Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Here is a Story About How Much Better Nick Saban is at Football as Compared to Everyone Else.

Saturdays Down South has the article here.

I have a six and a three year old.  As a result the Ol' Rider is often reduced to doing things that......wellllllll.....let me just say are less than "adult" in nature.  Last year I took a week off of work and instead of doing something I wanted to do I spent a week in Disney World Hell.  Instead of spending all of my money on things that I want-- I spend it on crap that they break about 30 minutes after they get it.  Instead of going to lunch at lunch I am often running out to Toys R Us for whatever new wonderfully marketed piece of crap they want.

When you deal with children you cannot approach it as if you are dealing with an adult.  Often times children can be frustrating.  If you have been at work all day dealing with adults it can be difficult to return home and shift gears into the world of a child.  One thing that can help is to stop and say to yourself "Ok, I have to put myself in this child's mindset."  Of course that is much easier if you and the child have the same struggles such as reaching the sink and getting on roller coasters (that was a Nick Saban is short joke and I did it especially for Erk's Forehead who is obsessed with the notion that I am a Bammeroid).  Anyway, puberty does not an adult make and most recruits still have the mind of a child.  It would appear that Saban, more than anyone else, understands the mind of the man-child.

The article focuses on Norcross, GA prospect Alvin Kamara who Saban sent 105 letters to on the same day.  Now I know what you are saying:
1. That is stupid!!!!Who would be impressed with that staged crap?
    - Your answer.....how about a poor black kid who lays his head down in the ghetto at night and dreams about being something more in life?  How about a poor black kid in the ghetto who's grand-mother just counts him as another "guvment" check and wants nothing more than to have someone "want him" and really mean it?  How about Alvin Kamara who said “It’s because they [Alabama] want me,”  or
2. Woooaaahh, whoa, whoa......that is a waste of paper!  How can that work with a black kid?  99.9% of blacks are Democrats and the Dems hate people who waste paper and hurt the environment!
    - Your answer.....your silly environment means nothing when compared to National Titles.

Additionally, DeMarcus Walker from Jacksonville, FL tweetes us through his visit to Tuscaloosa.  Now, I understand that many of our readers are rich, old, white, Republicans who may not understand the slang lingo of a 17 year old black kid.  With that in mind I will write DeMarcus' tweet and then I shall interpret that tweet just below the tweet itself.  Here goes:

TWEET: “Alabama this weekend
Translated: "I am visiting Alabama this weekend.  They have already given me and my granmomma a lot of money and I fully expect to be given more money when I get there."
TWEET: “Headed to Alabama…..Roll Tide!!!”
Translated: "A GA from Bama just got to my Granmomma's house with three skanky white girls and a brown paper Piggly Wiggly bag full of hundred dollar bills for my Granmomma.  I currently favor Alabama because they are giving me more stuff than anyone else right now.  Also, because I grew up without any positive male role models in my life to teach me about loyalty to things like a program.  I am basically an adult body with the brain of a 9 month old who lives in a mindset in which I am the center of the Universe."
TWEET: “Just got threw eating dinner thinking about going out tonight…..roll tide.
Translated: "Coach Saban just took me to a thing called Outback.  They had these people that are sorta' like the people who give you food at the MacDonalds only they keep coming back to bring you bread and more to drink.  Coach Saban called it a "sit down" restaurant.  He left the people who brought bread and drink some cash on the table when we were done.  He called it a "tip"....white people are wild, dog!  Speaking of I really hope that one of those skanky white girls that have been hanging around will give me some later."
TWEET: “Feeling like a King up here Thank u Lord for this life.”
Translated: "One of those skanky white girls just BROKE A BROTHA OFF!!!!!!WHOOT WHOOT! Money and White Girls......Coach Saban is talkin' my language, dog!"
TWEET: “I got a feeling tonights gonna be a good night.”
Translated: "Another skanky white girl just came through, and that same GA just gave me another brown bag of cash.  Then he winked at me and said "That is for you Big Daddy D-Walk....don't tell yo' granmomma."
TWEET: “Clubin”
 Translated: "These rich, white, frat dudes have the craziest weed of all time and they made me a fake ID so I can get into bars.  White people in Jacksonville don't even talk to me!  I love these honkies.....they are ALL rich and they keep spending their money on me without wanting anything in return.  These white folk in Alabama are my true friends!  Yo, Chizik you had better warm-up that check writing hand..........It is going to be hard to top this midget here in Tuscaloosa!"


  1. that may be the most racist thing I have seen in my life. and I am a UGA fan living in Alabama, so I have seen a ton of racist stuff.

    wow. just. wow.

  2. I have never been to your site before, and never will again. Racist, factless, and pathetic. Not one bit of actual "expertise" on the SEC in there. and you sound like a terrible father.

    grow up.

    1. Hello Anon,

      First of all thanks for both of your posts. However, I do not believe that you have never been here before....but most Anon posters love to use your exact line:

      "I have never been to your site before, and never will again."~Anon

      Well I think you have been here before, I think you most likely check us every single day, I think you know that this is really funny, and I also think that you are most likely a ROP and looking for any reason to hate us. We have been being nice to Richtie-Poo lately and I have even gone so far as to answer the cries of the great un-washed masses and do a hit post on Bama.
      If you are black then I would invite you to read some older posts where I am racist towards whites, blacks, mexicans, asians, basically everyone.
      If you are white then I hate to tell you but there is no great score keeper that will give you points for your fake outrage.
      Look at the tag line "A Little Racism for Our Liberal Readers" we do things like this all the time. So read those posts, fake outrage, and maybe just maybe the "Outraged by Racism Fair" will leave a dollar under your pillow.

  3. I could really see this entire scenario taking place in bammer land, you made me read through to the very end to enjoy the small morsel mocking the midget in Tuscaloosa. I shouldn't have to read that far. More mockery. This wasn't enough.

    1. I gave you mockery at the end of the second paragraph in which I insinuated that he can neither reach an average height sink nor ride roller coasters. Will you insatiable hunger never be satisfied oh Forehead of the Erk?

  4. CCRider eats big green boogers and has a serious man-crush on Coach Sick Satan

    BTW: Coach Sick Satan = SCUM

    1. Your constant trolling days old with the same tired, worn out comment, really puts us in our place. You're killing our blog sir, why must you out us so rudely and rightfully? If only the world had less upstanding, vigilant crusaders such as yourself.