Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Friday, April 29, 2011

2011 NFL Draft Round 1- SEC Dominates and Many Teams Go Full Retard

Exactly one year ago yesterday the world was subjected to this:

A year later plus sized gay men (aka Bears) and Ole Miss fans the world over waited with baited breath for a little more 800lbs of tatted man love. In the end the world was denied "Interracial Insestual Man Love Part II".

What we were treated to last night was almost half a dozen teams ignoring one of the greatest pieces of wisdom bestowed on man in the past century.......NEVER GO FULL RETARD!
S&G will rank every team in one of four categories:
1. Draft Masters- Teams that worked the board beautifully last night.
2. Safe Money- Teams that played it safe last night
3. Gamblers- Teams that took a huge risk last night
4. Full Retards- Teams that need to call the old boys at S&G and negotiate a deal to have us come and run their franchise with our limited football knowledge. Why, because we don't know much but the guys running these shows know even less.


Cardinals- They sat back and allowed the best overall and most NFL ready player in the draft fall to them at 5th.
Lions- They allowed a top 5 player to fall to them at 13 and now have the most fearsome interior D-Line in the NFL
Bears- They were tempted to move up but in the end got the best OT on the board at the 29th pick
Patriots- Solder is a project but they did trade down for half of the entire second round, again.


Ravens- Despite their gaffe they still got their man


Broncos- Took the best 3-4 pass rush LB but they will be running the 4-3
Falcons- Great player but it cost them 2nd and 4th this year and 1st and 4th next year. May have been too expensive.
Jaguars- The D's in the NFL are much better than the Big 12, and he was a system guy, and if he was so good why didn't Missouri win more in the crappy Big 12?
Texans- Draft rule 1. Never take a Big 10 D-lineman. Draft rule 2. Never take a white defensive player from the Big 10. Watt is a white D-lineman from Wisconsin
Redskins- See above
Bucs- See rule 1. from above but add rule 3. never take a guy with one arm shorter than the other because on his swim move he will just be going in a circle.
Saints- Could have gone with Ingram at 24 then got a D-end just as good as Cameron in the second without giving up picks to trade back in to the first.
Seahawks- Carpenter was a huge stretch especially with Carimi still on the board
Chiefs- Not a first round talent


Panthers- Perhaps taking a moment to "Google" Jamarcus Russell and Vince Young could have prevented this. In three years the LA Panthers will debut.
49ers- I saw Missouri play and I saw Auburn play this year. Fairley was dominant and whoever this guy is from Missouri was not.
Titans- Drafted Vince Young, Fired Jeff Fisher, drafted Jake Locker......good thing LA is looking for two teams to move on over.
Vikings- Where in Minnesota do I send my resume for the job of General Manager of the Vikings? P.S. it will be written in crayon and I will still seem smarter than the guy with the job now.
Bengals- Don't get me wrong AJ is great but they turned down Atlanta and they were trying to give the Bungals about 200 picks for this one.