Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Monday, July 23, 2012

The Unforeseen Fall Out of the Penn State Penalty.

Way back in November we assured you that Penn State would:

a) get special treatment, and
b) avoid the death penalty.

We also weighed in on what the courts should do with Sandusky...spoiler alert it involves a killing with bare hands and "The Stallion That Mounts The World", Matt Millen.

Back in January we at S&G were the only blog with the courage to ask what was really going on surrounding the death of Paterno.

All the penalties are in and now we can assess the fall out that many of you may not have anticipated:

1. Mack Brown may have a contract on his head-  If you believe for one fleeting moment that Bobby Bowden "hates he gets the career wins record like this" well you are a moron.  The only family in American History sleazier than the Bowdens, in my opinion, is the Kennedys.  When the ruling came down I'm sure Ol' Bobby was devastated and I am equally sure they didn't have all the kids and gran'-babbies over for a celebratory round of cake and ice cream.  The problem is that now one of the all time dirtiest players in the game has a record to protect.  Mack Brown is 150 wins away from Ol' Boobie.  Mack Daddy is only 60 years old, and with the new alignment of the Big XII is assured of 10 wins at least, every year.  That means that at age 75 Mack Daddy will be knocking on Ol' Boobie's door and we can't have that now can we.

2. Corch and his brain zit are about to descend upon Pennsylvania-  2 Hours before the sanctions are announced in Columbus, OH:
Corch:  Is the plane gassed up?
OSU Minion: Yes sir has been for the last three hours.
Corch: Is my list of Penn State players in my seat on the plane?
OSU Minion: Yes sir has been for the last three hours.
Corch:  Have our spies reported any other Big Ten program preparing to steal players?
OSU Minion: No sir, they are all vowing to stay away out of respect.
Corch: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!  What a bunch of Queefs (This should be read in Skeletor Voice)

3. There is officially NO death penalty in NCAA Football-   "If this is it for child molesting I"ll just start writing the checks directly we don't need bagmen anymore!"......was over heard outside of the Alabama, Auburn, and Clampsun Athletic Director's office.
"It's like they are begging us to cheat." ~ Anonymous NCAA Head Football Coach

4. The Penn State job just opened up in 2015- "Someone get me Slutty Bobby Petrino's number, STAT!"......will be overheard outside of the Penn State Athletic Director's office in January of 2015.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

SEC Coaching Alignment Revised- Our New "Neutral Evil".

Way back in March of this year (when I was actually still blogging) I broke down the SEC's overall coaching alignment.  Since that time our "Neutral Evil" coach has been relieved of his duties.  That set the wheels in motion for us to select a new neutral evil for our super sweet poster chart.

The Original Chart
Now we had a few candidates:
1. We could have moved Spurrier from Chaotic Neutral to Neutral Evil but in order to do that we would have needed a time machine to take us back to the 90's when he was still at Florida.
2. We could have just re-placed Petrino with John L. Smith the way Ar-Kansas did; but we decided to put a little more effort into replacing Petrino than Ar-Kansas did.
3. We could have used Muschamp but we are pretty sure his job status after this season will lead us to having to do all of this all over again.
4. Sumlin and Phillips were unusable because they are either too new or too vanilla for us to get a read on.
5. James Franklin belongs in the "Douche" category so he is out.
6. Some idiot mentioned Gary Pinkel but he coaches at Missouri and Missouri is NOT in the SEC.

So that left us with a difficult choice....leave the slot open or take a hard look at someone who we all forgot about..........Hugh Freeze.  Ole Miss is so awful at football (whenever they don't have someone named Manning at QB) that it is easy to forget about them.

Now let's remember what a Neutral Evil Character is (just in case you didn't hit the above link):

                                                                   Neutral Evil, "Malefactor"
A neutral evil villain does whatever he can get away with. He is out for himself, pure and simple. He sheds no tears for those he kills, whether for profit, sport, or convenience. He has no love of order and holds no illusion that following laws, traditions, or codes would make him any better or more noble. On the other hand, he doesn't have the restless nature or love of conflict that a chaotic evil villain has.
Some neutral evil villains hold up evil as an ideal, committing evil for its own sake. Most often, such villains are devoted to evil deities or secret societies.
Neutral evil beings consider their alignment to be the best because they can advance themselves without regard for others.
Neutral evil is the most dangerous alignment because it represents pure evil without honor and without variation.

Now here is a picture of Hugh Freeze:

Now here is some info on Hugh Freeze:
  • He is from Mississippi so the chances of him being obese, having a sexually transmitted disease, reading at a third grade level, or any combination of the three is very high.
  • He was an assistant AD at Ole Miss when Coach O was there, his formative years growing up in Mississippi were during the Billy Brewer tenure, and he is a former High School Coach in Memphis, TN.........so let's just say my man knows how to get them dollah dollah bills safely into the hands of HS Coaches and Granmommas all over the South.
  • He coached Michael Oher in HS so he not only knows about illegal recruiting he also knows how to turn that into an absurd tear-jearker of a story that is then made into a movie that makes a ton of money by playing on rich white people's white guilt.  (Yeah, we just called the Blindside TOTAL BS! que the outrage from reader RebelKev)
  • His name is Hugh and everyone everywhere named Hugh is a total SOB.....isn't that right, HUGH!?!
Now if we really think about this Hugh Freeze has seen cheating from two of the all time best in the history of this business.  Freeze had no problem being an important cog in a money making ponzi scheme that exploited an orphan, the difficulties of the poorest portion of the Southern black population, and racial pimping.  Freeze also has an abnormally long head with a cinder block shape at the top that tapers down into a chinless jaw with a delightful Leachian neck guzzle.  That is coupled with abnormally slender shoulders which gives him the overall feel of a 1980's, cheap, cult followed, action movie.
So perhaps we are jumping the gun a little but for some reason the more I look Freeze the more I feel like Ole Miss may have finally found someone who can coach em like Nutter Butters while also embracing the evil that is necessary to have success in the SEC recruiting wars.  So congrats Mr. Freeze you have been elevated to the status of the "Neutral Evil" villain of the SEC. Now, do not let us down, SIR!

The Truth About James Franklin! Exposed at SEC Media Days.

Something has always struck us as a little "odd" about Franklin but we have never been able to put our fingers on it.  That is until now.  As I watched Franklin dial back his bravado from a year ago (especially in regards to Big Daddy Toddy Grahams and Georgia) it all started to make sense for me.  Where in the world have I seen moronic statements made from a big mouthed-high yellow?  Where have I seen a big mouthed-redbone then back track on those absurd statements?

Keep ya' head up cause it's a set up, son!

Monday, July 16, 2012

According To Sports Illustrated...Georgia Is An Enigma Wrapped Inside of a Mystery.

So we borrowed from ECDawg who gave us an Oregon Blog's call on the SI article that says we are underachievers.  The SI article was written by Stewart Mandel and can be seen here.  Now of particular interest to Dawg Nation is that not only does Stewart call us second tier but he also tackles the question of discipline at UGA.

The gist of Stewie's article is pretty simple....there is a pecking order and teams fall into one of of four categories:  Kings, Barons, Knights, Peasants. 
So where are the Dawgs listed?  As Barons. 
So why are we second tier? 
Georgia, Florida, Texas, and California are the four largest producers of D1 talent in the country.  The University of Florida, Texas, and Southern Cal are all listed as Kings. 
So why are the Dawgs (as Georgia's flagship school) listed behind the flagship school of the other big four states?
Who do we share second tier status with?
The likes of: Auburn, Clemson, W.Virginia, Oregon, Tennessee, Texas AnM, UCLA, Virginia Tech, and Wisconsin.

Auburn is second fiddle in a state that produces less home grown talent than Georgia.
Clampsun is not the state school (but still probably the flagship school) of a state that does not produce the same amount of talent in three years that Georgia does in one year.
UCLA is not only second fiddle in California they are second fiddle in their own city.
Virginia Tech has been better at football in the last 20 years but they are still Virginia's little brother.
Texas AnM is not so much considered a little brother by Texas as they are considered the red-headed, homosexual, slightly retarded, step-cousin.  So why in the world are we listed with all the second fiddles and little bros?
Well how about this for an answer:
Then in the second part of Stewie's article he fields a question from a ROP named Wayne from St.Augustine, FL.  In this question and the subsequent answer we find out just why UGA is second tier.  Wayne wants to know why Richt is catching heat for running a troubled program.  Stewie gives us a PC answer but you can also tell that he knows the real reason.  So just for Wayne in St.Augustine:


Then Ol' Stewie give us the biggest truth that SI has put in print in quite a long while:

"If LSU beats Georgia in the SEC title game due to a big showing from Mettenberger, no one will take pity on Richt for taking a hard line when the quarterback was arrested, nor will Richt get a pass in Week 2 if he loses to Missouri because his suspension-depleted defense gives up 500 yards. That's the world we live in: Coaches take heat when players get in trouble, but receive no credit for disciplining them."

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Are you friends with Robert Nkimdeche? Would you like to go to Clemson too?

We have a single thought on everyone getting pissy because a super recruit is helping his buddy land a scholarship: so what? Dabo Swinney wanted this kid bad enough he was willing to offer his friends. Said kid saw it's a negotiation that gets his friends what they want, and he continued to bargain for more friends to see how far he could take it. Dabo, after getting lit up by Holgo the Barbarian, was more than willing to sell off a few spots for a difference maker on the DL (and considering our scholly situation, we had plenty of room for a similar deal). College football is business, and both sides are in public negotiations. Why this is public is a Michael Carvell wet dream, but the actions on both sides are simply businessmen in a negotiation. Pissy, morally outraged reporters can cry a river, but this is the world we live in, and have for a while now.

You put your right leg out, you put your right leg in

and the roster hokey pokey continues.

As said when Marc Deas left for "more playing time", anyone who leaves this team in search of more action on the field, with all our depth issues, is putting on a cover story. Nice to have you back Big Burrows.

Three SEC Predictions for the Upcoming 2012 NCAA Season

Done in collaboration with loyal reader Jessie.
The SEC promises to have one of the most competitive conferences for the upcoming 2012 NCAA season. Texas A&M and Missouri both join the conference to have a chance to make their name in the league. LSU is the current SEC champion but early on, there are some who thinks that Georgia is the new big dog in the conference.
Georgia Defense Could Help Them Take SEC
Georgia's Defensive coordinator Todd Grantham took a struggling Georgia defense and turned them into a top-ranked defensive team last year by operating the 3-4 type of defense. This year, expect more from Grantham now with more experience in defense, they could surely take the next step.
One of the weak spot of the squad is their offensive line. With a cast of new characters on the offensive line, the Dawgs could be vulnerable in early games. Fortunately, they have a pretty weak out-of-conference schedule that should give them time to adjust their offensive plays.
Missouri and South Carolina may be their toughest opponents this coming season, but should they survive those, one of the best universities in college football could be well on their way to a 12 win season and a SEC title.
Arkansas Had Down Year Yet Still Wins 10
Arkansas' off season scandals will clearly have an impact on the Razorbacks. In addition, they lost Bobby Petrino and their two best receivers to the NFL. However, they still have Tyler Wilson at quarterback position.
Wilson threw 24 TD's last year, 6 interceptions and passed for 3,638 yards. In addition, the Razorbacks get Knile Davis back after coming off a season-killing ankle injury. He rushed for 13 TD's and 1,322 yards in 2010. This could be the season for us to look back and find out how they became great players.
The Razorbacks probably won't take the SEC title, but they will still do well enough to win 10 games. Bobby who?
Vanderbilt is the SEC's proverbial whipping boy, having just one winning season since 1982. They were on the cusps of having a solid year last year, but losing 5 games by a touchdown or less ended up killing the Commodores potential winner.
Zac Stacy rushed for 14 TD's last year and 1,193 yards, which is something that we are force to reckon with this year in the SEC. Head coach James Franklin may finally have the tools to take the Commodores to an above .500 record. Expect the Commodores to finish the season around the 8 win mark.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Friday sounds

Extra bonus following todays news, because at this rate, the show will end sometime around Halloween when our last scholarshipped athlete leaves the program.

Really? Are we shooting for a 1-AA title?

Georgia continued it's push to reduce scholarships to 1-AA levels in hopes of finally getting Mark Richt that championship everyone keeps whining about. Brandon Burrows may have trouble ever seeing a field after repeated injuries, but he was a talented young player who is now going elsewhere. Combine his departure with Crowell and Harrow from earlier this week, and we are now below 70 scholarships (not counting rewarded walk ons), and creeping ever closer to the 65 mark for 1-AA schools.

Our depth is now a serious issue. We start the season without a full compliment of players due to suspensions of starters like Rambo, Ogletree, Commings, and Smith. There will be an injury or three during camp in August (unless we go completely no-contact to keep healthy, which of course leads to a very poor tackling D as we saw a couple years back). There will probably be another departure or two, or a suspension from downtown chicanery. We'll be lucky to travel with 50 scholarship players at this rate when we head to Columbia, either Columbia.

Listen, I understand the morality of oversigning to the point where you're cutting hard working, but less talented kids who are doing well in the class room. But the gap between us at below 70 kids, and the LSUs and Alabamas competing for titles with a full compliment of 85 that have been battle tested and fought hard for their spot because it was at risk when someone had to go to make the number, is huge. We saw just how huge in the second half of the SEC Championship game when LSU's deep DL and overwhelming running game pounded on us like a jackhammer. It's honorable that Richt refuses to play that oversigning game. But it's also gotten self destructive as Richt lets his moral superiority blind him to the reality of a guaranteed handful of kids leaving every single year. That has added up and added up to the point where we are now a full signing class behind our competitors in the West and East, and where we'll take the field this fall a full 15-20 kids weaker than the guys on the other side. I'm not doing the math, but with the new SEC limits on 25 man classes, I don't see how we can even get back to 80 by the fall of 2013 and may still be down around 75 after a kid or two goes pro, another gets too drunk, another can't put down the bong, and a couple others get home sick or want playing time. We have imposed a scholarship reduction worse than the NCAA has hit on anyone since SMU, and it will take at least 2, if not 3 signing classes packed as full as we can get them to get us back up to a full squad of 85 scholarshipped athletes. It's beyond ridiculous and is just getting comical now.

On the plus side, if you are a big guy and want to play college football in the SEC? We've got room for ya students of Athens. Just walk on, and you may not only see some playing time, but you'll get a years scholarship too because we gotta give it to someone. Or maybe this is all part of the Michael Adams and Puppet ADs scheme to maintain profitability, by not having to pay for 20 scholarships a year.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Will the last one out of Butts Mehre please turn off the lights?

this is getting ridiculous. Not since SMU has the NCAA imposed scholarship restrictions this severe. Alabama was slave trading Albert Means, and didn't get knocked down to 70.

Of course, considering he was accused of being little more than a best friend buddy for Crowell, the timing of this so soon after #1's dismissal is going to be fodder for the Cosmo Bradley's and Hacky Carvell's to write articles about how awful things are in Athens and how horrible it'll be for Richt's recruiting efforts.

An aside, you jackenapes wanted to whine about how detrimental we were to recruiting? Why don't you start blasting the AJC and demanding boycotts of that waste of toilet paper for all the tripe they spit out on a daily basis that's detrimental to the cause?

This is what the corporatization of college football is going to give us: Tim Tebow as a Dawg, and Bo Jackson on the Plains

We have been slowly seeing the ESPNization of our beloved college football. The disregard of traditions, pagentry, and hatred. Oh the beautiful hatred. Clean, old fashioned, good timey hate. Hate for our rivals that never ends. Hate like Steve Spurrier has for Georgia, and always will after Bill Stanfill stomped a mudhole in that ass during his Heisman campaign. Hate like Harvey Updyke has for Plainsmeagles, and Oklahomans have for Longhorns. So with that in mind, what on earth made EA Sports think our rivals would want to see Herschel in their jersey? Or, as the video shown below, Tebow in red and black?

It's like you don't understand us entirely and never will. Let me explain something to you EA Sports, because we've always gotten along pretty well. But in case you missed it, we don't like Tim Tebow. We don't fantasize about what if he chose Athens, because he's evil and horrible and just a bad person. Our lives are not going to be better if we spend 5 minutes in his presence, Mr. Brennamen. He sucks, and his greasy, jort loving self is unworthy of donning our glorious, gorgeous silver britches. So in response to this monstrosity, the entire SEC region should ban together, and let our voices be heard. Do not purchase NCAA 13, just keep playing NCAA 12, and make due on Madden for a year. They'll get the picture, and never again subject us to the horrors of that disgusting creature in the wrong colors.