Da' Dream Makin' Cold Blooded Sausage


Monday, January 13, 2014

Candidates to Replace Todd "Sack O'Used Tamponds" Grantham. Prepare To Be Underwhelmed!

Well what we have is a man bleeding to death before our very eyes.  We aren't Doctors or anything but the guy is missing his entire left leg and that is where all the blood is coming from.  Additionally he has a small cut on his finger.......so lets put a Band-Aid on the finger and call it a day.  That is what the loss and subsequent replacement of Todd Grantham is......instead of cleaning house from the AD down (stopping the gushing blood from the leg stump) we will get yet another DC.

So who are the candidates......welllllll......lets consider a few things:

a) Despite making more money than about 108 other NCAA programs we are traditionally very cheap so don't expect a big name,
b) Richt is 1 for 3 in hiring DCs and the two bad ones were the last two we hired, and
c) We love to promote from within so as not to be questioned as to why we do things so poorly and because (see a) above) we are cheap.

So why don't we start with who it will NOT be:

1. Kirby Smart- DC Alabama
Oh the wet dream of every retarded UGA fan that has helped to sustain the level of mediocrity we are currently enduring.  We won't get Kirby because.....well.......that may result in a bidding war between us and Bama and since Bama cares about wins and we care about hoarding money we will never win a bidding war.  I am actually fine with this because Smart has no DC experience.  Saban's DC is like being Mike Leach's OC......see below:

Talk about a look saying it all.
See without Saban....when the going gets tough....he won't be there to step in.
2. Jeremy Pruitt- DC FSU
Again......we will not get into a bidding war with a school that cares about football because we will not spend any of our precious surplus.  You may laugh at that now but we will see who is laughing when the Zombie Apocalypse comes and we are the only school with a surplus.

Now that you know who it will not be here is a list of craptastic coaches that it will most likely be.....you may want to hand over your belt and shoelaces before reading this:

1. Manny Diaz - Unemployed 

Wow this would have been a great hire back in 2009!  Now it will just be like replacing our crappy DC with another under performing dumpster fire of a programs DC.

2. Clancy Pendergast - Unemployed

See Manny Diaz above.

3. Randy Shannon - LB Coach Arkansas

This guy was a HC two or three years ago and now he is a positional coach at a SEC program that is worse than us.

4. David Gibbs - DC Houston

What's that?  Oh you didn't know that they even bothered to play defense at Houston much less pay a coach?  Neither did I.

5. Kirk Olivadotti - LB Coach UGA

Because promoting from within worked out so well last time:

6. Chris Wilson - DLine coach UGA

Because promoting from within worked out so well last time:

Finally....the wildcard:

Coach O - Unemployed:

Snicker all you want but:

A) He is the best recruiter in the country,

B) Bama is looking at him for D-line coach which would mean we will literally never get another player better than a 3 star, and

C) It ain't like it can get any worse in Athens.

1 comment:

  1. Be prepared to be completely UNDERWHELMED! Seriously, why does much of our fan base believe we're gonna get some superstar?