Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

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Friday, April 29, 2011

2011 NFL Draft Round 1- SEC Dominates and Many Teams Go Full Retard

Exactly one year ago yesterday the world was subjected to this:

A year later plus sized gay men (aka Bears) and Ole Miss fans the world over waited with baited breath for a little more 800lbs of tatted man love. In the end the world was denied "Interracial Insestual Man Love Part II".

What we were treated to last night was almost half a dozen teams ignoring one of the greatest pieces of wisdom bestowed on man in the past century.......NEVER GO FULL RETARD!
S&G will rank every team in one of four categories:
1. Draft Masters- Teams that worked the board beautifully last night.
2. Safe Money- Teams that played it safe last night
3. Gamblers- Teams that took a huge risk last night
4. Full Retards- Teams that need to call the old boys at S&G and negotiate a deal to have us come and run their franchise with our limited football knowledge. Why, because we don't know much but the guys running these shows know even less.

DRAFT MASTERS

Cardinals- They sat back and allowed the best overall and most NFL ready player in the draft fall to them at 5th.
Lions- They allowed a top 5 player to fall to them at 13 and now have the most fearsome interior D-Line in the NFL
Bears- They were tempted to move up but in the end got the best OT on the board at the 29th pick
Patriots- Solder is a project but they did trade down for half of the entire second round, again.

SAFE MONEY

Bills
Cowboys
Dolphins
Chargers
Giants
Colts
Eagles
Ravens- Despite their gaffe they still got their man
Jets
Steelers
Packers

GAMBLERS

Broncos- Took the best 3-4 pass rush LB but they will be running the 4-3
Falcons- Great player but it cost them 2nd and 4th this year and 1st and 4th next year. May have been too expensive.
Jaguars- The D's in the NFL are much better than the Big 12, and he was a system guy, and if he was so good why didn't Missouri win more in the crappy Big 12?
Texans- Draft rule 1. Never take a Big 10 D-lineman. Draft rule 2. Never take a white defensive player from the Big 10. Watt is a white D-lineman from Wisconsin
Redskins- See above
Bucs- See rule 1. from above but add rule 3. never take a guy with one arm shorter than the other because on his swim move he will just be going in a circle.
Saints- Could have gone with Ingram at 24 then got a D-end just as good as Cameron in the second without giving up picks to trade back in to the first.
Seahawks- Carpenter was a huge stretch especially with Carimi still on the board
Chiefs- Not a first round talent

FULL RETARDS

Panthers- Perhaps taking a moment to "Google" Jamarcus Russell and Vince Young could have prevented this. In three years the LA Panthers will debut.
49ers- I saw Missouri play and I saw Auburn play this year. Fairley was dominant and whoever this guy is from Missouri was not.
Titans- Drafted Vince Young, Fired Jeff Fisher, drafted Jake Locker......good thing LA is looking for two teams to move on over.
Vikings- Where in Minnesota do I send my resume for the job of General Manager of the Vikings? P.S. it will be written in crayon and I will still seem smarter than the guy with the job now.
Bengals- Don't get me wrong AJ is great but they turned down Atlanta and they were trying to give the Bungals about 200 picks for this one.