Thursday, August 25, 2011
SMU to the Big 12---If Leach Gets a Job Then We Will Have Won the War of Craig James
My name is Craig James and much like Jacob Hester people used to think that I was a good football player on account of me being white, playing running back, and not tripping over my own feet. In truth I have never been very good at anything. I played at SMU but by play I mean I [did not kill 5 hookers and] wrote Eric Dickerson's term papers. I played for the New England Patriots but you probably didn't know that until just now when I told you. I was one of the original College Game Day hosts on ESPN but they replaced me with Herbie. I went to CBS and joined their game day crew but again you probably didn't remember that until just now when I told you.
During the course of me both sucking and blowing at the same time (which one would think is logistically impossible but once you reach a certain level of Douche....well anything is possible) I found time to procreate with another human being. The off-spring of a douche like me and any female willing to sleep with me is my son, Adam James. Now one would assume that I am the lowest and most worthless form of human life on the planet, but if you take me and add in a sense of self-entitlement that your average rich white kid has then you get something much worse than me......you get Adam James.
Now, I have for over 30 years now been waging a war against the entire State of Texas. Most likely the reason SMU got caught a few years back was because I called and reported them when I wasn't getting to start over the most highly tauted player in Texas High School Football history. The result was the death penalty for SMU and [those 5 hookers] a hard lesson learned.... a vindictive douche is the worst kind of douche. I then cried and whined and held my breath until ESPN helped me get Mike Leach fired (essentially the death penalty for Texas Tech). So why did ESPN help me with this [killing of 5 hookers]? Cause just like real recognizes real--douchie recognizes douchie, and together Craig James and ESPN will not stop until they have doucheafied the entire world.
Now Texas AnM is trying to leave the Big 12 and open the door for SMU's return to real football. Next thing you know Georgia will hire Mike Leach next season. Let me tell all of you something........You callin' down the Thunder? Well you are gonna get it. Don't mess with me, Hoss cause my douche powers know no limits. You keep fixing all the things in Texas that I have ruined and well lets just say I will get my revenge...................................................................
Can you say ESPN's first team announcing crew for all SEC games- "Tebow and James" ?