Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Lucid Idiocy Blog Asks a Very Important Question.

Now we don't.....well we rarely ever.....well usually we disagree with the Lucid Idiocy blog.....no scratch that.  Usually the Lucid Idiocy Blog disagrees with us.  We have had disagreements as to what is and what is not racist and who is the better fan; the blind supporter or the Cold Blooded Demander of Excellence.  Also, apparently LI majored in English or sumthin' and our often grumaticully inkorect writings make his skin crawl.  That said we are all Dawgs are we not?  I place LI right beside people like our hero Ben Dukes....they really believe what they believe and it just ain't always what we believe.  We love Big Ben, LI, and all the "real" fans.  Without them where would we be?  We would be like Skeletor without He-Man......sure we would rule Eternia but that would get old eventually.

Anyway LI has posed a very valid question here.

The gist of the question is this:
When your superior sperm produces a male off-spring what is the appropriate time to place him on a weight lifting regime, punch him in the face, and have him wrestle wild boars to the death?

A little over six years ago my sperm finished the job and made a male child....female children are the same only they lack a penis so they are incomplete humans.  My wife asked "What do you want to name him?"  I immediately said "Evil".  Naturally my wife's lack of a penis is synonymous with her mind not being fully developed.  As a result my wife hated the name Evil.  I went so far as to say to her "Ok, picture this.....I make crowd noises.....Number 66 EVIL RIDER Makes the Tackle!"  She then told me that the way our child's name will sound over the PA systems in SEC stadiums should have no bearing on what name we select.  I immediately drafted divorce paper work as I assumed we had reached the dreaded "irreconcilable differences".  Also, when she was pregos and I would sneak up on her with a needle full of a Pheno/Deca/D-Ball/Test cocktail and she would start yelling "STOP TRYING TO INJECT MY STOMACH WITH ANABOLIC STEROIDS!
Well needless to say my plan was to punch the male child in the face the moment he exited the birth canal so as to break his nose and then have it heal up all crazy looking.....oh and also to cause his front two teeth to never grow in properly.  Now that may sound drastic but understand I am attempting to groom an inside line backer so a menacing face may not be necessary for your male child.

Now that is what a Line Backer is supposed to look like!


  1. Some things we can all agree on. I'm keeping a list already: every time this child cries an excessive amount a night, I make a mark. Each mark is a punch right to his face on his 10th birthday.

    Should be a fun party for him

    1. You can also pinch his nose with you hand over his mouth for a few seconds. He will associate crying with not being able to breath....that is an old Native American trick to raising a Brave.