Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage

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Thursday, January 31, 2013

Brand New Dawg Site- UGA Football Daily.......We Be Helpin' Out Da Youngbloods

Go forth my cold-blooded minions and peruse this newest offering to Dawg Nation.

UGA Football Daily

Looks like lots of good news without having to sort through a bunch of non-football crap (looking at Sanchez and his basketball garbage).  Always glad to help a youngin' out.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Ugliest. Basketball. Game. Ever.

As once used to describe Moe Szyzlak, this isn't TV ugly.  It's ugly ugly.

Our recruiting issues have popped up time and again, with one NBA caliber player, and a bunch of guys who are role players at best in the SEC, and will possibly struggle to make a roster in a South American league as pros.

We have somehow hired Dennis Felton back, with worse recruiting but a much better personality and PR skills.  Seriously, Felton signed Mike Mercer, Billy Humphrey, Louis Williams, Channing Toney, Sundiata Gaines, Levi Stukes, Terrance Woodbury, Dave Bliss, Takais Brown, Trey Thompkins, and Travis Leslie, among others.  If Fox had that level of recruiting, we'd be a potential 20 win team with the utter ineptitude of most teams in the conference.

Maybe Fox stays, maybe McGarity pulls the trigger at the end of the year (at which point, I'd pray for Shaka Smart or Buzz Williams).  But something has to change, and soon, and it starts on the recruiting trails.  Recruiting won't solve everything, as Auburn and Alabama both show thanks to great recruiters with horrible in game coaching running their programs.  You've got to have a staff that can do both, but with so much talent in our backyard, to be this horrific at the basic fundamentals is just inexcusable.

A look at DB JJ Green, and LB Reggie Carter, recently enrolled members of the 2013 class

thanks in part to being home with a sick kid, I've been able to review a couple of players who just enrolled in Athens.  Yesterday, I took a look at incoming OL Aulden Bynum and JUCO WR from Cayce, SC Jonathon Rumph.  Today, I checked out Camden County star JJ Green, who already is one I can't wait to watch play every Saturday.  And then watched some clips of Atlanta LB Reggie Carter.  Both Carter and Green look destined to play immediately this fall.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

A look at incoming recruits Aulden Bynum and Jonathon Rumph

The likely to be redshirting OL Bynum, out of Valdosta has a summary I wrote here.  While the 6'5 JUCO WR out of South Carolina can be found here.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Clemson Flips Recruit from Alabama............

Birmingham that is.  Get some of that Saban!   Looks like someone just lost out on a possible walk on scout team player.  BOOOOOYAH! 
Stars on recruits are for suckas!
In a shocking coup d'etat of French Revolution proportions Dabo stole a highly unknown prospect right out from under Conference USA bottom feeder UAB.  TJ Green will be suiting up for the Tigers next year and needless to say Rivals, Scouts, 247, and ESPN were all thoroughly underwhelmed by his non-unique physical tools.  However....................(and I don't want to be talking out of school or anything....but) Dabo has a little recruiting secret that many of you don't know about.  In fact Dabo has an ancient and powerful text that he found in the "learning to read" section of his local Books-A-Million and this text contains a startling revelation........................Stars DO NOT MATTER!

Here is a photo of this........recruiting Bible that will forever shape the future of Clampsun Feetball.
 
 You see currently we live in a system in which recruits are given stars upon thars so as to determine their skill level.  A 5 star recruit is considered "the best" while a 2, 1, or no stars upon thars recruit would not be considered worthy of a D1 scholarship.  Now here is where Dabo is ahead of the curve............you see what no other coach is aware of is the fact that this shady character has altered the current state of stars:
Alleged "Fix-It Up Chappie"
This is Sylvester McMonkey McBean and we can neither confirm nor deny that he is in fact Trooper Taylor in disguise.  Anyway...this McBean character has invented a little something that we call a Star On Machine (we also understand that he has a Star Off Machine as well). 
So as you can see at this point we have no idea who is a 5,4,3,2,1, or 0 star recruit and who is not.  With that in mind Dabo has devised a grand master plan.........He will simply gobble up all the recruits with no stars upon thars because they are exactly the same as five star recruits.  All of y'all can keep being racists if you want but we will see who "has functioning knowledge" of football and who doesn't in a couple of years when Dabo and his "Team No Stars" is running rough shot straight to the bottom of the ACC standings.

A great rundown for recruiting

Signing day is a week from Wednesday, and coaches have to go quiet in working recruits in a week since next Monday and Tuesday are a dead period.  With the clock running down, Seth Emerson gives a great summary of what we've already got on campus, what we expect to get next week, and who's left on the board to go get.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Tonight Only: Demolition Derby at Stegeman Coliseum, Tonight Only

Tonight, Florida comes calling to play the Hoop Dawgs at 8.  The game will be televised on your SEC Network affiliate, but if you can make it down, it'd be great to fill Stegeman with red and black clad fans.  Attendance has been woeful, but Florida (along with Tennessee and Kentucky) always packs the house.  There will be a lot of blue and the world's ugliest color in the stands tonight, so we need as many Dawgs as possible to balance them out.  It won't be pretty, because they are much better at basketball than we are right now, but let's not add insult to injury with Gators outnumbering us in our own house.

Two weeks until signing day

and once again, a great class is filling up.  Still could use another OL (Laremy Tunsil), RB (Alvin Kamara), and DL (Toby Johnson and Martravious Adams), but it's already a strong crew.  We've had nothing but great classes since S&G started demanding more.  Feel free to give us your thanks below.

Monday, January 21, 2013

SUPER DAWGS!

Once again, the University of Georgia will be represented with players on the field in the Super Bowl. Deangelo Tyson has recovered from the cheap shot Georgia Tech put on him over a year ago, and is now a rookie backup DT for the Baltimore Ravens. Great to see the Statesboro product getting work in the NFL. Joining Tyson on the Ravens defense is starting LB Dannell Ellerbe. Ellerbe always showed talent at Georgia, but between injuries and coaching issues, never put it together like he has in Baltimore. Now, he lines up next to S&G favorite Ray Lewis. Obviously, we know who we'll be cheering for in the Super Bowl. Go Ravens!

The 49ers have another Dawg DL, Demarcus Dobbs, on their roster, but he is on the injured reserve and won't be taking part in the action on the field.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Did Manti Te'o Know About the Hoax? Here is the only question he needs to answer

Either very stupid, very devious, or very gay......regardless of which he is very bad at linebackering against an SEC team.

Look there are about as many holes in Te'o's story as there were in the Notre Dame front seven during the National Title game......but there is really only one thing the most over-rated defensive player in NCAA history needs to answer and here it is:

You are a consensus five star recruit.  You are the consensus #1 overall line backer in the country.  You are the consensus #1 overall defensive prospect in the Nation.  You could pick any school in the country and attend that school on a full ride.  Everyone on that campus knows who you are and what you are since before you even set foot on that campus.  Everyone knows that you are destined to play in the NFL and get paid.  You decide to go to a school that has both male and female students..................WHY WOULD YOU EVER NEED TO USE A COMPUTER TO FIND A FEMALE COMPANION?

As a matter of fact why would you ever use a computer at all?  Someone else should be doing your class work for you.  How can you possibly focus on all the evil you should intend to wrought upon your adversary if you are having to do silly things like school work?  Anyway back to my original point......God knew what he was doing when he did not bless Ol' CC here with 5 star talent because this is how my college career would have gone.

-CCRider verbally commits to UGA very early
-CCRider does on campus visits with other SEC schools just to see them and get the free trip
-CCRider schedules and cancels an on-campus visit with Clampsun 15 times......Their disappointment gets funnier each time.
-CCRider visits Ole Miss and secretly waffles on his decision because honestly.....have you seen those Ole Miss girls?
TIME TO MAKE THE BABIES!
 
  Top row second from your left.....pregnant before my first practice.
 
-CCRider signs letter for UGA
-CCRider attends UGA on a full football scholarship and is immediately ear lobe deep in ladies that are consensus 10s on a scale of 1-10. 
-CCRider occasionally goes slumming and picks up a few 8 or 9s
-CCRider invents "Taking it to da Lake" while Stafford is still in Middle School, Son!
TAKE
IT
TO
DA
LAKE!!!!!!

-CCRider's agent negotiates largest signing bonus in NFL history on account of preparing for the results of roughly 1,346 paternity tests.
-About 75% of those tests stick Ol' CC with the bill, but theses are 10s we are talking about so despite having a child out of wedlock they will still end up marrying some rich dude.  Said rich dudes will also be UGA alums and would feel guilty about trying to hit up a Dawg legend for child support so they tell CC to have a relationship with his kids but don't worry about the tab.  If fact they will admit to being honored that CC impregnated their now wives and CC can consider the lack of a need to pay child support as payment in full for services rendered.
-The end.............and in all of that CC most likely never ever turned on a computer!

Finally, let me say this....................at age 18-22 no heterosexual male can "fall in love" with a girl that they have never actually physically been in the presence of.....in the Biblical sense.  So Manti needs to either:
a) admit that he was in on the hoax for the publicity, or
b) was in on the hoax for the publicity and as a cover because he is the gay.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Don't believe everything you read

Wow, just wow. 1) How sick and demented must a person be to pull this kind of hoax? [insert rant about societal demise of decency] 2) How bad has modern journalism gotten where outlet after outlet parroted the narrative, and it took Deadspin of all places to check facts and find some degree of reality?

Monday, January 14, 2013

This will be interesting: Nick Marshall to Auburn?

The former Georgia DB is taking his talents to Cow Town, Alabama. He's had some character issues in the past, and Auburn is a bit close to home. But the kid is an amazing talent, and seems an ideal fit for Malzahn's system. This one will either end very, very good, or very, very bad. And remember, he was slated to be a QB here, except when he wanted to play basketball too (as a top 150 recruit in roundball according to some as a scoring guard), he figured the time needed to excel at QB was too much for a dual sport star, and shifted to corner before ultimately transferring out to JUCO after getting the boot.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Let the fun begin

Apparently the new Arkansas coach loves the twitters. We already expected a bit of a culture shock for the man who tried to call out Urban Meyer for stealing another team's commits. We really hope the man doesn't think football recruiting is a gentlemen's game, cause if so, the SEC West is going to be a disturbing wake up call, as is every time he goes to nearby Memphis for a kid. But really Brett, you're responding to fans on twitter? That sort of behavior is going to make digging up dirt a helluva lot easier for FOIA loving Arkansas fans once you do something that disappoints them. Have fun with the crazy Hogs there big boy.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

"Everything's coming up Milhouse!"

First, we learned that Tennessee was bringing the dynamic duo of Jancek and Two Thumbs back to the SEC. And there was much rejoicing. Now, in a continued effort by our rivals to ensure a new run of high level success at Georgia, Tech has decided not only to keep the arrogant trash bin that has become Paul "Super Genius" Johnson, but they've decided to bring back good ol' Ted Roof to coach their defense. Are these guys even trying anymore?

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Manti Te'o Exposed.....Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down!

Uh.....yeah.....in the NFL they are all Eddie Lacy, son.  Have you considered Medical or Law School?

Be honest with yourself.....when you think of Notre Dame you basically just lump them in with the Big Ten.  Like all Big Ten teams Notre Dame has a dominant line-backer who is the most dominant force in all of football.  Remember......Andy Katzenmoyer (Ohio State), A.J. Hawk (Ohio State), Bobby "Barbie" Carpenter (Ohio State), Vernon Gholston (Ohio State), Paul Posluszny (Penn State), etc.?  Do you know what all of those guys have in common with Te'o and each other?  They are all OVERRATED, SOFT, SLOW, WEAK, and INFERIOR when placed against SEC players! 

Going into last night's game the consensus was that Te'o would be a top ten pick and would not fall past Buffalo.  This morning we have to wonder if taking Te'o in the second round is not a gamble.  Before the game last night draft experts all assumed Lacy would be the top RB but many wondered if he could creep above the mid-second round.  This morning you have to assume that the Steelers are probably zeroing in on him with their first round pick. 

After SEVEN (7) consecutive National Titles one has to seriously ask:
 
WHY WOULD ANY HIGH SCHOOL KID WHO IS SERIOUS ABOUT THE NFL EVEN CONSIDER A NON-SEC SCHOOL?


In the Oscar worthy film Conan the Barbarian, Conan is asked what is best in life and he gives the only answer a Cold Blooded Sausage Maker could give.  In Conan we also learn the "secret of steel" which is that it must be tempered or it will break.  Football players are the same.......if they are tempered in the fire of the SEC they will be strong.....if they are untempered they will break.  Manti Te'o did not just break last night.......he got shattered. 

If an Alabama O-linemen were to lay hands on Te'o last night then Te'o was out of the play.  Let me let you in on a secret....all the guards and all the centers in the NFL are Barrett Jones and Chance Warmack.  If you can't beat them in the biggest game of your life then you will not beat the savvy veterans of the NFL.  Te'o could not tackle Lacy last night, guess what, all the RBs in the NFL are Eddie Lacy.  You saw Manti Te'o play the closest thing to the NFL last night (and mind you Bama is not even close to the worst NFL team) and he got OWNED. 

Georgia's Alec Ogletree now has to be the top rated Inside Linebacker going into the draft.  However, Tree was not know as a recruit outside of the South.  Te'o was known nationwide and everyone wanted him.  So was Tree so much better than Te'o coming out of high school?  No, Te'o was much better and any SEC team would have taken Te'o in a heartbeat.  So what is the difference?  Simple....Tree has been tempered and Te'o has not.  SEC players practice against as many as 30 future NFL players everyday, they play 8 games a year against teams that have 15 to 30 future NFL players on their sideline, and that level of competition is what separates the SEC.  A player in the SEC will face more future NFL talent in their first two conference games than a player in another conference will face all season. 

You want to go be a big man on campus then Ohio State, Notre Dame, Penn State, Texas, Oklahoma, USC, Oregon, and all the teams that can't win the National Title game would like to talk with you.  If you are an elite recruit and you want to get to the NFL and win championships......well you only have one conference to consider.

Prepare for the onslaught of Buckeyes and Ducks

Now that Alabama demolished the Irish showing just how superior football is in the SEC, don't expect ESPN and everyone else to just roll over and accept that superiority.  They won't care about the bevy of talent coming back on Georgia's offense, or Alabama's machine in process, or the loads of talent Florida returns across the board, or Doo Doo Clowney's ability to take over a game, or Manziel's ability to take over a game, or LSU's never ending line of Bayou beasts.  Even though next year's national champion likely comes from one of those 6 teams.

Nope, what we will hear about all spring, summer, and fall until the next pantsing of a patsy is how great Oregon is with all their speed (never mind that it curls in to a corner crying against a solid DL that can hit them in the mouth, and in the backfield).  We'll hear about Braxton Miller, and the return to dominance of Ohio St and the Big Ten, led by Urban Meyer and a narrative of taking "SEC tactics with Big Ten beef".  Once a handful of guys like Fluker and Lacy take off, you'll hear about how Alabama couldn't possibly reload again (wrong), how Georgia has no defense, how South Carolina is still South Carolina, and LSU lost too much to the draft.  You'll see the Buckeyes as preseason #1, with Oregon #2.  And if Stanford, or someone else doesn't knock them off, you just may well see them go undefeated, and get gifted a national championship without having to play the best of the best from an SEC pressure cooker continuously creating diamonds.  It'll be wrong, and the best team in the country might get screwed over.  But let the baby have their bottle.  Once the playoffs start, no one but the SEC will win a crown until the conference begins to slack off (which considering the football obsessed schools, may be a while).

Monday, January 7, 2013

So bored, they're just drawing dicks on the screen


After 17 years Baltimore gets its last Squirrel from Sweet Baby Ray.



Few characters in the history of the NFL have been quite as hated, then beloved, yet always feared as Sweet Baby Ray Lewis.  In his 17 seasons he was the only defensive player in the league who could say "Son, I may have actually killed two men." 

While Ray-Ray has been hurt for the majority of this season and has been nicked up a lot over the last few seasons very few players at his position have played at as high a level for so long.  A ferocious hitter, exceptional dancer, pastor, gladiator, inmate, the living personification of all things that are the U, baby daddy, legend, Super Bowl champion, Defensive MVP, and sure fire first ballot hall of famer.  All of these things are what makes Ray Lewis the greatest defensive player of our generation.  Since I generally hate the NFL I have decided that I will officially be a fan of the Ravens from now until the end of this season........do for Ray boys.


Go Irish!

Yeah yeah, SEC pride and all that nonsense.  We'll have the Irish in 5%, maybe 10% of the same living rooms we go in to on recruiting trails.  Nick Saban and the Tide are in 50-75+% of those living rooms, flashing their already 2 national title rings to mamas and kids.  Do we really want them to have a third to show off?  I didn't think so.  Go Irish!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Interesting way to put it Mr. Tunsil....

It may mean nothing, or it may mean something.  But elite LT recruit from Lake City, FL, Laremy Tunsil had an encouraging quote in Marc Weiszer's tidbits this morning...


“I’m probably going to need some work because the second game I’m going against (Jadeveon) Clowney,” Tunsil said.
And just who happens to face South Carolina and the best that is Doo Doo in game number 2?  Yes indeed.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Thoughts on the new DL coach

Can be found here.  As the Lady Sportswriter notes, his special teams experience is an interesting twist, although I still want Richt to take over those responsibilities.  His lack of 3-4 experience makes this seem more a recruiting hire than a coaching one, although his coaching skills aren't bad either.  But recruiting will be a good need, as we look to close with Montravius Adams and Toby Johnson, as well as keep Kwame Geathers.  And not that race should matter, but having at least one coach of color on the defensive side isn't a bad idea.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Clemson, the most delusional of all fan bases……..never has a Peach Bowl win meant so much!



********W A R N I N G***********
THE FOLLOWING LINK IS SIMULTANEOUSLY THE:
a) DUMBEST,
b) MOST GAY, and
c) MOST DEMANDING OF OTHERS THAT THEY MAKE FUN OF IT THING EVER PLACED ON THE INTRAWEBS IN THE HISTORY OF THE INTERNET.

Someone actually wrote this....read it.....and then said to themselves......"The world needs to see this."


I assume that one of these two adult children wrote this little gem.
  If you decided that the above warning was too much and you did not click the link then be warned that I am about to post it in its entirety and make fun of it and its author.

"The year is 2029....Its opening day at Death Valley, and the stadium is filled to its 126,843 capacity. All in orange. All waving orange flags. They cheer for their Tigers, celebrating the back to back national championships, and 4 out of the last 8 national championships. They are a dynasty. The media speculates "is this the greatest team ever?" Clemson, synonomous with "college football", is the envy of every other program in America.

The Four Horseman, Cherone Peak, Martravias Bryant, Mike Bellamy and of course Sammy Watkins, are in attendance. Dabo has always credited them with being the Spark that turned around Clemson’s fortune. Though Clemson never actually won a national title while they were there, the 3 ACC championships they won put Clemson squarely back in the mix for the national title hunt from their perch on top of the ACC.

Watkins, being Clemson's first Heisman Trophy winner and first #1 pick was greeted with roar, many still wearing his retired #1 jersey. Bellamy, a two-time NFL MVP and first ballot Hall of Famer raised his hand to the crowd, and nearly blinded all from the shine of his 4 super bowl rings. Peake and Bryant recently retired from the NFL as annual pro-bowlers and defining Clemson's new reputation as "Wide Reciever U".

Just beside the four horseman, are three former Tiger walk-ons: Will Swinney, Drew Swinney, and Clay Swinney. Will is now an assistant coach at Alabama. Drew, a successful attorney in Atlanta. And Clay, who defied the odds and is now a starting wide receiver for the Tennessee Titans. They stand there, in awe. Tears flowing from their face as they think back to all the practices, hours in the weight room, and tough victories over ACC foes. They are all champions. It has all come to this. This one moment. They know this is what they worked for. They know what it feels like to achieve your dream.

Then...an announcement is made, and a banner is dropped...

The West Zone will be renamed...the Dabo Swinney Zone. Suddenly, 126,843 chant "Dabo! Dabo!" at the top of their lungs, and thank God that they were patient with Dabo. He asked for patience. He delivered.

Clemson. " ~ Moron

Now if you clicked the link you will notice that the author of this craptastic flaming pile of turd is employed at the Red Lobster.  Now, I am not making any accusations....but this guy goes to the bathroom, gets poo-poo on his thumb, doesn't wash his hands, and makes your Cheddar Bay Biscuits......if I were you I would stay away from the Anderson, Sakerlina Red Lobster.

Now shall we approach this poetry.....stanza by stanza:

1. In 2029 Dabo would be in his 19th  season but has only had success in the last 8 which means that Clampsun would have 11 years of sucking and he would be allowed to keep his job? 
2. Clampsun could not possibly find enough money to expand their stadium to 126,843.  That would be an expansion of 45,343 from the current 81,500.  There is not enough room to expand the stadium by 45,343.  Clampsun does not have 126,843 fans worldwide.  Why such an odd number?  Stadiums hold round numbers like 98,500 or 105,000......why expand by 45,343?
3. "Tears flowing from their face as they think back to all the practices, hours in the weight room, and tough victories over ACC foes." There is no such thing as "tough victories" in the ACC.

This thing is so bad that one has to wonder if a Gamecock fan opened an account on a Clampsun message board just to write this so that I would one day find it and make fun of it.

Here are a few things that you need to know about Clampsun:
a) Their entire program is just one big elaborate knock off of Auburn........really....Auburn?  I mean if you are going to rip off a program shouldn't you aim a little higher than Auburn?
b) If they were to sale out their 81,500 seat stadium (which they never do) then 20,000 of those seats would be occupied by the other side's fans and band.  This means that of the 61,500 there for Clampsun exactly 43,200 have never taken a single college level course, 29,650 did not graduate from high school, and 21,375 did not even bother to go back and get a GED.
c) Their head coach is named Dabo.........D-A-B-O.......that is his first name.....I did not make that up.
d) Here is a picture of Dabo:

This is the man that an alleged "Football School" decided to put in charge......this guy right here.....they think he can win National Titles......oh, and his name is Dabo.

I have been on this earth for over 30 years and I have come to the conclusion that there is no more delusional fan base anywhere in the world than the Clampsun fan base.

"WELL MR. CCRIDER WHAT ABOUT THE DOMINANCE OF THE CLAMPSUN PROGRAM UNDER A ONE MR. DANNY FORD?" ~ Random Clampsun Fan.

I am glad you bring that up Random Clampsun Fan.  Let's look at the storied record of Danny Lee Ford, greatest football coach of all time, a god amongst men, and the man who did not lose a football game in 11 years at Clampsun.  In those 11 years at Clampsun Ol' Danny was 96-29-4.  "WHAAAAATTTTTT!!!!!?????!!!! Danny Ford lost 29 games?  Surely this cannot be true......but it is.  What does that record look like when stacked against other coaches?  How about a peer of Ol' Danny.....how about Vince Dooley's last 11 years at UGA.  Dooley's last 11 years would have been 78-88 while Ford was at Clampsun from 79-89.  In those years Dooley was......98-28-5.   That's right.....2 more wins, one less loss, one more tie, each with one National Title.  While we fondly remember Dooley we don't worship at his alter and yet he was by the record a better coach.  How about our favorite Hillbilly, Phat Phil Fulmer?  In Phil's first 11 full seasons at Tannercee his record was 109-28 with one National Title.  Now I ain't exactly a math major but for God's sake Phat Phil was a better coach than Danny Ford and Fulmer is a dirty word in Knoxville.  Heck in Mark Richt's first 11 seasons he was 106-38 (ten more wins and nine more losses).

If winning a crappy December bowl against a team that obviously did not want to be there and dead lifting 145 lbs. with really crappy form is the formula for winning a National Title.......welllllll.... then we better look out in the season opener next year.