Re-Evaluating the SEC After One Week

So the big boys down in Dixie have one week in the books and we now have an opportunity to re-evaluate each of them.  To save time we will cover em' by two...deuces:

Opposite Ends of the Spectrum

Alabama-  This just in......Alabama is real good at football.
Kentucky- This just in.......Kentucky is not.

Botanical Connoisseurs

LSU- LSU looked good but hard to say where they are in regards to Bama because under the Hat Molester they always play to the level of their competition.
Georgia- They looked solid with contributions from younger players.  The Dawgs scored a bunch of points but that is necessary so as to create an air tight statistical defense for keeping Bobo despite his habitual bed pooing against top tier teams.

You Didn't Know But Now You Know....You Know?

Auburn- The Barn was hard to read in the off-season.  They could have been solid, could have been bad, or could have been a fly in the LSU/Bama ointment.  Turns out they have a Dondrel Pinkesque QB which means they can't beat SEC-lite Clampsun.....soooooo.....6-7 or 7-6 if not worse for the Plainsmeagles.
Tannercee- The Kiffikins experiment left the residents of Dollywood with a bad taste in their mouths (which is not as bad as you would think due to their lack of teeth so there is not much for the bad taste to cling onto).  Diddy's baby boy was brought in to right the ship and provide stability.  In order to do that Precious needed to beat all the schools in the South who don't really care about feetball (i.e. Vandy, Kentucky, The Missisyphillus Scrools, etc.). Tannercee hasn't been doing this for the past few years and Precious is now square upon the seat with heat.  The drumming of the oh so vanilla Wolfpack could signal that Diddy's Boy may be competitive enough to save his job until the Tannercee Athletic Department can get out of the red.

Auburn lost to this guy with out Sammy Watkins....oh the shame it all!

Of Those Who Are And Those Who Will Shortly Be Fired.

Arkansas- The Hawgs scruggled against their cupcake-a-liscious opener in the first half.  John Lamont Smith pulled it together at the half although we are pretty sure he told his boys all about how Spartans fight till the end.  Arkansas' dreams of competing in the SEC are gone like the 20 year old Blondie tail that get you in trouble with the Court and all their talk of alimony.
Florida- Perhapse you jumped the gun on the "hottest assistant in college football"?  Karma sucks eh, Will?

It's Done Took A Whole Lotta Ty-rying And You Still Ain't Over That Hill

Mississippi State- Two years ago it looked like the Missy Dawgs had it all figured out....then SEC Defensive Coordinators figured out the Urban Spread......We give Danny Boy two or three more before the hill folk want to send him up to Ohio to reunite with Urban and his Brain Zit.
South Carolina- Got the Coach...check, Got the non-Crack smoking version of George Rogers...check, Got a defense....check, Got Clampsun's number...check, ready for the big boys in the SEC.....well that depends on Conner Shaw's shoulder.

Oh.....We Didn't Realize That Y'all Were Still Here.

Ole Miss- A pox lay upon the stoop of Brother Faulkner's institution until they restore the Colonel.  Or until they get back to getting they cheat on Billy Brewer style.
Vanderbilt- "You know Vandy is really starting to turn things around with Franklin."........."Oh, Arkansas hired James Franklin....well scratch that then."~ Said Everyone at the end of the season

Texas Oil Money and Yankees That Contribute Nothing At All To The SEC

Texas AnM- Hard to say just yet because we like Sumlin but we aren't sure he is going to like SEC Defenses.  The SEC however is going to love the in-roads to all those delicious Texas recruits.
Name Redacted-  Sports and Grits is a fine upstanding publication that sullies itself not by discussing Yankeefied abominations.

Y'all missin' ya' Boy yet?