Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Monday, January 31, 2011

All this negativity is killing recruiting, part 2....

In the next few days, Georgia should land Blair Walsh's replacement to start the 2012 class.
Hopefully Morgan is more Walsh than Bailey, and can continue a long line of excellent placekickers from Athens native Billy Bennett to Brandon Coutu and now Walsh, and going further back include notables like Kanon Parkman, Hap Hines, John Kasay, Kevin Butler, Todd Peterson, among others. All due respect to the Jayhawks, we are definitely becoming K U.

Isaiah Crowell should be a Dawg Wednesday, and John Jenkins shortly after that. We still have room for a few more if we can steal Kent Turene, Antonio Richardson, Jeoffrey Pagan, Xzavier Dickson, among others.

I guess all this negativity about the staff really doesn't hurt recruiting now does it? But keep believing whatever nonsense you wish, since those who claim as much clearly don't care if their stupidity can be proven through even specious reasoning, let alone clearly debunked as bunk by all available evidence.

2007 vs 2011 What a Turn Around for In-State Recruiting

ESPN has an article looking at the ESPN top 150 from 2007.

If there is one year that you can look at during the Richt administration and say what "What the _______" it is 2007. There was a ton of talent in the State of Georgia (per the usual) and Richt basically missed on everyone of them. Here are the players that Richt got, missed, and his out of State hauls (all rankings are according to ESPN):


4. Eric Berry CB/S Fairburn

20. Allen Bailey DE Darien

30. D.J. Stafford DT LaGrange

58. Cam Newton QB Atlanta

75. Jonathan Dwyer RB Marietta

78. Ted Laurent DT Powder Springs

99. T-Bob Hebert C Alpharetta

104.Conrad Obi DE Logansville

139. Morgan Burnett WR College Park


27. Israel Troupe WR Tifton

48. Caleb King RB Norcross

Georgia had 11 of the top 150 and yet Richt only landed 2 of the 11. Of those two both have been disappointments (especially King). Now we will say that Hebert and Berry were probably never in play because Berry was a Tennessee legacy and Hebert only lived in Georgia because his Daddy played for the Falcons. The natural Richt-O-Phille response is "what about the out of state recruits?" Well Georgia pulled in 4 top 150 from out of state.

40. Logan Gray QB

95. Trinton Sturdivant OT

128. Aaron White TE

149. Charles White OLB

Sturdivant has had a tough go of it with injuries and Aaron White has been a decent player but Gray and the other White were disappointments.

That was in 2007 when Richt was convinced that Athens was his kingdom and no one would ever question him. Fast forward to 2011 and oh what a little heat on the seat will do for recruiting.

Drew, Rome, Mitchell, and Swann are already in the fold and Crowell looking very likely it would appear that Richt has decided it is time to work a little harder because his job security ain't what is used to be.

The Cold Blooded Ones are quite pleased.

We impact recruiting? Seriously?

We here at Sports and Grits wanted to address a topic that has been raised recently. We have been accused, by both commenters here and those who run well known Georgia-focused blogs, of having a strong negative impact on recruiting. To that, we ask, really? Really?

We are just at a loss of words if someone could possibly believe such ridiculousness. We just hauled in Ray Drew, an All-Everything DE/OLB. Before him came a long athlete, with a need to fill out his frame, for OT in Xzavier Ward. Also this month came commitments from Valdosta's dynamic duo Jay Rome and Malcolm "Tampa" Mitchell, Isaiah Crowell's best friend/cousin Quintavious "Cootie" Harrow, elite Florida LB Ramik Wilson, Atlanta's best CB prospect in Damien Swann, and under the radar Lee County WR Sanford Seay. We're likely to close with arguably the most significant recruits in this class, NT John Jenkins and TB Isaiah Crowell, place South Carolina stud LB Dexter Staley, and perhaps steal DL Jeoffrey Pagan from Clemson, LB Kent Turene from Southern Cal, or DB Marcus Roberson from Texas Tech, among others.

With that in mind, we ask you commenters and any recruit affiliated people that may read this site, just how have we impacted recruiting? If we hurt Georgia's recruiting efforts this winter, who was it with considering how we've landed just about every high profile target we've wanted? Just how can you explain us having an impact on recruiting, like say Mark Richt sitting in a living room, or Nick Saban or Kirby Smart in that same living room. They can watch Georgia, Florida, LSU, etc play, how their players develop, and where they get drafted. They can talk to their current players, and see how kids are treated before, during and after they produce on a football field. So how can this little site, these three guys speaking their minds, have any impact on recruiting when compared to what coaches and players are doing on a daily basis? If this is a class that's been effected negatively by us, what type of all world superstars would Georgia land without us considering the haul they're going to bring in Wednesday, or in the case of Jenkins, soon thereafter?

Friday, January 28, 2011

Would Hiring Friedgen Show That Richt Actually Wants to Keep His Job?

"I don't know Ralphie boobs that big might be too big."

Your humble servants here at S&G have been berated over the past few months with mindless Richt-O-Philles demanding that we give Richt a chance to right the ship. However, when asked just what Richt would do to fix things no one can give an answer. Well we hate to do Richt-O-Philles job for them but there are actually two things that the ol' Cold Blooded Sausage Makers at S&G have been looking for.

1. Better in State recruiting, and

2. Make a major change within the top of the staff to help with discipline, player development, and play calling.

Now despite the fact that UGA has landed Rome and Drew as expected, pulled a small coup and a pried Mitchell away from Alabama, and seem to have the inside track on Crowell and the ever elusive massive NT that was missing last year; we have never the less been banned from certain blog sites because despite the fact that we have only been blogging since April of 2010 Sports and Grits is 100%responsible for all of Richt's in-state recruiting woes over the past decade. But as Dusty Rhodes would say "That's another post for another time Daddy!" Mr. Sanchez will be addressing that topic later this weekend.

Now while the Sausage Makers are very excited to get the talent we have pulled in this year that does not change the fact that Richt is operating on a one year lease. Richt needed to make a change but wouldn't until Searles bolted for Texas. So there will be a change in-spite of Richt. A lot of reports have named Friedgen as the possible replacement. Let us start by saying this....there is no way a guy who was the ACC coach of the year last year takes a job as a position coach. Of course being the ACC coach of the year is sort of like being the least bad type of rape. Our vote is for statutory rape with prison gang rape being the worst. We will give the Devil his due and say that Friedgen was a good OC while at Teck and no doubt has or will have a number of OC offers.

That said we won't just write the idea off. If Richt is serious about turning the Dawgs around enough in 2011 to keep his job Ralphie would go a long way in that. Richt will need to offer Friedgen the position of Assistant Head Coach/Offensive Line Coach. Of course with a line around the block to snap up Brother Bobo if he were to leave we certainly don't want to hurt his wittle feewins, and since Richt is almost never in the Cold Blooded Sausage making bizness there is no chance he gets demoted to make Friedgen the O-Coord. So we could make Friedgen Asst. Head Coach. Richt could still pretend Bobo was OC and since he so easily confused by average to good D-Coordinators they could probably even convince Bobo he is still the OC. Richt and Ralphie could have final say over offensive game planning with Bobo keeping the title of Offensive Coordinator.

Just think 11 short years after taking the job Richt may finally get around to fixing the O-line.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Auburn's Future Lies Within the Content of an Upcoming Indictment From the Justice Department

We have a contact with a certain bank that has close ties to the Southeastern Conference and we are told that this is the official word on what is going on with the Auburn pay for play scandal.

Colonial Bank based in Birmingham, AL failed in August of 2009. The chairman of Colonial was Bobby Lowder who is also on the Auburn board of trustees. It is widely held that Lowder is the puppet master of Auburn's BOT and is the man who had Bill Muse removed as AD. Lowder is also the man who interviewed Bobby Petrino while T-Tubs was still under contract.
In 2008 Colonial made an application for TARP assistance. At the time Colonial's regulators required the bank to raise $300 million before it could receive an additional $550 million in TARP. Colonial provided the regulators with fradulent proof of the $300 million. After the bank failed the Feds learned that the $300 million had been raised fraudulently. In truth Colonial had only raised $150 million and when the Feds learned this they launced an investigation against an unnamed Colonial Executive and a Florida based mortgage broker name redacted for creating the deception in the books.
In 2009 the FDIC seized Colonial and sold its assets to BB&T, and began an investigation into all of Colonial's operations. It is believed that in the course of this investigation the FBI has found overwhelming proof of Auburn supplying the parents of football players with loans of which they were not required to pay back. It was also learned that Colonial bank had set up special accounts that were linked to ATM cards that were then issued to Auburn players giving them access to funds provided by boosters.
It is expected that in the next few weeks the Justice Department will had down indictments on Lowder and a number of Colonial executives over the TARP fraud. Now here is Auburn's problem. If the indictment specifies about the loans and the ATM linked accounts the NCAA will have no choice but to launch a full scale investigation. These actions, if true, dwarf the Alabama scandal of the 2000's that left Bama one vote shy of the Death Penalty.

If true Auburn will test the alleged "SMU Rule" that no other program would ever get the DP. Mike Slive is bracing for this and has apparently informed Auburn that the Conference can do nothing to help. This makes us wonder if Slive and the SEC offices have been tipped off that the pay for play scandal will be named in the indictments. Behind the scenes on all of this it would appear that Slive has been in negotiations with the NCAA to hand down a punishment that would leave the Auburn National title in tact while stripping Newton of his Heisman. The negotiations would also keep Auburn from the DP and in turn prevent Slive from having to consider removing Auburn from the SEC. This is especially important for Slive who is nearing the end of his time as SEC commish and is looking to make one more big move to cement his legacy as Commish and that move is expanding the conference to 16 teams. Slive has apparently been planning the move for a few years and almost let the PAC-10 and Big-10 beat him to the punch. With the current Texas Network mess going on in the Big-12 Slive is waiting to pounce on A&M and maybe Oklahoma as well (however there is no interest in Oklahoma St and if Oklahoma balks over that issue the SEC will move on). The Texas Network was a point of contention this past summer and the remaing members of the Big 12 were assured that it would not happen if they would not leave the conference. It now appears that Texas is moving forward and A&M (who feared this all along) has never fully broken off talks with the SEC. If the Texas Network happens and Auburn avoids the DP expect Slive to make an offer to Virgina Tech and North Carolina as well which would reach the arm of the SEC into the only three of the original eleven Confederate States without an SEC reresentative.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Searles Test

Back when the Dawgs picked up Coach Searles most of us (S&G included) were excited. Searles had done an excellent job at LSU and was thought to be one of the missing pieces in a UGA National Title run. The Dawgs under Richt had been average to bad on offensive line and a solid coach like Searles would fix that and help in recruiting.

Fast forward to last week and as Searles departed for Austin, TX most in Dawg Nation were not upset to see him go. The O-line had continued to be magnificently unimpressive under Searles. In fact the O-line thought to be a strong point going into the abortion that was the 2010 season looked more porous that Sponge Bob Square Pants.
How could a guy thought to be an elite O-line coach, depart a successful stint at an SEC program, and have such a mediocre run while in Athens? We think we have the answer.....Mark Richt. We know you are shocked that we are blaming Richt for something else, but hear us out.
If over the next two or three seasons the Texas Longhorns have excellent O-line play then you will know that it was not Searles but rather the culture in which he was working. At LSU Searles was with a group that obviously takes hard work and football very seriously (evidenced by their 2 National Titles in the past 10 years). Texas has the same type of program, and after a not so stellar season Mack Daddy knows the Longhorn faithful are very different than the Richt-O-Philes and Pee-Pee Dawgs that permeate our fan base. Its win or hear the cries for blood in Austin this year. If Searles goes back to a focused, disciplined, hard working program and has success then you will know that the culture in Athens is that of laziness, and entitlement.
Just look at Willie "Football AIDS" Martinez. He was turrible and he kept his job. Look at Van Horrible his S&C was failing every day and kept his job. In fact you have to under perform a mentally retarded monkey in Athens before Richt will even consider replacing you.
If Searles has success in Texas then we will know that the culture is lost in Athens under Richt.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Drew Saying No To Georgia? Is Clempsun Cutting Checks?

Ray Drew has posted on his facebook page that he will not be attending the University of Georgia

Drew says he will "shock the world" and he was just up in Clempsun on a visit. Could it be that Clemspun will land the stud DE?

In case you aren't well versed in Clempsun history the Tigers football program was founded in 1896 by Walter Riggs who came over from Auburn. In fact Clempsun is just a huge rip-off of Auburn in every way. They are basically the same school except one has a lake and the other doesn't. Both are Tigers both have orange and I'm not sure if Clempsun went with purple to begin with or if they originally had navy. In fact Clempsun stole everything from Auburn except for calling their stadium Death Valley they stole that from LSU.

Following in the "we do everything Auburn does" mold Clempsun may be breaking out the check book to land recruits. Well there is no maybe to it Clempsun has been paying kids for years

"Hey CJ Spiller you want to come to a beautiful campus with other black people, great facilities, and beautiful women, or do you want to go to a cow pasture that doubles as the nation wide Klan meeting place?"

You can't hire this guy after firing Tummy Bowden and still land top recruits! People are going to start to ask questions boys.

Of course as we have already pointed out Auburn is in it until the very expensive end

Monday, January 24, 2011

Green, Fairley, Dareus, Peterson, Mallett...The SEC to Dominate the NFL Draft....Again.

This man who may very well be the King of all Douches is about to be all up in yo' TV screen for the next few months. At one time I loathed Mel Kiper more than almost anyone in the world. I challenged ESPN to find a bigger douche bag to cover the draft (mistakenly thinking it could get no worse than Mel). Challenge accepted and defeated by ESPN.....Mel now shares TV time with Todd McShay. Todd McShay is not just a douche he is a metro-sexual-faggot-super douche. These two guys and that lispy cat over at NFL network will spend the next few months attempting to bolster certain Big 10 and Big 12 players while cutting down SEC players in hopes of the SEC will not totally dominating the Draft.

Since 2000 the SEC has averaged 40 players drafted per draft. While not always the top conference the SEC is at least second. In years like 2006 the ACC dominated the draft sending over 50 players. The result was that the ACC was the worst conference in the world for the next four years. The SEC will once again send at least 40 players and will still rule the college football world next year.

The big question for Dawg Nation is how high will AJ go. While AJ is certainly a #1 overall talent he may be hampered by the fact that WR's almost never go #1. Expect thousands of back handed comments by McFag and Kiper knocking AJ down.

Ryan Mallett is this years SEC QB that will be talked about as if he is the worst player in the universe by McShay and Kiper. McShay and Kiper no doubt cried in each others arms when Luck decided to stay in school.

Despite what the "Draft Guru's" say here are the positions in which the SEC will produce the top available player:

1. QB- Ryan Mallett, Arkansas

2. RB- Mark Ingram, Alabama

3. FB- Shaun Chapas, Georgia

4. WR- A.J. Green, Georgia

5. TE- D.J. Williams, Arkansas (would have been Weslye Saunders of SC if not suspended)

6. OT- Derek Sherrod, Missy St.

7. OG- Mike Pouncey, Florida

8. DT- Nick Fairley, Auburn

9. OLB- Justin Houston, Georgia (*pass rush 3-4 OLB)

10. CB- Patrick Peterson, LSU

Auburn Continues it's Restoration of Southern Black Churches

If you are a honky then chances are you can never understand the role of the barber shop or the church in black communities in the South. If you are a Yankee-honky then don't even try least you suffer a mental break-down.

In the South there are a few organizations driven by white people that try to get involved in the culture of the black churches and help them to grow as beacons of the black community. One group that comes to mind is the Southern Poverty Law Center. It would now appear that you may now add Auburn University to that list.

Our boy over at the Leather Helmet is reporting from the Saturdays Down South site that Ray Drew is now favoring Auburn in his recruiting race.

Drew is seen here in front of a church (maybe his own). In case you didn't know Drew is an ordained minister and apparently preaches on Sundays. While most believed that Georgia had the inside track to Drew it now appears that Auburn and there long standing tradition of funding the costly renovations to black churches in the South are now the front runner.

It was about this time last year when Missy State had the inside track to the son of the Honest and Upright Rev. Cecil Newton. However, since they are all such raging racists in Starkganistan and didn't want to put a few hundred thousand in the old offering plate they lost out. "We don't want to fund their hate whitey meetings" is what Dan Mullen probably said. Then when all seemed lost Auburn rose above the racism of their conference mates and said Jim Crow Laws (or NCAA rules) be dammed we are in this thing to raise people (and trophies) up.

So everyone just shut-up talking bad about Auburn. They can't help that you are all racists. Drew may hold out until Feb. 2nd to give his decision at the request of Auburn because February is black history month but you probably didn't know that did you? Racist!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Georgia's Next Head Coach Gets Two Players to Help Rebuild

So we couldn't help but notice every single Georgia blog in the world was reporting that Jay Rome and Malcolm Mitchell both committed to UGA yesterday which is very exciting for Cold-Blooded Sausage Makers and Richt-O-Philles alike.

While we typically don't like to dog-pile on a story I couldn't help but notice it was being mis-reported. I've been seeing stories like

"Richt nabs two big prospects" or

"Richt gets much needed commitments" or

"Richt's dream team hopes still alive"

The story should read something like

"Richt's Replacement get two bricks in the rebuilding process" or

"In spite of Richt-talent still coming to UGA, very exciting for the next Head Coach" or

"The Head Coach of UGA come 2012 will have a few groceries in the pantry"

Have a wonderful weekend Dawg Nation even you Richt-O-Philles.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Searles to Texas....Please,Please,Please McGarity Hire the Replacement Yourself!

The most nagging weakness of the Mark Richt tenure in Athens has been the Offensive line. I say it is the most nagging because when BVG was here we did play hard nose SEC defense. Since Richt took control we have habitually had terrible O-line play. Richt took over in 2001 which means that his first real class was 2002, so the first group of pure Richt recruits to go to the NFL could start in 2005. Since 2005 Richt has sent three O-linemen into the NFL via the draft:
1. Max Jean-Gilles 4th round pick 99 (can't remember may have been a Donnan recruit)
2. Ken Shackleford 6th round pick 190
3. Chester Adams 7th round pick 222

Now O-line coach Searles seems poised to depart for Texas (uhhhhhh...enjoy Texas).

This is a post to say first of all.....Praise God that another one of Mark Richt's horrible assistants is gone and also to plead with McGarity to make this hire himself. Do not let Richt do this. Of all the things that Richt has done to lead us down the current path we are on the most egregious is his horrendous decision making when it comes to hiring assistants.

What we need to do is demote Bobo (of course we can call him assistant HC or some other non-sense but just give him a coloring book and a nice quiet corner to hang out in). Then hire an Offensive Coordinator who knows how to coach and recruit O-linemen. Our suggestion is Paul Chryst currently of Wisconsin. He is a Madison, WI native but with Bielema getting a fat new contract this morning Chryst has to understand that he ain't getting the HC job in Madison any time soon. McGarity could make a back room deal to promote Chryst to HC not if but when Richt is fired after this year.

Of course we could always hire a certain unemployed scourge of the seven seas.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The exodus has begun

We were among those that felt a sign of true change in Athens would be defections, in bulk. If things were changing and expectations being raised, we'd inevitably have kids that had grown comfortable, were unwilling to work hard, or had other issues leave the program when the level of effort required became more than it was worth to the kid. Marcus Dowtin is gone, and said to have been one of the primary problems (our opinion is its more on the staff lacking control of the locker room if the kind of problems Dowtin is accused of causing were true). Nick Williams is leaving. Now Dean Legge of Dawgpost.com is reporting Tanner Strickland saying 'No Mas'.
“I decided to walk away from it because of all of the trouble with my shoulder,” Strickland said. “I think it is my best interest to walk away.”
Maybe his shoulder is bigger hindrance now than it was when he played every game in the past season and this is a true injury defection. But we need room for new blood, and this helps create it. We wish Strickland the best as he moves on with his life and gets his degree, but hopefully this is part of a sign that much more is being expected and demanded out of the players this off season, and a few more kids will follow him out of that locker room. Oh, and that John Jenkins, Isaiah Crowell, Ray Drew, Jay Rome, Malcolm Mitchell, among others are soon walking the other direction through it.

Bobo's New Offensive Scheme and As Promised the Revised List of Richt Replacement Candidates

Well The old Rider took a few days off from fighting the never ending war against Richt-O-Phillia but now in the immortal words of South Carolina all-time great Corey Boyd "I'm back like cooked crack, son." I trust that in my absence Mr. Sanchez and Samdizl took good care you the Neanderthal fan-base of the most despised outlaw site in all of Georgia Bulldog bloggery.

Just prior to my vacation I promised a revised list of candidates to replace Mark Richt and per request of some of our more devoted readers we will give a list of serious candidates. However, that is later in this post. I would like to start out talking about the newest trend in Richt-O-Philliedom. Up until now most Richt-O-Philles were clinging to the idea that we would find the second coming of Mt. Cody at a juco school to come in and fix all of our defensive problems. Also, these prospective buyers of ocean front property in Nebraska have bought into the idea of Richt pulling in a Georgia High School Dream team. As the wheels slowly start to fall off the recruiting band wagon Richt-O-Philles the state over have a new glimmer of hope on which to cling, an offensive scheme or alignment that will make better use of Murray.

We are going to call this the Unicorn Formation because if you think this is going to happen (or work if it does) you probably spent most of the 7th-12th grades drawing pictures of unicorns on all of your notebooks.

As we all sit around with baited breath to see what new and innovative attack Brother Bobo comes up with here is the S&G proposal. You put the long snap center on the field- line Murray up 15 yards deep- and stagger nine receivers. It will work because one O-lineman is just a likely to block as well as five did in 2010. Since we basically had no running game why bother with a back. Nine receivers is a bit problematic because what are you going to do put nine corners on the field? Do you see the genius of it all? Sure five or six guys will come unabated to the QB but that is why he lines up so deep, plus we can take advantage of his ability to scramble. Now I know what your saying "Rider why line up two receivers staggered behind the others?" SCREEN PASSES,SON! You know Brother Bobo aint going to give up on his bread and butter. Bout to get that Unicorn all up in them guts, baby!

Now once the recruiting and the Unicorn formation fails it will be time for us to look at a new Head Coach. There are basically three schools of thought on this:
1. Go after a HC of a smaller or poorer school
2. Go after an innovative offensive coordinator, or
3. Go after a hard-nosed defensive coordinator with some past success.
Let's start with a couple of disclaimers:
1. Kirby Smart and Gus Malzahn are probably the early front runners so we won't mention them.
2. Ralph Friedgent and George O'Leary are 100% not candidates
3. Jon Gruden and Bill Cowhler are NFL guys and will not consider college plus they have no real college experience
4. I am not here to pass judgement one way or the other and I do not want to open the comments up to a race discussion. However, we aim to keep it really real all the time. With that in mind you know as well as I do that the powers that be at Georgia will not hire a black HC so take Kevin Sumlin and Charlie Strong off the board of prospective candidates.
Now last time we went with the OC of a successful program although we failed to see that he was just a cog in a greater machine of dominance. So as far as coordinators go we would like to see that they have experience and if possible have gotten results in more than one place and/or had a hand in building a program up that started off as nothing. Lets start with offensive coordinators in no particular order.

1. Dana Holgorsen- OC/HC in waiting West Virginia Pros- Innovator that has had success at Texas Tech, Houston, and Oklahoma State. Looks like a dude that lives at Myrtle Beach, takes his meals at one of the many fine titty bar/buffet establishments, and rocks out to Jimmy Buffett on the Reginald. I know what your asking "Rider--Texas Tech, offensive genius, drawn to the ocean, lover of titties- do I sense a Mike Leach tie?" Ah you do indeed sir Dana cut his teeth at the knee of the Master himself while at Texas Tech.

Cons- It may be a timing issue with Dana because he has been named the OC at West Virginia for the upcoming season and will then become the HC in 2012. However, we are talking West Virginia and no one really wants to live there not even alumni (see Rich Rod). So Dana may see WV as a stepping stone to something bigger like say the SEC. It would probably cost a good bit to pull him away as well. No real SEC ties.

2. Bryan Harsin- OC Texas Pros- A great deal of success at Boise State and we shall see after this season if his system translates to a conference that plays big boy football every week. Energetic and young so that should translate well into the recruiting field
Cons- No SEC ties. So young that the youth may work against him in some regards. If you are like me then you don't believe in Boise State and are still shell shocked from the Hawkins fiasco at Colorado.

3. Paul Chryst- OC Wisconsin

Pros- We know that if nothing else we will run the football and have a well coached O-line. The transition into his offense would be almost seamless as he runs a pro style, run heavy, play action attack. He looks like he could head-butt a man to death in a street fight seriously his head is bigger that Lester the Hat Molester. His success has come despite Wisconsin's athletes being whiter than the local Klan rally.

Cons- Despite being well coached his offense has up until this year been a victim of the Tressel mind control. However, he may have broken through after the Badgers thumped the chocolate peanut butter balls this year. No real ties to the SEC

Defensive Coordinators

1. Bud Foster- DC Virginia Tech Pros- Would bring a tough, scrappy, bring your lunch pail mentality to a team that has too often looked way too soft. Defensive genius that is never out coached but can at times be over whelmed by superior talent. Has a knack for fixing problems during the season and during games. Deep ties to southern recruiting
Cons- Some think he just happy to be a DC. He did flirt with the Clempsun job but then realized "Oh my God I am flirting with Clempsun" and got the hell out of that deal. While defense wins championships we would still need to see a solid plan for how he would go about the offensive side of the ball.

2. Mark Banker- DC Oregon State
Pros- Habitually makes a substance that can pass for chicken salad despite only having chicken s*#t to work with at Oregon State. Very experienced. Has coached at the NFL level as well as big time college ball at USC. If given a far superior pool of talent at Georgia he could do an excellent job of coaching them up.
Cons- No real ties to the South or the SEC and has not exactly set the recruiting world on fire. Would probably be at best a seventh or eighth choice and hiring him may send a red flag around the conference that UGA has slipped further than most people believe.
Head Coaches

1. Gary Patterson- Head Coach TCU
Pros- What more lavish praise can we heap upon coach Patterson. He is our favorite and were we in charge would have been offered the job after the Colorado debacle.
1. Is he a yeller? Check
2. Is he a sweater? Check
3. Is he portly? Check and Check Mate.
Nothing is awesomer that a fat sweaty dude that yells at everything all the time. Wildly successful at a very small school that was essentially nothing when he got there. Could possibly bring an excellent staff with him especially a defensive staff. He is too awesome to fail!
Cons- No real SEC ties although after he yells at a recruit once the recruit will forever be in love with the man. At TCU he is now making $3 million a year and is moving into the worst of the BCS conferences which means he would be leaving a yearly trip to a BCS game and a shot at the National Title every few years to rebuild a team in the deepest conference in the Nation. It would cost a ton of money to get him at this point.

t2. Mike Riley- Head Coach Oregon State
t2. Sonny Dykes- Head Coach Louisianna Tech
Pros- Both are well experienced and both get a pretty good effort out of players that couldn't make back-up special teams in the SEC. Both are very safe picks. Riley has Dykes on the experience side of things but Dykes has stronger ties to the South and got a good deal of training from Dr. Leach formerly of the Texas Concussion Relief Foundation.
Cons- Much like with Banker they could be seen as desperation moves because the University had been turned down by a number of previous candidates. Also, you are banking on them being able to do more than they have ever done in the past just based on the increased talent they should have at their disposal while at Georgia.
3. The Dread Pirate Leach- HC of our hearts
Pros- Do you like Awesomeness? Do you like to score a ton of points? Do you appreciate the ramblings of an insane man at pressers?
Cons- You would have to make a bold move and pay someone like Bud Foster $2.5 million a year to coach the defense. The University administration is way too weak to even consider this much awesomenss.

A-CC PD on search for another athlete....

Have you seen this man? Athens-Clarke County Police want to question him about a brutal assault he made on Chris Barnes from behind. They questioned 3 witnessses at the scene of the crim, all who happened to be wearing black and white striped shirts last night, but unfortunately all were also severely vision impaired and without their glasses, or perhaps legally blind. If you do see him, be cautious. He's fat, used to be much fatter so probably hungry, as well as being extremely ugly, and he looks like an angry asshole. His name would have been included in the APB, but it is believed to be an alias he stole from the other 17 professional athletes named Brian Williams.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Thursday Should Be a Good Indicator for NSD

As everyone in Dawgnation knows, Malcom Mitchell and Jay Rome Will make their decisions on where they will attend College on Thursday. These two players are key to future UGA success. Dawg nation waits on baited breath to here their decisions.
My prediction is that if the 4 star reciever and 5 star tight end sign with Georgia, then we have a great chance of landing Crowell and Drew. If we don't get both then you can kiss Crowell and Drew goodbye. I hope we get them but if we don't, it will be just one more instance of why Mark Richt no longer needs to be Coaching at the nation's oldest and most prestigious public university.
Keep ypur fingers crossed that we get the players we need and then keep them crossed that they will be coached up.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Why I cheered for Oregon

For starters, I disagree with the "root for the SEC" stuff. We don't recruit against Oregon, or Oklahoma, or Texas, or Southern Cal, or Ohio St. But we do against LSU, Auburn, Alabama, Florida, and when they win titles that helps them on recruiting trails, especially while we mire in mediocrity with the only coach since 2001 to win the SEC, but not a national title (if you count Auburn's Golf Digest title for their '04 screw job by pollsters).

But Auburn winning a title makes us look bad. There's the allegations around $Cam Newton, the questionable academics of Nick Fairley and most of the starters (not surprising for Auburn considering the academic fraud from Auburn's last undefeated season, the enrolled-for-4-season-illiterates they've put into the NFL, etc), among many other problems with the Plainsmeagles. But most of all is the fact that Auburn will proudly display this thing at the Opelika Wal-Mart. Yeah, seriously because you can't make this sort of craziness up. Above is my personal favorite, but the pictures speak for themselves and words don't do justice to the hillwilliam level of humiliation they just lumped on our entire region from outsiders who will, as the rest of the SEC already does, laugh derisively in Auburn's direction.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Hey Southern Football.

Great NFL today. I guess we can now pull for one of the many SEC players still playing now that all southern teams are finished playing football. For those who can't understand sports without a handegg; it's recruiting and the Fulmer Cup 'til for 7 1/2 months. Come on down John Jenkins, Isaiah Crowell, Jay Rome, Ray Drew, etc.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Sports Illustrated Ranks the Dawgs #21 in Pre-Season Poll

So I got a copy of the new SI and for the 5th year in a row the cover was adorned by a National Champion SEC team not named Georgia. Most of the Auburn offense is on the cover which is odd because in the end it was the defense (and by defense I mean Nick Fairley) that won the most important game of the season for the Man-Bear-Pig-War-Smeagles.

Anyway the Dawgs were ranked 21--one spot ahead of the Missy State Bulldogs (oddly because Missy State is returning a lot of their talent while a lot of Georgia's is going pro and the Spotted Dogs dismissed UGA earlier this season).

Reluctantly I'm sure; SI ranked 7 SEC teams in the top 25.

3. LSU
4. Alabama
9. South Carolina
14. Auburn
17. Arkansas
21. Georgia
22. Missy State

The line beside the blurb on Georgia was:
"Coach Mark Richt has too much talent to continue his run of mediocrity."

Hohoho......it would appear you know nothing of Richtian Mediocrity Sports Illustrated. He has had too much talent the past three years but has still found a way to be breath-takingly mediocre.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

So What Happens if NSD is a Disaster?

Some are attempting to prepare for what they feel may be the impending Apocalypse

What do we do if the state of Alabama continues to have their way with our recruits?

How will the Richt-O-Philes spin it?

Certainly we hope that the top remaining Georgia boys are Athens bound but even the most hardened Richt-O-Phile must admit that the hits have been coming in spades this season.

Hmmmmmmmm.....I smell a revised "Top Candidates to Replace Richt" post on the horizon.

The Human You Tube Clip...

Dave Neal sounds like a nice guy, but a nickname maker he is not. "Human Highlight Film Junior"? While the lineage is a strong one, (and I think #9 should be #1 because that sort of mid-air change of direction is inhuman) but how about the above moniker for Mr. Leslie? For evidence of it's veracity, I submit to you below (last night's monster vs. Vandy is not yet available, but it probably will be soon).

post script: and to those who said we'd turn on Fox, yesterday was a hard fought loss, we still see possible Sweet 16 in this team.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Damn....Tarkenton Keeps It Really Real.

Not to beat a dead horse but, damn Tarkenton keeps it really real. I know my colleague CCRider already did a post on this but I feel the need to do one as well.
I feel like Fran Tarkenton read my mind and was saying everything that I would say if someone cared to put a microphone in front of my face.
Frans Problems include, but are not limited to..........

1. That CMR is too vanilla
2. Georgia's football program is not rooted in reality
3. Richt's Press Conference is indicative of being out of touch with reality
4. Richt is "copping out" when he said that he has not had enough time to study football

Fran even goes as far as to point out that we have gotten good recruiting
classes in the past but we have nothing to show for it....hmmmm....sounds
like Fran has been reading S&G. The time is nigh....Fran is with us...
Richt-o-philes that convert now will be shown some mercy.

If It's Grits You Want!

We got a comment for a poster named "thinkingbulldog" pointing out that we rarely discuss that staple of Southern cuisine that adorns the name of our blog, Grits. Point taken.

Now we are pretty sure that when Manna fell from Heaven to fuel the Hebrews as they wandered in the desert it was actually bowls of velvety smooth Grits.....mmmmmmm....God is good all the time and all the time god is good. As Ben Tobertson tells us in his Southern Classic Red Hills and Cotton........."So long as Southerners have their grits."

One reason for why the heathen mongrel hoards of the Yankee hinter-land are such horrible human beings is their total lack of grits. Instead they all eat Oatmeal. Oatmeal is disgusting. It has the texture of a big bowl full of snot and boogers; an issue we covered a few months ago.

As to questions presented by "thinkingbulldog".....cream cheese is acceptable but is right on the line of being a little too Yankeefied. So long as you are not putting sugar on them you should be ok. As far a recipes go.......Here is Momma Riders version.


-Cook your grits in milk if breakfast (chicken stock if making shrimp and grits or any other supper version of grits)

-Add salt, pepper, and butter to taste.

- Add cheddar or American cheese, but shred it yourself the pre-shredded stuff does not melt as well

-Add a container of sour cream (that is the secret to extra smooth and creamy grits)

-Serve hot

UGA's Greatest QB Says It Is Time To Make Some Cold-Blooded Sausage

Oh Fran da Man we had no idea you was in the ruthless cold blooded sausage makin' biness, Daddy!

Per the usual Ol' Franny keeps it really real

Fran Tarkenton hates a few things in this life:

1. The State of Ohio
2. Rutabagas
3. Communism
4. Brett Favre, and
5. Mediocre Football Coachin' at the University of Georgia

We agree on all of these points except for Brett Favre. What you have a picture of Favre's wiener.....well you are possibly the only one and since he just retired you now have a collector's item. Post that thing on e-bay and watch the bids start rollin in. Sexual harassment......sounds more like he did you a favor Ms. Sterger......good luck with that posing in quasi-porn magazines career you have going. Since Jenn Sterger's main goal was to get a reality t.v. show we have an idea. Make Jenn Sterger live in a house with Ron Franklin. Ron the Don will straighten that little split tail out.

Episode 1:
Sterger: Oh my Gah....look at this house. Is this is were I am going to be living.
Franklin: Welcome to my home sugar tits.

Sterger stares in awe at the greatness that is Ron Franklin in full regalia- Three piece suit, Florsheim Shoes, Stetson Hat, Brute Cologne.

Franklin: We got some rules around her babe. 1. You will cook three full meals a day and present them to me at 6 am, 12:30 pm, and 7 pm; 2. You will keep my house spotless; 3. I am to be serviced sexually at least three times a day in a manner by which I select. 4. I do not tolerate back talk. Do you see this (Franklin raises his right hand as if to smack Sterger with the back of his hand) I call it Justice and if there is one thing Ron Franklin is all about it is dealing out justice.
Uh-Oh I smell an Emmy!

Anyway speaking of strong pimp hands, Fran just gave Richt a glimpse of his "palm side down"

Oh Fran that was C-O-L-D-----B-L-O-O-O-O-O-D-E-D!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Nevermind Jim Tressell- You May Continue to Dominate the Big Twelvinie with Your Underwelming Brand of Football

Meeeeechigan loves mediocrity as much as Georgia it would appear.

Hoke is the new coach at Michigan/ Victim of Jim Tressell's mind f*#k control of the Big Twelvinie. Meechigan's only hope was a man without out a mind to be controlled...they have chosen poorly.

"Pssstttt....hey there fag-bag.......bet you thought I was going to Michigan but guess what.....punt-a-rooskie, Ninja. I'm here to stay!"

Auburn Wins! Chokelahoma Will be Pre-Season #1? This Ice is Crampin' my Style.

As the Weather of Northern Aggression begins to melt away here in Dixie we are left with three questions:

1. Why can't Yankees keep their weather to themselves?
2. Why can't Yankees keep their old people to themselves? We don't want them either! Have you people look into euthanizing them?
3. How can anyone doubt the vast superiority of SEC Football?

On the Title Game:
-Despite the fact that holding and block-in-the-back calls apparently did not apply to Oregon the Barn was still able to keep the streak alive. Since no one wants to admit it I will--- "Fairley rules the world a la Sid Vicious." In the past five seasons we have learned that:
a) Big, strong, fast, SEC players are better than big, strong, slow, Big Twelvine players.
b) Big, strong, fast, SEC players are better than average size. average speed, average strenght Big Twelve/Tenths players.
c) Big, strong, fast, SEC players are better than small, weak, fast, Pac 10 to be 12 players.

-I don't want to be a snitch or nothing but if the Feds want to hit the biggest steroid ring in North America I would check out Clay Matthews Sr's house. Nice Neanderthal brows boys.

-Oregon had on Nike shoes and Auburn Under Armor shoes. Auburn had about 20 slips in the game and Oregon had none.....it had to be the shoes right? We hear you coming because we heard you fall down on the way.

On Other Bowls:

-Arkansas---Commissioner Slive will be expecting your letter of resignation from the SEC by Monday morning........you have embarrassed us all.

-Dear Lord! Chokelahoma found the only school in the world that they can beat in a bowl game and Ohio State found the only SEC school they can beat so guess who will be pre-season #1 and #2. P.S. they are both still total Bull S*#t!

On the Coaching Carousel:

- I have wondered for almost a decade now exactly what is the mind control voodoo that Jim Tressel uses to own the Big Twelvinie. I mean Wisconsin is as good if not better than tOSU and so is Iowa. Yet the chocolate covered peanut butter balls always get at least a share of the Big 10 title and a BCS game. All that is about to change, son! Mind control doesn't work on Lester Miles because he can't even control his own brain. Les eats ice cream for breakfast.....FOR BREAKFAST, SON! You know what that means? Do you? It means Les don't give a F*^k. You keep running that fundamentally sound football Tressell cause the crazy is about to be on you like a dirty diaper and some half eaten chicken wings in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Fake field goals, on-side kicks, fake punts, running plays on 4th and 15 from his own 5 yards line, oh it is on! By the end of the game you will be so discombobulated that you will be sending 18 defenders and the kicking unit on the field to stop Meeechigan at the goal-line.

-I must admit I am a little worried about what Bo Pelini could do with LSU talent.

On ESPN's Coverage of the Game Last Night:

-This is for Chris Fowler and Muntsbooger especially. If one team is small and fast with an up tempo offense and the other team is big and just as fast with an up tempo offense....then the smaller guys are going to get tired because they will be getting their A$$es kicked all night long (see the Oregon O-line).

-I hate to say it but Saban is an awesome analyst. The man is just good at anything involving football.

-I hate Urban Meyer but it was awesome when he dismissed Desmond Howard for the retard that he is.... Desmond would start that mumbling stumbling non-sense he call talking and Urban would just look at him like "Shut up grown people are talking."

-I just don't understand why ESPN paid a sheik's ransom for SEC football considering everyone that works for them loathes the SEC so much. Hey Mark May the SEC won again you used-up old tampon!

Well now he have to try and care about NFL football for a few weeks.............I am so depressed right now.......when does Spring practice start?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Georgia is now a basketball school

With much respect to Dean Legge on the photo and caption, notice is being served (although not in the context of how he meant it). Notice is served that the University of Georgia is now a basketball school, dwell on that for a little while Richt-o-Philes, and let that fact sink in before you start defending the beloved, $3,000,000 Reverend Richt. The best coach named Mark in Athens, is a Fox. And while you may think all we do around here is bring the pomp and circumstance of a Macho Man Randy Savage, or the bombast and brilliance of the American Dream Dusty Rhodes, every now and again we do a little cold blooded sausage making. So here's some fun with numbers proving why Georgia is now a basketball school, and that transformation will just get deeper after this season and next.

Since DJ Shockley left town, Georgia football has 0 SEC titles. Georgia basketball has at least 1, and the Fox Hounds seem much more likely to add to that total this season or next compared to Richt's runts.
Georgia football is 1-4 against the marquee program in their division, Florida, over the past 5 seasons.
Meanwhile, Georgia basketball has gone 4-6 against Kentucky, the marquee program in their division, over the past 5 seasons.
Against SEC divisional champs the past 5 seasons, Georgia football has gone 0-7, while at least Georgia basketball has 2 victories over teams that either won, or tied for the lead, in the SEC East or West over that same time frame (the majority of the time being led by the worst coach in college basketball).
Over the past 5 seasons, Georgia has a losing record to the Chicken Penii of South Cackalacky (2-3) in football, but not in men's basketball (4-4).

The transformation into a basketball school has begun, and is nearing completion. Notice has been served Greg McGarity, that if you want football to remain the top dog in Athens instead of letting Georgia become a basketball school, it's time for a little cold blooded sausage making.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Miles to Michigan = Tressel to be Dominated.

Things are getting pretty interesting in Baton Rouge

LSU will have a few directions that they can go should the crazy train depart for more northern destinations. Bo Pelini would probably be the first choice with Gary Patterson hanging around in second. Pelini has been in LSU before and is considered one of the top defensive minds in the game. However, Nebraska is itself a fairly high profile job that could (should it become Pelini-less) command a great deal of interest.

On the other hand Gary Patterson is quite the sweater and yeller which is awesome. LSU runs the state of Louisiana and already has pockets of east Texas in which it competes. Patterson brings additional Texas ties and has also shown the ability to identify and coach-up "potential" players from the Lone Star State.

Pelini at LSU would be dangerous.......Patterson at LSU would lead to a yearly Armageddon with the Great Satan. Either way the SEC is about to get less crazy but probably better on the coaching front.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Will Michigan's Hire Have Ramifications on Richt's Inevitable Successor in 2012?

Meeeechigan is the all time winningest program in all of big-boy college football. Three years of mediocrity was all they could stand and Rich Rod was freed-up to take the Clempsun job as soon as they can afford it--what with them bank rolling the unemployed genius of Tummy Bowden. Huh......three years of sub-par performances gets you the axe in places that demand wins and greatness......imagine that.

Now despite the great wailing and gnashing of teeth from Richt-O-Philes their prophet is on his fair well tour.....The Mark Richt "Funky Like A Monkey" Tour 2011. Meechigan could alter the college football landscape depending on who they hire and how much they decide to pay him. Which will have ramifications in Athens when the coaching search begins at the end of this year or beginning of next year.

Conventional wisdom has Brady Hoke of San Diego State as the next head man. He has re-built two crappy programs, and most importantly he is a Meeechigan Man.
The problem with Hoke is he is clearly not the first choice and hiring him would amount to little more than a Marylandesque cock-teasing followed by a case of Edsall blue-balls. Meeeechigan needs a big hire considering the last one went over like a fart in church. The first choice of Michigan and the last choice of Kirk Heirbstreet is Jim Harbaugh.
Reports as late as yesterday had the Dolphins offering Harbaugh $8 million a year to take his talents to South Beach. However, it now appears the Fins will stick with their current coach. However, the 49ers are upping their offer and John Elway's horse teeth and mis-shapened torso have the Broncos in the Harbaugh sweepstakes. The question is now this. Just how cold blooded a group of sausage makers are up there in Ann Arbor? Will they pull the trigger on an eight or maybe even ten million dollar a year deal for Harbaugh? If they do no doubt Mal Moore scrambles to make sure the Mighty Satan stays at Bama and stays the highest paid coach in the college game. That would then put an immense amount of pressure on Georgia to break a brother off or settle for a replacement that is unproven when replacing Richt next year.

Of course Harbaugh could just be NFL bound no matter what. In that case the question is who is Meechigan's second choice. Is it Hoke? Or does Meechigan dare to buck the tide and ride the lightening's eye? Do they punch a ticket to ride on the Crazy Train? Do they hire Les Miles There is some question as to if Michigan did or didn't offer Lester three years ago. Things are different now and Lester could be looking to jump ship. Despite winning ten games this year LSU is still not overly excited to have Miles at the helm. Going to Michigan would mean that Miles will get a three year grace period and probably an additional two years considering the over-haul of the roster that will be necessary to replace Rich-Rod's spread option attack.

Should Les be Big Twelvine bound LSU will be in the market for a new Head Coach.

A school with a huge HS talent pool, in the SEC, totally devoted to the football program, and with seemingly endless money. Basically Georgia but with an iron grip on their HS talent. Coach Patterson.....LSU is on line one.

Look who's coming back for more....

No, not Demarcus Cousins and Patrick Patterson. Like Georgia football players, they done took off for the pros. You probably couldn't tell, but we hate Kentucky basketball fans more than Richt and Pee Pee Dawgs combined. They are arrogant, inbred, hillwilliams who's only value is in three things; beautiful horses, delicious whiskey, and putting together the best basketball program and players money can buy. F' them, their greasy, lying, NCAA probation guarantee of a coach, and their entire families. Travis Leslie is ready to make another ESPN highlight reel.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Michigan Wants Patterson?

ESPN Insider reported today that Gary Patterson is "The Dark Horse" to take the Michigan job. What in the hell is a dark horse? I know it means he has an outside shot at becoming the next coach....but anyways..............
I know that Desmond Howard and Amani Toomer are sliding off of their chairs at ESPN just thinking about having a coach as bad ass a Patterson. Kirk Hirbstriet is thinking about Patterson at Michigan and wonders how THE Ohio State will win 8 in a row over Michigan......to him I say "Don't Worry". The coaches office is to small for Patterson's balls to fit through the doorway at Michigan. Check out how he walks on the field to yell at the officials.

McGarity is NOT in the Cold Blooded Sausage Making Business

In a comment on an earlier post...one of our glorious followers mentioned that we should give McGarity the nickname "Cold Blooded Sausage Maker". CCRider and myself discussed this on the phone less than a minute ago and I had this to say to him.

"I wish I could call McGarity "The Cold Blooded Sausage Maker" but he has to cold bloodedly make some sausage before that great honor can be bestowed upon him."

"How" you might ask "does McGarity cold bloodedly make sausage?"

The only answer is FIRE MARK RICHT....FIRST BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Georgia Dreams for Alabama Teams

This home was 100% not paid for by Auburn and or anyone related to the program ;) Quan Bray's Momma has just been savin up for this house.

"AWWWWW SOOOT.....Fish don't fry in da kitchen......Beans don't burn on da grill......it's done took a whole lota tu-ryin just to get up over dat hill."
Praise Jesus, Quan Bray Momma done hit her numbers baby! Auburn came a callin and sweet baby-Quan n' dem is comin up in da world.
Xzavier Dickson will also be going west young man as he commits to Alabama.
Good thing we didn't fire Richt what with recruiting going so well........Que the Pee-Pee and Holy Dawgs in the comments to tell us how they have known for weeks now that we weren't getting either of these kids.

Sports and Grits Going Mainstream?

Like porn in the mid-70's it looks like the Cold Blooded Sausage Makers at S&G is a goin mainstream. Yesterday was a pretty good day for us: First we got that all important street cred from the Right Nobel Senator over at GTP. Then we was all up in a podcast with more reputable bloggers at the Leather Helmet last night.

"Oh I can't believe it! They done let the cat out da bag, Jack!"

I would try to link to the podcast but I have no idea how to do that so go to the Leather Helmet or Bernie's Dawg Blawg, or the Grit Tree. I must admit it was pretty nice to feel the warm embrace of whitey, but don't go getting any ideas----we ain't turning into Pee-Pee Dawgs or nothing. We'll still be fighting the war on Richt-O-Philia until that glorious day when we are all emancipated from the bondage of mediocrity.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A Marriage Made in Heaven!

Do you remember back in the day when the Oakland Raiders were awesome? Lyle Alzado as an Oakland Raider is a personal hero of mine. Oakland has fallen off lately mainly because Al Davis is crazier than an outhouse rat. The news is coming down today that Davis is firing Tom Cable.

That means there is a job that no one wants, yet someone has to fill. Al Davis has long been obsessed with the down field passing game. So they will need a desperate man who can throw the ball down field with great success. Wait a second..........we may have just the man.
F- you and your horse teeth John Elway. You can be the President of Douchery Operations at Denver all you want Oakland is about to bring it son.

Can We Hire Ron Franklin as the New Voice of the Bulldogs

God I hate ESPN. First they get one of the most brilliant charismatic coaches in all of college football fired and then black balled him because he tried cure an ESPN employee's pussy son of a concussion. Now they have fired fellow old school legend Ron "The Don" Franklin who P.S. was the only play by play guy at the entire network with any talent.
Ron was demoted a few years back because he called Holley Rowe's big nose having self "Sweetheart". Ron did it because Holley was embarrassing herself on National Television by talking and Ron took pity on her. Also, he felt sorry for her because she looks like the bridge troll from the billy goats gruff story.

Ron's latest transgression involved him calling the above Bull-Dike "Sweetcakes" or now apparently "Sweetheart". We are sticking with "Sweetcakes" because it sounds way awesomer. However, once again ESPN is being overly PC about this. Ron wasn't demeaning her he was helping her. See Ron wears Florsheim shoes, Stetson hats, three piece suits, and keeps it old school and really real 24/7. Since Ron is so old school he remembers that there are three things that women should never be a part of:

1. Sports Commentary

2. Police Work

3. Politics

So now Ron is at a meeting and along comes some pant suit wearing, deep voice having, LPGA tour member who is breaking the first rule by being involved in a sports broadcast. Then she tries to pipe up while grown men are talking about politics. Who does this Bi*#h think she is? She acts like women have the right to vote or something. Ron took pity on her and didn't want her to further embarrass herself. He politely informed her that they were having an AB conversation and she needed to C her way out, and then he complemented her for having a nice fart locker cause chicks like that kind of stuff. Ron got fired for being helpful and complimentary both admirable characteristics. It's not like he asked her if she wanted to "swing by the Bell grab some tacos and go back to his place and eat them sideways while watching a WNBA game." He didn't ask her if she had "an LPGA tour bearded clam bake to attend." He just politely told her to zip it and when she refused he got a little more stern with her sassy mouth. Jeannine Edwards is lucky she didn't get a dose of swift justice from the backside of one of the strongest pimp hands in the world.

Since the retirement of the Voice of the Bulldogs and Keith Jackson; Ron stands alone as the best commentator in the business. I think we should hire him to do all Georgia Football and Basketball broadcasts.

The similarities between Mark Richt and Paul Hewitt...

blasphemy from a Georgia fan to compare our beloved football coach to the basketball coach for the Bugs, but the similarities have grown too obvious to ignore. Those who know me know my love for basketball, and my healthy dose of Clean Old Fashioned Hate for Tech. I shouldn't say such things, and I wish I couldn't, but I can't keep my head in the sand any longer. Revered Richt is no better than Father Paul, and the two are becoming striking similar.
  • Long tenure in the nation's premier conference for that sport - Richt being in the SEC, with their soon to be 5 straight national champions is obvious. The ACC isn't as much of a no-doubter with the Big East, among others, but it is arguably the premier conference for men's hoops.
  • A dream for recruiting in your back yard - Georgia produces more SEC football players than any state going on past numbers (often more, and more All SEC players, than the Sunshine State). It is easily a top 5 talent producer among states in football. Georgia is similarly elite in producing hoops talent, with Atlanta among the top 5 cities (with Chicago, LA, NYC, and probably Houston/Dallas) for producing hoops talent.
  • A massive contract that is prohibitive of early termination - Dave Braine was duped by a damn good Dawg (his agent, who's name I'm forgetting but is a UGA grad and former regular at Georgia home hoops games) into giving Paul Hewitt a sweet rollover contract that always has a massive buyout. Mark Richt was also given a long term contract nearing $3m annually that includes a massive buyout.
  • Both got said contract after success they've never gotten close to since - Hewitt got his after the NCAA Championship appearance and another NCAA trip. Since, he's failed to make any post season tourney 3 of 5 years, and considering the talent he's brought in has underperformed. He's also 28-52 in conference play since. Mark Richt got his after the #2 finish in 2007. In the seasons since, he's had 10, then 8, and now 6 wins. He's gone 13-11 in conference play since.
  • Neither can beat their rivals -Richt has had noted struggles against Tennessee when they had Cutcliffe, and his team routinely pisses themselves in Jacksonville and has made a point lately of coming out flat for "must win" games. Hewitt's teams also come out flat in supposed "big" games, he's got a losing record against Georgia in spite of going against arguably the worst coach in college basketball for several of those games, and also routinely loses against in conference elite.
  • Both have flubbed on important hirings with internal retreads. Richt's job is on the line, so he turns a video coordinator into the S&C head. Hewitt's job is on the line, so when he can bring in fresh blood as an assistant to assist in X's and O's, he brings back a former player in LaBarrie.
  • Both are known for the mind numbingly poor execution in X's and O's with outdated and unproductive schemes.
  • Both have brought in countless big name recruits who underperform and then leave as soon as possible for the pros.
  • Both are model men in their communities and considering as upstanding as it gets. Both are role models for young men in their programs, and pride themselves on creating better people more than better players.
  • Both are likely going to see their next season as their last at their current schools

That's all for now. As with most around here, it's probably poorly executed on top of a sound theory. But that's the crux of it. Both are model men, community leaders and great role models for young people. Both have seen huge success in the past, got a golden parachute contract off that success, and have turned out disappointing performance after disappointing performance since their golden contracts. Both are struggling to succeed in elite conferences and are likely not going to be in their current positions at their respective schools after next season (or in Hewitt's case, the current season).
Blasphemy from a die hard Dawg, and especially a hoops lover, but it's painfully true; Mark Richt = Paul Hewitt

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Steve Spurrier Pitches to Isiah Crowell

Isiah: Hey Coach Spurrier. Welcome to Columbus, Georgia. How are you doing?

Spurrier: Hey son. I am fine Thanks for having me. Columbus is a beautiful place. I haven't been able to recruit this part of Georgia since Ray Goof was coach at Georgia.

Isiah: Well it's an honor sir. I appreciate your insistence to come and see me the night before National Signing Day. Coach....you do know that I am signing with the Bulldogs right?

Spurrier: Well son, thats why I came all this way...'cause I just can't see you make the same mistake that Stafford and Moreno made. You can't sign with the Bulldogs. It will be the worst mistake you ever made.

Isiah: But Coach, what do you mean? Stafford was the number one pick and Moreno was a middle first rounder.

Spurrier: Yeah son, they were. But if they would have come to play for Carolina we wold have been challenging the Clingons for interstellar domination by now.

Isiah: What the hell is a Clingon?

Spurrier: I don't know son, I just heard that on ma favorite movie "Wedding Crashers". I think Vince Vaughn is the funniest actor ever...ain't that right Vince?

Vince Vaughn: It sure is Steve. Some might call me the "Spurrier" of comedic acting.

Spurrier: See Isiah, if you come to Carolina...we could certainly whoop the pants off of Mark Richt.....then he will call me the next day and ask me how I did it...(Spurrier chuckles evilishly)...besides he ain't gonna be coaching for long after this year. I'mon make sure uv that. (Spurrier chuckles evilishly again)

Isiah: Wow Coach! I have no idea who this other white guy is...or what a Wedding Crasher is...but you sure are convincing. I am going to sign with Carolina.

Spurrier: Well son, they don't call me "Darth Visor" for nuthin'


It's About to Get Real Up In Clempsun, Son!

Michigan just fired Rich Rodriguez and you know what that means for Sweet Dabo.

Au Revoir sweet prince we feel we barely knew thee.

Dawg Nation- A Fanbase Divided.

Our boys over at the Leather Helmet had a post yesterday that basically grouped Dawg Nation into three sub-groups. You may note that they quote the Ol' Boys at S&G (and you may also note our steadfast anti-editing policy as there is a glorious typo in our quote--Take that English teachers)

The three groups according to the LH are:

1. Disney Dawgs

2. Fire Richt Firebrands (that's us-that's us weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!)

3. Pragmatists

Now we loves us some LH but we going to have to respectfully disagree with that assessment. Three groups is far too general and some of our fans will get unfairly groups with others. The truth is Dawg Nation is divided into about a half a dozen groups and some of those even have sub-groups. Here are the six as we see them

1. RICHT-O-PHILES- This is about 15% of Georgia's fan base. Small but militant like Shiite's. If you say anything at all about their prophet they will run up in a Georgia shopping mall with 20 lbs of dyn-O-myite strapped around their torsos and get their jihad on. The infidel can't be converted so they must be destroyed. These people are so infatuated, so devoted, so in love with Mark Richt and his perceived persona that nothing; not a sub 500 season, not a humiliating bowl defeat at the hands of a Conference USA team, not a defense that takes on point like the Titanic taking on water, not an OC who calls 27 pass plays a game and 25 of them are screens, NOTHING can stop their devotion. Now I am not judging Mark Richt's personal life. He may be the same man behind closed doors that he is in the public eye, but the obsession with what may or may not be just a well crafted image is what these people crave. They are basically a cult. Brainwashed into believing in the imaginary truth of the all mightiness of the Richt. Richt-O-Philes are the scientologists of the Bulldog world.

2. DISNEY DAWGS- This is a rather strange breed yet at roughly 25% they one of the largest factions. Now some Disney Dawgs secretly would not miss a seconds sleep if Richt were fired, but to the world they will stick with Richt so long as he is at Georgia. "Everything is way cool dude. Don't get upset. So we lost seven games including Colorado, UCF, Missy St, and South Carolina. So those are historically some of the worst football programs in the world. So what man. Hey at least we have football. At least there is a stadium to go to. Be happy dude it could be worse." Disney Dawgs are like a fat chick at the prom....just real glad to be there and if they have cake..... well that's just a bonus. I'm not sure but if I had to guess I would say roughly 25% of our fan base smokes a lot of pot and that is why we have so many Disney Dawgs. Disney Dawgs are eternal optimists but not necessarily totally devoted to the idea of Richt being the coach. In fact if I had to guess I would say 3 out of 4 want him gone but thinking and talking about it is way too much of a bummer man.

3. Pee-Pee Dawgs- You may be thinking to yourself right now "S&G hates Richt-O-Philes more than anything in the world." Of contraire mo'fraire. Pee-Pee Dawgs are the true bane of our existence. We call them Pee-Pee Dawgs because they are habitual bed wetters, fradie cats, nervous nellies, pussies if you will. "Oooooohhhhhh we can't fire Richt what if the next guy isn't as good"; "Oooohhhh we can't fire Richt what if some other coach rejects us? We can't deal with rejection"; "Ooooohhh we can't fire football AIDS he is Richts friend; what if Richt gets mad; what if we can't find a better DC"; "Oooooohhhh we shouldn't talk bad about Bobo what if we can't find a better OC?" Pee-Pee Dawgs down play the University and hold up ideas like:

-Georgia is not an elite program

-Coaches at teenie tiny schools would never leave them for Georgia

-Florida is just better than us and that is how it is

-10 wins is a lot of wins...sure that means you have 3 or 4 L's but 10 is a lot

-We shouldn't demand greatness that is selfish and unreasonable

Pee-Pee Dawgs are weak and they disgust us. Pee-Pee Dawgs make up about 25% of the fan base and do more to hold this program down than Willie Martinez could have ever dreamed possible. Pee-Pee Dawgs will jump on here and post but only because we have the Anonymous option, other wise they would be way too nervous to rock the boat.

4. Holy Dawgs- Not a religious reference but these are the fans that have a holier than thou attitude about everything. This is about 15% of the fan base. They were like a fullback on a high school team that lost the state championship game, or some guy who was a white walk-on 19th string receiver at Georgia for half a season, or some other thing that they put way more value on than the rest of the world. In light of this important feat of football mastery that they accomplished 15 years ago they are in a much better position to critique things like how the football team is performing and X's and O's. They are in fact gigantic suck-ups but are actually sucking up to no one in particular. They assume that some conversation in which they reprimand some ignorant Georgia cracker for bad mouthing Bobo is taken into account somewhere in Athens. Evidently Richt sends Black Santa Clause (Oh you know who Black Santa is...the black guy with the garbage bag full of really good Georgia stuff and everything except jerseys only costs $5...jerseys cost $10. Yeah that guy.....you know it's stolen but they ain't got no serial numbers on them Nike Georgia hats that he's hocking) to their house on National signing day eve to leave 100% not stolen Georgia goodies under their Georgia tree. Holy Dawgs pretend to love Richt but the second he is fired they will tell you all about everything he did wrong and how the next guy is the best thing since sliced bread.

5. RICHT HATERS- They are about 5%. They have hated him since day 1. Even if he had won a National title they would still hate him for one reason or another. Every fan base has these people. It just so happens they are on the right side of the argument now.

6. COLD BLOODED SAUSAGE MAKERS- If you have never seen the American Dream Dusty Rhodes cut his world famous "Cold Blooded Sausage Maker" promo circa 1985 while in Jim Crockett Promotions then YouTube it and prepare thyself for greatness. This is about 15% of Dawg Nation and the most accurate way to describe your humble servants here at S&G. You see a sausage maker is the only one who knows what goes into the final product (mostly elbows and a-holes). Like Solomon tells us in Ecclesiastes 1:18 "with great knowledge comes great sorrow." We are the people who are accepting of what is necessary to see the program in the National Title hunt every year. We want results not empty promises. We want wins not memories of how we almost did this or came real close to doing that. We know that to win you have to:

-Make it Rain like Pac-Man at da club and if need be stab a b*#@h in the parking lot Ray Lewis style. You must come up off that check book to get an elite coach and elite coaching staff

-Sometimes, not always, but sometimes you have to "bend the rules" ever so slightly if you want to land the top recruits. Plus after SMU they will never give the Death Penalty again so what is 2 or 3 years of probation if you have a National Title to show for it?

-You need poor black kids too win. They are more driven to find success via sports than white or hispanic or asian kids. With poor black kids comes some trouble that is just how it is. You have to deal with that trouble but in away that keeps them on the field.

-18 to 22 year old kids are going to drink, fight, and fornicate. Keep the discipline in house and keep it so that they can still play. Naturally Rape and Murder would be the exception to this rule and grounds for dismissal from the team.

- Your S&C coaches should learn these words "Pssssttt, hey gonna be a piss test on the 15th don't f- it up." Of course they should never say it louder than a barely audible whisper and never on any sort of phone or intercom devise, oh and always with a newspaper in front of their mouth.

- You need a strong relationship with local law enforcement. Is it a rule that the Athl. Dept can't donate enough tickets to the police department so as to ensure each officer gets at least 4 tickets to one non-crappy game a year. I think if you or your partner have tickets to the Tennessee game on Sat. you will be less likely to arrest a star player on Thurs. for public drunkenness. Is it a rule that the HC can't host a gala celebration for local law enforcement in which he signs helmets, jerseys, balls, and pictures for friends and family of the officers. That sounds like the University just giving back to the community to me.

- The media needs you, you don't need them. Treat these people like the children that they are. Oh you ran a not so flattering story about a player without the HC's permission? Guess what you are frozen out of all Athl. Department activities and events. Try to write your little story now, son.

In contrast to us the University of Alabama (the most successful program in SEC history) also has two factions and here they are:

Bryant-O-Philes- 100% of the fan base

Cold Blooded Sausage Makers- 100% of the fan base

So two factions with 100% cross over. How we wish that all Dawg Nation had the cohones to make this program all that it could be.