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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

SEC Coaching Alignment Revised- Our New "Neutral Evil".

Way back in March of this year (when I was actually still blogging) I broke down the SEC's overall coaching alignment.  Since that time our "Neutral Evil" coach has been relieved of his duties.  That set the wheels in motion for us to select a new neutral evil for our super sweet poster chart.

The Original Chart
Now we had a few candidates:
1. We could have moved Spurrier from Chaotic Neutral to Neutral Evil but in order to do that we would have needed a time machine to take us back to the 90's when he was still at Florida.
2. We could have just re-placed Petrino with John L. Smith the way Ar-Kansas did; but we decided to put a little more effort into replacing Petrino than Ar-Kansas did.
3. We could have used Muschamp but we are pretty sure his job status after this season will lead us to having to do all of this all over again.
4. Sumlin and Phillips were unusable because they are either too new or too vanilla for us to get a read on.
5. James Franklin belongs in the "Douche" category so he is out.
6. Some idiot mentioned Gary Pinkel but he coaches at Missouri and Missouri is NOT in the SEC.

So that left us with a difficult choice....leave the slot open or take a hard look at someone who we all forgot about..........Hugh Freeze.  Ole Miss is so awful at football (whenever they don't have someone named Manning at QB) that it is easy to forget about them.

Now let's remember what a Neutral Evil Character is (just in case you didn't hit the above link):

                                                                   Neutral Evil, "Malefactor"
A neutral evil villain does whatever he can get away with. He is out for himself, pure and simple. He sheds no tears for those he kills, whether for profit, sport, or convenience. He has no love of order and holds no illusion that following laws, traditions, or codes would make him any better or more noble. On the other hand, he doesn't have the restless nature or love of conflict that a chaotic evil villain has.
Some neutral evil villains hold up evil as an ideal, committing evil for its own sake. Most often, such villains are devoted to evil deities or secret societies.
Neutral evil beings consider their alignment to be the best because they can advance themselves without regard for others.
Neutral evil is the most dangerous alignment because it represents pure evil without honor and without variation.

Now here is a picture of Hugh Freeze:

Now here is some info on Hugh Freeze:
  • He is from Mississippi so the chances of him being obese, having a sexually transmitted disease, reading at a third grade level, or any combination of the three is very high.
  • He was an assistant AD at Ole Miss when Coach O was there, his formative years growing up in Mississippi were during the Billy Brewer tenure, and he is a former High School Coach in Memphis, TN.........so let's just say my man knows how to get them dollah dollah bills safely into the hands of HS Coaches and Granmommas all over the South.
  • He coached Michael Oher in HS so he not only knows about illegal recruiting he also knows how to turn that into an absurd tear-jearker of a story that is then made into a movie that makes a ton of money by playing on rich white people's white guilt.  (Yeah, we just called the Blindside TOTAL BS! que the outrage from reader RebelKev)
  • His name is Hugh and everyone everywhere named Hugh is a total SOB.....isn't that right, HUGH!?!
Now if we really think about this Hugh Freeze has seen cheating from two of the all time best in the history of this business.  Freeze had no problem being an important cog in a money making ponzi scheme that exploited an orphan, the difficulties of the poorest portion of the Southern black population, and racial pimping.  Freeze also has an abnormally long head with a cinder block shape at the top that tapers down into a chinless jaw with a delightful Leachian neck guzzle.  That is coupled with abnormally slender shoulders which gives him the overall feel of a 1980's, cheap, cult followed, action movie.
So perhaps we are jumping the gun a little but for some reason the more I look Freeze the more I feel like Ole Miss may have finally found someone who can coach em like Nutter Butters while also embracing the evil that is necessary to have success in the SEC recruiting wars.  So congrats Mr. Freeze you have been elevated to the status of the "Neutral Evil" villain of the SEC. Now, do not let us down, SIR!


  1. 1) SC has the worst education ranking in the nation:


    As for STD's, feel free to provide your research and/or sources to back up that presumptuous claim.

    2) Yeah, I'm sure Oher is sulking in his oppression with his millions from the NFL. The Tuohy's were already rich as hell and they didn't just pay his way so he could attend Ole Miss, they adopted him.

    3) We were just as successful under Jevan Snead as we were with Eli Manning (2 Cotton Bowls with Snead, 1 with Eli). Eli's claim is that we shared the West with LSU for one year.

    Glass houses, rocks, something like that. I live in Georgia now. Can't say Georgia or South Carolina are light years ahead of Mississippi.

    1. You are slippin' son this has been up for days with no answer from the champion of all things Missisyphilis.

      Ok so here we go:

      On the STD's

      Mississippi #1 in Chlamydia

      Mississippi #1 in Gonorrhea

      Mississippi #5 in primary and secondary syphilis

      Of course if you only count primary syphilis then Missy would be #1 again.

      While I like your Vermont source on edumocation how about this:

      Mississippi is also #1 in obesity

      Do I really need to site a source on your Jevan Snead to Eli Manning breakdown? How about this...if you could have either right now under center in Oxford who would you pick Kev? I rest my case.

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. Wow, CC, Really? Is this one of those "dishing it out, but can't take it in" scenarios?

  4. You call me out in the main post, then disallow me from defending myself. How honorable, CC.

    1. It is not for the reason you think Kev. We will talk.