Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

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Thursday, September 13, 2012

Picks Guaranteed* to Win You Money, Week 3

We've gotten week 1, and week 2 in the books and for those following at home, TxBaller is doing better than I am, by 1 game.  But we both suck so far.  Time to turn this around and start getting Papa paid.  As always, top 10 ranked games (AP poll, no Oregon vs Tennessee Tech, Oklahoma who's off, Clemson with Furman, or West Virginia hosting James Madison), and lines off ESPN.  If there's no half, I'll add or subtract it cause pushes are bitches.  So without further introduction, here are your week's picks guaranteed* to win you money Saturday.

#14 Texas (-10 1/2) @ Ole Miss - Texas at least has talent, which is more than we can say for Ole Miss.  We're interested in this one for a couple reasons.  One is to see just what the Rebels hired in Freeze, and how big a mistake it was for them to pass on the Pirate King of Pullman.  Second is to see how overrated the always overrated Longhorns are.  In Oxford, the 10 gets enticing.  Don't be fooled, cause Freeze has a LONG way to go to get the talent to anything close to a respectable level.  And we all know Mack Brown turns away more blue chips in a single recruiting class than Ole Miss has enrolled in 30 years.  Hook 'em Horns, Texas covers.

#13 Virginia Tech (-10 1/2) @ Pitt - Who is coaching Pitt now?  Considering the dumpster fire of Wannstedt, it has to be improved, right?  Wrong.  The soon to be ACC bottom feeder (which is saying something since, you know, Duke), has already lost to Youngstown St and Cincinnati, by more than that spread.  If Vegas wants to give money away, we'll take it.  Beamer Ball rules as the Hokies cover (lock of the week, which is currently 0-2)

#12 Ohio St (-16 1/2) Cal - What the hell happened to Cal?  They were somewhat decent when Tedford had Lynch and Jackson and Rodgers and Boller and others.  I guess he got complacent like Richt, but the hippy tree huggers were too buzy burning bowls to give him a much needed kick in the balls.  This one is a laugher cause we know Urbs ain't afraid to run up ugly numbers.  The Buckeyes cover big.

#10 Michigan St (-5 1/2) Notre Dame - Whoever wins, America loses because this game will be all that sucks about midwestern football.  It will be slow.  It will be unathletic.  It will feature a game manager QB vs a turnover prone QB.  The field will have more caucasians than the Dude.  But since we have to pick someone, and the Irish are another of the soon to be tickle pile of football in the ACC, we're going Spartans to cover.  Go Michigan St.

#8 South Carolina (-33 1/2) UAB - The Blazers have been getting screwed over by trustees wary to create anything close to competition for the beloved Tide, up to and including the joke of a hire that was Neil Calloway.  They lost to Troy in their only game so far, and the Gamecocks may have found the ability to pass, in addition to Lattimore and Clowney owning the tackle boxes.  But 33?  Really?  We aren't buying it.  The Gamecocks win, and it'll be easy.  But they aren't getting 33.  No how, no way, let alone cover by 33.  Take UAB and the points.

#7 Georgia (-41 1/2) Florida Atlantic - Last week was an anamoly.  Georgia NEVER covers. We relax in a very disturbing way this week. Take the Fighting Schnellenbergers (admit it, you have no clue what their mascot is), and the points.  Georgia 41, Florida Atlantic 14. 

#5 Florida St (-27 1/2 )Wake Forest - The Seminoles are NOT a national title contender.  ESPN will keep shoving that narrative down our throats, and then I will watch EJ Manuel play QB and remember why I quit caring about the opinion of ESPN "experts" when I was 16.  But as much as Jim Grobe plays spoiler to the Garnett and Gold, it won't be this year.  The Demon Deacons are drifting back to their usual cellar home, and the athletes of FSU are too much.  While history says Wake, we spit in history's eye, and do the Tomahawk Chop.  FSU covers.

#3 LSU (-42 1/2) Idaho - We still love Rob Akey.  But seriously.  Idaho, in Red Stick, and it's just 40?  LSU caan pick their score, and likely pick a larger margin than that.  Take LSU.

#2 Southern Cal (-9 1/2) @ Stanford - They've lost Harbaugh, and now Luck.  Stanford was made to look a lot better than they really are by those two.  The Trojans have two losses in them, one to Oregon and another in some slip up to a weak school.  But while Stanford is weakened this year, Southern Cal wants payback for 3 straight losses.  They come out hyped, and the Trojans cover.

#1 Bama (-20 1/2) @ Arkansas - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Ah Bleacher Report, your Onion style journalism is always good humor.  Petrino was a huge loss, as we've been saying since he was so flagrantly stupid in the spring.  Those who think last week was just them overlooking a weak team before a big game, are ignoring just how weakened they are now that Coach Dick got Lorena Bobbit'd.  Bama won't over look them, and will make this one uglier than Western Kentucky.  Roll Tide, they double the spread.



*Guarantee only valid for blood relatives who have predeceased me

11 comments:

  1. A little late this morning - running - limited on commentary.

    Ole Miss + 10.5 Texas - Texas never covers on the road!

    VT -10.5 Pitt - Pitt is absolutely awful.

    Cal +16.5 Ohio St - Cal to cover at home.

    MichSt -5.5 ND - Spartie too tough.

    SCAR -33.5 UAB - Carolina rolls.

    UGA -41.5 FAU - GA never covers v children of poor.

    Wake +27.5 Noles - upset alert

    LSU -42.5 Idaho - Mett breaks out a big game.

    SoCal -9.5 Stan - Trojans curbstomp Stan

    Bammer -20.5 Ar-Kansas - ugly! Roll Tide!

    Good luck #31 - feeling this is our breakout week!

    ---TXBaller








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    1. Wait, you taking Georgia or Fla Atlantic?

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    2. 5-5 for me. You're either 3-7 or 4-6 depending on Georgia. I'm saying 4-6, so we're even on the year Tex. Apparently which way I gave the half made the difference for us on the SC/UAB game.

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      Sanchez

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  4. Dang, Sanchez ... the Cocks pushed at 33. Hope your loyal readers got 33.5.

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    1. I hate spreads without a half.
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      Sanchez

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  5. Yep - my line should have read FAU +41.5 to coincide with my comment. Thanks for understanding.

    Wasn't SC final 49-6 (43)??

    ---TXB

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  6. I have me 5-5 with the FAU cover - you agree?

    ---TXB

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    1. yeah, you're 5-5. I'm 4-6 based on the bad math for SC/UAB.

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      Sanchez

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