|J.B. White store at the Regency Mall. Back when a mall was a mall and before Dillards fagged up the Whites.|
- It had 2 count em' 2 toy stores! A KB Toys and a Playland Toys, greatness!
- It had a pizza place that was a store that you actually walked into with tables and everything. None of this "food court" pizza crap.
- It had an ice cream shop that was a store that you actually walked into with tables and everything. None of this "food court" ice cream crap.
- Everything was painted a soothing and masculine doo-doo brown because brown goes with everything.
- It had a store called "Ol' Calcutta" and it sold nunchucks, ninja stars, and basically everything you need to be super awesome.
- At Christmas if the line to see Santa was too long you could just head on down to see Rudolph! Oh, I didn't stutter Rudolph the Motherlovin' Reindeer was all up in that Humpty-Bumpty. They had a real reindeer inside of a wooden fence with a little red and green barn and if you walked around to the back of the barn there was Rudolph. One time some kid tried to say it was just a puppet but that dickhead probably didn't get anything for Christmas that year.
In fact there are really only three reasons to ever be in the Augusta Mall:
- The person who you made an oath to God to be with forever before you read the fine print about her spending all of your money and crushing your spirit makes you go, or
- You are about to partake in "business" lunch at the Chop House and yes you do need a receipt because this is about to get wrote the F off of my taxes, or
- You need to go into Hometeam Sports to buy something....anything....with a Georgia Bulldog logo on it.
These is hard times Augusta Mall so quit being gigantic queef sniffers and cut Hometeam Sports a break, you are already about 2 Foot Lockers away from being the mall white people used to go to as it is.
Big Dust......tell em about Hard Times!