Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Friday, July 29, 2011

Is Bobo wrong or Emerson?

I can understand if it's Emerson, since he was covering the Gamecocks for the State in South Carolina at the time. If it's Bobo, this is a sad, sad joke. The guy had a full season as starter after Knowshon was gone.

In fact, one of the first things offensive coordinator Mike Bobo did after King’s departure was watch old film of Samuel running the ball. Bobo then told Richt that he “probably underestimated the ability of Samuel” due to him playing behind Knowshon Moreno.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Georgia's chances are a little better...

Boise super QB Kellen Moore, the guy who's video game stats show how difficult the Blue Broncos schedule really is, got married. Congratulations and condolences to the young man. But he's a married man now, which generally brings about at least a short term reduction in athletic production. You'll also see a noted drop in Rapelisbergers game going forward too. I assume the talent in Boise wasn't exactly of the caliber of southern colleges, so he might have needed to lock that one down to guarantee good sleep.

Then again, maybe having a wife at home leads to him spending more time at the practice field and in the film room. Let's face it, not all workaholics are there because they like to do work. But there's only two ways to win as a QB son. Clean living like the Virgin Tim, or free lovin like a hippie.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

UNC Fires Butch Davis and Just Might Do Georgia a Solid.

Well... bringin' a lil bit of South Beach on up the Eastern seaboard didn't work out for Butch Davis. The Tarheels are now in the market for a new HC.
When I think University of North Carolina I don't exactly think "Yeah, those guys they have huge stones." In fact when I think of North Carolina I think of a Southern University that is overly-PC and doesn't really wanna rock the boat. That means that despite the obvious link between Black Beard the Pirate and the Dread Pirate Leach and North Carolina and Black Beard it will not result in Leach grabbing the ACC by the cod piece and working that joke of a conference over for the next decade.
What NC needs is the hottest name in young coordinators around. Muschamp is off the market and so that leaves Kirby Smart.
Now, in the past I have.....possibly.....maybe..passed judgment on the idea of Smart to Georgia in 2012 a wee bit prematurely. Now I do not live in a fantasy world. I know that there is a very good chance that no matter what happens this season Richt returns in 2012. Mediocrity will rip-up a program quicker than the HIV tearin'-up an immune system. However, if Richt is canned then Kirby Smart becomes the safest, most obvious, but not best choice to replace Richt. If Smart is off the market on the other hand.........well lets just say we would be more likely to man up and bring in a certain Cold Blooded Sausage Makin', 4-2-5 runnin', yelling, nut punching, dynamic duo from out in Texas. Or have you forgotten that Dusty Rhodes himself is the son of a Texas plumber, IF YOU WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Falcons Free Agent Targets- From A Southern Jingoist Point of View

Yesterday I threw out the idea..... nay the epiphany that the Falcunes should sign Brett Favre to be the back-up (but I think we all know that he would be the starter by week 3).
Favre back in the saddle in Hot-Lanta much to the chagrin of Jerry Glanville. Hey where is Jerry now? Favre is headed to the HOF and Jerry was fired at Portland State and is now coaching the UFL Hartford Colonials. I guess actually being a drunk redneck awesomeness machine and pretending to be a drunk redneck awesomeness machine results in the HOF vs Hartford, CT.
Now your humble servants here at S&G have been just waiting for Big Daddy Art to give us a call and ask us to move this White Trash on up I-20 a ways and become the acting GM's of the Falcunes. With ideas like Brett Favre we should be a shoe-in to replace that dude with the spiky hair and goatee that they have up there now.
However, Favre would be an exception to the Cold Blooded Sausage Making recipe for NFL dominance. He would be an exception for one simple reason.....he did not lace em' up in the SEC.

Our formula is to only draft and sign SEC players. We would also change the mascot to Harvey Updyke and call the team the Atlanta SECers. We would change the colors to Blue, Yellow, and White and brandish an SEC logo on the helmets. Of course we would have alternate uniforms with Harvey's Mugshot on the helmet. You just read that and now if you click this ....... then the only way you could be more Southern today is if you were actually Robert E. Lee and you were peeling down an Alabama dirt road in--The General Lee with Buford T. Justice in "Hot Pursuit".
Anyway here is a list of SEC alums that we would be considering were we the GM's:

Sidney Rice WR USC
Bobby McCray DE UF
Jonathan Joseph CB USC
Carlos Rogers CB AUB
Alan Faneca OG LSU
Rudy Niswanger C LSU
Chris Houston CB ARK
Ronnie Brown RB AUB
Leonard Pope TE UGA
Le'Ron McClain RB Bama
Brodie Croyle QB Bama, not because I think he is talented but because if we are going to have a swoopie haired, fratastic, undersized, Alabama QB on the roster we should have the original. Pfffftttt........ John Parker Wilson......his hair doesn't even swoop it is just combed over.....weak.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


Matt Ryan could get hurt for all we know. Lets bring this thing full circle baby.
Enough with the yankee franchises bring Ol' Brett back to Dixieland!

SEC Expansion or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

The NCAA is going to try and stop Texas and ESPN from HAVING A TEXAS SPONSORED HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL NETWORK! The reason the UN/NCAA is getting involved is not because they give a crap about A&M or the other Texas schools--rather because they give a crap about themselves.
You may note that no one cared about a Longhorn network a few weeks ago.
Then A&M started their same old "We are going to the SEC talk" and still no one cared.
Then Big Daddy Slive hinted of a SEC free of the NCAA and suddenly......a lot of caring

This expansion drama is best played out against the back drop of the world post World War II:
America will be played by the SEC- Wealthy, powerful, industrialized, battle hardened. Had Eisenhower not been a fag and let Patton "deal" with Russia after the fall of the Third Reich we wouldn't have had a Cold War. Of course Spurrier would be cussin Patton's Tree at the National right now. Plus we have an elaborate network of double agents at our command.....ok I made that up but Gene Stallings is on the A&M board of regents and he is most likely the only man on that board that has actually killed a man before.
Russia will be played by the PAC 12- Not just because everyone on the West Coast is a Communist. The PAC 12 was on a power grab last summer. They tried to push as far as the French boarder but in the end settled on a Western Block. They are convinced they can win this thing..........foolishly convinced.
England will be played by the Big 10- Once a mighty empire in their own right. Now just a shell of their former selves. The problem is everyone knows this......everyone except the Big 10 itself. They poke their chests out at Security Council meetings and everyone just rolls their eyes. They also like to remind the SEC that they are only successful because "You started keeping your talented black players in the 70's then you started back keeping your talented white players other than QB's in the late 90's; Otherwise we would still be a power in football."
France will be played by Texas- Pompous, arrogant, a little smelly. They had a brief run under Napoleon but outside of that they usually get it handed to em' by Germany.
Germany will be played by Oklahoma- They are always rising up in the pre-season polls only to have it all come crashing down in the end. They usually slap Texas around. In a post war world they may find themselves out in the cold if Texas goes Indy and A&M blocks them in the SEC.
Japan will be played by the Big East- Small and insignificant but sneaky on the back side. TCU is not in the "EAST" so stop being a bunch of sneaky Japanese.
Mexico will be played by the ACC- Third world but so many of their population will do anything to get into the SEC. Even sneak over the boarder and have an anchor baby.
Italy will be played by the Mountain West- Wait what? Italy was involved in World War II? Exactly.

Monday, July 25, 2011

NFL Free-Agency Could Mean a Couple of Dawgs are Coming Home.

The money printing unholy off-spring of the Arena Football League and Cirque du Soleil, The NFL, is back in business. While no one doubted that this would happen it has created an Oklahoma-like bonanza that will soon erupt in free-agency.
We covered the Falcunes prospective free agency pre-draft here.
It appears that we need to revise the Falcunes strategy. Julio Jones solves the WR question (although if Big Daddy Art can squeeze it into the salary cap Sidney Rice would still be a welcome addition).
3/5 of the O-line may be gone. Tyson Clabo is a must, Dahl helpful, and Blaylock expendable.
55 needs another pass-rusher to take the pressure off. Ray Edwards would be great but may be too expensive. In the end if Carolina does not resign Charles Johnson- he may be coming home. Depth at linebacker would also help and the Panthers may not be able to keep Thomas Davis. Davis and Johnson would give the Falcons depth on the least important of the three phases of the game in the NFL.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Secession, Pirates, Harvey Updyke, The Augusta National--You Know a Typical Week in the SEC

It was quite a week for the Dawgs and the rest of the SEC, and it is still the off-season.

-Nike Pro Combat Uniforms
The only time a straight man can concern himself with color schemes and contours is in regards to football uniforms. The Dawgs will sport the Nike Pro Combat uniforms in the Georgia Dome and we must admit they look good. We were glad to see that they didn't get too crazy and kept it classy. Although, it will be nice to get the right shade of red on the helmets so they don't look "organgie" in the sun.

-Slive's Opening Remarks
ESPN and the Yankee media heard "higher academic standards". Southerners heard some crap about grades as a distraction to the Yankees--what we really heard was "We can tolerate 'those people' no longer Secession is inevitable." In an odd twist Slive failed to mention the newly devised Harvey Updyke Award for excellence in SECery

-Dan Mullen Will go for the Jugular, Son!
Spurrier poked fun at the Starkganistanians. Dan Mullen responded . Dan mentioned the National by name which means he will never be a member and therefore will never coach the Gamecocks.

-The SEC Endures an Act of Piracy.
The SEC had its Media Days in Alabama this week. All of a sudden a solid black ship emerged, pulled up starboard to the SEC, fired a few warning shots, and then the Black Ship's Captain spoke.
"Arrrrghhhhh! 10 and 2 and the East-Master Richt else your insolence be tolerated no more! Then sirs, I shall demand to come aboard!"

-Georgia Got Some Basketball Player
I am supposed to care about basketball, but I will let my cohort deal with that stuff.
Speaking of things I rarely care about.......We gave out some warm fuzzies to Richt-O-Philles.

-A&M is still in the Big 12 (that is 10)
We will talk more about this next summer when there is nothing else to talk about.

Friday, July 22, 2011

please let the flood gates open


Welcome Charles Mann, a big, physical PG for Mark Fox's Hoop Hounds.

We Respect the Honesty.

You may be surprised to know that when we read this by Ben Dukes we were not outraged. We did not feel the need to hurl insults. Quite the contrary we respect what Ben said. We respect it because as he said, there were no statistics to back it up. He simply said that he loves Mark Richt.

It isn't that you can't love Richt, it isn't that you can't respect Richt, it isn't that you can't appreciate the things that Richt did accomplish. What we can't tolerate is attempting to explain mediocrity as if it is good in some way shape or form. We can't stand excuses. We can't stand hiding behind weak excuses simply because you really like the guy.

Ben gets our respect because in true Cold Blooded Sausage Making fashion he just told it like it is. He really loves Richt the man.
Like so many divorcees in this world we also loved Richt once......we just can't live with him anymore. While you may not want to admit it this is a "What have you done for me lately" business- and business is business.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Athletic Department; Internal Affairs

Our favorite Division 1 compliance department employee has been discussing the impact of recent NCAA announcements and it's potential impact on future compliance departments in major college athletics. Essentially, he proposes that the NCAA is wanting compliance departments to know encompass a kind of Internal Affairs division from countless of your favorite cop movies.

His proposal in summary is that
The answer seems simple ... the compliance office has to break apart ...other functions like eligibility, interpretations, and waivers would be handled by one or more different offices, all reporting to the athletic director. The enforcement office would monitor the rest of what was the compliance office just like it monitors the coaching staffs. Watchers watching the watchers if you will.
For Southerners, it's requiring a change in cultures as much as anything, where schools like Tennessee, Florida, and countless others have had a let the boys be boys so long as they win style permeating not just through athletic departments but through local law enforcement and prosecutors. To become much more proactive in enforcement would be, at least initially, a massive shock to the system and could be a very painful, long term adaptation process. It certainly would be difficult for Auburn, where Gene Chizik is letting the investigators get the best of him and they seem willing to jab a stick in the eye of the angering bear (see the name Paul Parker, who just got blasted in the Tech sanctions).

Now these three brain-damaged people have the nerve to looked surprised!

Remember Last Time? When We Say Secede We Mean It, Hoss!

All the Spanish Moss, Moonlight, and Magnolia's are starting to get to our favorite Yankee transplant. Mike Slive laid down the law yesterday. In case you missed it Slive decided to act like America and treat the NCAA like the United Nations.
So is Slive talking about Secession? Cause I mean you know........this is the South..........We ain't skeered you know?

The sure fire sign that Slive means business was a small nuance in his speech that only the Coldest Blooded of Sausage Makers would have picked-up on. Slive called for:
“An agenda for change if you will.”
Did you catch it? Read it again but this time very carefully. Still missing it? "An agenda for change IF YOU WILL."
That's right Jack. That is what the Dream is talkin' bout. Slive went full on American Dream Dusty Rhodes and dropped a little IF YOU WILL on the end. From 1983-1988 if some stankey was about to hit the fan you knew it because the American Dream would talk about some "Clubberin and Plunderin'" and always ended his tirades with a signature

Oh, Dan Mullen You Done Let the Cat Out Da' Bag, Daddy!

In case you missed it yesterday at SEC Media Day:

Steve Spurrier: Dan Mullen has a private jet. We pulled up beside it earlier. They must have a lot of money at Mississippi State.

Dan Mullen: Well I have never played Augusta National so I'm not on his (Spurrier) level. He is probably a member and we just don't know it.

Well played Dan because we all know that when you are a rich, famous, legendary coach and a good school offers you $3 million and a crappy school offers you $1.5 million and
A MEMBERSHIP AT AUGUSTA NATIONAL you take a little less money and the perks.

It does beg the question however, with Hootie retired how will South Carolina convince another legend to come to Columbia when Spurrier is gone? Wait........what is that you say..............oh really.............Tommy Bowden still has a house in South Carolina..................Oh well mystery solved then.

There is Blood in the Georgia Water, and a Pirate on the Horizon

I am not sure what the exact day and time was when this country stopped appreciating gigantic stones and awesomeness. Everyone in the universe seems to agree that Mike Leach will never get another HC job in major college football on account of him getting screwed and refusing to grab his ankles in the process.
When it comes to stones and awesomeness there is no place quite like the SEC. Now do this math:
An elite SEC school is a colossal failure + An elite football coach is jobless = Mike Leach is in Alabama to scope the scene, son.
Basically, if Leach is to get another job it will have to be in the SEC because if ESPN pipes up Mike Slive will remind ESPN to "Chickity Check Themselves befoe dey Wrickity Wreck Theyselves."
Leach made Graham Harrell a star and tricked the 49'ers into blowing a first round pick on Michael "4.7-40" Crabtree. Imagine what type of numbers Stafford would have had without the vanilla encumbrances of the Richt regime. Imagine how many Heisman's AJ Green would have won in the Leach system.
I know what you are thinking...."What about the Defense Rider?"
Well seeing as how we haven't played defense in three years we could at least score a bunch of points. I anticipated this response from Richt-O-Phille Nation; so how about this:
Defensive Coordinator/Assistant Head Coach Carl Pelini- he can't want to live in his big bros shadow forever and nothing screams HC material like success in the cut-throat SEC.
Defensive Coordinator/Assistant Head Coach Bud Foster- Someone just pay the man already. Pay him and get him out of ACC purgatory.
Defensive Coordinator/Head Coach in Waiting.......Kirby Smart- Even Dread Pirates can't out-sail Father Time.

Tune in Thursday as we expect Mike Leach to stand among the reporters and shake his head in disgust as Vanderbilt's new coach takes the podium. We also expect him "accidentally" wander onto the stage and slowly walk behind Mark Richt as questions about his job security come-up.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Tell tale signs of the Richt Hot Seat

Since some seem to think of us as the home of Richt hate, I figured I'd look at a few of the recently discussed tell tale signs.

Seth Emerson of the Macon paper says recent recruiting success makes it harder to fire Richt if he doesn't completely flub the season. Our opinion on that is similar to the Senator's, in that while recruiting is important, getting good recruits doesn't mean much if you're not able to coach 'em up on the field. Another couple points on that issue is, as Emerson points out, those recruits are a LONG ways off, and may or may not say committed, or be all their hyped up to be at 20 as they are at 16. Plus as the Senator points out, if we hire the right coach he should be able to recruit as successfully if not more so than Richt has since we're Georgia and surrounded by 100-150 or so SEC caliber players in our home state alone, in addition to the couple dozen in South Carolina and another triple digit total to pluck from out of Florida and other national recruits that would be interested in joining the major program of the Empire State of the South in the nation's premier conference.

But Kyle King points out the much more relevant indicator of Richt's gluteal temperature, money. As much as the NCAA attempts it's amateur slight of hand, they're slave trading for cash. You know, we know, everybody knows it, it's all about the money honey. Right now, people are still buying season tickets (with a factor from the worsening economy, improving TV coverage, and increased stadium size). And donations are still strong. The true measure of Richt's seat heat is if the big money members of the Bulldog Club start speaking with their checkbooks. It is these people, if we have "a season that is neither stellar nor shameful---say, an 8-4 regular season, a second-place finish in the SEC East, and a win in the Chick-fil-A or Outback Bowl" that will decide whether we re-elect the current Richt/Bobo/Grantham ticket, or go for the unbelievable awesomeness that would be a Patterson/Leach/Bumpas administration. Barring a tequila-fueled bookie pay off or slow trot of a brokedick mule through 11 future NFL beasts, those guys have seemed pretty set to stay with the status quo. I guess we'll just have to ramp up the campaign stops once the electoral season gets going.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

S&G Athletic Club Announces the 2011 Harvey Updyke Award Watch List

The Sports & Grits Athletic Club is please to announce our 2011 pre-season Updyke Award watch list. This is the inaugural year of the Updyke so we need to explain all the factors to be considered for what will surely become the Heisman of the SEC. Here are qualities necessary to be considered for the Updyke:

1. One must be associated with the SEC as a player, coach, AD, or naturally a fan.
2. One must not give a "flying monkey fudge" about anything other than winning and tasting the oh so refreshing tears of their rivals.
3. One must perform at least one act that shocks the senses while attempting to win and/or extract the afore mentioned tears.

Here is a brief list of some people who would have been past winners:
2010 Nick Fairley- see link for explanation.
2009 Brandon Spikes- for excellence in optometry.

Hmmmmmm........two winners, each for acts of extreme violence against Georgia Bulldogs........you don't think that other teams think we are soft because teams take on the persona of their coach, do you?

Some historical examples of Updykian excellence would have been:
1934- LA Governor Huey Long commandeers Illinois Central Railroad Cars to transport 5,000 LSU fans to Nashville for the Vanderbilt game. Abuse of power is always a highly sought after characteristic of any Updyke Award winner.

This years pre-season watch list is:
1. Barrett Jones OG Bama- You don't control the interior of the line in the SEC because you are a fine up-standing youth.
2. Dont'a Hightower LB Bama- First of all the SEC has been doing pretty good with LB's from Tennessee that go West (see Patrick Willis Ole Miss). Second, if you are from Tennessee then the only toys your parents could afford were sticks and your own feet. In Tennessee when you tell kids to go and play you mean go outside and run around hitting each other with sticks.........it builds character and toughness.
3. Jake Bequette DE Ar-Kansas- Speaking of having a tough childhood. You are white and are on the pre-season all SEC team at an instinct position? Someone did not have a big screen TV in their room, a Nintendo 64, and all the other trappings of white middle-classdom that causes honky children to not really try at sports. That or Mr. Bequette takes everything from his kids but their crap.
4. Barkevious Mingo DL LSU- Well there is the obvious fact that his name sounds like some genetically mutated new breed of pit bull dog. We are just gonna go out on a limb a guess that the Hat Molester found this kid in the Bayou wrestling alligators while wearing an anaconda as a necklace and shouting praises to some primitive god of war......you know the same place he finds all of his defensive linemen.
5. Stephano "EL Magnifico" Garcia QB USC- He is in the SEC, he don't give a non-flying monkey fudge much less a flying one. This cuts both ways however because it isn't that he cares for nothing but winning, it is because cares for nothing except being Frat-tastic (Like the Hot Nuts song says "He is a frat man through and through"). Oh how we can't wait for his "shocks the senses" moment.
6. Mean Gene Chizik HC Auburn- Something tells us he is going to be a "perennial" candidate.

As a side note--- This Years Harvey Updyke "Life Time Achievement Award" recipient will be:

If you have to ask then go back to your Big Ten blog site you Yankee swine.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Should we Prefer Drive Blocking?

The Leather Helmet Blog touched on the distinctions between being cutsie and zone blocking as if this is Denver circa 1997 or being a man and drive blocking the way God intended Football to be played. Now I know what you are saying "But CC doesn't Patterson zone block in his spread scheme?" He does in fact but he must use deception to mask the lack of talent that he has at TCU on offense. He is a Defensive Genius and makes the Defense better by sheer force of will and yelling but must rely on assistants for offensive production. Plus it really doesn't matter what Offense he runs because his Defenses have been number one against the run, pass, and overall for three years in a row now.

So what do Cold Blooded Sausage Makers think of the old way "zone blocking" vs the new way "drive blocking"? Well lets ask the source himself General Patton. Now, I know that General Patton has been dead for quite a while now but I think we can apply his quotes to this question so here goes:

CC: General Patton, so good to have you with us today. Would you be so kind as to give us your thoughts on zone blocking vs drive blocking. We are of the impression that zone blocking, much like women's soccer, is inexplicably popular today and is yet something that a grown man should never engage in. What do you think?

Patton: "For in war just as in loving you must keep on shoving or you'll never get your reward."

CC: So you prefer the straight ahead, make use of bigger stronger and more ferocious athletes when blocking as opposed to incorporating synchronized swimming into O-line play like we were doing at Georgia?

Patton: "Let us do real fighting, boring in and gouging, biting. Lets take a chance now that we have the ball."

CC: We couldn't agree more, sir. As a quick side note what do you think about scheduling the Boise State game?

Patton: "Don't fight a battle if you don't gain anything by winning."

CC: Truer words were never uttered, sir.

Apologies, Reprimands, and Closure to Some of Life's Great Mysteries

Well, well, well, it must have been "Embrace Your Local Schizophrenic" last week cause we got all kinds of love from the main streamers. Despite the warm and comforting embrace of Whitey please note that on our end--No Quarter Shall be Asked for None Shall be Given, Sir.

Mr. Sanchez does grace the comment threads of warm blooded non-sausage making sites from time to time and participates. I try not to do as much. I try because on the litmus scale of pissing off certain groups of people Mr. Sanchez is yet the padawan and I the Jedi. I usually have to stay here and tend the inmates else they bring their crazy over to the mainstream blogs.

However, I will address a few things here that were on the Leather Helmet and DawgSports. We owe one apology, one reprimand, and must answer two of life's most pressing questions.

Apologies to Thinking Dawg. He did in fact ask us many months ago to be less racist and implement an affirmative action program geared towards giving Grits and other Southern delicacies more equality on our site. We have in fact fail you, sir. We shall from hence forth attempt to do better.

Now I could jump on the "Nanna Pudddin' Milkshake at the Fil-A bandwagon" but at this point we have either all experienced this....yet another bit of food crack from Mr. Cathy.... or have the Shuggas and cannot partake. I will on the other hand tell you of what is now an official "Contender" to Mr. Cathy's monopoly of the milkshake market. A few months back I mentioned that the two Krispy Kream's in Columbia, SC now have soft serve ice-cream---and yes if you time it properly you may in fact have a "hot-now" taken skraight off da line, placed in an ice cream dish, and topped with soft serve and whipped cream. The ice cream itself tastes like they somehow turned the cream in their donuts into ice cream. I was in Lexington, SC on Saturday and as myself, Mrs. Rider, and our youngest Ridette passed the Krispy Kream my cold-blooded lilliputian said "Do nus my Daddy, Do nus". Well twist my arm---we stopped and beheld.............Krispy Kream Milkshakes. The promo poster said "With real bits of dounut inside" you don't say? They come in:

Vanilla- the kream flavored ice cream, with bits of dounuts

Chocolate- the same but with a chocolate sauce that they allege tastes of their chocolate glaze

Raspberry- the vanilla infused with a derivative of their raspberry jelly filling.

Go with the Vanilla- after all you have to walk before you can run. On a side note they also had a "Lemon Cream Pie" doughnut. A regular filled glazed doughnut but they mix their cream and lemon fillings together...........GREATNESS!!!!!!!

Reprimand of AxelRhodes for alleging that General George Smith Patton Jr. is not Southern. You sir are commanded to leave work, go home, and spend the next 24 hours researching the greatest Cold Blooded Sausage Maker to ever live and the only reason we are not having this conversation in German. Patton was born in California but of a very old and distinguished Virginia Military Family. His Grand Daddy was George Smith Patton (the original) and was a Colonel in the Army of Northern Virginia. Patton the original was killed in battle as was his brother Waller Tazewell Patton (arguable the greatest name I have ever heard of). Patton was also a relative of Confederate General Hugh Weedeon Mercer, Confederate Naval Officer (yes smarty pants we did have a navy---300 Ranger bass boats strong, son) William Glasswell, and former Virginia Governor John Patton. Keep in mind that at this time both Virginia and Florida were still Southern. Patton got his flair for the dramatic because his Father and Confederate Calvary Legend Gen John Singleton Mosby were great friends. Patton grew-up listening to stories from the mouth of the Gray Ghost of the Confederacy. Stories like how Mosby was shot in the groin but resumed his command three weeks later (leading us to believe that there is a chance Gary Patterson may be a descendant of Mosby).

In a bit of irony---Adolf Hitler had to be briefed on two things every morning: 1) News from the front, and 2) The location of George S. Patton. So great was Hitler's fear of Patton that he withheld a large portion of his army from the D-Day invasion defense for fear that it was a distraction and the real attack would come from else where with Patton at the helm. Ironic because so fearful of John Mosby was Abraham Lincoln that he had planks removed from the chain bridge over the Potomac every night because he feared the daring Mosby would ride into DC and kidnap him in the night.

Mysteries Revealed-- First, the question of how is it that Skeletor has all them muscles and yet a skeleton face. This was from AxelRhodes on Leather Helmet. Well, years ago Skeletor was a young man named Keldor Jenkins and was a not so highly touted middle linebacker prospect. He ended up at Navy under the tutelage of DC Dick Bumpas. Keldor was always making mental mistakes and no matter how many times Bumpas disciplined him with a speed bagging of of baby batter sack nothing seemed to get into Keldor's thick skull. Finally, a young GA under Bumpas named Patterson could stand no more. Keldor blew an assignment during practice and Patterson ate his face directly off his skull.

Second, from Corbin Dawg of Grit Tree fame on DawgSports. Corbin's only problem with us is that we are Dusty Rhodes men and he a Ric Flair man. Let me say that we are not so far apart as this discussion is of the superiority of the two all time greatest wrestlers that ever lived. We apply the Rider three prong test to ranking the two:

Prong 1: Character- Flair's name "The Nature Boy" was borrowed from Nature Boy Buddy Rogers. His in ring persona and rap borrowed from Gorgeous George. While Flair perfected both they were borrowed. On the other hand the American Dream Son of a Plumber that was all original, son. Advantage Rhodes.

Prong 2: In Ring Performance- While both were "60 minute men" in their prime Flair gets the nod for the Figure Four Leg Lock of Doom. It should be noted that Rhodes often utilized the figure four but he is best remembered for the Flip Flop Fluey Bionic Elbow. Advantage Flair.

Prong 3: The Rap- Flair could and can talk. His promos are the stuff of legend. Classics such as:

Just Like That, and Custom Made. However, in the end I challenge you to youtube or google the following Dusty Promos:

-Hard Times

-That Jezebel, Babydoll

- All the promos surrounding his three match rivalry with Super Star Billy Graham in the 70's

-Long Distance Information Give me Memphis, TN

-The above linked Cold Blooded Sausage Maker,

- And the all time greatest shoot interview exchange the Dusty vs. James E. Cornett Rivalry from 86'-87'. Advantage Rhodes

Rhodes 2 Flair 1.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Is it the shoes? It's gotta be the shoes

We assume you all follow rivals, scout, or both, so we all know Friday night was a helluva night recruiting wise. We need big time OL, and landed the best around. That's a welcome sight. We also landed a kid who may be a long way off, but looks all Dawg (h/t to Chad Simmons' twitter).

The reports of Williams running a 4.28 are about as realistic as us having a 260lb DE/OLB running the same thing, or a walk-on also in the 4.2s (rarefied air where little more than the likes of an Usain Bolt, Deion Sanders and Chris Johnson reside and even then only in their primes), but whether he runs a 4.3 or not (he's 16, so yeah, we're going with not) the kid can obviously fly and has plenty of room to get bigger, better, faster.

But as big time as Williams and Theus seem to be, we're most excited about one Brice Ramsey. Now, he's a ways off ala Williams, as a 2013 kid won't be on campus for 18-24 months. But the kid has all the throws, touch, arm strength, etc, and is hyped up like Stafford, Matt Barkley, etc. But even better than his QB ability seems to be a Pied Piper quality about the kid. You see, with Ramsey comes arguably the best SC has to offer in 2013, and a physical superfreak who may be the best Florida has to offer in 2013 too. To the best of our knowledge, Ramsey never went to HS with either. Yulee is just across the state line from Camden County, but Goose Creek is a long way from both. Yet somehow Terry "and Brice have wanted to play together for a long time." Henry has said similar things. That speaks volumes about not just the type of QB Ramsey is that Terry found who he wants feeding him passes, but that the kid can have such a cult of personality to bring about that sort of bond off what we assume is little more than attending a few of the same camps coming up. As Gentry Estes indicates in that last linked article, having these 3 is a huge deal not just because of their talent, but because of the impact they can have bringing other elite players the program covets (and let's just hope, like Stanley Williams, Ramsey is as attached to the program as he is the coach).

Friday, July 15, 2011

The Real Candidates for SEC Expansion

The Texas A&M to the SEC story has found a second life. Oddly enough during the summer lull when we have little food for the blogging fodder. Anyway to reinforce the fact that Clampsun is not on the SEC radar here is a list of who Slive will actually consider and why.
There is little that the SEC needs at this point. 5 consecutive National Titles in Football, back to back NT's in baseball, and more money than a passenger train can haul (points in the comments if you can name the artist and song just referenced). However, there are a few really awesome things that the SEC could certainly use:

1. A Certain Swashbuckling, Debonair, Concussion Curin' Offensive Genius wouldn't hurt- I knew that Mike Leach was destiny for the SEC the moment he cut his world famous "Fat Little Girlfriends" promo on ESPN. We can hire him cause what is ESPN gonna do about? Stop airing the SEC? If they dared to try that we could always just make our own Network:

2. A SEC Network- Now before this becomes a conspiracy theory because the word Fox gets used this not a vast right-wing conspiracy. Fox just happens to have the only other sports channel. A far cry from what Bristol produces but a partnership with Fox could give the SEC a tremendous vehicle to increase T.V. money. Plus, you could have a "game of the week" with your own play by play team. Might we recommend a three man team consisting of Keith Jackson (or at least a CGI replica in case he kicks the bucket any time soon), The American Dream Dusty Rhodes, and Arch Bishop Ron "Magic Don" Franklin. Want a sample of how that would go?

Jackson: Whoaaaaa Nellllllly! Have we got a barn burner tonight. The Gators from the Swamp of Florida against the ALLLLLLLLLLLL-A-BAMA...(dramatic pause)..... Crimson Tide. Dream what are your thoughts?

Rhodes: OH Daddy, Keith Jackson you done let da cat out da bag, Jack. You know back in the early 70's the Dream was the Flada Championship Rasslin Heavy Weight Champinee! It was here in Gainsvlla, when the Dream and Abdullah Da Bucha locked in mortal combat for belt dat many men only lie in bed and dream about night after night. For one solid houar Da Dream and Da Bucha in a best two out of three falls, Texas cowbell, Injun death rope match. I fought, and sweated, and I bleed, and I almost died in da ring. But in da end I pulled myself up and won and do you know why? CAUSE I'M DA AMEERICUN DREAM, DADDY! I got da Butcha down and looke up and cried.....FURST BLOOD! FURST BLOOD! AWWWWWW....FURST BLOOD!

Jackson: I take it you are fired up Dream. What about you Ron what do you think?

Franklin: Well I think the safe money is on the Gators but I'm not so sure. I got a good long look at the fart lockers those Alabama dance team girls were draggin around and I think Bama may just have the better looking cheerleaders when all is said and done. I'm not so sure that all the Yankee transplants into Florida haven't muddied up the gene pool.

3. Texas $$$$$$$$- Texas is way too Skeered, and A&M is the consolation prize. This does come with a price. If A&M has any sense at all they will demand that no other Big 12 school, especially the two North Texas Schools Chokelahomo and Okie State, get in. As I understand from some of the reading this time around A&M might just be waking up and smelling the coffee. Last, summer it appears there was almost a fist fight between the AD and a board member or a booster or something. I guess I could research it but instead I will just make up in my mind that the report of a fight stems from an incident last summer in which there was one slightly bloodied Gene Stallings Nose and three dead Texas loyal A&M board members due to blunt force trauma to the head via one 1992 Alabama National Title Ring.

4. DC $$$$$$$$$ and balance in the East- Virginia Tech opens up the Washington, DC market, brings a respectable football presence, and most importantly breaks the ACC placing pressure on North Carolina to hold onto a Duke rivalry in basketball or get paid while the check book is out and Daddy Warbucks Slive is feelin generous.

5. North Carolina $$$$$$$ and a hostile take over of basketball superiority- Does North Carolina want to stay in the ACC? Yes. Is the acceptance of NCST or Duke paramount to them moving should the sky start to fall? No. Kentucky will be more than happy to be their nemesis in basketball.

6. Balance in the West- A&M makes 7 teams in the west but VT and NC makes 8 in the east. So what do they do now? They could explore Georgia Tech, Florida St., and Clampsun. The Cocks will block....get it we made a funny.....Clampsun right off the bat but the SEC probably wouldn't be interested on account of nobody cares about Clampsun out side of the North-Western portion of South Carolina. Florida and Georgia will block FSU because they do not want to reawaken a sleeping giant and they certainly want to maintain the ability to lord the SEC brand over the Seminoles in recruiting. Surprisingly enough I don' think anyone would try to block Tech. Clampsun and FSU have both at times dominated their in-state SEC rival on the field and the recruiting trail. However, Techies have never really dominated anything outside of The World of Warcraft. They have a natural rivalry with Georgia and Auburn and although we don't need it (because the SEC owns Atlanta already) it would solidify the SEC brand in the capital of the New South. On the other hand what about some boarder states? Kentucky is in despite never actually breaking away from the Union because they are a boarder state that is still considered the South. That means Louisville could be considered. Also, one could consider Missouri after all the Bushwhackers fought for the Confederacy and West Virginia (Stonewall Jackson was born there). In the end I just don't think Missouri can be passed off as a Southern State and I do not believe their fan-base would gel particularly well with the SEC. In terms of fans West Virginia would be tops and Tennessee would no longer be the SEC leader in inbreeding, toothlessness, and hillbillyism. Still a West Virginia team would mean someone in the East will be moving West young man and that leads us to:-Do we really want to keep Vanderbilt in a Mega Conference? Geographically Nashville is sorta western and they used to have a rivalry with LSU back when Huey Long was governor of Louisiana. I just wonder if we are gonna ask them to move why don't we just ask them to go ahead and explore their options in Conference USA. Which will mean:

7. A 16th Team- A&M will block all Texas and Oklahoma schools. The Gamecocks will block Clampsun. The Gators will block Miami and USF. Georgia and Florida will block FSU. Kentucky will block Louisville. That leaves Missouri, who you probably can't sale to the fan base; Maryland, who may be a compromise but Kentucky, W.Virginia, and Maryland......uh that may be tad on the Yankeefied side, son. So that really only leaves Georgia Tech and you have to ask yourself do we want to trade a bunch of nerds that know their place for a bunch of nerds that don't and talk smack all the time?

SEC Dream Mega Conference:

East: West Virginia, Virginia Tech, North Carolina, Tennessee, Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, Kentucky

West: Texas A&M, LSU, Ar-Kansas, Ole Miss, Missy State, Alabama, Auburn, (Vandy or Georgia Tech take your pick...Naturally we prefer Vandy out of spite).

Texas A&M to the SEC the Sequel--From a 100% SEC Jingoist Opinion

Our boy EC Dawg over at the Leather Helmet Blog has more........oh what do you call it...........uhhhhh.....ah yes journalist integrity than do we. As opposed to waiting for a story to break and then giving what some may consider to be an "overreaction" to said story he actually follows stories. He has stuck with the expansion idea for some time now but touched on it again earlier this week here. Another Dawg blog that we frequent, Hedges to Hardwoods, also covered the renewed interest in expansion here.
All of this is stemming from these two articles:
here, and
here. The story has also garnered some non-football crazed blogosphere mainstream lovin. That can be found here.
Obviously this story has legs at this point but it has a number weaknesses that we would like to point out later in this post.
First let me say that we would love to break these stories and do more in the way of covering the entire SEC. Yet alas the war on Richt-O-Phillia won't stop because it can't stop until victory is achieved and we are all emancipated from the grip of mediocrity.
On Tuesday I purchased NCAA Football 2012 for the X-Box 360 (for the sole purpose of in-depth research for this blog.....I did it for you and you are welcome) last night I finally got a chance to sit down and play some of it. I assume that we all immediately start a Dynasty with the Dawgs when we get a new copy of NCAA, and so that is what I did. However, I was struck by two things in this year's version:
1. ESPN is all up in the game (more so than usual), and
2. In Dynasty mode you can customize your conferences by--trading teams or by expansion. You can expand the SEC from 12 to 13 or up to as many as 16. A Mega-Conference? ESPN is backing a game that allows us to explore Mega Conferences? Surely not because they stand to gain the most by Mega-Conferences. Of course in the midst of all of this there is the pandalerium that is once again sweeping Aggie Nation.
The Scouts article seemed to me the most credible of the two A&M blogs that broke the story, and yet it was flawed. If you aren't aware of the situation here it is in a nutshell.
A&M would appreciate it if Texas would at least pay for dinner and a movie first.
The Aggies got aggied....literally by the Longhorns once again. At this point they are the Coyote and Road Runner of College Football. Not only does Texas get about 99.9% of all Big 12 money but they also have ESPN backing their Longhorn Network. As a result the Longhorn Network will broadcast Texas High School Games (that has to be some sorta violation, right), and in a round about way when Aggie fans pay the cable/satellite bill they will be paying for the Longhorn Network. That would be like Auburn kicking into an Alabama Network, and I think we all know that the Auburn reaction would make Harvey Updyke look like a guy who doesn't really care that much about college football.
The Rivals article then goes in depth on the Aggies possible move to the SEC for 2013. Let me say this right now.....sometime in the next five to eight years we will have 16 Mega Conferences and the SEC will most likely want to be the first. However, let me dispel some of the myths around this article that cause it to lose credibility:

1. Clampsun is not now nor has it EVER been the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, or even sixth choice to join the SEC. These articles claim that the SEC was ready to roll with A&M and Clampsun last year. Erroneous! That would mean Oklahoma, Oklahoma St., Virginia Tech, North Carolina, North Carolina St., Florida St., Virginia, Georgia Tech, and West Virginia had all said no to the SEC. Not likely. In 1991 with expansion on the horizon, a SEC delegation approached Texas and Texas A&M about becoming the 11th and 12th teams and establishing a championship game and increased revenue. Then, like now, Texas pissed their pants at the prospect of playing in a real conference and thus being exposed. With the Texas market closed the SEC turned to Ar-Kansas and Florida St. Ar-Kansas dominates their State and while not huge it does help to dominate an entire state. Florida St. at the time was building a National brand and they would no doubt increase the level of competition. Ar-Kansas jumped but FSU did not. Now listen very closely all fans and alumni of Clampson You were not at that point nor were you ever considered for the 12th spot in the SEC and you most certainly did not say "no" to any offer that was not made back then! I have been told that countless times from Clampson fans and it is something that exists only in their minds. Here is the deal. South Carolina has three major media markets that coincide with the three regions of the state: The Up-State controlled by the Greenville market, The Midlands controlled by the Columbia market, and the Low Country controlled by the Charleston market. The Gamecocks dominate the Columbia and Charleston markets which also happen to be the two biggest of the three. The SEC preferred a crappy program with more money to a not quite as crappy program with less money.

2. The SEC would be fine with 13 teams until they find the right fit for a 14th
So you are telling me that the SEC west champion could have played 6 divisional games, 3 non-divisional SEC games for a total of 9 conference games. That means the game in Atlanta would be their tenth conference game while the East champion would only be playing their ninth conference game. You think Alabama, Auburn, and LSU ain't gonna cry foul on that one? There is no expansion unless their are at least 2 and maybe 4 teams ready to jump.

3. This could all be put to bed because there is some meteor of destruction headed for the SEC in the way of NCAA violations for multiple teams. Ah yes this again, the lustfull wish of everyone not associated with the SEC. This has been going to happen since the late 90's. You know what NCAA sanctions mean to us down here? NOTHING! The NCAA is not going to give four to five SEC teams the death penalty. Do we cheat down here? Is the Pope Catholic? Please. Let's be honest the SEC doesn't need the NCAA and the NCAA knows that. No region of the country spends more money on college football than the South. I can't remember the last wedding I went to where they didn't pay about $200 to have the groom's cake be an exact replica of his favorite teams logo. I have about three friends having kids and my wife is spending a lot of money to have something hand made and monogrammed with their initials and with their parent's team's logo on it. We could always expand to 20 teams down here, 2 divisions of 10 teams, you play all 9 division opponents, one from the other division, and the top two teams in each division go into a play-off. #1 in the East plays #2 in the West in New Orleans and #1 in the West plays #2 in the East at Cowboys stadium and the two winners play in the Georgia Dome. You know what... that would bring more money than the rest of the country combined.

4. Texas A&M should try and convince Chokelahomo to jump ship with them.
A&M, if they do jump ship, will only do so if they are assured that no other Big 12 school comes with them. A&M can lord their status as an SEC school over all the other Texas schools and make no mistake about it Chokelahomo and Oklahoma St. are nothing but Texas schools. Their rosters ain't exactly flush with Oklahoma talent. When Pat Boone, or whatever his name is, dies OK St. goes the way of the dodo. With our backing A&M leaves Chokelahomo safely in the dust in three years. Oklahoma is not a terribly desirable market and if including it means losing the second largest program in Texas then we certainly don't want it. Plus the only thing Chokelahomo bring to the table is their perennial and inexplicable guarantee that they will be pre-season #1 in at least 1/2 of all college football publications every year.

On our next post: The real candidates for SEC expansion.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

"You can not be serious"


Richard Samuel, TB. We've seen this before, it didn't work. Now we've got two players, in rather critical positions on the depth chart, with OL Bean Anderson and now Samuel, who spent the first two years looking incapable of filling their current roles before wasting last year injured on the wrong side of the ball. Brilliant.
As the title quote indicates, allow me to channel my inner John McEnroe for a minute...
"He just went over to LB."
"We need running back depth, Mr. Sanchez"

Seriously, does anyone think we are truly any better off now with this sort of positional red rover going on in Athens? Did he forget the man has no vision, no wiggle, nothing remotely resembling a natural ball carrier? Did we develop new depth at linebacker we've yet to learn of that caused Samuel to shift over to LB in the first place? I want Richt to take this team back to the top so bad, but it's braindead decisions like this that make absolutely no freaking sense that lead me to believe our sainted one may be smoking rocks. What possible explanation could he come up with that explains a) how a year redshirting at LB would help Samuel play TB better, or b) how on earth he thinks Samuel can be effective enough at TB to help this team back to Atlanta come December (including a Peach Bowl)? If you can't tell, in the words of Lil' Vicki, I'm ever so pissed. Don't forget, we called this bullshit back in May ("soon-to-be-a-TB-again Richard Samuel (just wait until Caleb King has another mishap")

In closing, my thoughts can be summed up thusly. Time for a drink. Several drinks.

The Patterson to Georgia Campaign Stop Number 4--Time to Pick a Running-Mate

Naturally we have assumed from the very beginning of this process that Gary Patterson and Dick Bumpas are a package deal. On the other hand we have made no such assumptions about anyone else on Patterson's current staff. Also, TCU is going to need a coach so we will just go ahead and say that they can keep the Offensive Coordinator to fill that void.
In this case Patterson will need a running-mate/offensive coordinator to go ahead and ice the cake of his candidacy. Now some will say, "Lets just keep Bobo and have Patterson yell at him until he understand the basics of Football"--not a bad plan but we don't want anything to deflate the current momentum of the campaign. We need a big name and we need it now.
The campaign has put out a number of "feelers" and have just completed a thorough vetting process (something that the McCain campaign should have invested in back in 08'). We had a number of very strong candidates to review:

Dana Holgorsen responded by saying:
"Please, please, please, for the love of God I will take the job for $50 a day and a renewal of my Sirius/XM subscription so I can keep the Radio Margaritaville channel. Just get me out of Hillbilly Hell!"
Naturally we thought "Hey $50 a day that is cheap, and a certain University President is all about gettin out on the cheap." However, alas there was a Red Bull clause in Holgorsen's contract and the cost of keeping him properly hydrated with Red Bulls would eliminate the very low cost of paying him.

Paul Chryst of Wisconsin was also strongly considered. The major flaw with his vetting was that when asked what his Offensive philosophy was he said:
"Give me a 315lb running back that clocks a 6 flat on the 40 and I will show you how football is supposed to be played. Some people say 3 yards and a cloud of dust but I think 3 is little on the stingy-side. I hold firmly to the 1.5 yards and a cloud of dust philosophy."

Needless to say we were in fear that the campaign could fall apart. Basically, there is no one anywhere close to Patterson and Bumpas in terms of awesomeness. We were dumbfounded, frustrated, and felt very much like Willie Martinez matched against a mediocre offensive mind. Then suddenly our phone rang. It was an odd area-code that we would later discover was from Tortuga. The voice on the other end said:
"You looking for an offensive coordinator?"
We said "Well, yes we are."
"What is your fax number?"
We gave the number and as we asked who we were speaking with the line went dead. Moments later we received this fax!
We called the number back and asked why the fax smelled of rum and blood. We also asked who we were speaking with. This is the answer we were given:
I am the Horseman,
I am mentally mad,
I am a super-sharp shooter,
Sitting on your roof top.
I came to gets them points, son and I shant be denied.
I understand from speaking with Stafford that you have some form of a lake easily accessible my motor vehicle from campus in which I may dock my ship. I further understand that your campus has a sufficient number of fat girls with pretty faces. If all of this is true I accept your offer, sir."

Patterson to Georgia 2012 no Concussion or Scrotum can be safe.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

So is this a good sign or bad sign?

Leather Helmet has been on this all along, but the AJC's Q&A with Brent Benedict poses an important question. Is the new demand for player's to do things as the coaches want a sign that the complacency and problems that have been plaguing this program are being fixed? Or is it a sign, as many suggested when Coach Tereshinski was put in to a position his resume wasn't exactly qualified for, that our S&C program is still not up to snuff to get this program to an elite level?

Q: I understand this mainly had to do with not seeing eye-to-eye with new strength and conditioning coach Joe Tereshinki about training techniques with respect to your injury. I know he’s employing some old-school philosophies with a lot of lower-body work. Is that what this was about?

A: “Coach Tereshinski came in and he has his own philosophy and he and the coaching staff believe that it’s going to work and there’s no reason not to believe that. So, there were a few things going on and I wasn’t able to resolve that. Of course I hope Georgia does well, extremely well. I’ve told all my buddies back there I wish them the best of luck and I really believe it will be successful.”

At first glance, the quote sounds good. A player wasn't willing to get on board with the new responsibilities, and is cut loose. It's something we said would be a great sign for much needed improvements coming in to the summer. Then again, Chip Towers' allusion to "old school philosophies" brings to mind the previous S&C staff's focus on bench press numbers and crack-inspired fantasy 40 times.

The idea that Coach T was actually going to demand accountability from the players was a welcome change. But strength and conditioning has become a well studied science over the years, and does a former video coordinator (among various other duties he's had within the program for 30 years or so) have the knowledge needed to get our athletes performing at the level they need to be at to win. We know he can make the kids work harder, but can he make them bigger, stronger, faster, quicker, more explosive, more flexible, and less prone to injury? Was Benedict's problem that he wasn't willing to fall in line with the heightened demands the staff is placing on the players, or was he unwilling to resort to outdated techniques after working off campus this summer with people widely regarded among the best in the S&C business?

Lets Keep It Classy On Other Georgia Blogs, Son.

I read many of the other Georgia Blogs.
I like the Senator,
I like Bernie,
I like Corbin,
I like T K King, and
I love ECDawg.
In fact there are a number of blogs that I usually disagree with but I still read and enjoy like-- A Bulldog in Exile (now out of exile), This Dawgs View, and others. While we disagree those guys do listen and understand different points of view.
What I have an extremely low tolerance of is the canned defenses for Richt, people who have no sense of humor, and the wasting space on our blog to argue about an issue that is irrelevant to the conversation. What is unacceptable however, is wasting the space of other blogger's sites to spew your fantasy world hatred of anyone who dares to question your beloved. T. Kyle King decided to take a logical yet horribly flawed approach to challenging some of our opinions. What he got in return was the usual inmates over here taking their insatiable blood lust-defense of Richt over there. The fine, upstanding, and yes TKK "mainstream" readers of the Georgia SB Nation blog probably do not care to be subjected to that crap.

We are a humor/opinion blog.

Are we a shock jock blog? Well not in our minds. We just put what we think and if that is a little Cold Blooded well........in football terms we are heartless. We just want them win, baby.

If we take a jab at Southern Black Culture that doesn't mean we are racist. If you actually read this blog instead of linking from a link site then you would see that we make fun of just about everything (save Gary Patterson because we don't want a midnight punch to the man-purse via Mr. Dick Bumpas).

We are not Anti-Christian we just fail to see how that qualifies you to keep a job you are failing at.

We are not anti-being nice to players we just expect them to have their faces eaten by at least one Coach on the staff.

We are not, and you may find this hard to believe, but we are not Anti-Richt. We just fail to see how three years of decline, hiring and refusing to fire bad assistants, failure to produce a consistent level of depth and talent on the O-line when you are an offensive minded coach and you operate in the 4th largest talent producing State in the country, and the overall lack of understanding that nutrition and strength and conditioning are essential elements to success--makes you the best choice to coach the Georgia Bulldogs.

What we are Anti is anti-accepting of mediocrity.

Georgia has all the tools necessary to be a perennial contender for the National Title, but we are not. We have all the tools to beat Florida at least on a 50% clip, and yet we do not.
If we do or do not "like" someone as a person that is irrelevant to if that person should maintain a job that he is failing at.

If you want to insult us that is fine. If you want to use the same old tired approach of calling us some horrible thing because you wish to marginalize us and our opinion that is fine. We will dismiss you for that. If you wish to back that with some legitimate argument other than we won an SEC title six years ago then please do.

Otherwise keep what non-sensical reasoning you have created in your mind to dismiss our very real questions to yourself as you sleep beside your life-size cut out of Mark Richt every night. More importantly keep your insults on our blog. Mr. Sanchez contributes to other bloggers at their request. I myself have contributed to other blogger's pod-casts. For the most part I stay right here quivering with anticipation of the great revelation as to why Richt should be kept. We the Dark Lords of the Evil Empire enjoy your comments and self-proclamations of weakness. It fits the niche of our site. It does not belong on more reputable sites.

2011 SEC Pre-Season Down Play by the Media

Shortly after LSU thumped Ohio State for the National Title (the 2nd SEC team in a row to do so) ESPN was able to get their College Football expert, Herbskreet, to discuss SEC superiority. Amidst fighting back tears Herbie made a declaration that has slowly become the new anthem for all conferences not named the SEC. The idea is that the SEC dominates because they have elite talent at the DT position. Now that is true. The problem with that reasoning however, is that it fails to mention that the SEC has superior talent at every position. I have heard this DT theory multiple times in the the off season. I have also heard another statement....one that ESPN has been trying to put out there since shortly after the Florida thrashing of tOSU....that the SEC is QB poor.
This is problematic on both ends because since 06' SEC QB's are blow for blow in the 1st round of the NFL draft and SEC DT's are not getting snapped up at a disproportionately high rate.

1st round QB's since 06'
SEC- 5
B.12- 4
P.10- 3
ACC- 2
NAQ- 2
Of These the following have had the first QB taken in the draft.
SEC- 3
B.12- 2
ACC- 1
Of those the 3 SEC and 2 Big 12 were the #1 overall pick.
In fact since 1998 (the BCS era) the QB's have gone in the 1st round like this:
SEC- 10 -- Six of those were the 1st QB taken and also the 1st overall player taken.
P.10- 9
NAQ- 8
ACC- 4
B.12- 4
B.Est- 1
B.10- 0
In addition too being QB poor remember the SEC dominates the scene in DT's--here they are in the 1st round since 06'.
1st round DT's since 06'
SEC- 6 -- 2 of those were the first DT taken
B.12- 5 -- 1 of those were the first taken
ACC- 4 -- 1 was taken first
P.10- 3 -- 1 was taken first
B.10- 2 -- none taken first
B.Est- 1 -- 1 was taken first
NAQ- o

Why don't we revise our theory ESPN. Here is one for you.

"The SEC is just better and deeper at every position."

Maybe not every year and maybe not at every position but on average this is true especially the "deeper" part.
You also have to remember the SEC is compared to five other AQ conferences; so while one conference may be better than the SEC at one position in one year that is an outlier. The reason this is an outlier is because that Conference will not sustain that level of talent every year at that position.
If the SEC on average is not the most talented at every position every year they are at least the 2nd most talented. I remember when the ACC sent something like 52 players in the Draft back in 06'. That was an outlier because that Conference has yet to recover from that draft both on the field and in their NFL player production. On the other hand the SEC sent the second most players in that draft and did not miss a beat in terms of on field performance and production of players to the NFL.

A Rebuttal to Grading Mark Richt's First Ten Years

T K King over at DawgSports has recently takin an interest in the Ol' CB Sausage Makers....a little more of that main stream love. Now TKK since you have just discovered us be careful---you will start to gets all sorts of hate mail because Richt-O-Philles believe that paying us attention makes us stronger. In truth hating us makes us stronger so it is actually their fault not yours. Anyway the e-mails will no doubt ask that we be banned from your site because since our arrival on the scene last year we have had a tremendous negative impact on recruiting. This was of course evidenced by Richt's best class ever but alas details are of no importance in the mind of a Richt-o-Phille.

As a side note we probably do agree on the constitution and while not physically present in Philly at the time... we operate under the "Thomas Jefferson did everything good and Alexander Hamilton came along and screwed it up" theory of American History. This is an opinion and not a staement of fact like say "Auburn does not run the spread" (our all time favorite Richt-o-Phille response). No doubt the members of the convention from Virgina had their marching orders from TJ like the inclusion of the word "necessary" before proper in the Necessary and Proper Clause. "No thanks on the extra helping of Socialism there Hamilton."~Thomas Jefferson

Now to Marky Marky and the Complacent Bunch. I do not blog for a living so I will not go into as much detail as TKK other than to say you can check out a similar post of ours here

Lets just be a little more direct. You can't compare old SEC coaches to new ones. The others named by TKK existed in a world where you did not have a 12 team-championship game conf. Look at Dooley and his LSU record for example. In the modern SEC you can't duck anyone and you can't be ducked by anyone. I want to be direct because I want to compare Richt and his program to the best program in the SEC East during the Richt-era, Florida. Here is Florida's record against the East. I only give the East cause you gotta win there to get to Atlanta and then the Big Game.

Tennessee: 7-3
South Carolina: 8-2
Georgia: 8-2

That is one year under Spurrier, three under Zooker, and six under Urban.
The HC position was not stable at Florida for at least 1/2 of the Richt era. As a side note Zooker gets two of the three L's against Tennessee. You will note that in our BIG RIVALRY GAME in Jacksonville we are essentially the Gamecocks to the Gators. I have always said that the Georgia/Carolina rivalry is a rivalry in Gamecock eyes only.....We have to be honest and say that since 1990 the same is true of the Georgia/Florida rivalry...it is in our eyes only.
The big point here is the record in bold. If you are going to be elite in the SEC East you simply can't lose to Vandy or Kentucky.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

We Are Winning the War on Richt-O-Phillia. Wanna Know How we Know?

Our quaint little blog has since the 2010 Georgia/South Carolina game become arguably the best case study in the odd Socio-Mental disorder that we have in the past referred to as the-- "Tommy Bowden Syndrome"
The Tommy Bowden Syndrome was most clearly seen at the University of Clempsun from roughly 2003-2008. We don't know much about this disorder other than to say that it:

a) is contained to the Southeastern portion of the United States,
b) is most aggressive in nature when it surrounds a football coach,
c) becomes an all consuming pariah that prevents those infected from thinking clearly, and
d) causes violent and absurd reactions when said football coach is questioned.

We have asserted that it is not a religion but that it is in fact very similar to Islamic Jihadism in its pattern of thought and action. If you disagree then you are the infidel and you must be destroyed by any means necessary.

The symptoms of the Tommy Bowden Syndrome are distinct and obvious:

1) The appearance of total devotion to a specific Univeristy football program,
2) The inability to separate the personality of the Head Coach from the program,
3) Violent out-bursts that are typically centered around the belief that anyone who does not worship the coach is in some way not a fan of the program,
4) A total inability to articulate why the coach and program cannot be separated,
5) A total inability to articulate why the coach staying at the program is of more importance than the programs overall success,
6) The development of a belief that the program is inferior to others or the belief that "average" is good enough because the coach is average (again the inability to separate the coach from the program),
7) An inability or sub-conscious refusal to accept that anyone could do a better job than that coach,
8) An inability to live in the present as thoughts of selective moments of the past control their daily activities,
9) An overwhelming belief that having a coach who has non-Catholic views on Christianity and/or the appearance that he is a "Robert E. Lee Type" example of adhering to long honored social norms that have been held in the highest regard by the culture of the American South is more important than winning.

Our blog has been an in-depth look into a very specific case of this syndrome that we have dubbed "Richt-O-Phillia" as it pertains to the Syndrome infecting a large portion of the University of Georgia fan base from 2008-present. If you look back at our archives you will see a distinct pattern of heightened violent reaction that consistently trends more and more to the side of absurd and ignorant as we increase our questioning of Mark Richt. Here is a look at the timeline:

2010 Pre-Season- In a very tongue and cheek manner we dared to question if Mark Richt was on the "Hot Seat". The reaction that came from Richt-O-Philles was that we were not "Real" Georgia fans. A mild response to a mild question.
Post Carolina Game 2010- We question a number of calls made by the offensive coordinator, we question the new defensive scheme, we blame inadequate strength and conditioning, we assert that South Carolina (a historically inferior program) had closed the talent gap with Georgia. The reaction was that there was nothing wrong with strength and conditioning and that we were actually some sort of rouge double-agent Georgia Tech fan blog. As our questioning intensified so to did the reaction. There was no proof to contradict that we are anything but Die Hard Georgia fans but we were accused of not being fans at all. When we moved from a mild question to outright accusations about inadequacies the reaction went from unverifiable to conspiracy theory absurd.
Post Colorado 2010- We abandon all hopes of Mark Richt still being the best fit for the program. The reaction is that we are a) not Georgia fans, b) rouge Georgia Tech double agents, and c) racists. You see to not be fan means that your criticisms can be dismissed. The obvious logical disconnect is that if we were we fans of any other program we would want an adversarial program to keep a coach who goes 6-7 . This logical disconnect would be magnified if we were actually fans of said programs arch-rival. In calling us racists the motive is not to marginalize our stance on the program but to marginalize us from society all together. Now we certainly understand that there are a few white people in the world who are self-proclaimed racist watch dogs because they think that someone somewhere is keeping some sort of score and they get points for getting offended. However, for the most part the calling us racists (as opposed to seeing that we frequently point out Southern quirkiness both white and black on a regular basis with no malicious intent but instead for humor) is a desperate attempt to discredit anything that we say against the focus of their disorder, Mark Richt.
Post UCF Debacle 2011- We are consistently point out all the problems with the program both past and present. We bring forth the issue that being a Christian does not automatically make you a good coach. The same responses apply but a new one is added-- that we are anti-Christian. Now we have in the mind of a Richt-O-Phille; been marginalized as fans, marginalized from main stream society, and will now be placed into Hell in the after life. Our being anti-Christian now means that not only do they have to face our hard truth in this life but we won't be around in the after life to question Richt either.

Let us state clearly that a Racist is someone that hates all things consistent with anyone being a member of any race. Any one of any race can be a racist. It is not simply reserved for white Southerners. While their are many people that we don't care for there is no one that we hate for any reason race is to be included in "any" reason. We feel this way because it is un-Christian to hate anyone. Which brings us to this point: I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, born of a virgin, all man and yet all God, lived a sinless life, died of his own choice on a cross, took the burden of all the sins of the world as the ultimate sacrifice, died, arose three days later, did wonders, and returned to Heaven to sit at the right hand of Power, and confessing him and asking for a forgiveness of your sins by him is the only way to Salvation. My belief in this does qualify me to be a brain surgeon, an accountant, a financial advisor, a football coach, or any other highly skilled profession for which I have not been properly trained--or have been trained but have failed

We are winning this argument because you are reacting in an absurd manner in a desperate attempt to discredit anyone with anything negative to say about Richt. I assume that we will be Nazis, or Child Molesters, or Devil Worshippers after this since those are the three worst things anyone can be and we have yet to be accused of these.

Monday, July 11, 2011

The Patterson to Georgia Campaign Stop Number 3- Lets Have "The Talk"

"The Talk" oh, you know what the talk is. Back in 2008 Obama had "the talk" with America where he told you all the reasons you should vote for him and not be swayed because he is black. I don't actually know what he said because I didn't listen to it. I didn't listen because much like the Patron Saint of Cold Blooded Sausage Making, General George S. Patton, I loath communism and refuse to listen to commie propaganda.

"I have no particular desire to understand them (Communist Russia) except to ascertain how much lead and iron it takes to kill them." ~ Gen. George S. Patton Jr.

Well said Georgie. We here at the Patterson campaign have actually made a small adjustment to our plan of attack. The third stop was to be made in July and we intended to name a "running-mate"/Offensive Coordinator. We figured a running mate would energize the base and carry excitement here in the summer lull. However, we did get some of that mainstream love this morning from T.K.K. over at the Georgia SB Nation Spot and as a result we are going to flip the third and fourth stops.

We would like to stop and address some of the main concerns that DawgNationers are expressing about the possible saving of our program via Gary Patterson.

1. PATTERSON WOULD NEVER LEAVE TCU- I cannot express what a defeatist attitude this is. Will Patterson come to Athens for less, the same, or just a little more money? Absolutely not! You gotta spend money to make money, honey. Georgia will have to pay more for Patterson than they have ever paid for a coach before. There is the idea that he is some sort of King at TCU and would never leave. Yeah, is that sorta like how Rich Rodriguez would never leave his Alma Mater, West Virginia? WV would have matched anyones money, RR was the best they have ever had, he was a King in Morgantown, he had built the program, blah blah blah. Rich Rod couldn't get out of town quick enough when one of the big boys came a callin'. How about back when Steve Spurrier would never leave Florida because he was a "college coach" and didn't want the stress or work schedule of the NFL? Oh yeah and how about the way Nick Saban would never even entertain the idea of entertaining the idea of going from the NFL back to college? How about the way Pete Carroll would never consider going back to the NFL with his past failures there? How about the way we all laughed and laughed when Lou Holtz name started coming up for the South Carolina job? Remember how we laughed and laughed when Spurrier's name came up for the same job? Texas was a better job than North Carolina so Mack Daddy left. Michigan better than W.Virginia so Rich Rod left. LSU is a better job than Michigan so the Hat Molester stayed. Auburn is a better job than Ole Miss so T-Tubs left and it wasn't even in a "Pine Box" like he promised. USC is a better job than Tennessee so Kiffie-cakes bolted. Colorado was better than Boise St. so Hawkins left. Alabama is a better job than Texas A&M so the Bear left. A better job is just a better job and Georgia is better than TCU because Georgia has:

  • More Money

  • More talent

  • More exposure as an SEC program

  • More and better facilities

  • More competition (this may seem like a foreign concept to you Pee-Pee Dawgs as you fear any sort of confrontation or challenge and therefore cannot understand why some demand more of themselves as opposed to you who requires only the bare minimum of yourself and as a result of your football program).

2. PATTERSON IS NOT AN UPGRADE OVER RICHT- When I was in law school some weirdo liberal (my Con-Law Professor) tried to tell me how Alexander Hamilton's arguments for the meaning of the Necessary and Proper Clause was is some way superior to Thomas Jefferson's meaning. My argument was.......uhhhhhhhhh....who wrote the Constitution? What is that you say? Some delegation in Philly? Was Thomas Jefferson there? He was. So the smartest man in the room was Thomas Jefferson? Is that a yes? Oh well in that case lets go with TJ's call on this one (do not attempt to argue with this logic especially with things like "facts"). I say that because this is a simple one if you just walk it out in your head. Was TCU better in 2010 than they were in 2009? Yes. Were they better in 2009 than they were in 2008? Yes. Was Georgia better in 2010 than they were in 2009? No. How about 2009 from 2008? No. How about 2008 from 2007? No. Case closed. Gary Patterson is a better coach in 2011 than Mark Richt. 2002 don't count, son! (What about Vince Dooley in the late 70's? Erroneous argument because there is only one greatest player in the history of college football and unless you know where we can find another Walker then that argument is moot!)

3. I FEEL AS IF YOU MAY BE FAILING TO RECOGNIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF YELLING- Yelling works. If you don't believe that simple universal truth then you understand nothing. I'm sure when Richt dies all of his players will be at the funeral because he was so nice to them. They won't have any rings but they will be there. If Richt were in most any other profession this would be a sign that we was a success. I am pretty sure Patterson's players won't be at his funeral but he will be kept company in his casket by all the Championship Rings he will have from the Big Time Program that hires him away from TCU if we don't. Nice guys finish last in a cut-throat business like the SEC. If that is not who you are then go coach in the PAC 12 or the ACC.