There is little that the SEC needs at this point. 5 consecutive National Titles in Football, back to back NT's in baseball, and more money than a passenger train can haul (points in the comments if you can name the artist and song just referenced). However, there are a few really awesome things that the SEC could certainly use:
1. A Certain Swashbuckling, Debonair, Concussion Curin' Offensive Genius wouldn't hurt- I knew that Mike Leach was destiny for the SEC the moment he cut his world famous "Fat Little Girlfriends" promo on ESPN. We can hire him cause what is ESPN gonna do about? Stop airing the SEC? If they dared to try that we could always just make our own Network:
2. A SEC Network- Now before this becomes a conspiracy theory because the word Fox gets used this not a vast right-wing conspiracy. Fox just happens to have the only other sports channel. A far cry from what Bristol produces but a partnership with Fox could give the SEC a tremendous vehicle to increase T.V. money. Plus, you could have a "game of the week" with your own play by play team. Might we recommend a three man team consisting of Keith Jackson (or at least a CGI replica in case he kicks the bucket any time soon), The American Dream Dusty Rhodes, and Arch Bishop Ron "Magic Don" Franklin. Want a sample of how that would go?
Jackson: Whoaaaaa Nellllllly! Have we got a barn burner tonight. The Gators from the Swamp of Florida against the ALLLLLLLLLLLL-A-BAMA...(dramatic pause)..... Crimson Tide. Dream what are your thoughts?
Rhodes: OH Daddy, Keith Jackson you done let da cat out da bag, Jack. You know back in the early 70's the Dream was the Flada Championship Rasslin Heavy Weight Champinee! It was here in Gainsvlla, when the Dream and Abdullah Da Bucha locked in mortal combat for belt dat many men only lie in bed and dream about night after night. For one solid houar Da Dream and Da Bucha in a best two out of three falls, Texas cowbell, Injun death rope match. I fought, and sweated, and I bleed, and I almost died in da ring. But in da end I pulled myself up and won and do you know why? CAUSE I'M DA AMEERICUN DREAM, DADDY! I got da Butcha down and looke up and cried.....FURST BLOOD! FURST BLOOD! AWWWWWW....FURST BLOOD!
Jackson: I take it you are fired up Dream. What about you Ron what do you think?
Franklin: Well I think the safe money is on the Gators but I'm not so sure. I got a good long look at the fart lockers those Alabama dance team girls were draggin around and I think Bama may just have the better looking cheerleaders when all is said and done. I'm not so sure that all the Yankee transplants into Florida haven't muddied up the gene pool.
3. Texas $$$$$$$$- Texas is way too Skeered, and A&M is the consolation prize. This does come with a price. If A&M has any sense at all they will demand that no other Big 12 school, especially the two North Texas Schools Chokelahomo and Okie State, get in. As I understand from some of the reading this time around A&M might just be waking up and smelling the coffee. Last, summer it appears there was almost a fist fight between the AD and a board member or a booster or something. I guess I could research it but instead I will just make up in my mind that the report of a fight stems from an incident last summer in which there was one slightly bloodied Gene Stallings Nose and three dead Texas loyal A&M board members due to blunt force trauma to the head via one 1992 Alabama National Title Ring.
4. DC $$$$$$$$$ and balance in the East- Virginia Tech opens up the Washington, DC market, brings a respectable football presence, and most importantly breaks the ACC placing pressure on North Carolina to hold onto a Duke rivalry in basketball or get paid while the check book is out and Daddy Warbucks Slive is feelin generous.
5. North Carolina $$$$$$$ and a hostile take over of basketball superiority- Does North Carolina want to stay in the ACC? Yes. Is the acceptance of NCST or Duke paramount to them moving should the sky start to fall? No. Kentucky will be more than happy to be their nemesis in basketball.
6. Balance in the West- A&M makes 7 teams in the west but VT and NC makes 8 in the east. So what do they do now? They could explore Georgia Tech, Florida St., and Clampsun. The Cocks will block....get it we made a funny.....Clampsun right off the bat but the SEC probably wouldn't be interested on account of nobody cares about Clampsun out side of the North-Western portion of South Carolina. Florida and Georgia will block FSU because they do not want to reawaken a sleeping giant and they certainly want to maintain the ability to lord the SEC brand over the Seminoles in recruiting. Surprisingly enough I don' think anyone would try to block Tech. Clampsun and FSU have both at times dominated their in-state SEC rival on the field and the recruiting trail. However, Techies have never really dominated anything outside of The World of Warcraft. They have a natural rivalry with Georgia and Auburn and although we don't need it (because the SEC owns Atlanta already) it would solidify the SEC brand in the capital of the New South. On the other hand what about some boarder states? Kentucky is in despite never actually breaking away from the Union because they are a boarder state that is still considered the South. That means Louisville could be considered. Also, one could consider Missouri after all the Bushwhackers fought for the Confederacy and West Virginia (Stonewall Jackson was born there). In the end I just don't think Missouri can be passed off as a Southern State and I do not believe their fan-base would gel particularly well with the SEC. In terms of fans West Virginia would be tops and Tennessee would no longer be the SEC leader in inbreeding, toothlessness, and hillbillyism. Still a West Virginia team would mean someone in the East will be moving West young man and that leads us to:-Do we really want to keep Vanderbilt in a Mega Conference? Geographically Nashville is sorta western and they used to have a rivalry with LSU back when Huey Long was governor of Louisiana. I just wonder if we are gonna ask them to move why don't we just ask them to go ahead and explore their options in Conference USA. Which will mean:
7. A 16th Team- A&M will block all Texas and Oklahoma schools. The Gamecocks will block Clampsun. The Gators will block Miami and USF. Georgia and Florida will block FSU. Kentucky will block Louisville. That leaves Missouri, who you probably can't sale to the fan base; Maryland, who may be a compromise but Kentucky, W.Virginia, and Maryland......uh that may be tad on the Yankeefied side, son. So that really only leaves Georgia Tech and you have to ask yourself do we want to trade a bunch of nerds that know their place for a bunch of nerds that don't and talk smack all the time?
SEC Dream Mega Conference:
East: West Virginia, Virginia Tech, North Carolina, Tennessee, Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, Kentucky
West: Texas A&M, LSU, Ar-Kansas, Ole Miss, Missy State, Alabama, Auburn, (Vandy or Georgia Tech take your pick...Naturally we prefer Vandy out of spite).