Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

AnM is Out, Son! Gene Stallings Holds the Future of College Football in His Hands; Just as the Bear Would Have Wanted It.

Peace and Chicken Grease, Beebe!  AnM is out....holla at a playa' when you see em' on da' skreet!


This is my Pimp Hand and it is way strong, son!

The man you see above has done many things with his oh, so capable hands.  He has held a newborn baby and reflected on the beauty of God's gift of life.  He has lifted championships and known the joyous wonders that lie atop the peaks of this world's mountains.  He has lifted up men when they had been broken by defeat and known the lowly shadows at the bottom of the valley of defeat.  Now these oh, so capable hands have done their work and emancipated an oppressed peoples.  Texas A&M finally hit back against Texas.

This is such a monumental event that only one man can express the true nature of what has occurred.  Ladies and Gentlemen.........Mr. Conway Twitty.



Here is what the Big 12 said:

Here is what Gene Stallings said to AnM:

Here is what AnM decided on:

"MMMMMmmmmmmm.....your recruits look delicious Mack Brown."~ The SEC

S&G Talks Defensive Strategy for Boise

We here at Sports and Grits are very excited to be joined today be Coach Gary Patterson and Coach Dick Bumpas.  Coaches, thanks so much for stopping by and talking with a couple of Ol'Dawg Homers about UGA's first opponent of the season, Boise State.
Patterson: IT'S A PLEASURE TO BE HERE WITH YOU!

Bumpas:  Likewise boys, it's a pleasure.  However, I gotta be honest with y'all we were a little hesitant to show up what with the un-healthy obsession y'all have with us.

Rider:  With all due respect Coach Bumpas I think you mean our un-healthy obsession with Awesomeness.

Bumpas: Well.....I can't disagree with you there.  But listen y'all have a fine staff over at Georgia, don't be so hard on em'.  Richt is a great coach and Bobo ain't that bad.

Rider:  Oh, so you think Richt and Bobo are as good as you and GP?

Bumpas: HA! No. I was just being nice, it felt sorta weird I ain't been nice since 1973.  I gotta be honest....I don't like the way it feels.

Rider:  Coach Patterson lets start with you.  If you were fortunate enough to have all the speed and talent that we have at Georgia as opposed to a bunch of 1 and 2 star recruits at TCU; how would you attack Boise's offense?

Patterson: I'D BRING THE HOUSE!

Rider:  So you would call an all out blitz on the first play, interesting.

Patterson: NOT ON THE FIRST PLAY ON EVERY PLAY!

Rider: Every play?

Patterson: ABSOLUTELY!  IN THE 4-2-5 WITH UGA SPEED WE COULD LEAVE ONE SAFETY PLAYING CENTER FIELD AND TWO CORNERS IN COVERAGE.  THEIR SPEED WOULD BE ENOUGH TO CONTAIN BIG PLAYS SHOULD MOORE SURVIVE THE FIRST TWO OR THREE HITS.  THREE IN COVERAGE LEAVES LEAVES 8 TO BLITZ.

Rider: What about you Coach Bumpas?

Bumpas: Same thing.  Except I'd tell my boys that if a Boise player tries to dip out of bounds--don't pull up just, blow him up.  We'll take the 15 yards.  It's what like I like call Setting the Tone.

Rider:  Isn't that considered a dirty hit?

Bumpas: No such thing as a dirty hit, son.

Will Bobo's New Scheme Overwhelm Boise?

Shortly after the UCF debacle that mercifully placed a bullet in the head of the abortion that was the 2010 UGA Football season, we all expected Brother Bobo to get demoted or fired.  Quite the contrary what we got was a vote of confidence from Richt (as well as Richt literally betting the farm on Bobo).  We were also promised/threatened that Bobo would open it up and unleash some diabolical new offense in 2011.  What the average fan fails to realize is that 2010 was itself just a gigantic screen pass to throw defenders off balance before the unveiling of the Bobo Unicorn Formation! Unicorns like Bobo's ability are mythical creatures of awe inspiring beauty and power.  Bobo offenses on the other hand are underwhelming and anti-awe inspiring.  
So with all this fuss being made about Petersen's open practices and not caring what Georgia knows because he will out execute the Dawgs.....just know this Boise.  Offensive play #1  for the University of Georgia Bulldogs in 2011............SCREEN PASS, SON! 

You will fear the Unicorn!
 Now I did not link to the original story because it also contains a list of possible Richt replacements, and if you have been hanging around this summer you already know who our pick to replace Richt is should he fail this season.  What we will do is cut and paste the Unicorn Formation specifics.  Below is the super awesome clip art drawing we did of the base formation that is the Unicorn.
"You put the long snap center Ben Jones on the field- line Murray up 15 yards deep- and stagger nine receivers. It will work because one O-lineman Ben Jones is just a likely to block as well as five did in 2010. Since we basically had no running game why bother with a back. Nine receivers is a bit problematic because what are you going to do put nine corners on the field? Do you see the genius of it all? Sure five or six guys will come unabated to the QB but that is why he lines up so deep, plus we can take advantage of his ability to scramble. Now I know what your saying "Rider why line up two receivers staggered behind the others?" SCREEN PASSES,SON! You know Brother Bobo aint going to give up on his bread and butter. Bout to get that Unicorn all up in them guts, baby!"


What to expect from our boys

Mississippi St/Memphis and UNLV/Wisconsin whet our appetite tomorrow, with the main dish coming Saturday night. Been lost on the Dawgs right now (and with all our flip flopping, you might be), here's an idea of what to expect.
QB-Aaron Murray certainly has the look and feel of a future great. Whether Bobo can put him in a position to maximize his potential remains to be seen. Richt has gotten great stuff out of countless QBs in the past, and they've done well with a similarly-tooled player in DJ Shockley. Playaction passes on 3rd and long and up the middle dives with 155 pound backs on 2nd and 10 doesn't show his stuff. But QB should not be a problem this year.
RB-Thin, with Boo Malcolme showing the injury problems that kept him from completing high school seasons, so the SEC will need some luck. Richard Samuel is back after wasting a year at LB, and of course we return above mentioned 155 pound between the tackles specialist Carlton Thomas. But Thomas is suspended, and the other two have injury issues. Isaiah Crowell has started every game he's ever played, and Saturday won't be any different. What to expect is anyone's guess. He could be Knowshon Jr or Jasper Jr. He won't be the sequel to Herschel, but hopefully we've finally found our consistent horse to ride since Musa (Knowshon called for a breather too often in our opinion to be a "horse"). FB should be solid with Xander Ogletree and Bruce Figgins, although we use them far too often for our liking. But both should be strong blockers and have the athleticism to make a play or two in the passing game on dump downs.
WR/TE-I've mentioned this earlier this month. We lack a go to threat, but if we let Murray exploit the day's weakness and make teams respect multiple threats, that's not a problem. Whether our leading reciever is freshman Malcolm "Tampa" Mitchell, or Tavarres King, or Rantavious Wooten, or Orson Charles, or Aron White, or Marlon Brown, among others, is hard to say. For a former Donnan QB, Bobo is surprisingly ineffective using TEs. And our WRs are young, undersized, and to date have never had two good games back to back. Early reports suggest Tampa or Charles as Murray's #1 guy.
OL-Thin, and like RB, relying on a guy who wasted last year on the wrong side of the ball to be an impact contributor. Bean Anderson supposedly had problems understanding complex nature of OL schemes, so the year away could spell major trouble. But he's also big, and at times was an absolute steam roller as a FR All-American. Bookending him will be fellow 330+ pounder Cordy Glenn. Glenn has been a quality guard, and is projected among the best choices their in next springs NFL draft, but he'll be our LT. It's been a while since he dealt with the speed off the edge, so we may find out about Houston Mason or Christian Lemay before the season is up. Ben Jones returns at C, and we've got surprise freshman star Kenarious Gates back at one G spot, Chris Burnette steps in to the other, with little more than FR behind them (true frosh David Andrews at C and Watts Dantzler at RT, redshirt fr Dallas Lee at both G spots and rsfr Austin Long backing up LT). Thin, and even with the uncertainty at WR, the biggest question mark on offense going in to the year. Then again, it's a unit that's performed well when a question mark and was horrible last year when it was supposed to be a strength, so the suspect nature may be a good thing.
DL-We added Big Bad Jon, and Kwame's finally started to show out. The combined 700+ pounds should give us the NG we were said to be missing from the 3-4 last year. Abry Jones should improve at DE and Deangelo Tyson look much better not in the middle. So DL should go from weakness to strength. We say should because Rodney Garner's units have underperformed pretty much without fail for at least 3, if not 4 or 5 years now. Garrison Smith was a HS stud, so if any of the backups step up to make their name, he's the most likely one to do so.
LB-Jarvis Jones is cleared from his NCAA mess, and his neck injury. He's been hyped since emerging on to the scene at Carver Columbus, so we'll see if he's able to replace Justin Houston as he's reportedly gonna do. Cornelius Washington is looking like our own Mike Mamula, jaw dropping physical tools that disappear come game day. But then, his backups don't really seem capable of taking his job away either unless TJ Stripling is recovered from his knee injury last year. Inside, Christian Robinson is the group leader, and should be a smart place setter making the calls. Alex Ogletree is big, fast, and should be a force to be reckoned with as he's closer to the line of scrimmage.
DB-We've professed our love for Brandon Boykin, and if Branden Smith is thicker, stronger as reported, our CBs should be back to their old strength when we had great pairs of Thornton/Bryant or Jennings/Minter earlier this century. Jordan Love and Damien Swann back them up, with starting S Sanders Commings able to play on an island too. Commings partners with Shawn Williams over the top, with Bacarri Rambo maybe or maybe not being behind them (suspended?), and if not probably fr Corey Moore gets the call when Commings and Williams need a breather, and with as much as Boise slings it, our safeties will get lots and lots of work. While we need to own the line of scrimmage for these guys to have a chance, the talent is here to make a lot of big plays and create turnovers. Still, youth and lack of depth could be major issues here.
K/KR-Boykin is daring Boise to kick it to him, and we agree considering his ability to make a big play. Branden Smith has the same one touch for touchdown ability, so we're good here. We've got the two best kickers, both combined and individually, in the country, and a pair of scholarships committed to deep snappers so we should be strong there too. Never heard of Ty Frix before? That's as it should be friend, and hope you never hear his name again this year.

Pulpwood Smith on Boise

http://www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail/?mId=40680943.2

We're not sure who does this stuff. But he's brilliant. Not work safe, as so little we do around here ever is, but if you don't mind vulgarity (and since you're here, we'll assume you don't) it's pure greatness wrapped in awesome. So click the link, turn the volume up and get ready for Pulpwood to preach to ya. Here's a hint, he thinks we'll win.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

"Honored" isn't a good enough word for Jake Scott

tucked down low in a Fletcher Page recap of the day is this line....
2011 College Football Hall of Fame inductee Jake Scott will be honored before Georgia’s Nov. 12 home game against Auburn.
As a true Cold Blooded Sausage Maker and one of S&Gs many idols, we hope this event is worthy of such an amazing man. Maybe have regenerated Evil Knievel jump over Sanford Bridge from the roof of the Tate Center on to the 50? A team of Fender Rhodes doing flips on heavy bikes?

All We Want This Saturday is for:

THIS.........
PLUS THIS.......

PLUS THIS.......

Drive Blocking...It's what grown men do!
TO EQUAL INTERIOR D-LINES THAT LOOK LIKE THIS...

Bombed out and depleted via George Patton and his Drive Blocking Scheme.

Can we go ahead and named Ben Jones the starting center on the All-Time, All-Georgia, Sports and Grits team?


Boise is Looking to Steal a Spot in the BCS Title Game.

There are lots of ways to win National Titles.  Nebraska did it with the option in the 90's.  Florida did it with the Tebonner Option, Miami has done it a few times with prison gangs, and Auburn just bought one off the show room floor.  Regardless of how you get it-- you got it-- and right now we ain't got one here in Georgia since Jimmy Carter was exiting stage left.  Bama got one two years ago by kicking in the front door and taking it like a Spartan solider takes a wife.  This year Boise is trying to slide in the back door and five finger discount one.
This is going to be hard for Dawgnation to hear but we were hand picked like a booger for Boise.  You see the casual fan of College Football located at any non-descript, soulless, devoid of tree cover place in the mid-west knows nothing of Georgia's troubles.  They don't know that we have been running an out-dated strength and conditioning program for five years now.  They don't know that someone (Richt) thought it would be a good idea to give a kid "on the job training" as an offensive coordinator in the SEC.  They don't know that  a culture of laziness and entitlement has permeated this program to it's very core.  They don't know that we are still in "recovery" from our bout with Willie "Football AIDS" Martinez.  All they know is "Hey, isn't Georgia in the SEC?  Weren't they good a few years ago?  Oh, Boise beat them!?!  Well....Boise is legit then they deserve a spot in the National Title Game.
We certainly hope that Georgia gives Boise the Hawaii treatment from a few years ago.  The problem is we have South Carolina a week from Saturday and Boise has no other opponent until TCU.  The entire Boise season is on the line this Saturday.  Saturday really means very little to Georgia who will still be looking down the barrel of a SEC schedule.
You wanna impress us Boise?  Schedule three SEC teams in one season none of them named Vanderbilt.  Schedule Bama at Legion Field.  Schedule LSU in the Superdome.  Or schedule us in 2014, year three of the Patterson era at UGA.

Big 12 Gets AnM's Letter of Resignation--Missouri Gets its Own Copy, hmmmmmmm

ESPN is reporting via the NY Times that Texas AnM has sent a letter to the Big 12 offices informing them that they are out, son!

Most interesting of all however, is that ESPN and The Times are reporting that Missouri's Chancellor was sent his own separate copy.  Now they could have sent everyone in the Big 12 a copy and this could just be media controlled spin.  On the other hand if they only sent a special copy to Missouri.........well that would mean two in the West so you need two in the East.  FSU, Clampsun, GT, NC, NCST, and Virginia Tech...let the slap fight begin.

Our secret weapon


That's what scout team QB and walk on Michael Tamburo looked like a year ago.

This is what he looks like now (the one in the middle).



Kellen Moore is a lefty with experience in Chris Peterson's offense. Our scout team QB, former North Gwinnett star Tamburo, is a lefty with experience in Chris Peterson's offense. If anything, our defense has been given a great look and should be as well prepared for this game as possible. We're getting healthier and also getting ESPN's #1 crew of Nessler and Blackledge, which is nice.

Monday, August 29, 2011

S&G Cold Blooded Pre-Season Top 10.


Cold-Bloooooooded
While the rest of the world pops out a top 25 roughly 45 minutes after the end of the National Title Game we at S&G operate on a different time table.  Why rank a team before you know all the details?  Anyone can can hurt, just ask Knile Davis.  Also, anyone can get caught pouring Crystal onto Brazilian hookers upon a ponzi-scheme/rap mogul's yacht, right Miami?  Also, 25 is too many. So you have seen all the rest now behold the best Top 10 in the land.......and as always it is realer than real, son!

1. Alabama Crimson Tide- They have it all-- a quasi-prison gang on defense, a big-strong-nasty O-line, roughly 15 wilda-beasts at running back lead by one alpha wilda-beast, decent receivers, and a QB who won't turn the ball over (at least he better not, or else!).
2. LSU Tigers-  Even with all of the problems they are still loaded.  Trust us when we tell you that losing a QB (in the loosest sense of the word) and a WR will not stop their Gee Chee Killing Machine of a Defense.
3. Wisconsin Badgers-  They once again have an NFL size and caliber O-line and about 15 Clydesdales in the backfield.  The Sweater Vest mind-control is gone and only Nebraska stands between them and a date in New Orleans.
4. Stanford Cardinal- Luck (the QB not the thing they had when they landed Harbaugh) will carry them on his back.  Unless Oregon finds some DTs in the next few weeks the Cardinal will take the PAC-12.
5. Florida State Seminoles- They are deceiving because they could run the table with a down Florida and an ACC that is full on retarded.  If they are undefeated then expect Bama or LSU to devour them in the title game.
6. Arkansas Razorbacks- If Knile Davis were not injured they would be at #4.  Slutty Bobby P' will still have tons of tools on offense.
7. Texas AnM Aggies- They are better than Chokelahomo and should roll out of the Big Texas Conference with a parting Championship shot.
8. Oregon Ducks-  They are better than everyone they play except LSU and Stanford.  Could be a short lived run at the top with Chip Kelly Ohio State bound.
9. Nebraska Cornhuskers- Wisconsin is better all around but the BIG N ain't too far from controlling the Big Ten.
10. TCU Hornie Toads- All you need to know is this, son

The Answer to the Big Question--Who Will Win the National Title this Year.

Well if you can answer yes-- to Ol' Jerry's question then you are in the runnin' that's fo' sho'.


MMMUUUUHHHUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Knowing Is Half The Battle

Waste too much time on stupid stuff and know nothing about our upcoming opponents? The public service department of Sports & Grits is here to help. Here's a run down of Boise and their roster so you can sound somewhat smart all week talking about the game to friends and coworkers.
For starters, some of them can draw, and they are really cocky about their chances and their team. This is their Super Bowl, and the $1.4m payday makes this an unprecedented regular season (or college football's "playoff") game for them.
But positionally, here's what we're looking at:
QB-Physically, he's similar albeit a shade smaller than our QB. Mobile, smart, accurate, he's a front runner for the Heisman and puts up video game numbers against the cupcakes they call a conference schedule. Similarities could be drawn to Colt Brennan (hopefully we could get that same amount of pressure on him we got on Brennan), if you wanted to be overly optimistic. But with time, Moore has proven that he can carve you up as good as any QB you'll see. He's a senior, and his little brother is one of their wide recievers.
RB-Their fans talk non stop about some gerbil with a steroid problem in Doug Martin, as if he's the next Barry Sanders. (He's not, no one is. Not that we're immune to such stupidity as Georgia fans have this constant "next Herschel" issue that's never gonna happen either. Also, "Muscle Hamster" might be the worst nickname since "Snot Boogie" and the dumbest one we've ever heard for a high caliber athlete.) Considering his build, collegiate jersey colors, and ability to pile up yards against teams where his offense is at an extreme advantage, Emmitt Smith might be the better comp. But he puts up those numbers against a teams that we use as preseason practice, and it'll be interesting to see if he can break the tackles of legit LBs, and if our pair of Cyrano-sized noses can clog up the middle better than most teams he faces who are much more focused on stopping Moore and the pass than him.
WR/TE-Like us, they lost their starters here, which means they return little that's known. What they do return at TE is somewhat smallish, and of the "recieving TE" variety. It's also young, and if Grantham can get more creative with his schemes could be required to block, which should be to our advantage. Their WRs are also generally smaller, so Boykin, Love, Commings, etc could be successful being more physical at the line. Their possible lead WR is their lone one with size, 6'4 from Amsterdam named Geraldo (Geraldo, from Amsterdam? No way he'd pass a drug test). They are all young, and include the QB's younger brother, so he should have "good chemistry" with the group. Of course, physical DBs and pressure can disrupt that timing and chemistry. And that's our key, their offense seems similar in clips to the old Spurrier Florida Os, spread you at and attack all angles. Timing matters, as does rattling the QB. The individual WRs don't matter so long as they are quick and in the spot they should be when they should be there.
OL-Small, but it's been great against subpar competition. Can they handle the size? Can we get low, since that's a problem for young, taller lineman, and the low man wins the battle? Thomas Byrd is 5'11, and is supposedly the best C in the country. They return a big OT in Potter. Having our DL beat their OL is the key to success. If their line can protect Moore and open lanes for Martin, it'll be a long night. If Moore is shaking pressure and Martin having to make people miss in the backfield, then you'll know our immense size advantage ruled the day.
DL-Like their OL, also small by SEC standards. Stud senior DE and Canada native Tyrone Crawford would be the only DL they go we wouldn't consider undersized. Alongside him are SR DTs Chase Baker and Billy Winn. Their DL is deep, and talented, and if we're losing going in to the 4th quarter, will make a comeback very, very difficult. We need Bean Anderson to not be susceptible to the stupidity that got him moved to DL a year ago, or else Murray could get hurt.
LB-Jr JC Percy has led them in tackles for two years. SR Bryan Hout is a DE turned LB (think Brandon Tolbert), and FR Blake Renaud are supposed to be the big timers helping him. It's a good unit, and their front 7 will be a very difficult challenge for Crowell and the OL to run on. We'll need to have Murray have a big day, cause we won't run well on them unless Coach T is a miracle worker.
DB-Young, but talented. They've produced top picks like Kyle Wilson (#1 to the Jets two years ago), and have an upcoming CB in Jamar Taylor and S George Iloka who are going to contend for All American status with the numbers they can post against Montana St and Eastern Washington.
Kickers-Newbies. Their P should double as their kick off man, and they've had an open competition for their place kicker all camp. If they need a clutch kick to win, we might be in luck. I doubt the game gets that close, but it's nice to have that ace up our sleeve should it come down to a game winning kick.
For the gamblers-the lines I'm finding all have Boise around 3 1/2 favorites, but the o/u around 51 or 52. IMO, that's the easy win right there. Both teams score 20, and in our opinion, the winner needs to top 40. Expect the over to be a winner sometime during the 3rd quarter.
Miscelaneous-Jared Zabransky may be at the coin flip (last seen in Georgia pissing his pants at the sight of our D. Thankfully our new uniforms will remind him of Fresno St, not Charles Johnson). And in the worst news of the day, we're using SEC refs, which means we might get Penn Wagers.

GAME WEEK! Are you ready?!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Have I said today how much I love this man?

http://twitter.com/#!/BrandonBoykin2/status/107618755529555969

Brandon Boykin is a Cold Blooded Sausage Maker. Boise may be getting uppity about the tweet, but the man's right and has backed it up. Kick it to him Boise, please, although only that one time. Boykin is a manchild, and whether in kick returns or in coverage, I hope Boise is dumb enough to let him have his chances, because he will make something happen if given the chance. It's about time a little finger guns started getting shot out of Athens.

The Patterson to Georgia Campaign Stop #6- UGA vs. TCU...Which is the Better Job?

"Tag Team Champions of the Universe."


If you read us on the Reginald then you know we have a certain fondness for the idea of replacing Mark Richt (unless he pull an eleven win season out from where the sun don't shine) with the above seen. We have been making the argument all summer long and with the season just around the corner (and us not betting on a doo-doo scented eleven wins being produced) we are gonna bring this thang on home this week.

Now the Patterson campaign began back when Richt-O-Philes demanded that we name "Someone...huh,huh,huh, anyone...huh,huh,huh...who could.....huh,huh,huh.....possibly.....huh, huh,huh....be better than Richt". What we did was give a list of people--in typical mediocre fashion the Richt-O-Philes gave a series of reasons why each and every person we named would not take the UGA job (you will note that no one has ever argued that the names we gave were not better--just that they wouldn't take the job).
Now what the Richt-O-Philles have never done is give a legit reasons as to why Dan Mullen or Mike Leach wouldn't take the job. What they have done is just ignored Dan Mullen, claimed Leach a persona non-grate because he sued his old school for screwing him over, and have offered multiple weak excuses for Patterson. Here are the Shiite Richties excuses for why Patterson would not take the job:

-TCU is now in the Big East and Patterson has an automatic walk to the BCS every year. He would never leave TCU now.

-TCU believed in him and he will stay loyal to them now.....he won't even consider any other job.

-He wants to establish a Joe Paterno presence at TCU.

-Georgia would be a lateral move for him because Georgia is just an average job that no one outside of Georgia views as a "Big Time Job"


All of these excuses are either uninformed, unsubstantiated, or (at worst) defeatist in their logical process.

-An automatic slot in the National Title Game for an undefeated Big East team is NOT a sure or even probable thing.

-Loyalty to a school that had no other option but you because no one else wanted the job...well lets just say Rich Rodriguez put that fairy tale to bed when he was showin' Morgantown the tail-lights.

- The days of Joe Paterno, Bobby Bowden, and Vince Dooley are over! You can watch Andy Griffith re-runs all you want but the days of old are Gone With the Wind. You are making an archaic argument.....so stop.

Also you are forgetting one very important factor:

MONEY

Now on to this self-loathing, whoa is us, pity party that thinks TCU to Georgia is a lateral move; or that thinks when someone turns down Minnesota to stay at TCU that means that they would turn down Georgia as if Minnesota is a comparable job to Georgia. We will list all the factors that make a job desirable and rank TCU, Minnesota, and Georgia on a scale of 1-10. 1 is turrible, just turrible and 10 is as good as it gets. (Also we will throw in Patterson's alma mater because many Richt-O-Philles erroneously believe that Patterson turned K-State down).


CONFERENCE- The SEC has won the last five National Titles, one half of all titles since the advent of the BCS, the last two Heisman winners, three of the last four Heisman winners, sends more player to the NFL than anyone, and is held by even the most ardent SEC haters as the elite conference in the land. Of the six AQ qualifying conferences the Big East, is believed by everyone with eyes and a pulse, to be the 6th best out of 6.

Georgia- 10 (SEC it is the best so it gets the most points)

Kansas St.- 6 (I guess you get points even if you are the 2nd worst program in the third best conference that may not even be a conference next week)

Minnesota- 6 (worst team in the Big Tenlevanie which is a distant fourth to the SEC, PAC-12, and the falling apart Big 12)

TCU- 4 (Moving from the MW to the Big East...now that is a lateral move)


RECRUITING- Georgia is the flagship school in the fourth largest talent producing state in the country. But that is not really accurate because there is SEC talent and non-SEC talent. Since the SEC is the best---SEC talent is better. In terms of the top four states only Georgia and Florida are in SEC country. Now check the rosters of the 12 schools of the SEC and tell me who has more players Florida or Georgia.......Georgia may actually be the top talent producing State in the country (depending on if you like elite talent or average talent). TCU is in the largest non-SEC talent producing state. However, they are at best in a three way tie for sixth in the pecking order for Texas HS talent.

Georgia- 10 (4th best overall talent producer, #1 producer of SEC talent)

TCU- 5 (a 2 star player from Texas is still just a 2 star player)

Minnesota- 2 (well it ain't Wyoming but well lets just say they ain't got a lot to work with)

Kansas St- 2 (I think they have a few black people in St. Louis)


Tradition/Fan Base- National Titles, Heisman winners, Stadium size, Sell outs of that Stadium, How well the fans travel, Conference titles, All-Americans, Average number of times per season they are on National TV, Players in the NFL, Players drafted, etc.

Georgia- 8

TCU- 5

Minnesota- 2

Kansas St.- 2


Money / Facilities/ Alumni- Straight forward. How much money do you have, where do you get it from, and how willing are you to spend it on Football.

Georgia- 9 (we got it but the willingness to spend that is in question)

TCU- 7 (a few big boosters but far from the devotion of your average SEC program)

Minnesota- 3 (to be honest I don't know what they have in terms of money or alumni but they obviously don't spend it)

Kansas St.- 2 They have a high school stadium, they don't sell it out, The Memory Company does not even bother to produce Kansas St merchandise.


So of a possible 40 points:

Georgia- 37

TCU- 21

Minnesota- 13

K-STATE- 12


35-40 is an elite program (or a dormant giant), 30-34 a good program, 25-29 an average program, 20-24 a below average program, and below 20 a horrible program.

Georgia is an elite program

TCU is a below average program

Minnesota is a horrible, horrible program

K-State is worse than Minnesota.


Offer the man $5 million a season and kick Dirty Dick $1 million and lets do da' dang thang....before Ohio State beats us to the punch. (After we give Richt a chance to turn things around this season naturally)

Saturday, August 27, 2011

What will you do with the last Saturday before football?

The wife has her ideas, but when is she ever not good for a handful of mindnumbingly dumb ideas on any and every subject?

So S&G is here to help. Suggestions:
1) XBox/PS3 Sure, it'll piss her off, but again, what that you do doesn't? You'll have football to watch every weekend from here on it, so get your fix in while you can before the real thing takes precedent. Curious how this season (and the next 14 after it), will go down? Then start up that Madden franchise or NCAA dynasty and find out. If it happens on the video game, it's FACT!
2) Watch other sports English Premier League soccer is on. And baseball too. If you wanna be some lily-livered loser. Baseball sucks and is slow. Soccer is stupid and, like baseball, is boring. The only redeeming factor for either, is WAGS and cleat chasers. And you're not scouting future gold to dig, are you?
3) Tailgate practice This will be our final suggestion, because it is the easy winner of this debate. Really, do we need to go on? It's a 3 step process. Step 1, find a large quality of tasty meat.


Step 2: add lots of liquor. We prefer clear liquors, cause whiskey makes us angry.

Step 3: consume


All that's missing from next week is friends and young females in their Saturday finest. Feel free to add either or both to practice if possible. But practice is important. Lots of practice. And liquor. Lots of liquor.

Friday, August 26, 2011

UGA Dream Team 2?

We have been promised for years by CMR that being thin and under talented at O-line would never happen again. Yet as we sit on the brink of Richt's fish or cut bait year we are getting ready to field a short staffed O-line for at least the third time in Richt's tenure.
Last year when it appeared that Mark Richt might actually begin to understand that there was a possibility that the chance existed that maybe he could lose his job he unveiled his "Dream Team Strategy". Ten years into coaching the flagship program of the fourth largest talent producing state in the lower 48, Richt decided "Hey! What if we tried really really hard to get the best players in Georgia?"
Well the Dream Team helped to lessen the sting of A LOSS TO CENTRAL FLORIDA IN A BOWL GAME!!! The Dream Team is in the fold, Richt got love (even from us!) for his Dream Team. So naturally Richt would keep that momentum going.....naturally he will go for the Dream Team part 2.......naturally Richt will from this day forth finally start getting the recruiting results that we all expect from in-State......Naturally......right?
Wrong! As High School Football fires into full gear tonight the best in the Peach State are going out of State (especially to Tuscaloosa).
QB- The # 1 and 2 ranked signal callers are committed to Virginia and Louisville. The 3rd best QB in Georgia is still in play: Chris Moody-Henry County
RB- The #1 and 4 ranked backs are committed to Alabama, #2 is a Florida commit, and #3 will be in Knockersville. The #5 back is still in play: Kenno Loyal-Columbia
FB- After what has seemed like a life time since we have had a commitment from a FB Richt pulls the top hole clearer in the state with Quayvon Hicks--Pierce County.
WR- The #1-5 receivers are spoken for and not by the Dawgs. #1 is going to Auburn, #2 Tennessee, #3 Oklahoma St, #4 Tennessee (again), #5 Miami (FL). The #6 WR is still in play: Artimas Samuel--Carver
TE- Auburn get the #1 TE in Georgia but the Dawgs pull #2: Ty Smith--Colquitt County
OT- #1 once again is going to Alabama. The #2 OT is still available: Alex Jauregui--Peachtree Ridge
OG- #1 Vadal Alexander of Buford is un-committed.
C- #1 is a commit to Southern Miss
DT- Oh look we got on the board here: #1 Jonathan Taylor--Jenkins County
DE- #1, Jordan Jenkins--Harris County is still available. #2 is a UGA commit: Leonard Floyd--Dodge County
OLB- #1 is still available: Josh Harvey-Clemens--Lowndes. UGA better get active on him because #2 through #10 are taking their talents elsewhere as we share 6 OLB with our SEC brothers, 2 with the ACC, and 1 with the Big East
MLB- Who needs a MLB in the 3-4 anyway.....what is that Nick Saban, the architect of our defensive scheme, uses them.....oh, and he took the #1 MLB from Georgia this year...oh ok: Dillan Lee--Buford is going to play for the Great Satan but #2 Nardo Govan--Sav. Christ. Prep is available.
S- #1 and 2 are still out there but #3 and 4 are Auburn and South Carolina bound.
CB- #1 is going to......you guessed it Alabama. #2 and 3 to Auburn, #4 to South Carolina, and #5 to Virginia Tech
K- #1 to Alabama and #2 to Florida
P- #1 hooray we got another: Collin Barber is continuing our great punting tradition. With Mike Bobo calling plays it appears Georgia was appealing to him on account of the number of reps he plans to get.
LS- #1 is going to LSU. What is more shocking is that long snappers get ranked.

So who is getting the Georgia Dream Team this year?
1. Alabama- The tide pulls Georgia's #1 ranked player at: MLB, CB, RB, OT, and K. They also pull our #4 Running back and #3 DT.

2. Georgia- A year after the Dream Team the Dawgs are getting a face full of the Tide's hindquarters as Georgia pulls the #1 DT, FB, and Punter. Let's be honest....the #1 FB and P are maybe--at best--3 star players.

3. Auburn- Totally on their own merit and without any cheating whatsoever Auburn pulls the #1 WR and TE from Georgia. They also pull the #2 and 3 Corners......pffftttt Corners, we haven't need those things since Wille got promoted to DC.

4. Tennessee- Lil' Dookie pulls the #2 and 4 WR from down where Diddy used to coach. He also gets the #3 running back and the #5 and 7 Outside Line-backers.

5. Florida- The Jorters get the #4 DT, #5 DE, #2 Running Back, and #2 Kicker.

Georgia High School Talent........making Alabama good for a long time now. (Please note that this only considering Georgia High School Talent....yes I know we landed John Theus so there is no need to bring it up 15 times in posts.

Dawg Targets and Commits--Two Games of Interest Tonight

Tonight the Buford High Wolves play the Gainseville High Red Elephants. Buford is a 6AA Div. A school and Gainseville an 8AAA Div. B team. Buford carries all of the interest tonight as they are ranked 20th nationally by scout.com and field seven (7) players that have either committed or are being heavily pursued:

Vadal Alexander 6'6 310 OG (#1) in GA
Nathan Staub 6'3 215 FB (#2) in GA
Kurt Freitag 6-4 237 TE (#3) in GA
Paris Head 5'10 170 S (#6) in GA

Dillon Lee LB (#1) in GA Commit-Alabama
C.J. Moore CB(#9)in GA Commit- Virginia
Reid Ferguson LS (#1) in GA Commit-LSU

The Jenkins County High Eagles will be playing the Metter High Tigers. Jenkins County D-Line will feature two future Dawgs in:

Jonathan Taylor 6'4 315 DT (#1) in GA--36th regardless of position or state by Rivals
James Deloach 6'3 265 DE(#10)in GA

So get out there tonight and love up on them future Dawgs, disregard the age and feelings of those non-Dawgs, and show these undecided kids just how much they could mean for the Hometown Team.

Stephenson High School--We Need a Come to Jesus Meeting, Son.

By our calculations Stephenson High School in Stone Mountain has eight (8) kids that will be strapping on the pads in big boy college football next year. Below you will find a list with the kids names, position, school of choice, and how we rank them by position within the State of Georgia.

Raphael Kirby OLB Miami(FL) #3 LB in GA
Kyle Fleetwood S South Carolina #3 S in GA
Jafar Mann DT Florida #4 DT in GA
Joshua Parris TE Syracuse #5 TE in GA
Carlos Hodd DT South Carolina #7 DT in GA
Jarontay Jones DE Virginia Tech #7 DE in GA
Shawn Blaylock CB Kentucky #8 CB in GA
Darreon Herring OLB Vanderbilt #8 LB in GA

Now I understand that the Dawgs most likely didn't recruit all of these kids but I mean........eight players and not a single Dawg. Surely we recruited Jafar Mann if for no reason other than to spite Florida. Someone from Athens needs to have a come to Jesus meeting with Coach Gartell. Either that or Coach Gatell deserves none of the blame and the "Dream Team" was a one time deal.

It's back

don't forget, support your local high school tonight. Where else will you get scenes like these?
GATA Gladiators! Beat Cedar!


Thursday, August 25, 2011

SMU to the Big 12---If Leach Gets a Job Then We Will Have Won the War of Craig James



Hello Ladies,


My name is Craig James and much like Jacob Hester people used to think that I was a good football player on account of me being white, playing running back, and not tripping over my own feet. In truth I have never been very good at anything. I played at SMU but by play I mean I [did not kill 5 hookers and] wrote Eric Dickerson's term papers. I played for the New England Patriots but you probably didn't know that until just now when I told you. I was one of the original College Game Day hosts on ESPN but they replaced me with Herbie. I went to CBS and joined their game day crew but again you probably didn't remember that until just now when I told you.

During the course of me both sucking and blowing at the same time (which one would think is logistically impossible but once you reach a certain level of Douche....well anything is possible) I found time to procreate with another human being. The off-spring of a douche like me and any female willing to sleep with me is my son, Adam James. Now one would assume that I am the lowest and most worthless form of human life on the planet, but if you take me and add in a sense of self-entitlement that your average rich white kid has then you get something much worse than me......you get Adam James.


Now, I have for over 30 years now been waging a war against the entire State of Texas. Most likely the reason SMU got caught a few years back was because I called and reported them when I wasn't getting to start over the most highly tauted player in Texas High School Football history. The result was the death penalty for SMU and [those 5 hookers] a hard lesson learned.... a vindictive douche is the worst kind of douche. I then cried and whined and held my breath until ESPN helped me get Mike Leach fired (essentially the death penalty for Texas Tech). So why did ESPN help me with this [killing of 5 hookers]? Cause just like real recognizes real--douchie recognizes douchie, and together Craig James and ESPN will not stop until they have doucheafied the entire world.


Now Texas AnM is trying to leave the Big 12 and open the door for SMU's return to real football. Next thing you know Georgia will hire Mike Leach next season. Let me tell all of you something........You callin' down the Thunder? Well you are gonna get it. Don't mess with me, Hoss cause my douche powers know no limits. You keep fixing all the things in Texas that I have ruined and well lets just say I will get my revenge...................................................................


Can you say ESPN's first team announcing crew for all SEC games- "Tebow and James" ?


And it begins. Texas A&M as 13, who else?

Texas A&M announced it's intentions to essentially leave the Big 12. The money quote follows, essentially saying your payment plan is a sham, Dan Bebee; y'all can be Texas' bitch all you want, we're out and taking the real money the SEC is offering.
"Ultimately, we are seeking to generate greater visibility nationwide for Texas A&M and our championship-caliber student-athletes, as well as secure the necessary and stable financial resources to support our athletic and academic programs," Loftin added. "As a public university, Texas A&M owes it to the state's taxpayers to maximize our assets and generate additional revenues both now and well into the future."
We all knew that was just some lawyer mess when they said it wasn't gonna happen. So what's next? With the Big 12 dead, Texas becomes Independent ala Notre Dame, and the remaining 8 teams are up for grabs. The two Oklahoma schools haven't been mentioned with the SEC for a reason, and we'd expect them and Kansas, along with K St if the Kansas legislature demands the Jayhawks bring them or Texas Tech if not, turning the Pac 12 to the Pac 16. Iowa St and Baylor probably end up in Conference USA or Mountain West, along with whichever of Kansas St or Texas Tech don't land out west.

So what does the SEC do? Adding Missouri with Texas A&M to the West just seems too easy. So who else do you add for 16? Essentially, it takes destroying the ACC, which allows the NCAA the luxury of giving Miami a true death penalty to show it's still go teeth. Miami gets a 5 year ban and becomes a D-2 school athletically, with some of the upstart Florida's (Central, South, International, and Atlantic) fighting to fill the vacuum.

Then the trick comes. Does North Carolina get defensive and try to work it's way in to a power position of the Big East? Or do they accept fate, and help form a super conference in the South, as the SEC goes full bore 24, adding NC, NC St, Duke, Virginia, Va Tech, FSU and 2 of Wake, Clemson, and GT to go with Mizzou and A&M.

But Sanchez, how would 24 work you ask? I'll tell you. The SEC has already discussed doing away with divisions for non-football sports. So you just include football in to the mix. Basketball and non-revenue sports adapt their schedules generally rotating home and away series/games from year to year. As for football, you go to an 9 game conference schedule, with 4 permanent opponents and 5 rotating opponents, the two best records meeting in the conference championship game. It's unwieldy, but anything over 12 is gonna be a logistical nightmare anyway. This way, you still deal with the nightmare, but you get the benefit of having a dominant footprint through the most college athletically crazed area of the country.

VIVE SLIVEAINA!



Boise's Pro Combat Unis for the Dome game

Boise unveiled what they'll be wearing in a little more than a week. Interesting, and doesn't seem near as experimental as ours. Like with all of these, the gloves are great, and their helmet looks pretty awesome. The lack of a gigantic stripe tends to help.

Support your local Sheriff

I mean high school.

Support your local High School.

If you live in the south, you are blessed in many ways. But you already know that. One of the ways we tend to forget is that no matter where you live, you're likely a short drive from some really, really good high school football. In Georgia, there's a 97% chance* you live within 30 minutes' drive of the home stadium of a BCS level recruit. So, since all you losers in your moms basement got nothing to do on a Friday night anyway, go park your van at your local high school (unless it'd be a violation of Megan's Law), and support your local youth. These programs need your support, and gate revenues help fund not just football programs, but most football programs fund their entire athletic departments (this goes for high schools and colleges). So you'll be helping a lot of kids. And you like kids right? Plus there's a good chance you can get a great game and some exciting action.

And even if the game's less than thrilling, for most likely less than $10 you can get a hot dog, a coke, and get your football fix to tide you over until next weekend. Who knows, you just might like it and start going on a regular basis. We all drool over their highlight clips on scout or rivals or whatever, why not go take in the real thing?



* 97% provided by S&G research department, and personally, I don't trust the kid

Fashion police redux

Boise St worries about what they wear more than we do. Make sure to plan the proper outfit for each gameday, you big rugged moutain men.

Color coordinated? OK. You've got the wrong colors of choice, but we all saw what Ted Kaczynski looked like and don't expect you shack people to have taste. And even some of the more tasteless amongst our own in the south have that same color blindness.



Trying to wear the same color from time to time, as we said, OK. But to color coordinate from game to game? That's why you're not allowed to play in any big boy games Boise. You do stuff like that that let's us know you're not ready. Oh, you can beat an Oregon school, or Big Game Bob in a bowl, like that's an accomplishment. It's not like beating Georgia would be some big accomplishment right now either. UCF and Colorado have done that. But hopefully this is a different Georgia team. Even if it isn't, I'm becoming less and less worried about the Fighting Funke's.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Jordan Jefferson Gets NO Updyke Consideration for a Bar Room Brawl!

The Sports and Grits Downtown Athletic Club has completed it's review of the Jordan Jefferson situation down in Baton Rouge.  The following is our official statement:

" The Harvey Updyke Award is dedicated to recognizing exceptional SECery.  As we have made it very clear from day one there are certain pre-requisites that will accompany this, the most prestigious of SEC awards.  In that veinof thought we have reviewed a recent bar fight between members of the LSU Tigers and the general public down in Baton Rouge.  We would encourage
all who have a ballet in the Updyke Award to understand that a bar fight or ten is expected of almost any student athlete in the SEC.  Therefore, this does not constitute a "Shocks the Senses" moment.  However, the fact that Coach Miles was even considering starting Jordan Jefferson at quarterback does result in additional consideration for Miles. It shocks the senses that Miles would even consider costing his very talented team a real shot at the SEC title by starting this Pinkins-esque player at quarterback." ~ CCRider

Is Richt getting cold blooded?

No high dive this year? I'll believe that when it happens. Until then, I think he's just trying to make it a surprise.
"I doubt we go to Ramsey," Richt said. "This might be the first time that
we've gotten all 29 practice opportunities in. We haven't gotten there
yet, but we're on track."
As disturbing as it is that it takes 10 years to use your full allotment of practices, especially the last few years where you can have a pool party any time day or night but the extra couple hours of attention to the obviously lacking details might have helped, it's nice to here we're finally putting in work again.
Our other thoughts from practice prep with a week and a half until game time (yipee!), it's nice to here Kwame Geathers is stepping up. We've been a fan of the family since watching Uncle Jumpy's forklifts (if you've never seen it go to youtube and search "Jumpy Geathers Nate Newton"). And it only grew when we learned a 6'4 and chiseled 275 of long time NFL starter in Robert Geathers Jr was the self proclaimed "runt of the family". If the big fella has learned how to use his massive physical gifts, we will be in for a real treat this fall.
Also, while the injuries are concerning, I'm not so concerned with the WR spot. If we could do what would seem best for this offense (Murray and Crowell/Samuel in the backfield with Figgins/White/Charles/Brown/Wooten/King/Mitchell/etc spreading defenses out around them), I'd have no problem with a lack of an AJ replacement when Murray can identify whichever matchup is best exploited against that day's given defense; be it Charles or White in the seams, Wooten from the slot, King, Mitchell, or Brown out wide, or what have you. Just let our smart, mobile, accurate QB use his multitude of weapons to pick opposing teams apart (for video of what we'd look like, search go watch clips of 07 and 08 Texas).



If it's Modern it's Stupid...If it is Old-School Then it is Better.

One thing about the South is that we move at a more leisurely pace.  In somethings that is not always good but in other things......well its just as it should be.  It means that we are not given to the fickle whims of teenagers, women, small children, and other people who don't really know what they want.  F-A-D is a bad word down here and that is as it should be for the South is the most traditional of all the regions of this land.
If you are about to do, see, or participate in something and it has one of the following descriptive terms:
  • Modern
  • Progressive
  • Contemporary
  • New Age
then you are about to be subjected to some stupid crap.  Let me explain what these terms mean.  They mean you have something that is just fine the way it is. Then some moron goes off to college and some self-important professor douche "challenges" them to think outside of their traditional values.  Then because this moron is weak minded they convince themselves that despite the fact that something ain't broke they are going to fix/change it.  Instead of everyone calling their changes what they are, stupid, they give it one of the aforementioned descriptive terms.
Now this nonsense has been going on for years but not so much in the South.  Here are a few examples of things that have been recently ruined in the South by mouth-breathing Progressives:

Music- Here we have an a) and a b)
a) Church Music- It is Church it is not a rock concert.  Their ain't nothing wrong with "The Old Rugged Cross" so why are we singing this song that no one knows the words too while a quasi-rock band is blaring out their attempt at music.  You are scaring the old people.   
b) Country Music- Almost none of the current diarrhea that flows from Nashville is Country Music.  Taylor Swift, Keith Urban, Rascal Flats, really just about anyone.  Back in the early 90's this garbage was getting produced and people were asking Country Radio to occasionally play this nonsense.  Eventually they conceded and started rotating this crap in.....now Country Radio is nothing but this vomit and you have to have Sirius/XM, and I-Pod, or CD's if you want to hear Country Music.

Rasslin- Wrestling used to come on the Superstation TBS at 7:05 pm Sunday night.  Sure the Yankee brand came on Saturday morning but you can only see an untalented steroid freak "Hulk Out" so many times before you are bored to tears.  Every so often I try to watch on Monday Night and whatever other night the WCW replacement company has their show, but it is just awful.  For example the big star right now is John Cena.  He is a white guy who can't decide if he is a black rapper or a dude that just gradated High School and joined the army.  Plus he wrestles in jorts....IN JORTS!!!! Who in the world still looks at a pair of jorts and doesn't say "I ain't wearing that white trash Florida crap"?  Which brings me to the point that John Cena is basically the worst Florida fan ever imagined.  Needless to say that in his prime the American Dream would have slapped that punk in a sleeper hold and it would have been "Beddie-bye...been Sleepy-Time".

Tattoos- Tattoos do not belong on your neck.

Ball Cap Bills- Straight bills look stupid.  You look like a retard that has never owned a hat before.

Well I could go on but I think you get the gist of it.  Now yesterday we took the non-sense that Nike produced and made it look respectable.  We did this to show that we can be reasonable with people who like this sort of stupid thing. 
Now we would like to unveil the product of our newest business endeavor
Sports and Grits Cold-Blooded Apparel.
In contrast to the Nike Pro Combat we would like to show you our first line....the
S&G Old School Combat Uniforms. 

Old Fashioned 70's style stripes and a little G on the collar, that is as fancy as it gets



A silver helmet if you really want one



Red pants but only with a white jersey


If we allow our traditions in college football to be tampered with then our civilization is beyond repair.  If you let it slide just once you have opened the door.  Compare the above greatness to the below abomination.



Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Cold-Blooded Uniforms- Nike Should be Payin' Us Millions!

We are gonna have lots of people that get on here and tell us how stupid these uniforms look.  Well we ain't saying we want em' for good; but we are saying that given these choices as opposed to that epileptic seizure inducing thing we saw a few days ago.....we will take these. 

You may note some other points of awesomeness...such as
1. Our screen name
2. The Head Coach
3. The reduced star rating that ESPN would demand we have due to the Head Coach, and
4. How despite the stars we snuck one in on them with the "Coach Prestige" rating because a man that can cure concussion is prestigious in our book.

A little sumthin sumthin for the kids but still classy.

Ohhhhhhh....gettin' all crazy with the stripeage.

That was as gray as we could get the color.  We really wanted that Herschel-Days gray on the britches.


We await your call Nike.  We can do this for almost any team (but we refuse to work with Tennessee!)

Lester Miles Would Like to Remind You of One Thing.

"Hey Captain Fag-tastic.  Guess who's undefeated and all of a sudden has a QB that can throw a spiral! 
One well timed titty squeeze at a bar plus one well timed bar room brawl means Ol' Lester is bout to get his for the second time."

A little hint for the ladies in our midst

Ladies, here's a little gift from yours truly here at sports and grits. We understand, you dream of beautiful wedding days. Maybe in the fall, when it's not so hot you soak your pretty dress in sweat, and you can have that perfect sunlight to show how gorgeous you are. When the leaves change and it just feels like the right time. A dream fall wedding.


Just stop. Don't do it. From about today, through the end of November, DO NOT SCHEDULE YOUR WEDDING. People will groan and call you a selfish bitch, and you don't want that on your big day, do you? Your new husband will spend as much time worrying about the score as he does anything else, maybe trying to sneak a peak at the score every time, starting every "thank you" conversation at the reception with a "what's the score?", or like my father-in-law, being late to the front because he was too busy listening on a radio in the back, and you don't want that on your big day either, do you? I've got some friends, let's call them Mark and Ashley. They scheduled their wedding last year on Halloween weekend. The best picture from that wedding is everyone crowded around someone's I phone watching the end (thanks to us sucking, attendance was probably double). I've got other friends, let's call them Brian and Beth, who scheduled their wedding for New Year's Eve. They're gamecock fans, and we all know the Chicken Curse is gonna cause an Independence or Liberty Bowl berth for the Chicken Penii, so it's ok. So ladies, it's in your best interest, as well as ours, to NOT schedule a wedding from about the end of August through the end of November. Just don't do it, and we won't have to turn your dreams in to nightmares? Ok, thanks.

This has been a public service announcement by Sports and Grits.

How you like us now?

Preseason prognisticating our schedule. You've seen CCRider's take. Now for Mr. Sanchez's. But before I begin, a song to start us off. Father, if you please...

and away we go
9/3 Boise St at the Georgia Dome Remember the last time the little ponies came down to Dixie? They don't, and have been running their mouths about some stupid gerbil on steroids, and how they kick ass in karate class like Cosmo Kramer. Someone done forget the last time we tangled, and I think we'll remind them.
42-17, good guys.
9/10 South Carolina Marcus Lattimore is still a beast, but their triumvirate includingStayPuft and of course, Joe Kane shouldn't be too hard. Plus, two words. Chicken. Curse. Ask any Carolina fan, they all know they're losers to the core. A season where a Chicken Penis is supposed to win something? Mark it 8 (and 4), dude.
33-10, as we announce our presence with authority.
9/17 Coastal Carolina May have the best long snapper we've ever seen, and definitely the best North Augustan we'll see at QB all year.
31-13, they'll also be the best team in the Palmetto St.
9/24 @ Ole Miss Hotty Totty gosh almighty who the hell are they now? Not a space squid or a colonel but still losers eternal by damn. We ain't losin to the daddy bears.
41-14, cause it's in Oxford.
10/1 Mississippi St Dan Mullen is a good coach, but his team lacks talent at QB, and won't cut testicles to harden his boys in to men. Plus, the vociferous and widely feared home crowds of Sanford will remind these mutts why people prefer pure breds.
22-21, Blair Walsh saves the day.
10/8 @ Tennessee The nation's foremost authority on showering techniques couldn't win at Louisiana Tech, and like all lawyers sucks at math. He'll be fired in two years to begin his long career as color analyst where he and Kevin Harlan replace Lundquist/Danielson.
47-11, as the hillwilliams begin to realize they've made a huge mistake.
10/15 @ Vandy Richt has already lost to Vandy once, and flirted with losing to them two more times. But James Franklin, really? We could bring back Willie and Callaway and still win.
56-0, as we finish our march through with our hobnail boots again.
10/22 bye finally we get one before ...
10/29 Florida at the Cocktail Party Will Muschamp thinks adding sugar at the table is the same thing as sweet tea. He says "You guys". He prefers KFC to Chik-Fil-A. He drinks "Pop".And he will never, ever beat the University of Georgia. Mark that down Booger Eaters. Your new coach will NEVER beat us.
28-14, cause what's that coming down the track?
11/5 New Mexico St Well done Mr. McGarity. Very well done. Your brilliance in our eyes is restored. And hopefully Richt's wised up and let's the #2s play 30-45 minutes.
40-10, it's a mean machine in red and black.
11/12 Auburn They lost their starting QB, best OL, and best defensive player to free agency, and got squeezed out of chosen replacements by the Eagles and Raiders. It'll be a slight step back that gets much bigger when Malzahn departs in the off season to replace a retiring Spurrier.
34-27, it'll be nerve racking.
11/19 Kentucky They hired a coach named Joker, because it ain't basketball season yet. Can we get the SEC to flip them and Vanderbilt in 2013 please Mr. McGarity, so we can at least have the lone redeeming factor of traveling to that godforsaken rock quarry (Keeneland)?
28-10, Richt has already filled his loss quota to these queefs.
11/26 @ Georgia Tech The option might work against limp wristed ACC scrubs, but now that Paul Johnson's has lost all of Chan Gailey's recruits, Tech fans will see why Georgia Southern caliber recruits still can't win against the real runners of this state.
49-21, cause ain't nothin finer in the land than a drunk obnoxious Georgia fan.
12/3 LSU at the Georgia Dome We used to think he was just a fool, but this cud chewin fool will have us forever by the heart. Mettenberger and Murray square off to show why Richt is the new Norm Chow. But there was a reason the booty inspector was never gonna start here. If you can't win at Oconee County, son, you ain't winnin no SEC titles. Maybe he'll draw power from the corn dogs, like Samson and his hair, but it'll take a little while longer for the aroma to fully penetrate his skin.
20-17, as Bobo gets rescued by Blair Walsh and a pair of Brandon Boykin returns.

13-0 suckas. Come question our fandom now haters.

Bonus round:
1/9 TCU in New Orleans Oh snap. And boom goes the dynamite. Do you really believe Bo-blow can best the great Man Himself and Dicky Bumps? He doesn't have to son, as the greatest pipes since Scotty Steiner save the day one mo'gin.
7-6, and the people say hallelujah.

Monday, August 22, 2011

This just in: Al Davis is still an idiot

Didn't they already try the big, athletically gifted but mentally challenged QB route and fail? Maybe he just needs a few more 4.3 WRs like Darius Heyward-Bey.

Of Cold-Blooded Business and Wishful Dreams- Has Richt Fixed the Problems?


"What if Richt turns this thing around then what?"

We get that question all the time around here.  First, let me say that we do not hate Mark Richt the person.  Second, we do not hate Mark Richt the coach.  In fact we love Mark Richt on both of those counts.  What we have had more than enough of is Mark Richt the executive.  Now trust us when we say that every HC is an executive in some way shape or form.  Richt's role as executive is in regards to his assistants and their job performance.  Now we do a lot of cutting-up around here and that is something that many just can't understand.  In truth people get really mad when it's their toes that get stepped on.  We respect differing opinions when they are well thought out and well stated a'la Socrates over at the Leather Helmet Blog.   So all kidding aside here is what our major beef is at this point:

1. Florida- Spurrier got the drop on everyone in the 90's.  He revolutionized the way we play and think about the game here in Dixie.  Spurrier has long since departed The Swamp.  His replacement was woefully inadequate.  The replacement was replaced and now he has been replaced.  Florida is an elite program but even with that in mind they have flipped the series with us and controlled it in a way that has never been seen in the annals of college football.  I do not put all of the blame on Richt for this however, I myself would prefer to get Florida in Athens every so often.  Money talks so that won't happen any time soon.  Even when all was well in Dawgnation before the three year decline the Florida Boogeyman was ever present.

2. Assistants- Look, Richt held onto Willie Martinez for one year longer than he should have.  Bobo was promoted too soon and given play calling ability too soon.  VH was outdated and kept too long and Texas had to take an O-line coach (that while all agreed was a good hire) was not working out.  Richt's unwillingness to fire is not horrendous.....it ain't like he kept Martinez 5 years too long, but his unwillingness even in the face of the obvious is troubling.

Those are real and legitimate complaints.  Now we have some opinion complaints.  These are complaints that are just personal preferences for us (which make for excellent humor fodder for this blog).  We understand that just because these are things that we like that does not mean another way will not work.  I am personally not crazy about the 3-4 defense but that is not to say it won't work.  I could go for a tad more yelling (Which is a joke in case you don't get that....it is said with a very matter of fact aloofness that is juxtaposed with a hint of sarcasm).
I have talked in the past about the Clemson trap; Clemson kept Tommy Bowden longer than they should have-- and you would always hear what a good christian man he is.  I have even (in un-cold-blooded fashion because I allowed it to bother me) outlined my own faith. Just because I once said that "being a Christian does not make you a great Football Coach" the idea of us as anti-christian is embedded in the minds of many people.  I think it is great that Richt is so open about his faith.  However, I must point out that this "character trait" is a large part of the reason why he has such a thuggie cult surrounding him.  I am not accusing him of anything but I will say that where I come from.....a great Christian man doesn't get frustrated in a room full of people and curse at someone.  I also have to point out that Richt learned his craft at the knee of a man who carefully created an "Aw shucks, down home, I just love this recruits grandmomma's peach cobbler" act that perpetuated him in a position for many years.  I am not telling you that I doubt the man's faith.  I am telling you that I know as well as you do that it has nothing to do with winning football games.  In the end if Richt walks into a 5 star recruits living room after Saban, Chizik, Miles, or Meyer (if and when he returns) he is at a disadvantage.  You can talk until you are blue in the face about Momma loving the fact that her baby is gone be takin' care of......but in the end Momma and Baby wanna be on TV so the NFL can see.  Championships bring cameras, cameras bring notoriety, notoriety brings draft interest.  The best case in point is of course Cam Newton.

Now there are also somethings that we don't like and that are contributing factors to the current state of the program that are not Richt's fault at all.  The scheduling of Damon Evans was an abomination.  The failure to have an on-staff nutritionist was unconscionable in this modern day and age.  These are things that Richt could not help and so we do not unfairly place the blame on him. 

Look we think that Georgia will go 8-4 this year but do we see anyway they could do better?  Sure, Garcia could not show-up and/or the Cocks could well......be the Gamecocks.  Geathers and Jenkins could solidify the middle and J.Jones could be the last little bit needed to make Grantham's defense stout against the run.  That could mean a win over the Missy Dawgs.  Auburn and Florida, well both of those games are flat out winnable.

You may hate us, you may disagree with us, you may be such a moron that the painfully low-brow humor here eludes you, or you may get what we do here.  In the end we are just happy football is back and while you are buying the dream we are demanding to see the numbers.  All great businesses start from a dream but not all dreams start a great business.  We partook of the offer cup last off-season.  In it we found Kool-Aid.  This year we will pass and hopefully we will be en route to the Georgia Dome in early December wishin' that we had taken at least a little sip back in August.  It is strange because the greatest desire of those that hate us is for us to be proven wrong........yet our greatest desire is also to be proven wrong.  If we are proven wrong then all is well......if we are not then we have to do what is necessary to make it well.