Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

Loading...

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

MIKE SLIVE IS OUT!!

Slive is out because our very own CCRider has announced his official candidacy for Commissioner of the SEC.  We now turn our blog over to CC.


"Thank you so much.  In this time of much trepidation and maligning we have few consistent institutions by which to set our moral compass.  One such institution for the people of the South is the South Eastern Conference of Intercollegiate Athletics.  This institution is currently under attack and may not survive the relentless attack of Yankee Mike Slive.  With this in mind I feel as if my country has not asked but has rather demanded that someone step forward and save the SEC.  I humbly present myself for your consideration and your vote.  CCRider for SEC Commissioner together we can save the SEC!  Below you will find my "Contract With the SEC" in which you will see my plan to save the SEC.  As for Mike Slive....I am putting you on blast notice homeboy.  You just moved from neutral ally to hostile threat!"

CONTRACT WITH THE SEC
1.       Repeal Missouri-CareMissouri is neither Southern nor Eastern and therefore is unequivocally barred from participating in any activities with South and eastern in the name.  CCRider will sign an executive order effective immediately that will not only remove Missouri but will also place the following stipulations on any new member of the SEC:
a)      To become a member of the SEC your school’s main physical campus must be located within a State that officially seceded from the Union.
b)      To become a member of the SEC nine out of ten restaurants located within a 1 mile radius of the campus must have sweet tea on the menu.
c)       To become a member of the SEC at least 85% of your female students must pass the Z-Metts tat-tat firmness test.
The following schools will be considered for the 14th slot:
                -Virginia
                -Virginia Tech
                -North Carolina
                -NC State
                -Florida State
-Clampsun (but not really….we will just pretend to get their hopes up and then ignore them)


2.       End All Recruiting RegulationsThis is the SEC and half of the fun is the flamboyant recruiting tactics.  Cheating is not really cheating in the SEC so why not get with the program here in 2012 and just let coaches and programs do what they want.
3.       All Rivalry Games Will Be Permanent- We CAN and we WILL save these games.
4.       Full Time Professional Officials- We have the money.
5.       A Real SEC Network- Not a joint deal with some network but a real channel that carries football games all day Saturday, baseball, and basketball games.  Oh and also that hunting show from the late 1990’s with Will Clark , a live Sunday Morning feed from Cam Newton’s Daddy’s Church aka the Chizik Tabernacle, and a cooking show starring Fat Phil Fulmer.
6.       No More Title 9-  Title 9 is gayer than the big gay Ole Miss Bear.  Plus all those bull-dykes are wasting football scholarships……not that it will matter under a Rider Administration because there will be no scholarship limits (see plank 2).
7.       The Return of Colonel Reb-  It’s simple Ole Miss….. bring back the Colonel or send a membership request to Conf. USA.
8.       Banana Pudding Milkshakes Year Round at Chick-Fil-A- Commissioner Rider will work hand in hand with Mr. Cathy to replace the “limited time only” tag from the BP Milkshake and make it an “Unlimited Time” offer.
9.       A Banning of All Fake Country Music-    The following allegedly “Country” acts will not be allowed in person or on the radio in or around any SEC stadium:
-Kenny Chesney
-Jason Aldean
-Big and Rich
-Sugarland
-Taylor Swift
-Cowboy Troy
-Tim McGraw
-Faith Hill
-Lady Antebellum
-And others as determined by how douchie their music is.


9 comments:

  1. For some time now I have been concerned about the jealousy and envy of the SEC by the other football conferences. I knew that six National Championships would “be more than they could bear”. I have wondered -Who would betray us? How would the betrayal be carried out? The answer: By the forced dilution of specified divisions of the SEC and by the elimination of our traditions. Traditions which form a deeply embedded part of the cultural heritage of this conference. Not since the Red Legs plundered the Missouri border have we seen such blatant disregard for the dignity of the SEC and her fan base! General Patton was a student of Sun Tzu on the Art of War. There are five principles on how to weaken an enemy. And believe me the rest of the football conferences have aligned themselves and consider the SEC their enemy.
    The five principles are:
    1. Win All Without Fighting: Achieving the Objective Without Destroying It
    2. Avoid Strength, Attack Weakness: Striking Where the Enemy is Most Vulnerable
    3. Deception and Foreknowledge: Winning the Information War
    4. Speed and Preparation: Moving Swiftly to Overcome Resistance
    5. Shaping the Enemy: Preparing the Battlefield



    This conference realignment has reached a height dangerous to the continued dominance and posterity to the whole SEC and seriously compromised her continued authority over the rest of college football.

    “Nobody ever defended anything successfully, there is only attack and attack and attack some more.”
    George S. Patton
    Mr. Rider: “Proceed sir.”

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. +10. Very good LMAO! Very creative and coherent post.

      Delete
    2. It was ok....let's not get ahead of ourselves. AHD! Have you given any thought to starting your own blog. I'd buy a subscription! Noticed your posts on several sites. Good stuff! Do you gave T shirts yet.
      GO DOGS!

      Delete
    3. Whoa! Slow your roll! I'm here only for the entertainment and to annoy Hijo De Sanjo. Still much appreciated about your cudos. I'm a big GTP and Bernie fan. Post there often. I'm not ready for prime time. But HEY! Who knows. Thanks for the shout out.!
      Go DAwgs!

      Delete
  2. Anyone that doesn't like Georgia's own, Jason Aldean, Mississippi's own, Faith Hill, or Louisiana's own, Tim McGraw, can kiss my black ass. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6OEPp3PSPA

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are missing the point Kev. I just pledged to restore your beloved Colonel Reb. Plus consider this...we live in an "unto the victor goes the spoils" political world so if a friend of yours is the Commish and that friend really only know one person from Mississiphillus who do you think would be my executive Czar to the State of MS? Who would get to sit in the Commish's box seat at all home OM games? I don't think you thought this thing out to the end Kev.

      Delete
    2. I forgot to close the post with [/sarcasm], CC. It was a joke ;-) .

      Delete
  3. BTW, Lady Antebellum? CC, dude, that is sacrilege here in Augusta, you know that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone on that is list has never recorded a single country song and yet they are considered Country Music. I don't have a problem with them if they would just call themselves what they are Nasally Pop-Music.

      Delete