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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Week 5 Picks Guaranteed* to Win You Money

For the season, our picks have gone 23-15-1, with no losing week yet. Yeah, I know I just jinxed it, so take the opposite of every pick here as I go 0-10. Without further ado, your picks guaranteed* to win you money this week, lines taken from espn.com.
#15 Baylor -3 1/2 @ Kansas St-Look who's in the top 15 haters. Baylor and RG3 are this year's unknown strong team out of the Big 12 (like Tex Tech, Kansas, etc in years past). K St used to fill that role in Bill Snyder 1. Now with Bill Snyder 2, they are still trying to get over Ron Prince disease. Take the Bears and lay the points as RG3 continues his Heisman push.
#14 Texas A&M -3 1/2 @ #18 Arkansas-The SEC's newest member from the SWC meets our last SWC addition, both coming off loses to top 5 foes. Expect the over (62 1/2) to get pushed to the limit here as both teams can score at will. We'll take Petrino over Sherman though, and look forward to this becoming a very strong rivalry going forward. The Hogs are home dogs? Lay the points, take the Razorbacks to at least keep it within a FG if not win outright.
#11 Virginia Tech -7 #13 Clemson-Sammy Watkins is an amazing player. He probably cost one of the Page family atm machines, but he is a great player. And hey, it worked at Clemson without the lake, why won't the "he never knew" defense work at Auburn with the lake? Still, 7 is a lot of points for a matchup of teams so closely ranked, even if it's in Blacksburg. Beamer and the whatizits should come to smack Dabodabodoo and his talented young crew right in the teeth, and we'll see why Dabo is in over his head. Lay the points, and take the Hokies to cover in a sweat box special as Watkins will do something insane to make it tight.
#10 South Carolina -9 1/2 Auburn-Auburn looks for real one week, like a joke the next. The reason Cam looked so great last year wasn't just him, it was a great OL in front of him too. They lost that line, and look for Clowney, Taylor, Ingram, etc to continued their charmed run. A pick 6 and kick return TD, combined with a heavy dose of Lattimore (35 touches minimum), and even El Magnifico Stephano can't screw this up? Or can he? No, not this time, take the Cocks to cover the Plainsmeagles although Garcia will make you need heart medication to watch.
#7 Wisconsin - 9 1/2 #8 Nebraska-The game of the decade for the Big We Can't Count. Their new power plays a traditional power. See the comments about the Va Tech game, Vegas doesn't make a spread that wide, with teams ranked that close, without being on to something. We aren't sold on Taylor Martinez, so the Screaming Pellini's will be in trouble, as he proves completely ineffective and the Hire Paul Chryst train builds momentum. The Badgers cover, and it won't be close.
#6 Stanford -20 1/2 UCLA-Pretty Ricky Neuheisal has been a near disaster for the Bruins. The Luck for Heisman/#1 march continues, and he posts another monster as the Cardinal cover.
#4 Boise -27 1/2 Nevada-This was their stumbling block last year, so the Broncos will come out wanting to get revenge. The Pistol can fire away, but the Boise DL kicked our ass, so I think they should handle the Wolfpack. Take the Blues to cover, even with a 4 TD spread, they'll win by 30+.
#3 Alabama -3 1/2 #12 Florida-Florida ain't ready, plain and simple. They have speed, and talent, but the Master will bust the Padwan's ass. Bama is a killing machine right now, this won't be close.
#2 Oklahoma -37 1/2 Ball St-That's a lot of points. We don't care. Can anyone name the Ball St mascot without using google or searching ESPN/yahoo/etc? We didn't think so. Boomer Sooner will choke, but not against the whoevers. Lay the points, and watch them win 60-0.
#1 LSU -29 1/2 Kentucky-Kentucky sucks. Like really bad. Joker Phillips and his players are already asking Is it basketball season yet? If they score, that will be the shock. Basically, imagine a hungry Tiger in a fight with a little ol Wildcat, that's what this game will look like. Expect Barkevious Mingo to feat on Morgan Newton's juicy innards with Mike at midfield as their halftime show. Bayou Bengals compete with Oklahoma for biggest blowout.

*-guarantee only good on Christmas Eve, between 4:30 and 4:49 in the morning, if you're on your way to Toys-R-Us to get your kid the last Transformer doll, and right before you go inside you get smacked upside the head with a brick


  1. A&M vs Ark is in Jerry World ya morons

  2. We saw @ Arkansas. What, you wanted me to look shit up? Pick stays the same Arkansas would cover 3 1/2.

  3. And the pick was correct, moron.