Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Top Candidates to Replace Todd Grantham (Sports and Grits Style)

What is the difference between Todd Grantham and Lane Kiffin?
Grantham tricked one NFL team and one College into hiring him,
Lane tricked one NFL team and two Colleges.
Todd Grantham should have been fired yesterday!  First it was "wait until he gets his players in", then it was "just wait till we get a big nose tackle", then it was "just wait until everyone gets use to his system", now it is "we are really young".......how about this "Todd Grantham SUCKS BALLS!"  Why don't you try that reason on for size?  Go ahead feel free to walk around and make sure it fits right.  With Boboz at least we could say he was learning on the job......what is Grantham's excuse?   You have a bunch of kids just out of high school who have been let into an SEC school not named Vanderbilt and still needed an academic exception waiver to get in......sooooooo.....maybe you could dumb it down a bit Todd.  I swear my favorite part about Georgia football this season has been our defensive players looking to the sideline and waiving because THEY DON"T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON!  Would it have killed us to put a fourth man on the line against Clampersun?  They ran the same thing that Lou Holtz ran against us in 2002 with Dondreall "Pankey Drills" Pinkins!  Did you see the game that NC State gave Clemson?  The Wolfpack put four hands on the ground, got push up the middle, disrupted Boyd, and gave Clemson a good game.  Would it have killed us to put one more man in the box last December when Eddie Lacey ran the ball for 6,345 yards on 49 consecutive carries in the third quarter!  Screw Grantham and fire him because he is a bum!  I can't believe I am going to say this but.....I'm not so sure that Football AIDS wasn't a better DC.  If we hire one more horrible DC I am going to go ahead and assume that Brian Van Gorder sold his soul to a Voo Doo witch doctor to put a curse on the Dawgs......The Curse of the Stache!  I am sure we will either keep Grantham or if he goes and takes another job (i.e. the Missouri job if Pickles retires this year) we will hire someone equally as awful.  With that in mind I am just going to go ahead and pretend that the Powers That Be at Georgia care 0.00000000000000001% as much as I do about football and give you a list of awesome replacements for the defensive coordinator version of Lane Kiffin.  In no particular order

 Brian Van Gorder - Linebackers Coach - New York Jets

Whoomp dere it is!
Oh.......what's that Mr. Pee-Pee Dawg?  You don't want The BVG back in Athens?  Come again now....Richt-O-Phile-Nation.......The Stache will never coach at Georgia again?  Well here is a mathematic fact for you: There is a direct and proximate correlation between how much you don't want BVG and how much of a homo you are.  I'm just glad I don't give a crap about what the bed wetting, pillow biting, maxi pad wearing, French loving, winning isn't that important faction of our fan base thinks.  Quick question......who was the DC at Georgia the last time you had absolute confidence in our defense?   Give up?  It was Brian Van Gorder!  How did those Jets linebackers look tonight against all those Falcons playmakers?  Pretty good, huh?  How about this fact....when coupled with a HC that isn't a blubbering vagina or a functioning retard, and when given even the smallest amount of talent BVG dominates!  Everyone agreed that the Jets were crap last year and that they were going to be crap this year.....so what is the difference?  How about Uncle Rico is all up on Broadway, son!

Well here we are, Mark.  Just like old times.  Face to face before a big SEC game....you standing on my dick.

Kevin Greene - Linebackers/Defensive Ends - Green Bay Packers

I have no idea if he would be good or bad or if he would even be interested but I do know two things.
1) It can't get any worse, and
Hey Clampersune we see your make believe coach who cuts rasslin' promos and raise you a DC that has actually cut rasslin' promos.
Chuck "Mother Effin" Cecil - Secondary/ Bustin' That Head Down to the White Meat Coach - Saint Louis Rams
Merry Christmas, Pussy!  This is from Santa Chuck!
Some of our younger readers may not know who Chuck Cecil is........youth is not an excuse for sucking, son!  Back before there was Brett Favre you watched the Packers to see two things:

1) The Packers lose, and
2) If Chuck Cecil would kill a guy
If Chuck was our DC I could guarantee we would lead the NCAA in the following three categories:
1) Unnecessary Roughness penalties,
2) Players ejected due to the new targeting rule, and
3) Awesomeness!
Jim Leavitt- Linebackers Coach - San Francisco 49ers
A good defensive mind that has head coaching experience.
Douche Georgia Fan- "Bbbbbbbut CC he slapped a player at South Florida....we can't possibly hire him." 
Me- Well I'm sorry Mr. Typical Weak Bulldog Fan.....I did not know that discipline made your vagina so sore. 
Douche Georgia Fan- "Mark Richt would never allow such a loose cannon on his staff at Georgia!  We are a family here!  We say our prayers, and eat or veggies, and do things by the book!  I would rather have another incompetent DC than hire this guy!"
Me- Hmmmmmm.....what do we think about that Terry?


  1. Well, I agree with your core conceit here, CCRider, that Grantham is overpaid, arrogant, incompetent and denies any accountablity for his complete and total suck-ishness. Not sure if your candidates fit, ahem, the vagina culture that you so ruthlessly deride. Would love the Stache to come back, but we all know he would leave 5 minutes after the bowl game to go ruin a previously awesome FCS program as HC, or coach linebackers in the NFL, again.

    1. Hmmmmm......I think they would all be excellent fits. Since Rodney is now at Auburn I think Uncle Rico would come back and stay.

  2. Can't force a turnover, can't make a 3rd down stop. It's Willie all over again.

  3. Yup. Its Willie Martinez, part deux.

    We are giving up an AVERAGE of 34 points per game, and that includes a cupcake and 2 scrub teams.

    Strength & Conditioning continues to be a huge issue, bearing a huge part of the blame for our injury depleted offense.

  4. Grantham couldn't coach dozens of future NFL players in any defense - when the 3-4 crashed and burned he goes the 4-2-5 but still he struggles cause guess what Gomer ? Shazzam - he can't coach on or off the field -- Goooollllllllyyy ! Love me some BVG. Let's see if he'll do a Mora and leave New Yooorrkk in the middle of the night.

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