride into DC and kidnap him in the night.
Mysteries Revealed-- First, the question of how is it that Skeletor has all them muscles and yet a skeleton face. This was from AxelRhodes on Leather Helmet. Well, years ago Skeletor was a young man named Keldor Jenkins and was a not so highly touted middle linebacker prospect. He ended up at Navy under the tutelage of DC Dick Bumpas. Keldor was always making mental mistakes and no matter how many times Bumpas disciplined him with a speed bagging of of baby batter sack nothing seemed to get into Keldor's thick skull. Finally, a young GA under Bumpas named Patterson could stand no more. Keldor blew an assignment during practice and Patterson ate his face directly off his skull.
Second, from Corbin Dawg of Grit Tree fame on DawgSports. Corbin's only problem with us is that we are Dusty Rhodes men and he a Ric Flair man. Let me say that we are not so far apart as this discussion is of the superiority of the two all time greatest wrestlers that ever lived. We apply the Rider three prong test to ranking the two:
Prong 1: Character- Flair's name "The Nature Boy" was borrowed from Nature Boy Buddy Rogers. His in ring persona and rap borrowed from Gorgeous George. While Flair perfected both they were borrowed. On the other hand the American Dream Son of a Plumber that was all original, son. Advantage Rhodes.
Prong 2: In Ring Performance- While both were "60 minute men" in their prime Flair gets the nod for the Figure Four Leg Lock of Doom. It should be noted that Rhodes often utilized the figure four but he is best remembered for the Flip Flop Fluey Bionic Elbow. Advantage Flair.
Prong 3: The Rap- Flair could and can talk. His promos are the stuff of legend. Classics such as:
Just Like That, and Custom Made. However, in the end I challenge you to youtube or google the following Dusty Promos:
-That Jezebel, Babydoll
- All the promos surrounding his three match rivalry with Super Star Billy Graham in the 70's
-Long Distance Information Give me Memphis, TN
-The above linked Cold Blooded Sausage Maker,
- And the all time greatest shoot interview exchange the Dusty vs. James E. Cornett Rivalry from 86'-87'. Advantage Rhodes
Rhodes 2 Flair 1.