Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

A little hint for the ladies in our midst

Ladies, here's a little gift from yours truly here at sports and grits. We understand, you dream of beautiful wedding days. Maybe in the fall, when it's not so hot you soak your pretty dress in sweat, and you can have that perfect sunlight to show how gorgeous you are. When the leaves change and it just feels like the right time. A dream fall wedding.

Just stop. Don't do it. From about today, through the end of November, DO NOT SCHEDULE YOUR WEDDING. People will groan and call you a selfish bitch, and you don't want that on your big day, do you? Your new husband will spend as much time worrying about the score as he does anything else, maybe trying to sneak a peak at the score every time, starting every "thank you" conversation at the reception with a "what's the score?", or like my father-in-law, being late to the front because he was too busy listening on a radio in the back, and you don't want that on your big day either, do you? I've got some friends, let's call them Mark and Ashley. They scheduled their wedding last year on Halloween weekend. The best picture from that wedding is everyone crowded around someone's I phone watching the end (thanks to us sucking, attendance was probably double). I've got other friends, let's call them Brian and Beth, who scheduled their wedding for New Year's Eve. They're gamecock fans, and we all know the Chicken Curse is gonna cause an Independence or Liberty Bowl berth for the Chicken Penii, so it's ok. So ladies, it's in your best interest, as well as ours, to NOT schedule a wedding from about the end of August through the end of November. Just don't do it, and we won't have to turn your dreams in to nightmares? Ok, thanks.

This has been a public service announcement by Sports and Grits.


  1. I was very fortunate. My bride to be decided that she wanted to get married on a thursday..the last thursday in OCTOBER. because SHE...(YES SHE) wanted to spend her honeymoon in Florida. But not at the beach. Oh no. My bride wanted to get married on thursday night, go somewhere local for that first night of "come here you sexy beast" and head for ..wait for it.... JACKSONVILLE for a honeymoon. She said she didnt want to wait till season was over for her man, so she would just have her man and her dawgs too!!

    we are spending our first anniversary in JAX this year. GOD I LOVE MY WIFE!!!!

  2. Here's how you do it:

    "You want people to dance at your wedding don't you, honey? Well, men dance as little as they can get away with at fall weddings. You either provide a tv at the bar and nobody leaves it, or you don't and they go to the bathroom to check their phones constantly anyways. Plus they all resent you, on some level, forever."

  3. EXPERT BLOGGERY IN "ALL" THINGS.......Yes, indeed!! Jesse Outlaw, Furman Bisher, Blackie Sherrod, Harley Bowers all fortold you, saying a great blogger shall arise out of the South. Whose pen we are not worthy to hold, and they shall be expert in ALL things and their knowledge shall flow like a river out of their bellies....Pride always comes before a fall.....Let not him boasteth who puts on the armour, rather him that taketh it off.

  4. A family member who shall go nameless actually set his wedding at the same time of the Ga - Fla game we won 44-0 with Herschel. Geesch

    A Different Jim

  5. Mr. Sanchez,
    You are once again the voice of reason. My bride to be initially suggested holding the wedding on a Friday night before a home game, I had to explain only a selfish bitch would schedule a wedding during football and hunting season. I suggested New Years Eve so it would be easy to remember the date and what better way to spend an anniversary than betting on games and hopefully traveling to a BCS Bowl game. Yes we are Gamecocks but we'll be back from the honeymoon in time to make it to New Orleans

  6. -Anon @3:09

    You sir are very reasonable and if she can't see that then......well do you really want to
    a) spend the rest of your life with her, or
    b) have to give her your house, half of your money, and allow such a horrible person to raise your kids during the week?

  7. I've got a wedding to attend for one of my good friends this fall...which so inconveniently takes place DURING the South Carolina game!!! The worst part about it - he was my roommate in Athens! He was a transfer from Tech though so he doesn't have great allegiance to the Dawgs and his wife is a North Georgia grad. No love at all for us real Dawgs! The iPhone will be out and prominently used with no shame. I'm making the drive back to Athens for the after-party after paying my respects at the reception. So mad considering I have to fly across country and can only attend one game this year!

  8. -Anon @10:03

    Clearly this person is not really your friend. Let's review:

    -He went to Tech
    -His wife doesn't love college football (what is she a yankee?)
    -They have the nerve to ask you and everyone else to attend a wedding in the fall.

    If I were you I would ask "If I don't come are we still friends?" If he says you have to come....well I would at least sit down and make a pros and cons list concerning the value of his friendship. Also, if you go and they don't have both little pimento cheese and little chicken salad sandwiches......well then I don't think anyone would blame you if you turned over the cake table and caused a scene. Some people are sooooooo selfish.

  9. Another thing 10:03...
    It's selfish to just think of Georgia fans. My particular background saw me inviting Tech fans, Carolina fans, Tennessee fans, Florida and Florida St fans, Nebraska fans, among others. So you have to take in to account even your bye is a problem for others and would also become a problem on anniversaries. No exceptions for bye weeks, Coastal Carolina's, none of the above. Simple, hard rule. No weddings from August 25-December 1.