Ahhhhhhhh....the glorious return of football.......in just a few short days all will be right with the world as football will once again control conversations, web searches, and the most evil of all evils--ESPN's programming. With that in mind the Ol' Boys here at S&G will be giving you our predictions for the upcoming season. Now of course mine will be full of doom and gloom because as the HNIC (Head Nay Sayer In Charge) it is sort of my job. My dirty Mexican counterpart will be on here shortly to deliver a more sunny and happy approach to the season which I'm sure will end with the Dawgs and Tide returning to Atlanta with National Title aspirations in the balance. So with the best case scenario coming here is the worst case....enjoy:
Now let me be 100% clear......The University of Georgia, top to bottom, front to back, side to side, on both sides of the ball, in all three aspects of the game, position group by position group is much better than the Fightin' Dabos. However, here are a few points to keep in mind:
1. Under Richt the Dawgs have ALWAYS started out slow,
2. There exists no reason under the sun for any SEC team (especially one with an inset ACC rivalry game) to ever start the season with an opponent better than Middle Tennessee State! There is no reason....none....if you think this game was a good idea you are stupid because it can do nothing but hurt us,
3. The crosses have been burning especially bright in the Upstate this past off season....beating a disinterested and injury plagued LSU team will do that for you when you are a part of the most delusional fan base in the history of fan bases,
4. Tajhma Boyd is a Heisman conten.....pfffffttttttt......hahahahahahaha...I'm sorry I though I could get that one out but I just couldn't.
A slow starting Georgia team on the road against a confident quasi-SEC team is going to spell out T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Clampsun jumps out to a 14-0 lead in the 1st and carries a 21-3 lead into half time. Georgia starts to warm up late in the 3rd and turns a blow out into a game. Finally, the Dawgs fall just short against a less talented team with a functioning retard as a HC. L 31-27.
Week 2- Sakerlina Gamecocks
Well once again we open conference play against a team who thinks this is a rivalry game when in fact it is not a rivalry game because in order to be a rivalry both sides have to think that the game is a rivalry. I say all of that to say this: South Carolina is just another SEC game on the schedule for UGA but it is practically the season for the Gamecocks and their coach. Also, we need to get Dusty Rhodes or Magnum TA on the sideline to counter the 16 times world heavy weight champion. The Cocks and Dawgs are usually a tale of two programs. The Dawgs start sluggish and finish strong and the cocks start strong and finish fairly limp. I expect a typical Spurrier-Cocks vs Richt-Dawgs game which is usually close, low scoring, dominated by defense, and plagued by Spurrier out coaching Richt, Boboz, and the sitting UGA DC. This year is no different and the Dawgs drop a second straight against a less talented team from the smaller neighboring state. L 20-13
Week 3- Open Date
Week 4- North Texas: ACTIVATE THE MARK RICHT TRAP
Well week 4 brings about the nom-nom-nom that is a cupcake. Why this wasn't the week 1 match-up we will never know. Of course UGA will thump North Texas but even that won't be enough to bring certain fans back off of the ledge following an 0-2 start. What the average fan will not realize is that week 4 marks the beginning of our annual trip down the rabbit hole that is THE MARK RICHT TRAP. Here is how the trap works:
- UGA loses games early that they should not have lost and in most cases games that never should have been scheduled,
- Richt-O-Philes come out in droves to remind us that Richt is better than the cluster that was Ray Goof and Jim Donnan,
- UGA comes together as a team and goes on a huge run,
- UGA fans forget that this is a 12 game season plus the SECCG plus the bowl,
- All is forgiven for the early indiscretions, and certain fans are convinced that "NEXT YEAR" will be UGA's year.
All belts and shoe laces may be returned on the Sunday morning following the week 5 match-up with LSU. UGA will win and UGA fans much like the impetuous Roman General, Gaius Varro, will be deep inside yet another perfectly executed pincer maneuver. As you can see above Hannibal Barca fooled Varro by showing a weak middle only to have Varro charge in and be enveloped by the Barcidian Pincer. Dawgnation will be so drunk off of the LSU win that calculations will begin to come pouring in from the four corners of the state explaining how UGA is still in the National Title hunt. W 24-21
Week 6- @ Tennessee
Week 7- Missouri
Week 8- @ Vandy
Any good pincer maneuver begins with the larger force charging in head first (that was week 5). The tricky part on a pincer is that you need the middle to give and give and give without breaking just before your stronger flanks wrap around and crush the enemy. Weeks 6-8 will be this complicated maneuver. Week 6 @ Tennessee W 34-20; Week 7 Missouri W 56-10; Week 8 @ Vanderbilt W 38-20
Week 9- OPEN
Week 10- Florida
It is all too late. Dawg fans much like our pal Varro now realize that the pincer was a trap all along. The weak middle has now reformed before your very eyes and the much stronger flanks have crushed down upon you. Your superior force is boxed in and you cannot move. There is only one option......full retreat. Only here is the real problem.......the cavalry that was conspicuous by its absence when Hannibal lined his forces early in the morning- is now charging in hard on your rear. The pincer has now become a full on double envelopment. There is no where run......The Richt trap has once again been beautifully sprung. W 27-20
Week 11- Appalachian State
Week 12- @Auburn
Week 13- Kentucky
Week 14- @Georgia Tech
The field is cleared and the battle is won. There is nothing left to do now but ride around and stab the soldiers that are dying but not yet dead:
App State W 45-7
@Auburn W 48-38
@Georgia Tech W35-13
Unfortunately history often repeats itself.....over and over again. If the season was Richt's battle of Canne then the SECCG will be his Battle of Zama. At Zama the brilliant Hannibal Barca ran into Roman General Publius Cornelius Scipio Africanus and got his proverbial shiznit ruined. How did Scipio do it? War Elephants. Now its all coming together isn't it.........of course it's Saban and Bama and of course UGA will lose.....again.
You are going to be mad, depressed, hurt, anxious....basically everything you were last December only you will be all of those things again. Don't worry about it because guess what Richt won't be worried at all. UGA draws Michigan in the bowl game. The Dawgs jump on Meeeeechigun early and then hold off a late comeback attempt. W38-20
Then you will start to reason to yourself that the Bama game was just a bump in the road, Michigan is actually really good, look at all the points UGA scored, look at that ten game run.......look at Mark Richt. He knows and you know that you just can't quit him. NEXT YEAR.......Next Year......next year..........that will be our year....again.