Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Arkansas' Next Head Football Coach......The Odds On Favorites

I am going to cover Arkansas now and then end this series with Tannercee because I think Arkansas will settle on their man long before the Hillbillies pick their next Redneck-and-Chief.  I think this because I actually believe that Tannercee really believes that Jon Gruden is going to consider taking the Tannercee job. 

1. AL GOLDEN- HEAD COACH- MIAMI
A very dark horse for the Arkansas job.  If Golden wants to jump of the craptastic freight liner that is Miami his first choice would be Tannercee.  I have eight candidates for the Arkansas job and I think that Golden would be at the very bottom of the Razorback's list.  ODDS- 5%

2. CHAD MORRIS- OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR- CLAMPSUN
Chad Morris wouldn't even pack his clothes if Arkansas offered him the job.  Every Klan rally north of Lake Thurmond will be ending with a "Please God don't let Arkansas, Tannercee, or NCState offer Chad a job and leave Dabo with no adult supervision" prayer.  NC State will probably offer him the job before Christmas and he will likely take that job......especially because it is looking more and more like the NC State job will end up being an SEC job within two years.  ODDS- 10%

3. GARY PATTERSON- HEAD COACH- TCU
Until he is plucked from TCU the portly, bombastic, guru of the 4-2-5 will be mentioned for every big time coaching job on the market.  Patterson would know the recruiting landscape like the back of his hand and would bring in the Defense that many in Hawg Nation desire.  The problem is he may demand upwards of $4.5 million and not everyone in Fayetville will see that as a value...because they are stupid.  ODDS- 10%

4. KIRBY SMART- DC- ALABAMA and 5. CHARLIE STRONG- HC- LOUISVILLE



Now....I mention both of these guys because they have a chance of getting the job.  However, I am glazing over them because a) I don't really think they will get the job at Arkansas, and b) I will talk about them in greater detail in the upcoming Tannercee post.  ODDS- 10% each.

6. DANA HOLGORSEN- HEAD COACH- WEST VIRGINIA
Here is exactly how Holgorsen's interview will go:
Arkansas:  Coach thanks so much for coming in on such short notice.  Tell us about your philosophy?
DH:  Sup, Brah?  I heard through the old grapevine that things were less than copacetic here on account of your last Dude couldn't stop dorking some hot chick.  Listen Bruh.....I don't like to get caught up in all that he said she said mumbo-jumbo.  I like to keeps it loosey goosey.....ya' know?  My philosophy can be summed up in these super sweet A's that I'm wearing even though we're inside and it's the winter time.  I don't like to limit myself to the "Man's Box" ya' know what I'm sayin'?  I like to operate on all the planes of reality in and out of the stratosphere....ya' know what I'm sayin'?  It's like yeah.....I didn't fill up my Coke Icee all the way to the top of the bubble lid.....I left it empty so I could hit it with a little Red Bull topper.....so what?  Ya' know what I'm saying?  ODDS- 15%

7. MIKE GUNDY- HEAD COACH- OKLAHOMA STATE
Now where have I seen a really intense guy standing in front of a back drop and talking about nothing but with a lot of intensity and hand gestures with the brim of his hat pulled way down low.........................
Ah....of course.  However, this post just bumped Gundy to the top of the Tannercee list cause THEY LOVE RASSLIN IN TANNERCEE.  ODDS- 15%

8. JAMES FRANKLIN- HEAD COACH- VANDERBILT
Franklin just won seven games at Vandy........that would be like David Duke carring 70% of the black vote in the 2016 Presidential race.  No jokes on this one.....I think Franklin will be the next Big Piggie and I think Arkansas will be very pleased with this decision.  ODDS- 25%

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