Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

Loading...

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Just One More Reason To Hate Florida

Ok......So I have been a little MIA over the past couple of months and for that I apologize. 
There have been some major changes in the riding style of the Ol'Rider and that has been taking up a lot of my time.  All the changes have begun to settle and The Rider will be back in the saddle on the Reginald pretty soon here.  In the mean time I feel as if I must vent to the Cold Blooded Nation about some new little bit of hate that is currently flowing from the river of blood that runs beneath my throne of skulls.

I recently spent a week in Florida.  (**pause to vomit**)
I took the Riderettes down to this place:


Now as if Florida wasn't bad enough someone decided to place Hell right smack dab in the middle of the State.  They have a sign that says "Magic Kingdom" but it should say:
"ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE"

Now aside from all the screaming, crying, and whining there is also the following problems:
1. Europeans-  Why are you at Disney World?  It is an amusement park that is a replica of a European Castle so just stay in Europe (why are you at Epcot?  All it is is a replica of Europe).  Plus, if we are so non-sophisticated then why would you come to America?
2. Arabs-  Why are you at Disney?  Disney is the antithesis of all that your religion hates.  Plus, if you ain't nuts to butts in line they think that is an invite to cut in line.  Then they act like they don't speak English and you have to say "Back of the line Osama or I'll send you to Allah myself!" 
3. Old People without Children riding Hover Rounds-  Why are you at Disney? Here is a rule I just invented...if you can't walk you don't get to go to Disney-also if you have no children you can't go to Disney .  The icing on the cake was watching one old fart at our resort waiting on the bus.  He got up and walked around with no trouble.  Then a man with a child that was actually disabled and in need of a wheel chair came up.  When the bus arrived the old man tried to get on first with his Hover Round.  The bus driver told him no--that the kid was priority.  The old man got all pissy and argued that he was there first but the bus driver basically told him to shut his fat face.  I naturally began to proclaim in a loud voice that if my child was in wheel chair and some old fart raised up on him at Disney said old fart would be bludgeoned to death.  For some reason he wouldn't look over at my side of the bus stop after that.

Here are three things that Florida has:
1. Gator's Football
2. Disney World
3. Old People
Here are three things leading to the downfall of the American Civilization:
1. Old People
2. Disney
3. Florida Gator Football

2 comments:

  1. I am an old person who lives in Fla and I have been buying season tickets to Ga. Football games for 30yrs. would you prefer all the old people from Fl stay here and not spend our money in Ga. We are not even tho you say we can't drive BUT for our sake please stay in Ga and go to Six Flags

    ReplyDelete