This Is Why You Don't Want Gary Patterson At UGA-This is Why You NEED Gary Patterson At UGA!

First off--much love and respect, kudos, and humble homages paid unto the Just Upright Senator for actually doing this research. Per the usual we just came along and copied his paper.  Of course the only fault we see in the Senators work is his failure to lavish praise upon the most Man-nificent coach in the world...but we will cover that part.

Now the Senator has two articles from which he pulled this story which can be found:
Here, and
Here.
The first one is awesome....but the second one.....well lets just say it is the stuff of LEGEND!  You don't actually have to click the link because I am going to cut and past a majority of the tastier morsels right now.

If you don't know what the 411 is on this let me tell you.  SMU beat TCU 40-33 in overtime this Saturday.  It marked the first time in 11 years that June Jones was able to beat Gary Patterson.  Now SMU and TCU are historically comparable programs.  However, in the past decade TCU has left SMU behind.  Recently SMU has finally decided to care about Football again after the diarrhea storm that was Craig James, dead hookers, and the death penalty.  SMU hired June Jones who is by all accounts probably the best coach that SMU could hope to have.  Jones you will remember brought respectability to Hawaii (and Hawaii was subsequently prison shanked in New Orleans by the Dawgs--while he had already left the mentality of BVG was still at Georgia but that Sugar Bowl marked the end of his influence and the end of Defense in Athens).  What most of us did not know is this:
First of all Jones went all Carolina Gamecock and started talking smack despite the fact that the win was his first ever against Patterson.  Jones then accused the Guru of the 4-2-5 and his right hand man, Dity Dick, of not changing very much.  It would appear that June Jones is not impressed with Patterson and it only took 11 years to figure him out.  Of course one does not disrespect the Norse god of Thunder and Lightening with some degree of repercussion.

Patterson began a rant on SMU by noting Jones has won one game against Patterson's Frogs during his time at SMU, and prior to that, at Hawaii.

"He hasn't changed much either, so if we want to get into those kinds of matches. But, I don't go there," Patterson said. "All we've ever tried to do here at TCU is help SMU. At some point in time we were going to get beat by them, so we got beat by them. We've helped them, let them come over and talked to them about how we do things academically, how we do things at the stadium, how we do everything to try to make their program better and their way of thanking us for that is to cut us down."

Uh-oh Scrooby.....You done up and done it now.....DO NOT POKE THE WILDLIFE!!

Patterson then, much to the delight of the TCU reporters, went on............................................

"SMU has had a lot of help from us over the last three or four years to improve their program," Patterson said. "I don't appreciate being treated the way it is; that's how we got reciprocated. We're going to go on about our business, but they're not going to get the same help anymore -- not about a ballgame, not about conferences, not about anybody. They're getting no help from Gary Patterson, period.

Your eyes are not deceiving you.  Gary Patterson did in fact make reference to Gary Patterson in the third person whilst in the midst of a triad.  G-R-E-A-T-N-E-S-S!!!!!!!  Also, I don't know all the rules of grammar but I'm pretty sure that when Gary Patterson says "period" then you don't need to actually place a period after that.

"They shouldn't ask me at SMU about going into a conference, they shouldn't ask me about how they play, they shouldn't ask me about their players, they shouldn't ask me about anything because they're not getting any help, period, any more. Because we've bent over backwards to make sure that they can improve their program because I believe that's what you do....So, us winning and doing things, the older group of alumni around here have a certain feeling about SMU. I didn't have that feeling, but I'm getting it."

Now you might not know this but SMU is a candidate for the Big East but so long as TCU keeps their commitment and doesn't jump to the Big 12 it sounds like GP might put the kabash to SMU.

June Jones' decision to channel his inner-douche a'la his mentor Jerry Glanville was just insult to injury on the heels of TCU fans and administration almost rioting over what was apparently the most horrible one-sided officiating this side of Ron Cherry giving "da' bitness" to Clampsun ( I normally don't buy into the sob stories of other programs but in all honesty Ron Cherry hates Clampsun). 

"The key to it is I'd be quiet about it if I thought the people in charge of the officiating group came out and said it wasn't very good. But, they didn't," Patterson said. "I have a hard time with people that don't admit they made mistakes. I've got to do it all the time. When you're just going to be quiet about it and you think it's just all going to go away, it's not going to go away.

Most egregious of the calls, Patterson said, was a pass interference call on the first play of the game that negated an interception by TCU cornerback Jason Verrett and resulted in an SMU touchdown.  On SMU's next possession, Patterson said the crew missed an obvious motion penalty. The Mustangs then scored on a 71-yard pass play for a 14-0 lead.

So what happens when GP gets pissed?  Well conferences get to apologizing.

On Tuesday, Patterson said TCU athletic director Chris Del Conte told him that C-USA commissioner Britton Banowsky called him, acknowledged that the game was poorly officiated and that he would make a public statement.

No need to double check that one.  The Commissioner of C-USA called and apologized and admitted that they tried to cheat.  He did this in hopes that he would not suffer the same impending fate of the officials because:

"I got their names," Patterson said of the officiating crew. "They won't come back in this stadium ever again."

Now we will go ahead and assume that the quote went on to say:

"YEAH!  THAT'S RIGHT I GOT THEIR NAMES, THEIR WIVES NAMES, THEIR KIDS NAMES, THE NAMES OF THE RETIREMENT HOMES WHERE THEIR PARENTS ARE!  I GOT ALL THAT BIZNESS, SON!  YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I GOT?  I GOT DIRTY DICK DOWN AT THE CIRCLE K WITH THE FOOTBALL DEPARTMENT GAS CARD AND ABOUT 50 SOON TO BE FULL GAS CANS!

We lose to inferior programs and we compliment them, we show them respect, and we try to tell our fan-base that it is just something we need to accept.  Patterson loses to an inferior program and he threatens the lives and well being of their Coach and the officials!  Gary Patterson is a Cold Blooded Sausage Maker for really real, son!