Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

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Monday, January 28, 2013

Clemson Flips Recruit from Alabama............

Birmingham that is.  Get some of that Saban!   Looks like someone just lost out on a possible walk on scout team player.  BOOOOOYAH! 
Stars on recruits are for suckas!
In a shocking coup d'etat of French Revolution proportions Dabo stole a highly unknown prospect right out from under Conference USA bottom feeder UAB.  TJ Green will be suiting up for the Tigers next year and needless to say Rivals, Scouts, 247, and ESPN were all thoroughly underwhelmed by his non-unique physical tools.  However....................(and I don't want to be talking out of school or anything....but) Dabo has a little recruiting secret that many of you don't know about.  In fact Dabo has an ancient and powerful text that he found in the "learning to read" section of his local Books-A-Million and this text contains a startling revelation........................Stars DO NOT MATTER!

Here is a photo of this........recruiting Bible that will forever shape the future of Clampsun Feetball.
 
 You see currently we live in a system in which recruits are given stars upon thars so as to determine their skill level.  A 5 star recruit is considered "the best" while a 2, 1, or no stars upon thars recruit would not be considered worthy of a D1 scholarship.  Now here is where Dabo is ahead of the curve............you see what no other coach is aware of is the fact that this shady character has altered the current state of stars:
Alleged "Fix-It Up Chappie"
This is Sylvester McMonkey McBean and we can neither confirm nor deny that he is in fact Trooper Taylor in disguise.  Anyway...this McBean character has invented a little something that we call a Star On Machine (we also understand that he has a Star Off Machine as well). 
So as you can see at this point we have no idea who is a 5,4,3,2,1, or 0 star recruit and who is not.  With that in mind Dabo has devised a grand master plan.........He will simply gobble up all the recruits with no stars upon thars because they are exactly the same as five star recruits.  All of y'all can keep being racists if you want but we will see who "has functioning knowledge" of football and who doesn't in a couple of years when Dabo and his "Team No Stars" is running rough shot straight to the bottom of the ACC standings.

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