Wednesday, November 30, 2011
The chief financial officer of Texas A&M’s athletics department admitted Tuesday afternoon that he has criticized A&M president R. Bowen Loftin and called him names under an alias on the popular website TexAgs.com.Jeff Toole, who also serves as the school’s senior associate athletic director, described Loftin as a “putz” and a “hopelessly underqualified puppet” over the summer under the alias UtayAg.
On Oct. 1 on the subject of coach Mike Sherman’s contract, Toole posted, “I
have to admit that the stupidity on this board always brings me back to the
point that I know I’m not the dumbest (expletive) out there.”
LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.
Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.
LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.
I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something
better said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid.
I am afraid that they'll know I said it. I'll walk past an LSU fan
someday, and he'll see that look in my eye that gives it away.
That look that says, "gee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?"
The next thing you know, I'll have flat tires on my car.
If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU
fans how they smell - you know, like corn dogs.
LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue.
I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If you
attend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell
like corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, "Wow, LSU sure does
have a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game."
It's hard. I know. It's like when you're having sex and you try to
think about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming.
It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or
whatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: "Gee, I
wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like
a corn dog?"; or "Is this a real person or is it a giant corn dog trying
to make me think it is a real person?" or "What did that giant corn dog
just say?" or "Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly
like corn dogs smell?" or, of course, after a silencer:
"Madam, did you just let the corn dogs out?"
Heck, after what I've heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better
not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are
nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. That's okay.
You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them.
They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But
don't be obvious about it. Somehow they know you're trying not to
breathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. They'll likely
punch you for that if they catch on to what you're doing.
If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it'll permeate your whole
body, and then you'll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But
don't say, "Dang, now I smell like a corn dog." They take offense to
that. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff.
Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get
stitches or something. Just don't say it. If you do start smelling like
a corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay?
I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your
kids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around
town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and
sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in
their expression - indicating they smell corn dogs - might get a wrench
or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, that's
dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as
you drive - on some other weekend
I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog
stuff. What puzzles me most is that I've never actually seen any of
these LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe there's no
mystery there - maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows?
Maybe there's a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there.
Maybe, there's a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume.
Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply -
kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird.
The big political issue during the city election is whether they should
add more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Don't comment on it
though. It's not politically correct over there. It's like a
malnutrition issue or something. It's like the corn dogs are probably
added to the water to prevent starvation or something.
I know when you go to Baton Rouge, you're thinking: "Ahhhh. Here I am
in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I'll bet the people here smell just like
boiled crawfish or shrimp etoufe' or some fancy Cajun food." But just
stop thinking that. That's just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.
In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn
dog odor. And don't try masking the odor with something stronger.
They'll curse at you. They'll say something like: "WTF, how dare you
smoke a cigar in my home," or "WTF!! Are you too good for the smell of
corn dogs?" and they'll cuss out your kids too: "WTF!!! Little Mister
fancy pants over here acts like he doesn't want to smell like corn dogs."
Cajuns are not like us. Don't you see that, yet? They are really
sensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know
they smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all.
I know, I know. We sniff the bammers and the UGA dawgs and the Ole
messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but don't press
your luck with the Cajun tiger fans. Don't refer to Death Valley as corn
dog valley either. I mean that's just wrong. Even if you've been
drinking, they'll beat you up and curse out your kids.
Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction -
even if you're laughing about something else. Like baseball or football,
or sex or whatever. If you can't control yourself and you must laugh
though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their
corn dog body odor from a distance or that you're choking on it or
something. They'll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus
building over just one snort.
So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each
other. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams.
You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed
my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this
Saturday. Okay? Get your corn dog jollies at home.
Enough with this corn dog talk. Let's play ball...
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
"There but for the Grace of God goes you and I"
Yesterday Mr. Sanchez had quite possibly the most absurd post we have ever had on this site.
Brother Sanchez also cheered for Oregon in the National Title Game last year.....blasphemy!
If Georgia were sitting in Bama's position we would all be belly-aching like crazy....remember 07'? You always, always, always, always have to fall on the side of the SEC.......NO EXCEPTIONS! The reason is because it is only a matter of time before Georgia will find itself in the same situation. One day we will bring in a big time recruit, he will carry us to a National Title Game, and his recruiting will be shall we say "questionable". It is only a matter of time before we lose a close game to another Eastern team and we will want a rematch because we will be one of the two best teams in the country.
The bottom line is this:
Arkansas would beat Houston, Oklahoma, Oklahoma St., Oregon, etc.
Alabama is better than Arkansas
LSU is better than Alabama
LSU is better than Arkansas
If LSU loses to Georgia then we have to say Georgia is in and the discussion is between Bama of LSU in that case no one will want a rematch.
If LSU wins then they are in and they should play the second best team which is Bama. I could hear the 06' anti-rematch argument but for the following:
In five years four different SEC teams have beaten:
The best Big Ten team twice,
The best Big 12 team twice, and
The best Pac 10/12 team
In your heart you know that the only team you think could possibly beat an undefeated LSU team is Bama so they should get in. Houston please? Don't waste my time.
"Deserves got nothing to do with it."~ Clint Eastwood
Monday, November 28, 2011
“[Georgia's D], They deploy extremely well. You can seldom get an advantage in not having them in alignment that would benefit you. You’re going to have to get what you earn. We certainly understand quality defenses, and it will be a great challenge to our offense, one that they’ll look forward to.”
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Of course Meyer is denying the reports because an initial denial makes all reports that much more true.
On this Thanksgiving I am thankful for stupid Yankees who think they can win big with Yankee players. God's Speed Urban because the spread worked out so well for Meeeechigan. This time five years from now we will be getting ready for a Rich Rod coached Arizona vs an Urban coached Arizona State in the "Spread Illegal Immigrant Bowl".
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
In an Aug. 12, 2005, email to Pennsylvania State University President
Graham Spanier and others, Vicky Triponey, the university's standards and
conduct officer, complained that Mr. Paterno believed she should have "no
interest, (or business) holding our football players accountable to our
community standards. The Coach is insistent he knows best how to discipline his
players…and their status as a student when they commit violations of our
standards should NOT be our concern…and I think he was saying we should treat
football players different from other students in this regard." ...
The confrontations came to a head in 2007, according to one former school
official, when six football players were charged by police for forcing their way
into a campus apartment that April and beating up several students, one of them
severely. That September, following a tense meeting with Mr. Paterno over the
case, she resigned her post, saying at the time she left because of
"philosophical differences." ...
Dr. Triponey's office suspended Dan Connor, a Penn State linebacker, who
had been accused of making harassing calls to a retired assistant coach. Shortly
after the suspension was handed down, Mr. Paterno ordered the player to suit up,
according to a person familiar with the matter. Dr. Triponey informed the player
that if he suited up for practice, he would be in violation of his suspension
and could face expulsion. Mr. Connor says he recalled being suspended only for
games, not practice. The incident prompted Mr. Spanier to visit Dr. Triponey at
her home. Dr. Triponey confirms he told her that Mr. Paterno had given him an
ultimatum: Fire her, or Mr. Paterno would stop fund-raising for the school. She
says Mr. Spanier told her that if forced to choose, he would choose her over the
coach—but that he did not want to have to make that choice.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
1. We love y'all! Y'all should rule the world. Would y'all consider breeding with all the females in our family so as to produce a race of Super Cold Blooded Ones?
2. We hate y'all and hope that everyone affiliated with this website gets butt-hole cancer and dies a slow death.
In fact we get all sorts of requests....things like: can you link this, can you talk about this, can y'all commit suicide, can y'all talk about the Falcons. The Falcons thing along with more talk about one of the Patron Saints of Cold Bloodedness Tyrus Raymond Cobb dominates our requests. Now once football season is over we will drop a little Ty Cobb love but as for the Falcons that is more complicated.
I worked in D.C. briefly and while there I would fascinate my Yankee co-workers because I loved college football and didn't really care for the NFL. They would say things like "How can you say that? The NFL is so great...blah,blah,blah". Most Southerners don't care that much about the NFL and here is why:
1. It took the NFL roughly 47 years after it's beginnings to give the South a team.
2. The teams we got were expansion teams so they sucked for about another 40 years.
3. Southerners are regional jingoists and so they find it hard to root for a QB that grew up in Pennsylvania and played college ball in Boston.
4. Southerners are usually not casual fans that like to watch glorified arena league games and prefer to watch football in which the defense is allowed to play.
For the Falcons in particular I find it difficult to be seriously invested in them because of all the Yankee players, the overall suckiness of the NFL, and on a far more petty level a Falcon is just a stupid mascot.
I mean what does a Falcon have to do with Atlanta, Georgia, or the South? Nothing that's what. Here are a few suggestions that are much better:
1. The Atlanta Grays- Gray is the color worn by the South in the War of Northern Aggression and is also the most recognized Negro League Baseball Team. It is also a perfect mix between black and white. It therefore holds regional and historical significance as well promoting racial harmony.
2. The Atlanta Bandits- Burt Reynolds is from Georgia, Burt Reynolds played the Bandit, the Bandit spends a large portion of Smokey and the Bandit tearing up Georgia back roads and interstates, Smokey and the Bandit marks the high water point in American Film production.
3. The Atlanta Runners
The Atlanta Shiners - Take a pick here but the South is well known for it's moonshine production and running. Shine running spawned NASCAR and countless country songs. Also, Rhett Butler was a "Runner" that broke Union blockades while simultaneously compromising the virtues of countless proper Southern Women before marrying Scarlet. I am not really an expert on male attractiveness but lets be honest here Ashley Wilkes was a huge douche while Rhett Butler had a ballerific moustache.
4. The Atlanta Crackers- As in a Georgia Cracker which is a racial slur but is one of the few that is not only alright but also encouraged by the PC Police because as we all know white Southerners are the worst human beings of all time. Plus a Crack is a particularly hard hit.
The Friday before the Bama/LSU game Colin Cowherd said that an NFL GM once told him that you could draft strictly SEC players and you would have a perennial play-off team. If the Falcons really wanted to earn the love of Southerners they should draft straight SEC players. Outside of your school Southerners have no more loyalty to anything in life than the SEC. With that in mind here is what the Falcons would look like had they been applying this principal for the past ten years. What I did was looked over my old notes and player rankings (what is that you don't track and rank prospects every year? You clearly have never been subjected to a law school class or a continuing legal education seminar...boredom will produce things like an in-depth draft analysis) and simply put in my highest rated SEC player that would have been avaliable when the Falcons selected. I also did not change the pick if the Falcons took and SEC player (with one exception I subed Patrick Willis in for Jamaal Anderson because I graded Anderson as a late second round pick and gave Willis the highest ranking I have ever given a player). Finally, I went strictly by my old rankings so I will not have Peyton Hillis going in the second round or Steven Johnson in the first. I tried to give a honest breakdown but would like to point out that if the Falcons took all SEC players they would be picking between 30-32 every year. So here it is: