Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Grantham's Departure Is Now Inevitable

After yesterday's CTG is fired, no he's not, yes he is, not till the end of the year, no right now, no not until early December......the bottom line is the door is wide open for all your wildest dreams to come true.  Oh you know what the dream is.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

How Do You Spell Habitual Failure? G-E-O-R-G-I-A

Well looks like the old boys here at S&G were right and have been ever since that loss to Colorado back in 2010.  Now....even now.....even after everything......there are still inbred, crack-smoking troglodytes in our fan base that write all of this off to bad luck.  Did the refs blow a bunch of calls today?  You bet they did.  However, unless the officials threw 317 flags costing UGA 1,235 yards of offense then it should not have mattered because this was VANDERBILT! 

Here is a definitive list of what is wrong at the University of Georgia:

1. Todd Grantham
2. Mark Richt
3. Mike Bobo
4. Joe Tereshinski
5. Will Friend
6. Scott Lakatos
7. Greg McGarity
8. The Athletic Association Board of Directors
9. The Special Teams Coach.....wait what's that?  We don't have one.....well then see #2 and #7 above!

The entire thing needs to be scrapped and started over from scratch.  I hate each and every person on this list and each and every person who uses any of the following excuses:

1. Injuries (as if they could not be mitigated by having a real S&C program)
2. The refs.....were they also at the Clampersun and Missouri games?
3. We were five yards short of a National Title last year (activate blind, unreasonable and insatiable desire to murder)
4. Any excuse to not fire everyone that I have failed to list.

I would like to officially thank Everyone at UGA and everyone who thinks this targeting crap is a good thing.....you have all ruined football for me this year and it would appear for many years to come.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Top 5 Things That Must Happen At Georgia This Off Season!

Another year another disappointment. At least I can say that Bobo is now a real OC.  Anyway if we are going to have a year 14 in the Richt regime here is what must change:

1. Fire Todd Grantham-  Most of these things can wait until the off season this one however should be done before I finish writing this story!

2. Bring Back The BVG- Brian Van Gorder's defenses at Georgia were all the time breaking necks and cashing checks.  Rodney Garner is gone now (and for some reason was considered more valuable than BVG). BVG was also the face eating counterpoint to Richt's calm persona.  At Jacksonville he was though of highly enough for Smith to offer him the DC job with the Falcons.  Yes he took the USC job and then bolted but he told Spurrier that if Smith offered him the DC job in Atlanta he would take it.....Spurrier thought enough of him to take the risk.  In Atlanta it is hard to blame BVG on account of Atlanta sucking harder than a 40 year old porn star at drafting defensive talent.  At Auburn.......GENE CHIZIK......enough said.

3. Hire a real Strength and Conditioning Coach- Richt brought Coach Van Halanger with him from FSU. CVH brought with him matt drills which were already outdated in 2001 when Richt got the job at Georgia.  After nearly a decade of operating behind the curve in S&C it caught up with Georgia and in 2010 Georgia looked like a middle school team compared to other SEC teams.  The answer was to "reassign" Van Halanger and get a new S&C coach.  The problem however was that our Powers That Be really are the way most Democrats think CEOs are.....stingy and only concerned about the bottom line .  So instead of getting a new S&C coach we found some dude who hangs around the football program and no one knows what he does and we made him the S&C coach.   Then he reverted back 1970's style S&C which makes players bigger and stronger but also makes them more susceptible to injuries......case in point all those knees this year!

4. Scheduling- We hired McGarity from Florida to schedule football games like Florida.  We are in the SEC and we play an ACC team every year so schedule 3 cupcakes, get the wins and STFU!

5. Special Teams- It is the third phase of the game and it involves more than kicking field goals......maybe we should look into it?          

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Top Candidates to Replace Todd Grantham (Sports and Grits Style)

What is the difference between Todd Grantham and Lane Kiffin?
Grantham tricked one NFL team and one College into hiring him,
Lane tricked one NFL team and two Colleges.
Todd Grantham should have been fired yesterday!  First it was "wait until he gets his players in", then it was "just wait till we get a big nose tackle", then it was "just wait until everyone gets use to his system", now it is "we are really young".......how about this "Todd Grantham SUCKS BALLS!"  Why don't you try that reason on for size?  Go ahead feel free to walk around and make sure it fits right.  With Boboz at least we could say he was learning on the job......what is Grantham's excuse?   You have a bunch of kids just out of high school who have been let into an SEC school not named Vanderbilt and still needed an academic exception waiver to get in......sooooooo.....maybe you could dumb it down a bit Todd.  I swear my favorite part about Georgia football this season has been our defensive players looking to the sideline and waiving because THEY DON"T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON!  Would it have killed us to put a fourth man on the line against Clampersun?  They ran the same thing that Lou Holtz ran against us in 2002 with Dondreall "Pankey Drills" Pinkins!  Did you see the game that NC State gave Clemson?  The Wolfpack put four hands on the ground, got push up the middle, disrupted Boyd, and gave Clemson a good game.  Would it have killed us to put one more man in the box last December when Eddie Lacey ran the ball for 6,345 yards on 49 consecutive carries in the third quarter!  Screw Grantham and fire him because he is a bum!  I can't believe I am going to say this but.....I'm not so sure that Football AIDS wasn't a better DC.  If we hire one more horrible DC I am going to go ahead and assume that Brian Van Gorder sold his soul to a Voo Doo witch doctor to put a curse on the Dawgs......The Curse of the Stache!  I am sure we will either keep Grantham or if he goes and takes another job (i.e. the Missouri job if Pickles retires this year) we will hire someone equally as awful.  With that in mind I am just going to go ahead and pretend that the Powers That Be at Georgia care 0.00000000000000001% as much as I do about football and give you a list of awesome replacements for the defensive coordinator version of Lane Kiffin.  In no particular order

 Brian Van Gorder - Linebackers Coach - New York Jets

Whoomp dere it is!
Oh.......what's that Mr. Pee-Pee Dawg?  You don't want The BVG back in Athens?  Come again now....Richt-O-Phile-Nation.......The Stache will never coach at Georgia again?  Well here is a mathematic fact for you: There is a direct and proximate correlation between how much you don't want BVG and how much of a homo you are.  I'm just glad I don't give a crap about what the bed wetting, pillow biting, maxi pad wearing, French loving, winning isn't that important faction of our fan base thinks.  Quick question......who was the DC at Georgia the last time you had absolute confidence in our defense?   Give up?  It was Brian Van Gorder!  How did those Jets linebackers look tonight against all those Falcons playmakers?  Pretty good, huh?  How about this fact....when coupled with a HC that isn't a blubbering vagina or a functioning retard, and when given even the smallest amount of talent BVG dominates!  Everyone agreed that the Jets were crap last year and that they were going to be crap this year.....so what is the difference?  How about Uncle Rico is all up on Broadway, son!

Well here we are, Mark.  Just like old times.  Face to face before a big SEC game....you standing on my dick.

Kevin Greene - Linebackers/Defensive Ends - Green Bay Packers

I have no idea if he would be good or bad or if he would even be interested but I do know two things.
1) It can't get any worse, and
Hey Clampersune we see your make believe coach who cuts rasslin' promos and raise you a DC that has actually cut rasslin' promos.
Chuck "Mother Effin" Cecil - Secondary/ Bustin' That Head Down to the White Meat Coach - Saint Louis Rams
Merry Christmas, Pussy!  This is from Santa Chuck!
Some of our younger readers may not know who Chuck Cecil is........youth is not an excuse for sucking, son!  Back before there was Brett Favre you watched the Packers to see two things:

1) The Packers lose, and
2) If Chuck Cecil would kill a guy
If Chuck was our DC I could guarantee we would lead the NCAA in the following three categories:
1) Unnecessary Roughness penalties,
2) Players ejected due to the new targeting rule, and
3) Awesomeness!
Jim Leavitt- Linebackers Coach - San Francisco 49ers
A good defensive mind that has head coaching experience.
Douche Georgia Fan- "Bbbbbbbut CC he slapped a player at South Florida....we can't possibly hire him." 
Me- Well I'm sorry Mr. Typical Weak Bulldog Fan.....I did not know that discipline made your vagina so sore. 
Douche Georgia Fan- "Mark Richt would never allow such a loose cannon on his staff at Georgia!  We are a family here!  We say our prayers, and eat or veggies, and do things by the book!  I would rather have another incompetent DC than hire this guy!"
Me- Hmmmmmm.....what do we think about that Terry?

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Strength and Conditioning is Fo' Suckas!

Here is an accurate account of how Coach T was promoted from creepy old dude that won't stop hanging around the program to Strength and Conditioning Coach.

Richt: Bring in the first applicant.

enter Joe Tereshinski

Richt: Oh...hey....no there is no free food in here you are going to have to leave.

Coach T: Mmmmmmmmm.....here for job!

Richt: No sir....I am looking to hire a S&C coach because if I don't pretend like this is a real SEC program they might actually fire me...I just lost to UCF in a bowl game.

Coach T: MMmmmmmmm....job!

Richt: I can't possibly give this job to the homeless guy from Slingblade who hangs out around the football team......everyone will laugh at me.

Powers That Be:  Wait a second coach......Homeless man how much do you want us to pay you for the job?

Coach T: Mmmmmmmm....Pay?

Powers That Be: What if we let you sleep in the coat closet and eat in the cafeteria?

Coach T: Done.

Powers That Be: Great! Welcome aboard!

Richt: NO! No, no.....you have to at least let me interview him and see if he is qualified!

Powers That Be: Uhhhhhh.....he doesn't want to be "paid" sounds to us like he is Over Qualified! Richt stares at Powers That Be............

Powers That Be:  Ugggghhhhhh......fine interview him (Powers That Be then stand behind Richt and mouth "You got the job").

Richt:  Do you have a degree in exercise science or anything that gives you knowledge in this field?

Coach T: No

Richt: Have you ever seen a weight room before?

Coach T: No

Richt: Ok....I'm done.  When can you start?

end scene.

And that is how you have three skill position players blow out their knees in the same game.....after you had your #1 receiver blow out his knee.....celebrating a TD someone else scored!

The Georgia Bulldogs Do Not Have Bad Luck or an Injury Bug....They Have The Only SEC School Without a Real Strength and Conditioning Program Bug.

Alabama is the best program in the county, right?  We lost to them with a NT birth on the line, right?  Want to know why?  The answer has a lot to do with why we have lost Malcolm Mitchell and now Keith Marshall for the year (and now Bennett and now JSW).  It is the same reason Gurley has stayed nicked-up (just like Crowell when he was here).  WE STILL DON'T HAVE A REAL STRENGTH AND CONDITIONING PROGRAM!!!!!

Here is what you will find on the Alabama website under Strength and Conditioning....in fact it is not just contained within the Football Coaching staff page (like us) it has its own link and page:

Alabama Strength and Conditioning Staff

Scott Cochran, Head Strength and Conditioning Coach/Football                                

Terry Jones, Assistant Head Strength and Conditioning Coach                    

Rocky Colburn, Assistant Strength and Conditioning Coach                          

Michelle Martin Diltz, Assistant Strength and Conditioning Coach                             

Jonathan Farris, Assistant Strength and Conditioning Coach        

Jim Hamner, Assistant Strength and Conditioning Coach                               

Corey Harris, Assistant Strength and Conditioning Coach                              

Mark Hocke, Assistant Strength and Conditioning Coach                               

Travis Illian, Assistant Strength and Conditioning Coach

Kindal Moorehead, Assistant Strength and Conditioning Coach                 

Lou DeNeen, Strength and Conditioning                              

Phelon Jones, Athletic Intern                    

Josh Hampton, Athletic Intern

Now here is what you will find on our site:

Georgia Strength and Conditioning Staff

Joe Tereshinski- Director of Strength and Conditioning ß ***knows NOTHING about S&C***  

John Thomas- Sr. Associate Director of Strength and Conditioning           

Sherman Armstrong- Associate Strength and Conditioning Coach             

Justin Lovett- Assistant Strength and Conditioning

Friday, October 4, 2013

Who's got two thumbs and still leaves receivers wide open in the flats on the bootleg?

If Bobo really wants to get rid of that crayon, we should get to enjoy all those things we hated 5 years ago.