Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

How you like us now?

Preseason prognisticating our schedule. You've seen CCRider's take. Now for Mr. Sanchez's. But before I begin, a song to start us off. Father, if you please...

and away we go
9/3 Boise St at the Georgia Dome Remember the last time the little ponies came down to Dixie? They don't, and have been running their mouths about some stupid gerbil on steroids, and how they kick ass in karate class like Cosmo Kramer. Someone done forget the last time we tangled, and I think we'll remind them.
42-17, good guys.
9/10 South Carolina Marcus Lattimore is still a beast, but their triumvirate includingStayPuft and of course, Joe Kane shouldn't be too hard. Plus, two words. Chicken. Curse. Ask any Carolina fan, they all know they're losers to the core. A season where a Chicken Penis is supposed to win something? Mark it 8 (and 4), dude.
33-10, as we announce our presence with authority.
9/17 Coastal Carolina May have the best long snapper we've ever seen, and definitely the best North Augustan we'll see at QB all year.
31-13, they'll also be the best team in the Palmetto St.
9/24 @ Ole Miss Hotty Totty gosh almighty who the hell are they now? Not a space squid or a colonel but still losers eternal by damn. We ain't losin to the daddy bears.
41-14, cause it's in Oxford.
10/1 Mississippi St Dan Mullen is a good coach, but his team lacks talent at QB, and won't cut testicles to harden his boys in to men. Plus, the vociferous and widely feared home crowds of Sanford will remind these mutts why people prefer pure breds.
22-21, Blair Walsh saves the day.
10/8 @ Tennessee The nation's foremost authority on showering techniques couldn't win at Louisiana Tech, and like all lawyers sucks at math. He'll be fired in two years to begin his long career as color analyst where he and Kevin Harlan replace Lundquist/Danielson.
47-11, as the hillwilliams begin to realize they've made a huge mistake.
10/15 @ Vandy Richt has already lost to Vandy once, and flirted with losing to them two more times. But James Franklin, really? We could bring back Willie and Callaway and still win.
56-0, as we finish our march through with our hobnail boots again.
10/22 bye finally we get one before ...
10/29 Florida at the Cocktail Party Will Muschamp thinks adding sugar at the table is the same thing as sweet tea. He says "You guys". He prefers KFC to Chik-Fil-A. He drinks "Pop".And he will never, ever beat the University of Georgia. Mark that down Booger Eaters. Your new coach will NEVER beat us.
28-14, cause what's that coming down the track?
11/5 New Mexico St Well done Mr. McGarity. Very well done. Your brilliance in our eyes is restored. And hopefully Richt's wised up and let's the #2s play 30-45 minutes.
40-10, it's a mean machine in red and black.
11/12 Auburn They lost their starting QB, best OL, and best defensive player to free agency, and got squeezed out of chosen replacements by the Eagles and Raiders. It'll be a slight step back that gets much bigger when Malzahn departs in the off season to replace a retiring Spurrier.
34-27, it'll be nerve racking.
11/19 Kentucky They hired a coach named Joker, because it ain't basketball season yet. Can we get the SEC to flip them and Vanderbilt in 2013 please Mr. McGarity, so we can at least have the lone redeeming factor of traveling to that godforsaken rock quarry (Keeneland)?
28-10, Richt has already filled his loss quota to these queefs.
11/26 @ Georgia Tech The option might work against limp wristed ACC scrubs, but now that Paul Johnson's has lost all of Chan Gailey's recruits, Tech fans will see why Georgia Southern caliber recruits still can't win against the real runners of this state.
49-21, cause ain't nothin finer in the land than a drunk obnoxious Georgia fan.
12/3 LSU at the Georgia Dome We used to think he was just a fool, but this cud chewin fool will have us forever by the heart. Mettenberger and Murray square off to show why Richt is the new Norm Chow. But there was a reason the booty inspector was never gonna start here. If you can't win at Oconee County, son, you ain't winnin no SEC titles. Maybe he'll draw power from the corn dogs, like Samson and his hair, but it'll take a little while longer for the aroma to fully penetrate his skin.
20-17, as Bobo gets rescued by Blair Walsh and a pair of Brandon Boykin returns.

13-0 suckas. Come question our fandom now haters.

Bonus round:
1/9 TCU in New Orleans Oh snap. And boom goes the dynamite. Do you really believe Bo-blow can best the great Man Himself and Dicky Bumps? He doesn't have to son, as the greatest pipes since Scotty Steiner save the day one mo'gin.
7-6, and the people say hallelujah.

18 comments:

  1. Mr. Sanchez, I like it. I hope you're right. I'm not quite ready for that big of a dose of Kool-Aid this early in the morning. I do believe we have the talent to win every game on our schedule. Unfortunately, we also have the last 3 years to tell us we could lose 5 or 6 games. I sometimes grit my teeth when I read you guys, but I will never question a DGD's fandom. Let GATA on September 3. Keep up the good work!

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  2. What do you call a lawyer good at math?

    Doctor.

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  3. Lawyering does beat doctoring in one respect.

    Lawyers don't say to clients "Please drop your briefs your your rectal exam."

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  4. Ok, back to earth. What's Richt record against ranked teams last 2 seasons? 2-8. Wins 20%. Plays 5 ranked teams on the 2011 schedule, so losses 4, wins 1. That's 4 losses there you kinda overlooked.

    2 other problems.

    #1- The Home Field Advantage
    Home team wins Tenn-UGA last 4 games. Guess where the 2011 game is played?

    #2- The Trio of Fellow Medicore Teams
    What did Richt finish last season? 6-7. Tech? 6-7. Tenn? 6-7. Kent? 6-7. Notice THEY'RE ALL THE SAME. Ok, now over last 5 years, what % of the time has Richt won ALL 3 of these games? Right on, 20%. 4 out of last 5 seasons Richt lost at least 1 game to these 3 medicore teams, lost 2 games 40% of the time. But bottom line, 80% of the time, Richt loses 1 of 3 in this trio of horros. Loss #5.

    7-5.

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  5. Murray EVER beating Mettenberger, what a lark. Mettenberger CRUSHED Murray over the Spring when they went head to head, beat him in td's, yards, less int's, better accuracy, on a lot less reps. Went 11-1 as a starter in JUCO led his team to the National Championship. Believe this, Murray does NOT want to face the guy who TROUNCED him EVER!

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  6. AMEN BROTHER!!! I LIKE IT!!! LET'S GET IT ON!!! GO DAWGS!!!!!!!

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  7. RC,
    on your #1, what about Derek Dooley is the most inept SEC coach since Brad Scott or Gerry Dinardo did you you fail to grasp? Homefield doesn't overcome idiocy.

    #2, last year ain't this year. It never has been, and never will be by definitions of the words "last" and "this".

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  8. What a hilarious article. I get the humor. 14-0 baby, all da way! Funny.

    You guys know 80% of the time, 4 out last 5 seasons, Richt has not met preseason AP poll ranking predictions. They have him at #19. 80% chance he won't make that. That means, likely, at least 4 losses, maybe 5 or 6.

    Neat chart this guy put together on who's under performed AP rankings. Richt was #4.

    http://www.pollspeak.com/data/over-underrated-2010-AP-5-Year-OtoU.htm

    Any thoughts?

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  9. Uh, you going against a 4 year trend, not last year, last 4 years.

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  10. Also, the losing to at least 1 of the G Tech--Kent--Tenn trio is a 5 year trend, not a 1 year.

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  11. RC, how many of those last 4 or 5 years were this year? And again on UT, how many of those years were they coached by the Immaculate Mathmetician?

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  12. 20 chance you're right, 80% chance I am.

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  13. You also think Richt, now, suddenly, for the first time in 3 years, will finally figure out what's wrong, and fix it? 2007 11 wins, 2008, 10 wins, 2009, 8 wins, 2010 6 wins. Bucking this 3 year trend of winning less games too, eh?

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  14. Bobo, against ranked teams:
    2007, averaged 5 td's a game
    2008, down to 4 td's a game
    2009, down to 3 td's a game
    2010, down to 2 td's a game

    What makes you think Bobo will right the ship, when everything's Bobo has tried, failed in 2008, again in 2009, and yet again in 2010 to average more points than they year before against ranked teams per game?

    You can't beat ranked teams if you can't score.

    Bobo needs to go.

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  15. Coach Richt's record against ranked teams, suggest 2-3 losses in those five games (Aub, Boise St, South Carolina, Miss St, Flrida). Coach Richt has a 29-24 record against ranked teams. Saban, Meyer, Miles, in another league. Coach Richt also has a 2-8 record against Florida so expecting a win there, is wishful thinking.

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  16. @ Anon 9am.... I've left some law offices and felt like I just had a rectal exam.

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  17. Considering your attorneys are LeGaL approved, that's not surprising Homer.

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  18. Losing at least 1 out of 3 against the Georgia Tech-Tennessee-Kentucky trio, could also be a case of TRAP GAME. But regardless, Richt finds a way to lose 1 of 3, 80% of the time, last 5 years.

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