Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

Loading...

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Clemson, the most delusional of all fan bases……..never has a Peach Bowl win meant so much!



********W A R N I N G***********
THE FOLLOWING LINK IS SIMULTANEOUSLY THE:
a) DUMBEST,
b) MOST GAY, and
c) MOST DEMANDING OF OTHERS THAT THEY MAKE FUN OF IT THING EVER PLACED ON THE INTRAWEBS IN THE HISTORY OF THE INTERNET.

Someone actually wrote this....read it.....and then said to themselves......"The world needs to see this."


I assume that one of these two adult children wrote this little gem.
  If you decided that the above warning was too much and you did not click the link then be warned that I am about to post it in its entirety and make fun of it and its author.

"The year is 2029....Its opening day at Death Valley, and the stadium is filled to its 126,843 capacity. All in orange. All waving orange flags. They cheer for their Tigers, celebrating the back to back national championships, and 4 out of the last 8 national championships. They are a dynasty. The media speculates "is this the greatest team ever?" Clemson, synonomous with "college football", is the envy of every other program in America.

The Four Horseman, Cherone Peak, Martravias Bryant, Mike Bellamy and of course Sammy Watkins, are in attendance. Dabo has always credited them with being the Spark that turned around Clemson’s fortune. Though Clemson never actually won a national title while they were there, the 3 ACC championships they won put Clemson squarely back in the mix for the national title hunt from their perch on top of the ACC.

Watkins, being Clemson's first Heisman Trophy winner and first #1 pick was greeted with roar, many still wearing his retired #1 jersey. Bellamy, a two-time NFL MVP and first ballot Hall of Famer raised his hand to the crowd, and nearly blinded all from the shine of his 4 super bowl rings. Peake and Bryant recently retired from the NFL as annual pro-bowlers and defining Clemson's new reputation as "Wide Reciever U".

Just beside the four horseman, are three former Tiger walk-ons: Will Swinney, Drew Swinney, and Clay Swinney. Will is now an assistant coach at Alabama. Drew, a successful attorney in Atlanta. And Clay, who defied the odds and is now a starting wide receiver for the Tennessee Titans. They stand there, in awe. Tears flowing from their face as they think back to all the practices, hours in the weight room, and tough victories over ACC foes. They are all champions. It has all come to this. This one moment. They know this is what they worked for. They know what it feels like to achieve your dream.

Then...an announcement is made, and a banner is dropped...

The West Zone will be renamed...the Dabo Swinney Zone. Suddenly, 126,843 chant "Dabo! Dabo!" at the top of their lungs, and thank God that they were patient with Dabo. He asked for patience. He delivered.

Clemson. " ~ Moron

Now if you clicked the link you will notice that the author of this craptastic flaming pile of turd is employed at the Red Lobster.  Now, I am not making any accusations....but this guy goes to the bathroom, gets poo-poo on his thumb, doesn't wash his hands, and makes your Cheddar Bay Biscuits......if I were you I would stay away from the Anderson, Sakerlina Red Lobster.

Now shall we approach this poetry.....stanza by stanza:

1. In 2029 Dabo would be in his 19th  season but has only had success in the last 8 which means that Clampsun would have 11 years of sucking and he would be allowed to keep his job? 
2. Clampsun could not possibly find enough money to expand their stadium to 126,843.  That would be an expansion of 45,343 from the current 81,500.  There is not enough room to expand the stadium by 45,343.  Clampsun does not have 126,843 fans worldwide.  Why such an odd number?  Stadiums hold round numbers like 98,500 or 105,000......why expand by 45,343?
3. "Tears flowing from their face as they think back to all the practices, hours in the weight room, and tough victories over ACC foes." There is no such thing as "tough victories" in the ACC.

This thing is so bad that one has to wonder if a Gamecock fan opened an account on a Clampsun message board just to write this so that I would one day find it and make fun of it.

Here are a few things that you need to know about Clampsun:
a) Their entire program is just one big elaborate knock off of Auburn........really....Auburn?  I mean if you are going to rip off a program shouldn't you aim a little higher than Auburn?
b) If they were to sale out their 81,500 seat stadium (which they never do) then 20,000 of those seats would be occupied by the other side's fans and band.  This means that of the 61,500 there for Clampsun exactly 43,200 have never taken a single college level course, 29,650 did not graduate from high school, and 21,375 did not even bother to go back and get a GED.
c) Their head coach is named Dabo.........D-A-B-O.......that is his first name.....I did not make that up.
d) Here is a picture of Dabo:

This is the man that an alleged "Football School" decided to put in charge......this guy right here.....they think he can win National Titles......oh, and his name is Dabo.

I have been on this earth for over 30 years and I have come to the conclusion that there is no more delusional fan base anywhere in the world than the Clampsun fan base.

"WELL MR. CCRIDER WHAT ABOUT THE DOMINANCE OF THE CLAMPSUN PROGRAM UNDER A ONE MR. DANNY FORD?" ~ Random Clampsun Fan.

I am glad you bring that up Random Clampsun Fan.  Let's look at the storied record of Danny Lee Ford, greatest football coach of all time, a god amongst men, and the man who did not lose a football game in 11 years at Clampsun.  In those 11 years at Clampsun Ol' Danny was 96-29-4.  "WHAAAAATTTTTT!!!!!?????!!!! Danny Ford lost 29 games?  Surely this cannot be true......but it is.  What does that record look like when stacked against other coaches?  How about a peer of Ol' Danny.....how about Vince Dooley's last 11 years at UGA.  Dooley's last 11 years would have been 78-88 while Ford was at Clampsun from 79-89.  In those years Dooley was......98-28-5.   That's right.....2 more wins, one less loss, one more tie, each with one National Title.  While we fondly remember Dooley we don't worship at his alter and yet he was by the record a better coach.  How about our favorite Hillbilly, Phat Phil Fulmer?  In Phil's first 11 full seasons at Tannercee his record was 109-28 with one National Title.  Now I ain't exactly a math major but for God's sake Phat Phil was a better coach than Danny Ford and Fulmer is a dirty word in Knoxville.  Heck in Mark Richt's first 11 seasons he was 106-38 (ten more wins and nine more losses).

If winning a crappy December bowl against a team that obviously did not want to be there and dead lifting 145 lbs. with really crappy form is the formula for winning a National Title.......welllllll.... then we better look out in the season opener next year.

1 comment:

  1. This author HAS to be the delusional dawg fan that cried like a baby on Atlanta sports radio after the 'Dabos beat his poor dawgs

    ReplyDelete