Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

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Thursday, June 28, 2012

8-4 is too good for us: Are we used to disappointment enough yet?

Inspired by Spears' old piece from dawgsports.com, we'd been mind wandering on a prediction piece all week. So, here goes, why 8-4 is too good for us, and you need to get used to the disappointment.

Sep 1 vs Buffalo- With half the roster suspended, and the other half empty (we only got 73 on recruited scholarshipped players), Cordy Glenn's new team comes in ready to prove a point. Oh, wait, the Bulls, not the Bills? Gotta love Yankee creativity I guess. Either way, we'll struggle through a half on a weakened roster that still has 3-4 more suspensions waiting to hit over the next two months. But one half should be enough against a purchased win? It should be, until our true freshman kickers shank 4 FGs as Bobo's O stalls out between the 10 and the 20 on every drive, while the punter can't get any hang time allowing 3 big returns. 2 of those returns reach the end zone, and when combined with a late Murray pick 6 when we're driving to put the game away, final score: Buffalo 21-Georgia 9

Sep 8 @ Missouri-With a healthy QB and next great freak WR on the edge, our suspended secondary leaks like a sieve. Oh, a returning from his game 1 suspension Crowell helps, and combines with Keith Marshall for 278 rushing yards and 4 TDs. But Green-Beckham has 4 himself, helping make the final score: Missouri 45-Georgia 31

Sep 15 vs Florida Atlantic-Carl Pelini, brother of Bo, takes over Howard Schnellenberger's crew. Seems like a gimme win, right? Well, this is a better team than Buffalo, better coached, and more talent. We cakewalk in to a hungry bear unexpectedly, as two defensive geniuses go toe to toe. Unfortunately, the Owls don't have a crayon offensively, or a debacle freshman kicking game, leading to a final score: FAU 6 UGA 4

Sep 22 vs Vanderbilt-When you've already lost to one James Franklin, why not make it a double? Vandy comes in pissed off after last year, and we're still shellshocked from the season's surprising start. Most of our DBs have returned from suspension, but cut blocking Commodores make the knees of Jenkins, Geathers, and Drew turn the wrong way. Our offense just can't get on the field as Vandy runs it down our throats for a final score: Vanderbilt 24 Georgia 16

Sep 29 vs Tennessee-A well groomed Vol squad caps off 4 September home games (against no October home games), and Barbara Dooley will have spent a week on the airwaves defending her baby's winless start. In an effort to salvage the inevitable firing, she calls in her last favor from Mad Pete Trullo, gaining access to the groundscrew operations room like that Wild Wings commercial, sabotaging our efforts from within. A couple well timed sprinklers cause the final score: Tennessee 7 Georgia 3

Oct 6 @ South Carolina-Gamecock fans keep saying we wanted this game moved back, and those people are representative of the worst public education system in the country. Marcus Lattimore is back to full form after knocking off the rust in September. Ward has worked out his beginner kinks at DC, and a relatively easy early schedule causes a 5-0 start combines with a 98 degree, 12:30 start to make Southern Newark a sweltering mad house. After losing Isaiah Crowell to career ending suspension earlier in the week, Boo Malcome tears a knee on the second drive of the game before Keith Marshall takes a full speed helmet right on a planted, cutting right ankle ending his season a few plays later. A disaster of epic proportions concludes with a final score: Chickens 63 Dawgs 14

Oct 20 @ Kentucky-After a week off, and demolished backfield, Bobo puts the game in Aaron Murray's hands, going 5 wide for most of the game. It works to the tune of over 500 yards passing, 6 TDs and only 3 interceptions. Unfortunately, Grantham took the Tennessee job replacing a fired Derek Dooley on October 7th, and the defense is in shambles under a returning John Jancek. 10,000 traveling Dawg fans stop to make permanent camp outside the Jim Beam distillery after witnessing a final score: Kentucky 45 Georgia 44

Oct 27 vs Florida-Following their dominant victory over a worn out South Caraolina the week before, the Gators show up at the Cocktail Party leading the SEC East. Mark Richt checks out the forecast Friday morning, and gives up proclaiming, "It's too hot down there, and the buses don't have AC either. We forfeit" forcing the record books to show a final score: Florida 1 Georgia 0

Nov 3 vs Ole Miss-Riding high on the hope of Hugh Freeze thousands of Rebels descend upon Athens looking forward to a victory. The Athenians are much appreciative of the beautiful ladies of Oxford easing our pain. But not that appreciative, cause Ole Miss is still as pitiful as ever. Aaron Murray, although worn out from the night before, still manages to have his first interception free day, leading the Dawgs to their first victory and a final score: Georgia 27 Ole Miss 12

Nov 10 @ Auburn-Van Gorder spends the entire week polishing his moustache and combing his hair, reviewing exactly 0 film from the current season. He still has a perfectly positioned defense to counter every Bobo play call, causing a final score: Auburn 28 Georgia 0

SeNov 17 vs Ga Southern-On a day where Georgia announces a statue to Erk Russell will be erected outside Gate 3 of Sanford Stadium, an inspired Eagles team enjoys a Dawg front seven missing Geathers and Drew from Vandy, Ogletree to suspension, Jarvis to Mudcat's car, and Jordan Jenkins to an alcohol related suspension, rushing for 378 yards, 5 TDs and a final score: Southern 35 Georgia 21

Nov 24 vs Georgia Tech-A soon to be ACC champion Jackets ride in to town, with most of their fan base crowing about the week before, and reminding everyone they meet that Paul Johnson is the best coach Georgia Southern ever had. Erk rises from the grave to crush his skull with a head butt right before opening kickoff, and Georgia plays it's best game of the year, reminding the bugs they still run this state ending in a final score: Georgia 51 Tech 3.

Following the 2-10 season, Greg McGarity disappointedly announces that part of the problem this past season was Mark Richt feeling the call to do missionary work in the Phillipines, to which he is retiring effectively immediately. Mike Bobo is announced as his replacement, with a 5 yr, $13m contract on December 21, which is immediately followed by the arrival of 1,000,000 Mayans screaming "I told ya so!"

3 comments:

  1. Inspired.

    The Tech result is what makes it believable. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unfortunately, later that night after I wrote this, the Crowell crap occured. So I guess the Gods weren't amused by my jokes.

      Delete