|We assume that this is either Billy Gomila or a very close likeness....mainly because we assume this is what all LSU fans look like.|
"Ladies and Gentlemen Gordon Solie here and we just heard from Tony Schiavone with the World's Heavyweight Champion, The Nature Boy Ric Flair! It sounds like Flair has got the Tigers on Saturday but hooooooolllllddddd on! Here he is... The American Dream Dusty Rhodes! Big Dust what do you think about the Champs pick this Saturday?"
Wellll ain't dat just so special Godon? Matter of fact I didn't even know....know what I'm sayin', baby....I didn't even know...dat Ric Flauuur even knew what a football was. I didn't know ya could get such purty hair in a helmet. Let me tell you sumtin, Jack! Ric Flair, I ain't got a whole lot to say bout Ric Flair.....furst of all... no honor! They is no honor amongst thieves in the furst place! You wanna run round in yo fancy suits....with the bridal party of yours, da Fo Hoesmen.....and dat...dat...Godon I hope my Momma don't hear what I'm bout to say here.....but dat Ol' piece of common street trash....dat JEZEBEL....Babydoll on his arm!
Den he gone talk bout' dat...dat...dat mutt. Know what I'm sayin'? Dat MONGREL! WELL LET ME TELL YOU WHAT NATURE BOY! YOU WANNA GET DOWN, JACK? YOU WANNA GET LOW DOWN? WE CAN GETS LOW, BABY! WE CAN TURN INTO SOME JUNKYARD DAWGS! Don't be comin' up in here talk dat talk like ya' know what ya know.
Evawhere I goes...Macon, Valdosta, Albany, Culumbus......dey all sayin' da same thang, Daddy. Dey all sayin' Richt can't win da big game.....Murray.....Murray can't win da big game......I gots to be honest....I be doubtin' it myself.......but ya' know Godon? When I gets to thankin' like dat......when I gets to doubtin' like dat....when I gets to frettin' like an Ol' nurvous Nellie.....you know what I do? I just says to myself...I says Dream......At least Mark Richt know how to manage da clock, huh. At least Mark Richt don't be a pickin' an a snackin' on his nose nuggets durin' da game.....Cause let me tell ya sumthin.......in a battle of wits....tween Richt and da Hat Molester.......Imma take my chances with Richt.
Now we done lost a game to a functioning retard...to some Tigers....from a Death Valley....we done got dat out our system. Let me tell ya' sumthin, baby.....that was Hard Times! Hard Times was on da Dawgs.......when you can't beat Clampsun....dat's Hard Times.....when Murray get dem delay of game hankies thrown up on em...dat's Hard Times....when we boobles a snap on a field goal dat wudda tied da game up...dat's Hard Times! Da Dream know all bout Hard Times, Jack! Da Dream know about being eight years old....an pullin' himself up out a ditch he done dug...just da' son of a plumbah.......
An' when I pulled myself out dat ditch...I looked up at da sky and said Sweet Lord Jeeesuss....dey gots to be more to life dan dis! I made me a vow right den and dere...dat I was gone be Da American Dream...da greatest athlete da wurld had even seen. I achieved dat goal...thrice times da Wurld's Heavyweight Champion! I've achieved da goal dat many men only lay in bed an' dream bout nigh aftah night....I've wined and dined with Kings and Queens and slept in alleys eatin' pork-n-beans, baby! So don't talk bout no Hard Times.....talk bout pullin' yo self up out dem times and into da Primetimes, Jack! It ain't ovah it's only just begun......we bout to handle dis bitness.....cause it's RISKY BITNESS.....and we are Risky Bitness, Daddy! So Flair....leave da bridal party at home, Jack! Cause dis Saturday....in Athens, G-A....I done reserved da stratosphere dem Tigers and dem Dawgs.....an' you know what happen' when a Dawg done been all in dem Hard Times? You know what dey do Godon? Dey
HUNKER DOWN....YOU HAIRY DAWGS!